*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Creative fun in
the palm of your hand.
Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/1starsong/sort_by/r.review_creation_time+DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time+DESC/page/5
Review Requests: OFF
6,478 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 2 3 4 -5- 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
101
101
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello the Swarthy Bard! I was attracted by the interesting and rather old fashioned title and theme so here I am to give you my comments as a reader. *Delight*


*Fire* Wow! This is absolutely brilliant in concept and composition! *Salute* I was drawn right into the 18th century time frame as I read your complex language structure and manner of speaking in the letter. Writing letters was a most popular way of communicating and this writing sounds as it would be a period piece. The greeting and salutation, with the endearing type words and the the names of characters fit the time as well. You have really captured the historical aura for me. *Thumbsup*

*Tiara* The allegorical concept is effectively woven in the story and its message is clear and could convince anyone to avoid this Melancholia! *Wink* The way you make the character and explain how he works I can see your understanding of the psychological nature of the theme. My first thought was that you were talking about Melancholy so it was a surprise to have it personified in a story. Brilliantly inventive!

*Star* I wonder if you need to add "or to another" as it would be more direct to just speak to the reader of the letter in terms of tightening the work, unless it is a tool to give weight to what you say as you would also tell another...so that the friend may be more open to receive the advice. It may slow down the line. If it is vital then I would add some punctuation for pause in the read: "to you, or to another, that.." or maybe to "anyone". *Think*
It struck me too that you used the word "downfalls" to refer to the character Melancholia, which
first gave me the idea that it was a noun/quality you referred to. Yet as I read on I see that, perhaps, the exhortative letter is referring to the danger of the actual Humour of depression, as can happen after a loss. I think maybe your brief note at the start through me off as you personified him as a"..philanderer" so I went to a real person at first. LOL

*Sun* The first paragraph in the letter gets to the warnings right away and sets up the theme for the rest of the persuasive letter. I know what you mean by "carelessly" yet I wonder if there is a more descriptive phrase for it.

*Fox*The paragraphing is effective and has coherent flow as you set up the rationale to prove the point in the letter.
In the third paragraph, "Be forewarned, therefore, that Melancholia" I would use "he".

*Dog1* In Paragraph four: Oh I loved "iota of knavery"! *Laugh* and the comparative line of breadcrumbs and mutton! Wonderful image. The reference to the "bones" and scripture is effective too. I enjoyed reading your descriptions here and it backs up your first principle.
I would drop the first "And" in the last line here as you use the word twice.

*Cat* Paragraph five is eloquent as well and I felt more of an emotional potency there. The philosophical references add to the argument and give it a sense of realism. The last line is very long and yet I can feel that the writer of the letter is really getting riled up and the images are so vivid and potent. I wonder if in "A caveat to all that is it better" needs another word to be clear. as in "A caveat to all that is: that it is better"? *Think* Great word to keep with the times and the obvious intelligence of the writer of the letter. Interesting that this woman is so educated and well read to be able to use these references.

*Pipe*Paragraph six has some lovely alliterative wordings . eg. as in the last line. It is effective in the flow of argument. In this part of the letter, you reveal Melancholia more and more as a negative quality as old as biblical times. Very persuasive as you repeat ideas in different ways: avoid, be safe, safeguard and be vigilant. I like the last line.

*Heart* The next to last paragraph reflects back to the opening one, bringing our attention back to the main idea which is expressed in a heart felt fashion. The writer really wishes to save her friend from what befell her! I wonder what Euphoria has experienced that spurred her friend to write and tell her she can survive. I know Laetitia had the experience and hoped sharing it would prevent similar fate. The urgency is realistic and strong.

*Smile* I enjoyed the closing of the letter with its final insult "Lothario of Despondancy"! Wow!

*Starstruck* I had such a wonderful time entering into your vision and deep thought about Melancholia. Your knowledge and creative way of describing effects and personifying it is so evident and impressive. The style of writing reminds me of philosophical, legal discussions and seems to suit the time. Repeating ideas in different ways really emphasizes the intent. The letter was organized and each paragraph had its theme and lead to the next. I might reread and see where more comma pauses might be useful as you do use long lines. *Wink*

*Fire* Thanks for creating this wonderful piece. I appreciate the time and effort that it must have taken to get the information and then present in a clever and imaginative way. Great allegory.! *Salute*

Keep creating and write on!

eyestar


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
102
102
Review of Ladybug Beach  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloonr* Welcome to WDC Itchybarn ! I am so thrilled that you are here! Congratulations on posting your first poem. *Thumbsup* How exciting. I am happy to give my point of view for you to consider. Remember to take what feels right for you and leave the rest. We are all learning as we play with words. *Laugh*

*Ladybug*I like the title as I could imagine a whole tribe of ladybugs dwelling in one spot! We had some one year that totally covered windows! A lady bug year. *Laugh*

*Ladybug* Wow! This poem is so awesome from your five year old self. I have seen poems not as good by kids older than that. You have the ab rhyme scheme perfectly achieved and the tone reveals your appreciation of ladybugs and the excitement about finding a whole hoard. I can imagine the scene from your description and I shuddered at the thought of them all over me. *Shock* The orange ones that I mentioned earlier actually bite though I know most ladybugs are harmless. LOL

*Ladybug* It was fun to read aloud with its happy vibe and good pace. The rhyme scheme is consistent and chosen words are thematic. You have a nice use of consonance (repeated sound letters}.*Thumbsup*
I notice that your lines have different lengths so the rhythm varies. It still has a nice flow though I was pondering on how to shorten up the two really long lines. *Wink* mm.

*Idea* Just as an example...You might not have to use "they're" a second time as in "sometimes they're orange, sometimes red, Most have spots, but not on their head"
You can see how the flow changes to be closer to the other line rhythms.

*Questionbr* It all depends if you want to keep to a form poem where there is consistent beat, or whether you want more free style flow. Choice! *Smile* You could also break it into 4 line verses with a two line summation at the end. LOL so many ways to do a poem. *Puzzle1*

*Ladybug* I liked the smooth flow of the first three lines and the 4th line could felt stilted.
I wondered about saying: "They like sitting in the sun"

*Ladybug* I am glad to see you add the benefit ladybugs can be to gardens and you really showed how they do not like to stay still in your last lines and in your beach scene. They crawl everywhere.*Thumbsup*

*Ladybug**Quill* I was wondering about the order of the fact. For example, I like how you begin with your opinion of ladybugs...and I wanted to put the description of them after that. for example, moving up lines 9 and 10 after line 2. It would also separate the word "sometimes" from "some" in the line before.

*Smile*The beach scene coming after the idea they like the sun is a good choice for coherence.
How else are they fun for you?

*Ladybug* Your poem is truly engaging and enjoyable read and really only requires a bit of tweaking. Poetry is personal and a balance between free expression and trying to have a form. LOL
Your poem is expressive, charms the reader into your world with bugs, has a fine flow overall and my suggestions are just ideas. I would say the next step for you may be to look at the form Quatrain. *Dragonflyb*

*Delight* I had fun and was entertained by this lively poem. Thank you for bravely sharing your work at WDC and allowing me to play with your words as poet friends do, young word master! You rock and have a gift so keep on writing on! *Starstruck*

PS. I would keep a copy of this, if you make any edits as you will want to remember you first works. It is a wonderful accomplishment at your age! I sometimes just go and do a totally different version using newly learned techniques or suggestions. *Wink*

eyestar
103
103
Review of Heartbeat  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC ProudAnonymousWriter ! Thank you for posting your first items. I hope you are enjoying our WDC party. *Wink*

This short piece has a unique theme that intrigued me. I wondered where the idea came from. The personification of two countries sharing intimately was vivid. The description of the interlude was clear and the dialogue gave a personal touch to the scene. The names you gave the countries had the flavour of each country as well.

The gentleness of heartbeat is almost a character in itself and suggests comfort and soothing. I wanted to know more background about how they met etc. *Smile* In the first line I thought the country names were their names. *Think* I would suggest maybe not using so many adverbs ending in "ly" in such a short piece. Active descriptions are more vivid. *Wink*

You put this under genre Fan fiction. Adding another category might get more attention too. I am not familiar with the topic myself. *Laugh*

Thanks for sharing your originality! Keep on writing and reviewing! *Star*

eyestar
If you like to review, check out "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
gifted sig from Lornda
104
104
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Delight* Hello Dragonwrites. I am happy to review to celebrate you and the WDC's 19th birthday bash! Your title intrigued me until I finally got that the piece must be an assignment. I skipped from title to read the tale. LOL

*Sun*The first line made me think that something ominous might happen and then the smell of the cookies suggested a more friendly vibe, as if one should not judge a book by it's cover. I think when you mention her "amenities" had the character forget her scruples, it supported that idea.
So I was engaged and had to read on to the horror twist at the end. I like how you leave out how it may have begun and why...appealing to our own imagination. I thought maybe the oven..*Think*

*Moon* I take it the words underlined are prompt words and yay you for coming up with such a diverting piece of entertainment.

*Fairy* The use of the words like "loomed" and "compelled" was really effective. The use of "rapacious" is interesting too.

*Quill* One thing I suggest that in the line where you say "cookies or cake" that you stick with one..as later in the piece you do say "cookies". I think you use both to indicate that the person did not know which it was and later she still would not know as she could only smell them. "cookies" works, or you can generalize like "smell of baking". I think that the specific makes it more homey for the effect you are trying to get in contrasting the creepy with the homey. *Wink*

Also, I think you could say "she" for "The woman" in the 5th line as you have already told us she was an elderly woman in the lines before. You also repeat "elderly woman" again later.

*Fairy2* Having her calmly think it may have been a mistake to drink is interesting as if she is not sure even though the evidence is quite clear. Interesting. I am lead to think that the smell was a spell or something as she could have picked up the vibe when the woman pushed the tea on her...that something was up. Cool!

*Sun* The short piece is evocative and vivid in capturing this scenario and leaves us hanging. It does not seem likely help will arrive if this place is far off the track, though we have no detail of where it is or why she is there. It could be part of a larger tale sometime. *Wink*

Thanks for sharing your creation and yep as your tag line says..dark indeed! *Star*

eyestar
105
105
Review of Tuatha Dé Danann  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Balloonp*Hiya Ken. Look who popped up on the Read and Review and of, course, I could not resist Irish Lore! *Shamrock*


*Shamrock* *Laugh* Oh Wow! I was so entertained by this imaginative tale and how you combine myth and sci fi elements. I had to smile when the earthling combined the two names, creating "Leprechaun" and burst out laugh when I got to the "sham rock". Clever and brilliant play with words! *Salute* And the idea that a son of Eren would recognize it made total sense.

*Shamrock*The descriptions of the landscape, hiding place and battle were vivid and the unique idea of some alien beings observing hooked me in. I wasn't expecting it. LOL The ending truly presented an original interpretation of the legend of leprechauns and gold. *Star* It made sense to that the Irish man would have to tell the tale!

*Shamrock* The story flowed in a coherent fashion with a consistent narration and useful engaging dialogue. The scenes of battle, aftermath and the futuristic medical scene were woven neatly and the characters were defined enough to give us a sense of their character, and feelings. Kahn's compassion and his fear of not doing the right thing according to his commander was well illustrated. *Thumbsup* I guess he never thought of the consequences if the soldier did not keep his secret. LOL

*Quill* A couple of glitches maybe:
In this line "seemed to slow... turned, seemingly staring into Kahnh's eyes." the two 'seem" words put me out a bit. You used it again earlier in the same paragraph.
Also, "voice seemed right next to his ear"... was it or not. I assume it would be if he was on a com. *Wink*

What does "positively glowing" look like. I know the idea is that he is now glowing bright due to emotional state. Do you need the adverb? or what colour was he glowing?

*Martian*I was totally engaged in your story telling and appreciate how you referenced some historical and mythical material. Your muse was dreaming overtime on this stellar invention! *Starstruck*

Thanks for sharing your vision and craft! Write on and enjoy the party! *Cake2*

eyestar


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
106
106
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Delight*Hi Whiskerface! I was intrigued by the title that popped up on Read and Review and like music so here I am with a review for you and to celebrate WDC 19th Birthday! *Balloonp*

*Music1* I was so delighted to see the song that you picked as I have not heard it in along time and like you thought it was an Irish Rovers song as they certainly popularized it. I think Many people heard it from them first. *Smile* Even on their tv show. It was fun listening to it tonight.

It was only years later when I was teaching and used Shel's book in class that I, too, found the song! And did some research on the author. Such a multi talent! Your blog item brought back those memories. So cool!

*Smile*I had to smile to think of a book on your shelf that you have not even read and wondered how long it had been there.

I think you are missing an r is "resurrection" in the title, but it may be deliberate to be able to fit all the words in?

*Music2*The entry is easy to follow and honest in voice. I appreciate the feeling of not knowing what to read...going on a search and coming up with a gem...hiding right on your own shelf. I like that you were inspired to research later! Isn't it great when the muse leads you some where unexpected? *Laugh*

I am glad you shared the Irish Rover version. I love the lead singer's approach with it. I think there is a Silverstein version somewhere.

Thanks for sharing! Write on!
eyestar
107
107
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Balloonp* Hiya Ken! I am popping in to review you as we celebrate WDC's 19th Birthday! *Delight*

*Leafr* The title is evocative and gives an apt name for Nature's magics! I noticed the name of the form you use is one I am unfamiliar with so I was interested to see how the Burn's Stanza worked.

*Tree* The form is well constructed with the proper rhyme scheme and line lengths. I really like how it flows when I read it aloud with the two shorter lines adding to the rhythm. It felt like the notions you chose for the shorter lines gave an emphatic beat. *Thumbsup* Punctuation served the work well too. The 5th line pause with a dash was effective in suggesting a slower pace and hints at the cycle of days. *Smile*

*Flowerb* The personification of nature is effective and consistent throughout as you masterfully paint a picture of her arts revealing that she has her own time to things. The message of no rushing is so clear and made me ponder on how I can get caught up in the rush of things...when going each moment in flow will still achieve the result.

*Moon* The soundscape was pleasing and your vocabulary is thematic with interesting rhymes like "debut", "hue", "cadence" with "commence" etc. I can appreciate the effort it took to get several of the same end rhyme in the verse to create aaabab scheme. *Thumbsup* The poem was coherent in its message and flow. The notion of "counterpoint" was a unique description and the inner rhyme of "shades" and fades" added interest. Lovely. "anew" and " a new debut" is cool too.

*Star*Thanks for sharing your vision and appreciation of Nature in this well crafted poem. I enjoyed playing with the artist. *Smile*

108
108
Review of The Quandary  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Balloonp* Hi Turtle! I am happy to review your poem as I celebrate WDC 19th birthday! *Delight*

*Smile*I enjoy pondering philosophical themes and this puzzle certainly reveals some of the paradigms of life. You hooked me with the first verse with the "ownership" notion and I can attest to the showing up where I need to be....LOL The ideas of polarity, and what control is and the way it seems we have been taught...the ego rules come to mind as I read your words. Fitting the mold is not a happy place once we are aware. *Wink*

The free style verse suits the reflective content of a mind pondering. The two question lines are brilliant to have us ponder. The question of act or react is relevant. I think that if I am aware and can step out of judgement, choice and action can be mine as response rather than reaction. *Smile*

The image of peg and hole and breaking both made me smile! *Thumbsup*

*Puzzle1* Your thoughts are very clear and do present a puzzling picture. It made me think of a precept I read:
"Everything is the opposite of what it appears to be. Nothing is the opposite of what it appears to be."
Say that aloud ten times and watch your mind boggle. Made me laugh. All about letting go of what we think I guess.

Thanks for sharing your vision and evoking some thought. *Star* Keep puzzling on!

eyestar
new signature for WDC Superpower Reviewers
109
109
Review of Writers Block  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Delight* Welcome to WDC Tmtsaturn! I am happy to review your wonderful poem.

*Sun*Your theme is one I am sure many can relate to and your title is a clear indicator of the main idea of your expression. I enjoyed reading your free style as you lead us into an emotional state of the poet's frustration.
I liked the idea of "sucks up..poetic melody" and the experience of not being able to harmonize the "jumble"! *Thumbsup*

*Moon* The free verse suits the theme and reflective emotional content and your message is clear.

*Quill*One suggestion I have is to keep the voice consistent. For example, you begin with "my" as first person. It is powerful to speak from that point of view. Later you change to third person...eg. your brain, your fingertips, your soul, your mind. I fell out a bit as I thought we were speaking of you. *Wink* It is an easy fix, just change "your" to "my" etc. Keep the integrity and it would have more effect. We can all nod our heads and say I get you! Using the "your" gives the notion that you know what the reader thinks, and it may not be so. LOL I get caught in that when I speak at times...using the you when really it is about me. We may assume others have had the same experience.

Also, I think "somewhere in" would sound better than "among" as Maze is a singular word. I love that image and it is quite a fact that "heart' and "soul" knowing can get lost in the mind traps of thinking too much. *Whistle*

*Star*Thanks for sharing your vision so potently! I hear you! *Laugh* Writing this shows the muse is waking up and getting past the block.

Keep on writing on!

eyestar
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Four time Quill winner!
#1300305 by Maryann

for WDC Superpower  Reviewers group
110
110
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Delight* Hiya Waiting 4 Great White Reindeer ! I see you were writing in 24 syllables challenge! Awesome.

*Thumbsup*I appreciate how you wove three meanings of the given word into this short free style poem and still only used 24 syllables.*Shock* Given that the word itself has 5 of them to begin with, it was a challenge indeed. I have done a few of these short poems and find it tough.LOL

*Fairy* It was effective to have the repeated "Trans" and the repetitive "t" sounds as they added to a soundscape when I read it out loud. I wondered if the word "being" hooked up with "transform" but then thought it was a separate defining quality. The cover picture is gorgeous too! *Delight*

Thanks for sharing your vision and craft.*Star* Keep on transforming as you write on!

eyestar
new signature for WDC Superpower Reviewers
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
111
111
Review of Sweltering August  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Delight*Hi Prosperous Snow! This timely piece popped up on the Read and Review page! The title suggests a hot summer and your first verse bears that fact out. I got the point too that often heat can trigger storms.

I was not aware that Las Vegas had trouble with floods and the last line with its question suggests that there is a prediction of "thousand year flood". You really show the concern that people have with this issue in a vivid way. Wow! The idea of the notion "hiding" is evocative.

I was engaged with your description of the skies being decorated in the first verse in contrast with the prediction of floods. *Star*

The free verse suits the theme as it allows for sharing information as well as descriptive verse. I like how you slide in the idea that many preventions against floods have been made over the years...and maybe not always successful. The notion of improvements suggests that experience has been a teacher. *Smile*

I love rain storms myself but then have not been in a flood area, which I would not like! I have driven in bad rain though and yep, it is scary! *Shock*

Thanks for sharing this summer time vision. *Star*

eyestar
new signature for WDC Superpower Reviewers
112
112
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*HI walkinbird! Popping in here with a review to celebrate you! *Star* I found this tribute to Faramir and as I love Tolkien's world too, here I am! *Wink*

It was a joy to read this wonderfully crafted expression with it's sad theme. I really see how you parallel Faramir to Frodo. What an insight! *Star* I like your title premise of the curse of the last born and it suits the poem content.

*Smile*The details you use are well chosen to make your point and vividly describe his plight and family drama.

The poem has a clear form with rhyme and verse lines. I did notice a few lines not having the same syllable count but I was not thrown out of the read as I read aloud though later noted the off rhymes. {anduin, o'er, horn") *Wink* I enjoyed the old fashioned phrasing that made me think of the poems in Tolkien.

The voice is clear and keeps its point of view to the end with "tis not right"! It has a sad tone and makes us feel for this brother. Well conceived summary of his fate!

*Star*Thanks for sharing your vision of this character. It was fun to be reminded.

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
new signature for WDC Superpower Reviewers}
113
113
Review of Aground  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Star**Fairy2*} HI beholden! I am back here with a review as promised. *Delight*

*Fairy3* I was intrigued by the evocative title and tag line. It made me sad somehow.

*Fairy3*Wow! You really took me into this man's head and his experience in a vivid manner. I could feel the hopelessness and lack of future vision. The first lines drew me in and set the tone of his attitude potently. That last line really hits home too. How sad! A potent summation..that he feels to make a noise or request is futile and emphasizes again the monotony and isolation he feels his life has become. Well done! *Star*

Using sea imagery was brilliant and your descriptions so vivid. eg. "parchment hands", "rheumy eyes". Seeing himself as beached is a unique idea to me. I like how you use the theme image and vocabulary of the sea throughout the poem.

The free verse style suits the emotional content and theme as it leaves room for reflective thought as it occurs. I liked the two line ending verse which encapsulates the feeling he has.

I especially liked the enjambments of line 8 and 13. You used assonance, consonance and alliterative quality to advantage as well. I enjoyed reading the poem aloud. The soundscape, emotional nuances and tight weave was appealing and effective in engaging me in the experience. Your use of mid-line pauses are effective too.

Punctuation served the work and I liked the addition of a quote by the nurse. Should "mr" have a capital or was this to show again how not important he feels? Your use of mid-line pauses are effective.


*Quill*A few suggestions:

In the first verse, you use the word "apart" twice in close proximity. The second instance could be dropped as you use "isolate" which means the same. eg. "bent, isolated and silent" would work as I do not notice a specific syllable count. I assume you had a typo in "isolate". *Wink*

I wanted to put "till" at the beginning of line 10 to give the "waiting hours" a bit of weight and pause.

I noticed you used a capital letter in the second lines of the verses...I wondered if there was a reason. My understanding is that we use capitals where it makes natural sense or on every line to be consistent. In this case I like the non capitalizing except after periods, of course. Maybe you had a reason though. *Wink*

You seem to be using a natural punctuation, which really works in the tight weave of this free verse. Yet there are a couple of places where the pausing commas are missing.
eg. after "shallows" in line 3, after "apart" in line 4,

*Fairy2*Your expression is captivating and touched emotional cords with its vivid vision of the plight of this elderly man. I am not sure what contest this was for and assume the bolded words were given as prompt. How you used them to get this touching account is amazing!

*Fairy* The title with its theme of being aground totally fits what you write about. Awesome choice!

*Starstruck*Wonderful, insightful, creative and evocative, this poem served its function. What a tribute and commentary! Thanks for sharing your vision and craft.

Keep on Writing!*Smile*

eyestar
Sig for blog/reveiws


GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Four time Quill winner!
#1300305 by Maryann
114
114
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloonp*Welcome to WDC FQ! I am here to review to celebrate you! *Delight*

Wow! You make the Dubai Desert inviting and interesting to visit in your article. You highlight key amusements and activities in an organized way with an engaging voice and enthusiasm. I have ridden a camel, not far, but yep it is an experience! *Laugh*

I really enjoyed reading about the amazing trips. I can't imagine Dune Bashing myself but many would love it! I would love to pet a falcon though.

The sections were on topic and easy to read with lots of vivid details to attract interest. *Thumbsup*

*Quill*A few places I thought could be tightened up:

In the section on Camel Trekking--

"even enjoy the cool breeze of the evening as well as exploring the vast empty sky embedded with stars. Also known as star gazing"
As you mention evening in the first part of this sentence you could just say:
"enjoy the cool breeze as you explore the vast...stars. Become a star gazer!"

I don't think you need the word "Furthermore" in that camel section as you do begin with "Also".
You used the word in several other places so it is good to have variety. *Wink*

I think You can leave "furthermore" out of the Campfire section as well. It flows well with just "While you enjoy..." sounds Yummy! *Smile*

*Star* I am so glad I came across this cool article! It really shows the fun that Dubai offers and the appreciation of the author. The title word "ultimate" fits the theme too!

Thanks for sharing your vision and craft at WDC! I enjoyed my visit and will dream... *Wink*
Keep writing on!

eyestar

If you like to review check out "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
redone anniversary version without number!
115
115
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Sun*Hi Beholden! I am happy to review to celebrate you! *Delight*

*Butterfly2t* I noticed this item in passing and thought it was a helpful idea. Many folks do not get bitem links and there are lots of helps around. I like how you use one of your item to illustrate so well the different looks of the links.*Thumbsup*

To add even more clarity, I would suggest adding the actual format to show how to actually write it. I have seem many people keep the # in the brackets. LOL From your links I can see the difference and if I was new I would not know how to make them. I see this is an assignment though and it does show that YOU learned how to do them. *Salute*

eg. {item:2198946} If you put double brackets around the link it will show up for people to see what you wrote to get the link. *Wink* I did not know about double brackets for years...so if you did not, now you do and If you did know, now here is a super place to use them . *Smile*

*Star*Thanks for this creating this helpful contribution to WDC. As you highlighted this item I will review it as well. I am intrigued by the item's title and theme. *Wink*

Glad to have you as a member of WDC! *Heart*

eyestar
116
116
Review of Floods  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Delight* Hello Busman Poet! I am happy to review to celebrate you! *Star*

Wow! You really created a vivid picture in so few words. I am not familiar with the Brevee rules so thanks for the author's note. I would put the note at the end though so your craft can get center stage. *Wink*

I loved reading this aloud as it mimicked the water so well. The chosen rhyme words were thematic and the gerund forms suit the flow.

Your poem is effectively composed according to the form rules and I appreciate the "heavy" "levee" rhyme as I am not too sure of many words that rhyme with "heavy". LOL
The present tense makes in dramatic too. *Thumbsup*

Thanks for sharing your vision and craft. I now will put the form on a list of ones for me to try out! *Star*

eyestar
117
117
Review of Broken Window  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Smile* Hi Dave! Scrolling around while down here on the farm goat and dog sitting and found this awarded item! Kids and ballgames fit the summer. *Delight*

The poem made me laugh as it so often happens that once a relaxing time comes, something happens to mess it up. We are fine creators of not wanting to chill out! *Laugh*

I like the way you describe the kid as Micky Mantle wannabe! *Smile* I can also totally relate to having to shop on a weekend. OUCH!! "enduring...enmasse" is right on!! I avoid it myself.

Your expression was fun to read and I appreciated the rhyme scheme especially with the first and last line having to rhyme. Tough to do and make sense. "drink" and "thinking" was a bit off and did not detract form the message or pleasure of the read.

The opening verse set a calm scene and the mind of the speaker in a positive light. The crash happening at the same time as the ball hitting the back was dramatic and well conceived. *Thumbsup* The description of the day's events are detailed and I smiled at the hopeful ending.

I did not notice a specific rhythm in the lines and wondered if it was a form of more free verse as you have quatrains with a three line last verse. The last verse does sum up the feelings of the character and contrasts his feeling in the first verse.*Wink*

Thanks for sharing this entertaining tale! I had fun and am chillaxing myself until the dogs want attention. *Wink* I hope you are enjoying your summer.

eyestar
new signature for WDC Superpower Reviewers
118
118
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*Happy WDC Anniversary, Mordee2. I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*

*Wave1* I could not resist this title with its lovely image that made me curious. I am not familiar with the form so thank you for the little author note. I wonder if it would be better at the bottom of the page so your wonderful craft gets the first eye. *Smile* It is well worth the center stage.

*Butterflyo* I enjoyed reading this charming expression and was captivated by its vivid imagery and the way the poet speaks to the butterfly. The appreciation and marvel he has for the butterfly is so evident. It was pleasant to read with its effective alliterative qualities, assonance and consonance and the perfection of the form rhyme.

*Butterfly2g* The Raay is well composed with accurate syllabication and the rhyming is effective. I loved your choice of words like "flit", "relish", :"embellish", "dart". The verbs are so active and reveal the motion of the butterfly vividly. The comparison image "gold dust" is brilliant and adds magic to the vision. The second line, with its neat turn of phrase, gives the poem the flavour of the old world sonnet. *Thumbsup* It lifts the work to a higher plane. *Smile*

*Butterflyb*I love the image in line 8. The line seems to depart from speaking to the butterfly and tells about it though I could assume the word "your" is implied and I did in the line before. *Wink* I appreciate the effort it must have taken to get a completeness given the shortness of the lines. Wow! I agree with the last two lines and the way you compare butterflies to the art of a garden scene. Wonderful.

*Star* I had a pleasant time entering into your vivid vision and your model of the from inspires me to give it a try! The poem gave me a lot to savor. *Heart* Thanks for sharing your gift.

Thanks for your contributions and participation in WDC in your five year stay and may you have many more fun and fulfilling times here. *Starstruck*

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
119
119
Review of Daffodils  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Flowery* Good day Jack! I am back with another review for your winning package in "The Summer Time Auction! Thanks for bidding on our group package! *Heart*

*Delight*Oh I love yellow daffodils and noticed I had item saved in my review tool waiting to be reviewed! I also composed a Lady's slipper for this prompt! LOL

*Flowery*The first line grabbed my attention as I imagined the flowers tall and stately being ripped from their home! It had a quick pace and with the word "torn" evoked a sense of shock or thoughtlessness. *Sad* The ideas of "spaces" is brilliant. The last line evoked sadness as I always think of daffodils catching sunlight on the hills and they soon lose luster in a vase. Wonderful contrast!

*Flowery* The Lady's Slipper format is well composed with effective inner rhyme. It reveals a changing picture for the daffodil's existence. I enjoyed reading it aloud and your use of some conosonance added to the flow and soundscape. Punctuation served the work as well.

*Star*Thank you for sharing your clear vision and model of the Lady's Slipper. I liked the emotional evocation. *Heart* You have a gift.

eyestar
new signature for WDC Superpower Reviewers
120
120
Review of At the Root  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*HI Walkinbird! I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*

I was drawn to this title as it spoke of "roots" and it made me curious. We have roots in ancestry but also can try to get to the root of a psychological problem and both are of interest to me!*Delight*

I am not sure what the exercise that you refer to in the tag line was about and I liked the way you described the place of your ancestors. The images are quite vivid. I noticed you use a series of phrases in the first verse... I wondered at the use of periods, when commas would serve to connect the ideas. Maybe.

I just saw Thor, Ragnarok...and did a bit of reading so I get the reference.*Wink* Cool! I wonder if an author's note might be useful.

I wondered who the two were. and whose musical finale? Excuse my uncertainty here. *Facepalm*

I was thinking of how the end can be the beginning contrasting finale with wedding. A cycle continues. Then again I could be weird.

Thanks for creating this intriguing piece. I will continue to ponder. I like to be engaged. *Star*
Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
WDC Power Personal Star sig

121
121
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Delight* Hiya Prosperous Snow! I am happy to review your piece as a participant in "I Write 2019." *Smile*

*Fire*The title is intriguing and drew my imagination! I liked it. I enjoy how you can create poems relating to your faith, especially this one in only 24 syllables. *Thumbsup* And I always learn new information about the Baha'i faith.

*Fire* Your key word totally fits the theme and set the background of the fortress. Wow! Thanks for the author's note, which is very useful if folks did not know your reference. Even without it, as I know you, I understood it had some historical reference to the Bab. *Wink* I wonder if you changed the 'HE" to "Bab" would clue folks in. Yet ...I see that in your note you used "the Bab" so it may not work. *Wink*

*Star*It was pleasant to read aloud and the image is vivid and tells us some of origin on his wisdom. Punctuation served the work as well. Thanks for continuing to share and honour this wisdom.

eyestar
for WDC Superpower  Reviewers group
122
122
Review of Christmas in July  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star* Hiya Jack! Congrats on your winning bid in "The Summer Time Auction for the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group package. I am happy to offer another review as part of your package. *Delight*

*Heart* Oh Wow! What a wonderful tribute to your son that expresses vitally your feeling of appreciation for his life, and you feeling of loss. *Sad* It must have been a difficult experience to write about. Thank you for sharing.

*Heartv*The theme was an unexpected one for a Christmas in July poem and it really shows how life and death recognize no special times. My dad died the day after Christmas when I was 20 and it took some time for Christmas not to have that sad overlay. Can't imagine losing a child though.

*Heartg* The poem has a regular rhyme structure in four line verses with short lines that really fit the emotion and theme of the poem. I did not notice a strict syllable count but the only lines that felt out of flow were the second two lines in verse one. The free verse suits the emotional content and allows for the personal ideas you wanted to share.

*Heart* You use some off rhyme as well. "themselves" and "himself" threw me out a bit but the point you make is important to the theme. I wanted to put a comma after "less" as the next line follows to complete the vital last line. I loved the contrast of "shine" of a birthday Christmas month and "dies". Wow! *Thumbsup* A saddening shock. Well done.
It made me curious on how you lost him so it stirred the imagination. *Thumbsup* And not knowing doesn't take away from the potency of the piece, as the point of how loss effects the Christmas experience is well shown.

*Star* Thank you for sharing such a personal piece. And congrats on its third place win! *Smile*

eyestar
for WDC Superpower  Reviewers group
123
123
Review of BUTTERFLIES  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Butterflyo* Congrats Jack on your winning bid in "The Summer Time Auction for our Power group package! Thanks for your generosity. *Heart* I am happy to review this poem as part of the package. *Delight*

*Butterfly2b* Wow! This poem has a vital and positive vibe that expresses joy in nature. I Love watching butterflies and really admire the way you describe their flight and wings so vividly. The qualities they elicit from the poet are well chosen and the bit of personification of the butterflies as having that intent of bringing joy is wonderful. *Smile*

*Butterfly2g* I am not familiar with the Shadorma form so thank you for the hint in your author's note. Your shadorma has teh 6 lines and apt syllable count, revealing a clear scene. It was pleasant to read aloud with some effective use of assonance and alliteration. The use of gerunds reflects to me the constant movement of the butterfly..moment to moment with little still times. *Thumbsup*

*Butterfly2b* I wondered at the use of all capitals in such a short poem yet realize that it is just a choice. Lack of punctuation is a choice as well, though I would have liked to see a comma after "wings" just for a breath separating the scene from direct action as interpreted by the poet. Just a POV. LOL

*Star* I really enjoyed entering into this lovely vision! Thanks for sharing your gift.

eyestar
124
124
Review of Christmas Cookies  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*Hiya Write 2 Publish 2020 ! I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*

*Sun*I am relaxing down at a friend's farm looking after goats and dogs and was looking for entertainment..so it was cool to find this and your anniversary too! *Wink* I love Christmas cookies and we have favourite recipes as well. I never thought to make a puzzle about them...how cool an idea..also yummy!

*Delight*Your introduction is inviting and gives us a background a rationale for the wordsearch! I agree there are bakers out there who can do more magics with cookies. The suggestion to try some new ones is a great idea too.
I wondered if a a bit of colour for the festive theme might add a flair and we have *Cookie* and *Gingerbread* for decor. *Wink*

Your choice of cookie words was awesome and include six types that I had not heard of and inspired me to look them up! "snickerdoodles" and "pfeffernusse" for example! *Laugh* Once I saw a picture I realized that I had eaten them without knowing their names. LOL Yummy!!
I could not find the spelling Pfferneuse.*Wink*

Thanks for creating this bit of cookie fun! *Gingerbread**Choco* And I hope you have many more fun and fulfilling years at WDC! *Heart*

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
WDC Power Personal Star sig
125
125
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*HI Winnie Kay! I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*

I was drawn to the title and theme as I like Irish lore and limericks are fun! You really did a stellar job with the form and made me laugh!*Laugh* I like how you capture the energy of the mother's response to her son's inebriation. You caught the essence of the Irish language and flavour with the names, setting and tendencies. I like the magical as well..the gnome could be a leprechaun, who may led the lad astray. LOL

It was fun to read aloud with it effective alliterative quality and flow. The dialogue is well shown with proper punctuation and dramatic edge.

Thanks for sharing this fine model of a limerick, well composed with a vivid image that engages the reader. *Star*

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
new signature for WDC Superpower Reviewers






2,771 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 111 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/1starsong/sort_by/r.review_creation_time+DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time+DESC/page/5