*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Creative fun in
the palm of your hand.
Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/1starsong/sort_by/r.review_creation_time+DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time+DESC/page/15
Review Requests: OFF
6,200 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 11 12 13 14 -15- 16 17 18 19 20 ... Next
351
351
Review of The state of one  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Sun*Hail silent poet!
*Bird*A "Game of Thrones Martell Sunspear Review just for you!*Sun*


*Delight* The title intrigued me with its evocative idea. I wondered about putting capitals on "state" and "one" as they are key words in the title.*Wink*

Your free style poem was a good choice for the potent emotional content and theme. Wow! I could really see and feel for this speaker in his remorse. The voice is narrative and reveals the feeling when caught in the wrong doing of some sort. The way you describe his stance and his inner thinking is clear. The voice point of view is consistent to the end.*Thumbsup*

The sad mood is vivid too and the repeating line about loneliness is effective. I thought repeating the line "why, they asked" was a nice touch too. *Smile*

I notice that you do not use consistent rhyme or verse structure as verses are different lengths.
I do like how you did add rhyme at varying places as it added a flow and pace admidst the slower emotional heaviness.

In verse 2, I liked the way you constructed line 3. I just wondered if "face"should be plural as in the line above, speaking of the ones you let down. Or are you speaking now of one face in particular and you do mention a "she" in the last verse, with the harshest words. *Wink*

That last verse confused me a bit . The start and end were fine. It was just a bit incoherent as all of a suddedn there was this "she" and her words and actions. I am assuming at the beginning you speak of family or friends who are upset with the poet for something. In the end I like how the poet has to face himself and come to reconciliation. *Sun* Now the girl here may have been the poet's own face and voice, as we are hardest on ourselves. *Wink*

Thanks for sharing this vision. The theme is relevant as I know we have felt like this. *Star*

*Sun*Light on the path as you Write on! *Sun*

For GAME of THRONES. The Martell Sun shines on everyone!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
352
352
Review of Today  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Sun*Hail spacer! *Delight*
*Bird*A "Game of Thrones Martell Sunspear Review just for you!*Sun*


*Sun*Your title is direct and turns my mind to the present. It makes me think of a wise saying about Just for today and we only have the present.

In your poem it takes on a different flavour as the poet hopes the new day will be different than any other and yet fears it.

I was drawn into the speaker's reverie and his struggle with past trauma that keeps him trapped though he has been given fine wisdom, indicated in the poem by the quotes Like "carpe diem" and I enjoyed the alliterative "time and tide" saying. Good choices to go with the theme. I would put italics or quote marks around the "Carpe Diem" as they are spoken here {even if in the mind).

The personification of the day watching and yelling is brilliant as you have the speaker project those ideas on to the day. The lines where they watch is other is an interesting image too. *Thumbsup*

The poem had a regular rhyme scheme and was easy to read. The rhythm of lines was not always even with the longer lines. YOu have some delighful sound elements like alliteration in "forever fear" and repeated "v", "o" and "i" along with meaningful rhymes that add to the flow and pace.

I thought the repeating of the word "me" was effective in verse 2.
You hav captured the essence of the speaker's depression and being paralyzed in past regret.It is interesting he has to fight himself to live. The image of him under the covers is sad and is like a metaphor of hiding his reality out in the world too perhaps. We all ahve masks and he fear of being found out. I like the bit of hope at the end.

Thanks for sharing such a poten vision. I hope this person chooses Today. *Star*

*Sun*Light on the path as you Write on! *Sun*

For GAME of THRONES. The Martell Sun shines on everyone!

353
353
Review of Ignorant Pencil  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Sun*Hail BKC!
*Bird*A "Game of Thrones Martell Sunspear Review just for you!*Sun*


*Sun*I was intrigued by your title on while scrolling the Psychological Genre page. The image and personifying a pencil is interesting.

This free verse is brilliant. Your mood and tone are potent and the personification elements are original. I smiled at the idea of the sharpener watching and the poet giving the pencil the power ..as if to blame it as well when the writing does not turn out well.

The repeated first and last line is emphatic with italicized plea and rounds off the poem effectively. It is like you introduce the theme and then build the atmosphere with clear imagery and then reiterate your desire to be out of this funk! I like the paper making forms on the floor. Fun for paper when poet has writer's block.

It was pleasing to read aloud as your use of poetic conventions created a good soundscape that assisted the flow and drama. eg.consonance of "c" sound, assonance of 'short i" etc. You have an ear for word choices to create coherence and style without using rhyme.

The image of this frustrated poet is well illustrated. It is not like he is not trying either as indicated by the "overworked sharpener" and the begging the pencil. LOL Poor pencil. *Wink*

I had a good time entering your vivid vision! *Starstruck*

*Sun*Light on the path as you Write on! *Sun*

For GAME of THRONES. The Martell Sun shines on everyone!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
354
354
Review of Drownin' in Air  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Sun*Hail a Sunflower in Texas!
*Bird*A "Game of Thrones Martell Sunspear Review just for you!*Sun*


*Sun*I had to check out this curious title on the Psychology genre page! How can one drown in air? *Laugh* Good hook. I had to find out!

*Delight*A truly evocative free verse poem with a strong voice and point of view. I enjoyed all the references to sayings, singers, games, politics as you show your unsettled morning reflected in the world.
I had to laugh as the serious use of "Rock paper scissors". LOL Certainly can feel that way. The illustrative use of texting made me smile too as it is totally annoying how things are spelled and trying to figure it out. Thanks for cluing me in with a foot note. I had not idea what you were saying in verse 2. *Rolling*
My favourite was the Scrabble as I imagine trying to play with folks who use text speak..like anything goes!
The word "quagmire of jelly" is brilliant and not a word we often hear. I wonder if it would even autospell on text. *Rolling*

The imagery you create and flow of the work illustrates confusion and frustration of the poet who would like to chuck it all and say the words you so cutely left off at the end. The period suffices yet I wonder about an exclamation mark. I see your reasoning as the whole thing is like an exclamation mark so why over do it? LOL

This was fun read with alively pace and seems to serve as a release of frustration, so the title notion really does apply...one could choke in the quagmire in the airwaves of reality these days. *Starstruck* Thanks for your original vision!

*Sun*Light on the path as you Write on! *Sun*

For GAME of THRONES. The Martell Sun shines on everyone!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
355
355
Review of Sound of silence  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Sun*Hail Geomancer!
*Bird*A "Game of Thrones Martell Sunspear Review just for you!*Sun*


*Sun*Wow! I enjoyed this poem and it fits the psychological genre. It has a reflective tone as you consider the sound of silence. The alliterative title works and the surprise that there is no silence in the mind here. I like how use the crickets to mirror the mind chatter too.

*Sun*The poem verses are balanced as I read them aloud and your rhymes are effective. I liked the short rather blunt lines combined with the longer flows in the third line of each stanza. It is well conceived in imagery and the mirror effect and rhyme of each third line is amazing! The soundscape of your words add to the flow and coherence, with uses of rhyme. alliteration and some assonance and consonance. (sh, t, s, long i etc}

*Sun*The images of sitting on the porch at night, mind knot, the metaphor of the thoughts "smashing the shore" are vivid. The setting is perfect for the theme of reflection and down time. I thought the word "nudge" was effective too as I can sense the mind would even take a nudge to get out of the spin.

*Starstruck* I enjoyed pondering your vision and can totally relate. The contrast of the relaxation sought in the first verse and the rising of the mind, in the silence, is a relevant notion. *Wink*

*Sun* Light on the path as you Write on! *Sun*

For GAME of THRONES. The Martell Sun shines on everyone!
356
356
Review of Grave Warden  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Sun*Hail Wolfbane!
*Bird*A "Game of Thrones Martell Sunspear Review just for you!*Sun*


*Sun*I found this on the Geneology page and was drawn to the evocative title as it can speak to the job and also the seriousness of the task. It is obvious from the tone of the sonnet that he is proud of his mission and it is worth doing well.

*Sun*A sonnet is a wonderful choice for weaving the vision, enotional vibe and the singificance of the theme. It is well constructed with accurate rhyme and flow, and the imagery is vivid. Strong images with similar soundwords like "blasted into granite" and to the tone and sound appeal. Your use of some instances of assonance and consonance adds to the flow and to the reading aloud.

"of the many grave" is interesting as I wanted to read "graves" for plural though I see you want to rhyme with "slave". The idea of choosing to be slave is a potent one speaking of the warden's devotion.*Thumbsup*

Did you mean to emphasize the love in verse 1 with "soo" or is that a typo? *Wink*

One line that was awkard to read was line 3 in verse 2. "things" is so general althougth the "alliterative "th" sounds here is cool.

In the summation couplet, I wondered at the word "family's". Did you mean the plural "families"?

This was a unique vision and I can sense this speaker's respect for the deceased and families. Well done. *Star*

*Sun* Light on the path as you Write on! *Sun*
eyestar

For GAME of THRONES. The Martell Sun shines on everyone!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
357
357
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Sun*Hail Prosperous Snow.
*Bird*A "Game of Thrones Martell Sunspear Review just for you!*Sun*


*Sun*Your cute title caught my eye and I had to check it out.
We always assume bluejeans in the old days were farm clothes so I like your revelation that perhaps it was not so.
Your vision of your grandfather and his day in history is vivid from your memory. You capture the pioneer spirit and culture by using images of your grandpa at work and at church. Even days off meant there was work to do. The phrase "Sunday go-to-meeting clothes" is perfect description and a common phrase reflecting the times.
The idea of wearing Khakhis to church is a new idea to me as well and must mean that they were the good clothes.

The free style of the poem suits the theme and the reflective intent. The words are simple and give the idea of a child remembering the grandfather and I felt there is an aspect of pride she feels for him.*Smile*

I remember that jeans used to be the cheap rugged wear and now they are fashion! *Laugh*

This was a lovely look at the past and made me wonder about my grandfather. He was a lumberjack and then a miner. I recall he said they wore longjohns all winter in the camps. *Smile* Thanks for sharing your family memories. *Star*

*Sun* Light on the path as you Write on! *Sun*

For GAME of THRONES. The Martell Sun shines on everyone!
358
358
Review of I am Data  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Sun*Hail Lukegoff!
*Bird*A "Game of Thrones Martell Sunspear Review just for you!*Sun*


I was lured by your title as it made me think of StarTrek and I am a fan! I think you have captured the essence of Data brilliantly and this was fun to read. I got a sense of his tone and logic as he tries to explain his understandings. Using ideas about him from the trek references and giving his voice to them is effective. The episode on whether he has rights and his creating a daughter seem to be referenced here. Good shows to reveal his voice as he tries so much to be like humans. *Thumbsup* I like the wisdom you give him about his daughter and what life means.

The story is told from the point of view of Data and is consisitent to the end. The language is appropriate for the sci fi theme and the android speech and knowledge. It helps show his character too. The voice is detached with no point of view of right or wrong about how he is treated or what might happen, yet one can sense an intention (we might call hope..but he is android so not sure what the word would be) for more in the future.

There was not indication of who he was talking to at the start, so I felt a disconnect when I got to, "so I make you." *Wink*

I think, in the last line "Its" needs to be "It"s" as you mean "It is.."

Thanks for sharing this accurate vision of Data. It is a lovely tribute to this special being.*Star*

*Sun*Highest regards and Light on the path as you Write on! *Sun*
eyestar

For GAME of THRONES. The Martell Sun shines on everyone!



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
359
359
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Sun*Hail Keeper of the Realm!
*Bird*A "Game of Thrones Martell Sunspear Review just for you!*Sun*


This House of the Undying adventure is an impressive addition to the challenges of the Game of Thrones! The title is evocative and I jsut see us writing so many stories and story lines that it will seem neverending.. and Undying amount. *Laugh* It is a brilliant way to get teams writing together and getting to see each entry, as opposed to private campfires. The not tag back rules evens the field a bit more too than did the interactives. Lots of chances to block or ally as well for strategy purposes. *Smile*

The page is aesthetically pleasing..in it dark theme. The picture is creepy and the scorpion is a great symbol..as it can mean transformation, and isn't that your sign totem? *Wink*

The rules are clear and easy to follow, written in blood..er.. a brown readible font. The colour scheme adds to the overall balance of the page. The last rule adds clarity to rule 7, which I had to read a couple of times to understand.

The bolded bits are emphatic as they are indeed vital. I like the word "EVER"! LOL I like that our alternate players can write if tagged even if they are not on their active duty. *Thumbsup* It can make them feel part of the game, in case they do not get a call to step up. *Smile*

The rewards and points are set and really an author can earn a lot of points if they can write lots without ending a story. The possibilities for story lines are expansive when you tie in your other rules for how to enter the Undying Realm. *Shock*

The only thing you might add is the name of the Forest child who may be looking after this, in case of questions as it must be a big job looking after all the kingdom aspects. *Thumbsup*

Thanks for creating another world and tribute to your genius. *Starstruck*

*Sun*Highest regards and Light on the path as you Write on! *Sun*
eyestar

For GAME of THRONES. The Martell Sun shines on everyone!

360
360
Review of Cottingley Woods  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


*Sun*Happy day, Robert! *Sun*

*Bird*A "Game of Thrones Martell Sunspear Review just for you!*Sun*


Oh I found a dark supernatural, not gothic though. *Wink* The sonnet is an interesting choice for the theme and so like you to be outside the box. The title gives the place name so it gives it the significance of the setting.

The first verse drew me in as there is a fairy ring and I like fairies and you introduce the magical element of the poem right away. It is interesting you you name a fairy king, RON. It is so modern a name for a being. I had to smile.

The sonnet is well composed with an even flow and rhyme in the longer sentence structures. We sense the dark awaits yet Chris's character is shown well for his bravery and disregard for the warnings. It seems that his friend knows something he does not. The form of sonnet clues us in to a fate of some sort. The ending couplet appears a happy chance and yet answers to your opening verse of angering the king. You leave me pondering about this. The fairy could be his daughter. Well done with a bit of mystery too.

The contrast of dark and light is effectively played.

The only bit I had to reread to get a sense of were lines 3-4 in verse 2. I get "mindless myth"--he has his own way of thinking here and it is the myth that nothing would happen. *Thumbsup*. You seem to be personifying the myth so it dawns the day.... but then the word "to..." I lost the connection. Maybe it is grammar or I am just not getting it. I do see the picture that it sealed his fate... just the way it is written here had to stop me to reread. Good concept though. *Smile*

Another vivid drama showing your scope of form poetry crafting. Thanks for sharing!



*Sun*Highest regards and Light on the path as you Write on! *Sun*

For GAME of THRONES. The Martell Sun shines on everyone!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
361
361
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Sun*Hail Blimprider!

*Bird*A "Game of Thrones Martell Sunspear Review just for you!*Sun*


*Sun* Wow! What a unique concept for a group and I see by the membership that it fills a niche. Having a place to host Steampunk items in a library is convenient. I like how you have a feature of the week and subtitles like "Diesalpunk" and "stonepunk" whatever that may be. LOL It reveals there are a vareity of sub motifs in the genre.

The title indicates the purpose of the group and your personal introduction details your rationale as a steampunk enthusiast. Your tone is friendly and inviting and it was a pleasure to read your weaving. I smiled at lines like "the admission is free" and that it is easier to get than to leave this world. Your tag line in red fits as the genre is a very unique one.

The way you name the levels of group members is in keeping with the theme as well and is quite creative.

The header banner is appealing and the page is organized. I like how the colours are co-ordinated with the picture at the top.

I was wondering since the Steampunk Guild closed, does this serve to highlight recent steampunk peices as well, as time goes on. I see you have a featured one so assume you try to update new entries when you find them. I had heard of the guild when it opened, but did not realize there was a steampunk blog. Good to add the link for that connection. *Thumbsup*

Thanks for your contribution to this world and being the librarian and caretaker of the out of the ordinary! *Starstruck*

*Sun*Highest regards and Light on the path as you Write on! *Sun*
eyestar

For GAME of THRONES. The Martell Sun shines on everyone!

362
362
Review of Wheel of Torture  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Sun*Hail Got Witch! Time for a treat!

*Bird*A "Game of Thrones Martell Sunspear Review just for you!*Sun*


Wowsers! Now here is a challenge that creates more chaos, fun and the unexpected for the Game Of Thrones. Your creative mind ahs struck gold again.

The Wheel of Torture page reveals the rules of the game of chance with clarity and it is easy to read and understand. The page is simply laid out and the wheel header is illustrative of the theme and adds an attractive colourful flair.

I like the adding of several wheels of increasing challenge and purpose. Opportunities for individuals, team mates, allied teams to do risky challenges for big points and even risk losses are listed under evocative names like Doom of Valyria. It adds variety, excitement and the unexpected to the game vibe. I am glad to see the choice to forfeit even with the penalty of not being able to roll for 72 hours., as some of the challenges are just out of the world! *Wink* For me anyway! The scope of the activities is wide and the notes are fun to read. Emoticons add to the drama too. Points are varied and it is fun to discuss the odds of a yes or no to the job.

I am curious as to what Valyria and Reek are. By the look of the challenges, they can't be good.
The links to scores and major posts at the bottom of the page is handy too.

This is a wonderful addition to the GOT and looks like you have your work cut out for you to keep it rolling! So a challenge for you too! *Laugh* Thanks Gabby for your genius.

*Sun*Highest regards and Light on the path as you Write on! *Sun*

For GAME of THRONES. The Martell Sun shines on everyone!

363
363
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Sun*Hail Brian!
*Bird*A "Game of Thrones Martell Sunspear Review just for you!*Sun*


Wow! This poem is potent in its message describing the infamy of Custer in the last stand. I enjoyed reading the first person point of view with its clear critical point of view. Vocabulary like "imbecile" and "glut" and "stained legend" are evocative. Well chosen words and phrasings make a pleasing soundscape and flow. I was hooked by the first two lines with the vivid image. It was lovely to read aloud.

The repeated refrain was emphatic and images like "veins" blended with concepts like "humilty" was an interesting and meaningful mix in portraying the character and event. The last line added a last vibe of sadness. I still think of all the fallen native people over those times because of white man's lies, greed and unwillingness to listen and compromise. I guess it was the mentality then.

I did not notice a patterned rhythm in this free style poem with its consistent rhyme. Verses 2, 3, 5 have similar feel and rhythm with the shorter end lines. The form did suit the emotional intensity. The comparison of Custer to his victims is well shown and evokes sentiment. Pride goeth before a fall comes to mind. Punctuation served the read for pause and dramatic effect.

Impressive potency of voice and message, this poem was well conceived and evocative. Thanks for sharing your gift and vision of this not so heroic general. He likely is not the first or last of his type. *Starstruck*

*Sun*Highest regards and Light on the path as you Write on! *Sun*

For GAME of THRONES. The Martell Sun shines on everyone!
364
364
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Sun*Hail CJ, fellow traveller in the Around the World Contest!

*Bird*A "Game of Thrones Martell Sunspear Review just for you!*Sun*


*Sun*I am interested in all things about the natural earth so it was appealing to see this title for a bit of fun. Your list of words about Burkino Faso's natural life is a fine blend of animal and plant species. Your number of 24 words more than meets prompt criteria and makes for a challenging experience in finding them all. *Thumbsup*

Your introduction contains a helpful and insightful link to the theme topic and I was surprised that you did not have a personal greeting and perhaps a rationale as to why you chose the topic. Even a link to our contest might be of interest and give folks an opportunity to see what other travellers are doing. A little personal touch, colour or emoticons would add flair and interest.
I would like to know your favourite animal or plant that you discovered. *Smile*
Of course, the contest has time parameters, so keeping it simple works. I just thought it could appeal to judges too.

I really enjoyed reading the names of some of these and learning from the link. It was taking me some time to find these so I had to stop and review.. Back later to complete! Thanks for sharing your discoveries and carry on travelling! *Star*

*Sun*Highest regards and Light on the path as you Write on! *Sun*

For GAME of THRONES. The Martell Sun shines on everyone!
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group12
365
365
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Sun*Hail Prosperous Snow!
*Bird*A "Game of Thrones Martell Sunspear Review just for you!*Sun*


What a great title and so unique and intriguing a theme for an essay! Barbardos is one of the most popular places to go so the twist here about what not to do is cool!

While not written in an essay form the item is well documented and lists 19 things not to do! *Shock* Who knew? The structure is solid for a list and rationale for why the actions should not be done. It makes for an interesting read.

Some of the things are not things you would think about, like sitting under a coconut tree or wearing camoflauge. Your facts here are interesting. 150 people a year killed by coconut, makes me want to laugh but how serious! I laughed at your Monkey comment and the rum punch warning. The danger of snorkelling without a marker does make sense but you would really want to know the rules. Oh my gosh, I thought our mosquitos were annoying...these here would be terrifying. *Shock*

The list is amazing and a mix of practical, illegal and only in Barbados would it apply activities not to do. Thanks for the footnotes that explain more especially the notion of the Bearded Ones as folks might not know this.*Star*

The short intro invites us in and shares the intent and premise of the article. The ending is an invitation to have fun and be warned. I like the suggestion to take this list with us if we go there. It made me smile. I would not be likely to forget now I have read them. *Bigsmile*

Thanks for sharing this fun and informative read. Good to know as we usually hear about all the wonders of the island. *Starstruck*

*Sun*Highest regards and Light on the path as you Write on! *Sun*
eyestar

For GAME of THRONES. The Martell Sun shines on everyone!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
366
366
Review of Be Strong  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Sun*Hail Clayton.

*Bird*A "Game of Thrones Martell Sunspear Review just for you!*Sun*


*Sun*Wow! This is a moving and personal, touching expression about separating from loved ones in war. The symbol of using father and son is brilliant as a theme. I thought of how cycles happen, fathers go to war and leave sons, and then sons grow up to perhaps emulate the father: both to protect home and family. No matter how tough they are, emotions are deep. I enjoyed reading this.

The 4 short quatrains use simple language to create a dramatic scene and emotional vibe. The poem flows smoothly with fine rhymes, and I think you did a great job with the last off rhyme. That is a tough one to rhyme. I am sure father is more than "bothered" and yet the contrast of the understatement gives a little lightness, as if trying to tone it down so the leaving is easier.

I do notice the rhythm is not even as some lines are longer. I wonder if the second line of verse two could be tightened up as it's flow is a bit rough. Perhaps the "but, soon" is not needed.
eg/as I enter another war cloud".. or something ..*Wink*

I really like the metaphor of "red sea"! What an evocative image. *Thumbsup*
Also the weather (wind and dim sun} adds to the atmsophere. The winds of change calling or pushing... and the dying of the day representing sadness. Wonderful.

Thanks for sharing this heart rendering expression! *Starstruck*

*Sun*Highest regards and Light on the path as you Write on! *Sun*

For GAME of THRONES. The Martell Sun shines on everyone!
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group 10


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
367
367
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Sun*Hail Bruce!

*Bird*A "Game of Thrones Martell Sunspear Review just for you!*Sun*


*Sun*I was drawn to the title and how you made it rhyme while speaking directly to the specific theme. I found this in the Military genre and I see you have it listed in war as well. I wondered about changing other to Poetry rather than leave it general.

The poem is well structured with balanced verses and a summative couplet that hightlights you feelings for winter and war. It gives a perspective that there are degrees and some things are more disagreeable than others.

It reveals a vivid and emotional landscape of war in winter and the first person singular and plural forms brought me closer to the action. The picture you paint is detailed in simple stark terms and makes me glad that I did not have to endure it, as well as evoke gratitude for those who did.

The quatrain verses flow smoothly with consistent rhyme and a pleasing soundscape. I read it aloud without a glitch. I notice you only use periods at the end of verses. It is fine to read as is though the rule of thumb is to be consistent in use or non use of it. I wondered if it was purposeful as a dramatic pause to just have the periods between episodes. *Wink*

In the end couplet, the rhyme is not spot on and it would be cool if you could express this vital thought in a more potent way. Yet it's simplicity fits and the voice is clear.

Thanks for sharing this shiver-inducing vision of this war experience. Well done! *Starstruck*

*Sun*Highest regards and Light on the path as you Write on! *Sun*
eyestar

For GAME of THRONES. The Martell Sun shines on everyone!
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group 9
368
368
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Sun*Hail Lostwordsmith!
*Bird*A "Game of Thrones Martell Sunspear Review just for you!*Sun*


Wow! This contest is amazing and unique in its prompt. I have seen similar in a campfire format but it is neat as a public contest. The title speaks well to the challenge too.

The page is aesthetically pleasing with a striking banner that captures the essence of the contest title and theme. The fonts are dark colours and easy to read. Your introduction is friendly and inviting with an enthusiastic tone. The rules are clearly laid out in simple terms. The idea od allowing editing even though you may be looking at them is a rather friendly act. I wonder why you did not just keep it simple by saying no editing. *Wink* But I know sometimes folks forget and want to fix if they get a review. LOL
It is a good time saving idea to read as you go especially in a two week run contest. I like quick turnover times. It keeps the energy moving.

In that line where you mention editing there is a space glitch where the "may" needs to be moved up beside "and". *Wink*

The prizes are wonderful and doable for a short run contest. I like the risk taker badge choice as it fits the risk of taking someone's line and flying with it to create anew.

I like that you started with your own poem and then post the responding winner for the next round. We all get a chance to read a poem at the same time as see if we want to try out. *Thumbsup*

You might want to add a line about "Donations Welcome", just before your list of donors. *Wink*

I am so happy to see you running this creative contribution to WDC!
I hope to play soon but right now GoT has GOT me. *Laugh*

*Sun*Highest regards and Light on the path as you Write on! *Sun*
eyestar

For GAME of THRONES. The Martell Sun shines on everyone!
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group 6
369
369
Review of Osteoporosis  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Sun*Hail Analapine!

*Bird*A "Game of Thrones Martell Sunspear Review just for you!*Sun*


This short peice shares your understanding of this condition with details and I like your idea of it being a nightmare as it is a slow process that can get debilitating and makes one have to move carefully. And cannot be cured. *Shock* I can't imagine having to slow down and be so aware to avoid damage. Your will to lead a good life still and work with it is a testament to your courage and determination. We are more than just a body. *Wink*

The piece is informative as to what it is and how it is treated and you are honest in speaking of side effects of potential medications and what you have found the best for you. I did not realise how easy it is to test for it though I have heard of and know folks who deal with it.

Your tone is narrative and the intent is to present facts so we can get a glimpse into this bone issue. I see you added one link and wondered if there were any more you found helpful in case folks want to read more. Links to foods that may help for example. It seems to be becoming a common ailment as we age.

I notice you have different font sizes and wondered why. *Wink*

*Star*Thank you for sharing your personal approach and experience with Osteoporosis and I hope you keep it at bay for a long time.

*Sun*Highest regards and Light on the path as you Write on! *Sun*
eyestar

For GAME of THRONES. The Martell Sun shines on everyone!
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
370
370
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Sun*Hail Winnie!

*Bird*A "Game of Thrones Martell Sunspear Review just for you!*Sun*


*Rolling* Oh my gosh! This had me in stitches laughing! You really lead me on a wild ride with the total misdirection! Brilliant and comical. The end was so unexpected that I burst out laughing. The concern of the wife and the obvious habit and health of the husband had me thinking the worst scenario and about smoking. Well done!

You hooked me from the start with the vivid description of the character and continued to engage me with the wonderfully lively characterisations shown in action and dialogue. I could almost hear the impatience of Jim at the waste of time and Marie's concern and certainty about the doctor's visit. The picture you paint of the smokey truck and Jim's actions is so realistic.

The conversation was natural and fit the characters. Jim's rugged tough guy attitude is shown directly as he moves through the story line. You can tell they know each other well and can show their true feelings.

The writing is coherent and moves at a good pace. Effective active verbs and phrases like "flicked the butt" make for a dynamic action and engaging read. It was interesting to have them go to the 13th floor and the way the lady left the elevator is priceless, another clue in retrospect. "the smelling good" at the dock was too funny as was the name of the doctor. I like her concern about the smell in the house and how it leads us to a conclusion or a false track. *Thumbsup*

I was so entertained and had a good time reading this short story with its perfect twist! I bow to your amazing gift with this one! *Starstruck*

*Sun*Highest regards and Light on the path as you Write on! *Sun*

For GAME of THRONES. The Martell Sun shines on everyone!
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
371
371
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Sun*Hail Mazzii!

*Bird*A "Game of Thrones Martell Sunspear Review just for you!*Sun*


Wow! Your title is evocative with its potent imagery and drew my attention. This disease is surely debilitating and scarey for both patient and family. A"beast" is a meaningful comparison.

I enjoyed reading this expressive piece and the potency of anger comes through strongly. Word choices like "filthy," "nasty", corrosive" etc add to the tone and atmosphere you are creating as you revile the disease that acts like a mindless beast. The contrast of the anger in the first verses to the feeling in the last one is well done. You really showed how you come to terms and where the connection really lies. The emotion is vibrant here.

I noticed two "and"s in the last line, looks like a typo.

The poem is a freer style though it has effective rhyme and it suits the emotional content. The metaphor of beast is carried out in a descriptive, consistent way until you flip to the last memory of your father. Facing it down and not letting in win! *Heart* The last image is beautiful and a lovely tribute to your dad. *Starstruck*

I really enjoyed reading this personal and moving poem. Thanks for sharing you and your vision so vulnerably. It is inspirational and may help others who feel the same to know they are not alone in the helplessness and anger. *Heart*

*Sun*Highest regards and Light on the path as you Write on! *Sun*
eyestar

For GAME of THRONES. The Martell Sun shines on everyone!
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
372
372
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Sun*Hail Steven!

*Bird*A "Game of Thrones Martell Sunspear Review just for you!*Sun*


Wow! This is rather sad when nothing ease the pain, and your journey of coming to acceptance has varied and vivid steps. The response of others who don't know the pain or anguish that does not show is a common one, until they come up with the same situation.

The quatrain verses have effective rhymes with interesting words like "medication" and "toking". *Thumbsup* I liked the contrast of drugs and vacation. The language is simple and the frustration in the tone is evident from words like "heck", "stinking". I get the idea that the pain is so bad for the person to try anything and everything, even dangerous things that may kill.

The poem has no even rhythm that I could find yet the speech was natural. I think you don't need to repeat "the cast" in the second line when "it" would suffice and help the flow of the line. I liked the way you emphasized the pain not going away in line 4, verse 3, as if you couldn't believe after all the poet did, it did not go away.

It is interesting that you do not tell us what the pain is or what it effects and how they knew what meds or books to suggest if they can't name it. ah the medical mysteries. *Wink*

I enjoyed reading and how you expressed this vision. *StarstrucK*

*Sun*Highest regards and Light on the path as you Write on! *Sun*
eyestar

For GAME of THRONES. The Martell Sun shines on everyone!



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
373
373
Review of Acupuncture  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Sun*Hail Maci!
*Bird*A "Game of Thrones Martell Sunspear Review just for you!*Sun*


*Sun*The title appealed to me as I have a friend who does Acupuncture. What a unique and interesting topic for a poem. You really were able to capture the main process and the experience of having it done. I got the idea that you have recieved it or have first hand information about it. The point of view here is positive and that the modality indeed beneficial. Your last line was evocative and I could imagine the body's joy at having released some stress. It gives readers, who may cringe at the idea of needles in the skin, a peek at the healing outcome.*Thumbsup*

*Sun*The poem was fun to read and had a lively vibe.
Your imagery and description of the process was detailed and so vivid, highlighting the "muscles". The vocabulary suited the theme and I liked the active expressive words like "jostle", "pulses" and the idea that the body screams for more. It is a cool notion when usually we think of screams for painful things. *Laugh*

*Sun*The words flowed fairly smoothly though the rhythm count was not even. It shows effective use of rhyme, though I notice off rhymes there, not sure of pulses and doses but the 's' sounds mimic the idea. Some assonance and consonance to create a pleasing soundscape. Punctuation assisted the read though I think a comma after "still" in line 4 and after "thin" in line 1 would help with the reading there. That line was a little unflowy to read. I wanted to say" silver, pointed, thin, lite as air." The and seems to slow it down and puts thin and lite at conflict with ease of flow. *Wink*

*Sun*I know this is a CRAMP item so Wow, what a great job in a short time. I really enjoyed your happy vision.

*Sun*Highest regards and Light on the path as you Write on! *Sun*
eyestar

For GAME of THRONES. The Martell Sun shines on everyone!



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
374
374
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Sun*Hail Writing Walter!

*Bird*A "Game of Thrones Martell Sunspear Review just for you!*Sun*


*Sun*I liked the sound of the title as I read it aloud as it has a steampunkish vibe! The whole poem is a pleasure to read with its smooth easy flow and rhythm like a lyric.

*Sun*Your poem paints a vivid picture of the steampunk genre with its mechanical elements added to dark supernatural ones. Brilliant conception and use of references to story images. The verses are balanced with specific rhyme scheme and a jaunty rhythm. The voice is narrative as it reveals the creepy creature and craft rituals of the evil kind. It has a dramatic feel and you did a good job with poetic sound devices to make an evocative soundscape. The last verse really appealed to me and summed up your theme effectively. You caught the dichotomies! I even smiled at the last word. Very good! *Thumbsup*

*Sun* In "and skulls which way you look" feels like it is missing a word or maybe change "which" to "each way". That would make sense to me. *Wink*
I wonder what you meant but "the stars are right?" It is not really descriptive.

*Starstruck*This was entertaining and lively read even in its dark atmosphere. Thanks for sharing your vision and craft.

*Sun*Highest regards and Light on the path as you Write on! *Sun*
eyestar

For GAME of THRONES. The Martell Sun shines on everyone!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
375
375
Review of The Underworld  
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Sun*Hail Teerich!

*Bird*A "Game of Thrones Martell Sunspear Review just for you!*Sun*


*Sun*Wow! This is a potent expression and the force of the coloured font added to the vibe. The Underword is a dark and unexpected a theme for steampunk. Cool! The form is not familiar so thanks for the author's note! I love the look on the page.

*Sun* I felt the heaviness of the atmosphere created by your words and images. The soundscape of the words was delicious as well and the vocabulary reflected the genre. Your freaky images were clear and the scene had lots of detailed activity happening.

*Sun*Use of poetic devices like consonance, assonance and alliteration was effective and show your wizardry. It really gives the mouth a workout when reading aloud. Slow pace and heavy beat emulate the setting of hades. It evoked the senses. I could see the drums crushing bones and hear the gears and hisses. Punctuation served the read for dramatic pause and comprehension. The only link I had to reread was "cadavers walk.." and then "lie.." I had to check to see that Cadavers was the subject of both lines as both are complete thoughts on their own. Guess I was looking for a connector. It does work though and I see you had a syllable count. *Wink*

*Sun*The form was composed according to the parameters of Rhaphalic verse. I think the last two lines both have 15 syllables though unless I am saying words wrong. Adding the word "the" to "night" would fix it. Or I thought of "fill the everlasting night". *Wink*

*Starstruck*Impressive piece of steampunk, dark and intense! I appreciate your effort in creating this coherent expression in this fixed structure. Thanks for sharing your gift. I learn from you!

*Sun*Highest regards and Light on the path as you Write on! *Sun*
eyestar

For GAME of THRONES. The Martell Sun shines on everyone!



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2,761 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 111 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/1starsong/sort_by/r.review_creation_time+DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time+DESC/page/15