*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Creative fun in
the palm of your hand.
Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/1starsong/sort_by/r.review_creation_time+DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time+DESC/page/8
Review Requests: OFF
6,478 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 4 5 6 7 -8- 9 10 11 12 13 ... Next
176
176
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Flowerr* Hiya Tinker! I am happy to review your interesting entry in "I Write 2019."*Delight*


Wow! This is an impressive construction. I had not heard of it until I saw it at the Poet's Place and now here. The name is cool...insane cinquain! *Laugh* Thanks for the convenient link about how it works. I did check it out and your example reflects the forum correctly. *Thumbsup*

I enjoyed reading the poem aloud for its fine rhyme, flow and your choice of vocabulary that includes lovely alliteration, assonance and consonance. I like the theme and can so relate to the experience. The heavier sounding words in verse one gives a sense of not wanting to face the work, an effective contrast with the shorter softer words and image of the last verse. One can feel the comfort and coziness of the bedroom. *Thumbsup* The imagery is vivid.

I can appreciate the effort to create the contrasting images and follow the format. Wonderful crafting. *Star*

eyestar
WDC SuperPower Reviewers Raid Sig #1
177
177
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
*Flowerp*Happy Spring Megan! I am happy to review this newsletter as I see I have not, and as part of our Non Fiction Raid!*Delight*

*Quill* Another beautifully designed page with lovely images and colourful font. It would be cool if the picture of Jane at the top could be centered. *Wink*

*Quill* It was fun reading more facts about Jane and her life. I am amazed at how many things you unearth: her making tea and coffee, that she loved cats and that there are extra chapters of one of her books. And that her mom did not like one of her novels? Wow! It is cool to that you found that another author had her characters read Austen's book. *Delight* It really shows again her influence and how desireable her treasures are.

*Quill*I did not know what kind of ink she used...amazing how people in the past were so inventive. *Shock2* I always learn unique information in your sharing!

*Star* The page was organized and coherent, easy to read and a delightful tribute to Jane! Thanks for continuing to keep us informed about all things Austen. *Heart*

eyestar
WDC SuperPower Reviewers Raid Sig #2
178
178
Review of Edgar Allan Poet  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
{e:delight| Happy Mother's Day Jim! I am happy to review your essay in our "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group Non Fiction raid!*flower*

*Laugh* This personal commentary was fun to read and I enjoyed the humourous point of view. I appreciate your observations especially about how it is still hard to say one writes poetry when so many poets were men! I am so glad that you followed your inclination to write poetry no matter where in the muse world it stems from! Sometimes muses just show up and you wonder where such a great poem came from and ...er... could you ever do it again? LOL

Your revelations about Poe was interesting too and wow to counting the number of "bells" and rhyming with Lenore. I did laugh when you said how hard it would be to rhyme with Virginia! *Laugh*

*Smile*Your voice was clear and light hearted and the narrative natural and easy to read. I was not thrown out by any glitches.

Thanks for sharing your vision and view point! The piece was entertaining and inspiring. *Star* The title rocks too.

eyestar
WDC SuperPower Reviewers Raid Sig #1
179
179
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Delight*Happy Spring Patricia! I am happy to review your article in our NON Fiction Raid! *Flowerp*


*Delight* I enjoyed reading your article. I am not a novel writer and I agree with your comment on how characters are so vital as when I read often it is the characters I want to know about, and follow. while all things work to build the world I enter, if they do not hook me, I may not read on. *Wink*

*Delight* Writing from your experience as a backdrop gives your commentary expertise and validity. References to mentors, tropes and the vid links are convenient and give readers more information and insight. I had not heard of tropes! What fun. It is always interesting to learn how authors create and work to weave novels. I cannot imagine it.

*Star*Thanks for sharing your experience and advice with WDC. Thanks to for the links to your books on how work with novel writing.

eyestar
WDC SuperPower Reviewers Raid Sig #1


180
180
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Flowerp* Happy spring Victoria! I am happy to review to celebrate you in our "WdC SuperPower Reviewers GroupBlog Raid today! *Delight*

}*Flowery* I was attracted to the appealing title with its vivid imagery. Your introduction set up the intent for your blog in a specific way and encouraged me to ponder on the questions. Your metaphor about mercury under glass was brilliant! *Star* The little glyph adds a strong visual to the comparison and to the idea of time spiralling.

You have some really interesting titles for entries as I scroll down and it was a unique idea to add translations of poems as part of your mix. I know a little bit about Italian as I studied Spanish and Latin so it was fun to try to figure out some of the lines. I like especially when you have the English part so I can see what I could figure out. *Wink*
I recall the song about Mercedes Benz and the Rum Cake on HIs Mind entry is so romantic. I really enjoyed your writing style and language that feels poetic at times. *Smile*

I see it has been awhile since you added any marvels! Maybe the blog muse will flit in a gain soon! Thanks for sharing you and your interests. *Star*

eyestar
WDC SuperPower Reviewers Raid Sig #1
181
181
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Happy Spring Gabriella! *Flowerr*


*Bee*
The title drew my attention as I love to observe and reflect on nature. *Smile*
The scene you describe is engaging and so vivid it came to life in my mind's eye. The language and flow was prosaic and lovely to read aloud. The query you pose at the start engaged my interest as it was a unique idea.

*Ant*Your accurate observation of the scene in the meadow was calming and captured the essence of nature's beauty and the poet's feelings about it brilliantly. I enjoyed the personification aspect and descrptions like "comforting gibberish", "quiet tangle", "civil unrest" of the fox etc. I like how you bring us closer to your spot in the canvas from the wider vista. The ants and bee on the coffee center us in.

*Angel* The ending memory reflection was potent and one can feel for the poet. It makes me want to appreciate the moments that we have, knowing that all things will pass away.

*Star*A well crafted and moving expression! Thanks for sharing. I loved it!

eyestar
redone anniversary version without number!
182
182
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Heart*Hiya Mastiff! I am happy to review your wonderful poem in "I Write in 2019'! *Delight*

*Heartv*Wow! This must have been hard to write and you share it so vulnerably. The end was really sad as your connection with him was triggered by the fires at Notre Dame. How wonderful that you were able to see it with him. And yes, it out lasted even the wars. As a man of faith it might have been tough. The energy of these places is vibrant.

*Heart* I like how you begin and weave the relationship with your family into your own growing awareness of what occurred in the past, especially when people do not grow in awareness but hold to old resentments and misunderstandings. I really felt for you when family cut you off when really you would have just added Love to the mix, not after anything. Greed is a thing for sure. I recall my grandma dying and her one daughter coming in to make sure she got the best keepsakes. Good grief! So sad that you did not get to see him as he died, yet he was with you in spirit as you were in his heart. *Angel*

A few little notices:

In the second stanza:
"At least his time I at least knew why." perhaps drop the second "at least" and make "his", "this time." *Wink*

In last long stanza:
"talked, often talked"... notice added comma I put.
"of him" needs to be "off him"

"we saw that trip," perhaps needs to be "saw on that trip".*Think*

*Delight*I liked the heartfelt little message to your dad at the end of the poem. IT expresses your love and desire that he be at peace always.

*Heartg*It is interesting you wonder if living longer would be good for you. I wonder why you would think that? We live as long as we do until our time...so it would not really be good or bad. *Smile*

*Hearto*The free form of this expression suit the theme and detailed content, which can be a challenge to get into a poetic style. It is like a storem. *Wink* The feeling is strong and memories vibrant, close to the heart. *Thumbsup* The voice is consistent and real.

*Star*I enjoyed reading about your experience which gave food for thought and evoked my own memories of my family... the Notre Dame symbolic of the passing of an age. *Heart*

Thanks for sharing your vision and piece of your life with us. Blessings of light! *Angelic*

eyestar
new signature for WDC Superpower Reviewers
183
183
Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "April 14, 2019
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Delight*Hi ridinghhood! I am so happy to review your unique entry in the 'I Write in 2019'. I always enjoy your wisdom and tarot connections!

*Wind*The short verse is clear in its imagery and I like the mirror effect of a rain storm and the inner termoil that you show. The third line is wonderful in imagery and soundscape. "water cure" is cool!

*Think*I wondered about the last line "with out" as to whether it should be one word, yet the pause is interesting. Regular spelling is "without" and can mean outside. So I understood it. *Wink*

*Star*Your response to the word prompt is brilliant with its connection to the natural world and human psyche. Well done in only 24 syllables too.

I enjoyed the added Tarot card and the idea of Communion makes sense with your insight in the poem. *Smile*

Thanks for sharing your original vision! *Star*

eyestar
new signature for WDC Superpower Reviewers
184
184
Review of GRIN & BEAR IT  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hiya DR Smith! I am happy to read this requested item.


*Laugh* Oh my gosh! This is too funny and you did a good job at making the whole solution to the problem a very serious matter...as if the conversion of the creature was so natural! *Laugh* The title is evocative and fits the theme and twist.

I liked the way you characterized the three men of the cloth and you did a great job with the accent of the Rabbi. The conversation between the clergyman carried the story and showed the characters. Their stories of the bear encounters were entertaining and far fetched. The language was well chosen and imagine a clergy saying "butt" or "what in blue blazes" and the priest's tale had a touch of the Irish magic! The rabbi's experience was the funniest and quite the twist! I burst out laughing. Good lesson!

I was drawn into the story from the first line and like how the "Once upon a time" sets us up for some fun. A posh retreat and competing to see who is best converter in the wild backs it up as a fantasy comedy. Brilliant conception and well written.

Very entertaining and creative with a lively dialogue and dramatic flair. *Starstruck* Thanks for sharing your vision, craft and a bit of fun.

Light on the path as you write on!

eyestar
Image for our raid
185
185
Review of ORCA VISIT  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Delight* Hiya J.L. O'Dell! I am happy to review your requested item!


*Whale1* Wow! I would love to see whales in the wild...one day! The theme is so appealing as these creatures are majestic and magical.

The poem about your experience with Orca sighting is fun to read with its vivid images. I liked the short lines that are direct to the point. The rhythm is not even but nor is the sea voyage.
You did a fair job with the rhyme scheme though a few are really off rhymes. The last verse rhymes are really off and yet... you had to get back to port.*Wink* "more and below" also could be stronger.

I just had a thought.. "South for the ship. Cameras still clicking.....as they gave us the slip,*Laugh*

I think "Orca's" in verse one needs to be "Orcas" for plural form.
I noticed you mostly use the past tense so I was thrown out a bit at "Tasting the rain as we go" which is a present tense.

You don't need a comma after "knew" and "grannie". In "she played and she swam" you could leave off the second "she" for better flow, unless it is for emphasis.

These lines:
"The ship moved closer,
As we neared our prey."
say similar things. Perhaps have the ship slow down as you near your prey. *Think*

*Delight*Ok, enough of my pickiness! I hope it helps. *Heart* It must have been a great vibe to be that close to the Orcas and you show us the family unit clearly. It was lovely to imagine. The poem is well worth tweaking! Thanks for sharing your love of Orcas! And for letting me get involved in your poem and playing with it. *Smile*

Light on the path as you write on!

eyestar
Image for our raid
186
186
Review of Welcome To Life  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Delight*HI Keaton. Another of your philosophical free style pondering has popped up on the Read and Review page. It has been a while so I am happy to read your work.



I am always fascinated by how you can write in these short lines and still give meaningful measages that flow one to the other. I always have a lot to ponder as I read and reflect. I enjoy that engagement. *Thumbsup*

I liked the images of the breeze out the car window and the urge to ask more questions and Eden being an idea and the image of standing with hands raised to the sun! Such positive encouragements for living in the present with praise and grace! I liked the last lines about screaming welcome. I can sense an enthusiasm and why not!

I did not quite get this connection:
"Two and a half dozen
Of the other"
Feels like there is a word missing or something. *Wink*

Also I queried over : "Confess to yourself" and it followed my questions. I wondered if "ask' would be more coherent.

Other than that it flowed quite easily in a coherent manner where the mind can make connections.
Thanks for the unique advice and vision. *Starstruck*

eyestar
for WDC Superpower  Reviewers group
187
187
Review of Salamander Stew  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Delight* Welcome to WDC BobinUSA! *Star*

Your title theme appealed to me as it made me curious. So I am happy to review! Good job on the alliterative flow of it as well. *Thumbsup*

The science fiction aura of the story is well defined in the setting, and vocabulary that you used. I enjoyed the complex words like "perverseness", "revolutions" and "urodelacide" which sound so logical. *Smile* The last one is fascinating.

The short story is well composed and kept my attention even with the lack of specific details. I could imagine the smug agent, perhaps knowing something the traveller did not. I smiled at the number of Nambo. *Laugh* Cool!

The situation is interesting in the idea that even killing salamandars is considered murder. A really cool twist to the tale. It was strange that it took him so long to figure out why he was imprisoned. I wondered how come.

I had fun reading this and pondering. You could build more about this civilization.
Thanks for sharing your unique vision. *Starstruck*

eyestar

If you like to review, you are invited to check out:
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
new signature for WDC Superpower Reviewers

188
188
Review of Chaul Chnam Thmey  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Delight* Hi Tinker! I am happy to review your cool poem in "I Write 2019!" *Star*


*Smile* Wow! I enjoyed reading this unique poem and I have not really studied this form. It looks like a challenge to do as with most foreign language creations I guess. Trying to get the words to rhyme and keep meaning in the short lines would have me pondering alot. LOL

*Smile* I feel the energy and intent of the New Year holiday as you create a clear vision. The ritual of clearing the old, the symbolism of water and the care for less fortunate are the ideals and each verse has its theme.

*Star* The format is well composed according to the guidelines you kindly provided. The amazing rhyme scheme and short line flow are intact. The second verse I had to read twice to get the first line as a imperative. I guess the grammar through me. *Wink*

*Delight* What a wonderful model of this form and its intent of celebration. Thanks for sharing your expertise and vision. Write on master!

eyestar
for WDC Superpower  Reviewers group
189
189
Review of Roses Are Red  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Delight*Hiya Elle! *Tophat**Rabbit* Thanks for your generosity in the Mad Hatter Tea Party! *Salute* Here is one of your ten reviews from your Super Power Package! *Smile*


*Heart*Wow! I was drawn right into the historical fiction and enjoyed how you introduce the theme of the danger of being different in this time period. Wonderful.

The descriptions were clear and I could envision the evening party and James as the observer overhearing the gossip. I really liked his manner. You really showed the details of the time, dress, manners and made the character interesting. The style with its tight and longer line lengths suit the genre and the vocabulary and speech fit the times.

The symbol of the violets is brilliant and the conversation between the duke and James was well thought out, as to appear a Normal encounter while hiding what cannot be known because of dire consequences. *Salute* The double entendre was genius. *Smile* I really felt for the men and how you show their feelings. Eg. "the music seemed livelier" etc.

Beginning with a conversation and gossip got my attention and curiosity. Good hook! I had to read to the end as your flow and plot line was easy to follow and built up interest as you unfolded the tale. You show James' love of the country and the difference in the men's status as you let us see what James thinks. I loved the horses... and it would be normal for a discussion between them.

There is an aura of romance and it is heightened by some wonderfully poetic type images like "Vast array of stars" and "flaming flaring bright" etc. The matching violets and that James' matched his sister's dress gave another layer of secrecy...his excuse for not wearing red rose would be handy. LOL

The narration voice was consistent and I had to smile in several places at the "inner" jokes.*Wink*

I am not a pro at story writing so have not much to add as critique. I thought it was original and well conceived. It engaged and entertained me and I wanted to hear more. I loved it! *Starstruck*

eyestar
Magic signature for POWER!
190
190
Review of Silver linings  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Delight*Hiya Elle! *Tophat**Rabbit* Thanks for your generosity in the Mad Hatter Tea Party! *Salute* Here is one of your ten reviews from your Super Power Package! *Smile*


*Ornament1b* I was lured by the evocative title and I like how the words suggest Christmas and the notion of something good from something bad. Brilliant. The first line was so appealing and I could imagine the child and I liked the response of the adult recalling a memory rather than a reaction.

*Ornament2b*The heartfelt tone is reflective and I could feel the love at the end. Turning the loss of an old decoration into potential future one, as well as a new memory is quite moving.
It was a pleasure to read aloud as a free verse. The use of assonance, consonance and alliteration is well done. I especially enjoyed the fourth verse with the s, d, and i sounds! *Thumbsup*

*Ornament2r*The imagery is as vivid as the potent atmosphere of past meeting present. "the child cuddled close" is so endearing. The voice is clear and consistent and the punctuation was purposeful.
I like the use of personification of memories that will hang on the tree. *Thumbsup*

I wondered at the use of "at" as an enjambent unless you were trying to emphasize the name of the place to have it on its own line. Just pondering.

*Ornament1b*I had fun reading this free flow expression and the variety of line lengths added to the drama of the read.

Thanks for sharing this heartfelt vision. *Star*

eyestar
Magic signature for POWER!
191
191
Review of Empty Nest  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Delight*Hiya Elle! *Tophat**Rabbit* Thanks for your generosity in the Mad Hatter Tea Party! *Salute* Here is one of your ten reviews from your Super Power Package! *Smile*


*Tophat* Oh no! This reality is so sad as the nest is washed away. I thought of all the work of the birds going to waste. *Sad*

I like the description of the "nest" in the first line as an evocative image. The word "decor" made me think of a home and emphasized the loss. Descriptive words like "swollen" and "breeding" were well chosen.

The lady's slipper form is a apt choice for this poem and is well composed. The last line left me thinking about the loss to the birds and that perhaps the loss stopped any hope of continuation. Brilliant. *Star* Punctuation worked and reminded me of haiku in its twist.

Thanks for sharing this brief yet potent image that stirred my heart. *Star*

eyestar
Magic signature for POWER!
192
192
Review of Relationship  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Smile* Welcome Scorpion to WDC! Thanks for sharing your work with us.

*Quill* I liked the philosophical theme of the story and the philosophy theme could be one of your genres.

*Smile*The comparison of relationship to a growing child is original and interesting. I smiled at the idea of "annoying". I was not sure about the "toddler" not looking like much. *Think* The last part of the second line is well said.*Thumbsup*

*Quill* I feel you could expand on your metaphor with more detail though this does present food for thought in a brief way.

Thanks for sharing your vision and craft. Keep on writing! *Star*

eyestar
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Four time Quill winner!
#1300305 by Maryann

new signature for WDC Superpower Reviewers
193
193
Review of All Lives Matter  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*Smile*Welcome False Poet to WDC! I am happy to review your piece from the Read and Review page. *Delight*


*Quill* I thought the title was a positive and true ideal about everyone being important and your message is relevant.

*Smile* Your poem begins with potent questions that draw the reader to consider the theme. It is interesting how you have the whole poem as a question...rhetorical without a clear answer....yet within it you reveal one of the ills of the world. The final question in the last stanza echoes and begs a response. I think it would be effective to have it end with a question mark.

*Quill* I see you use bits of punctuation at the end of the poem but not in the beginning. The rule is to be consistent. *Wink*

*Star* Your comment on children and how we treat earth are vivid images to give urgency to your message. Good choices. Your poem, while not being even in rhythm has a lovely rhyme scheme that assists the flow! *Thumbsup* I notice too that the last verse has 5 lines instead of 4 like the rest of the verses. I wonder if this had a purpose, though I think the details there are important for your theme.*Wink*

Thanks for sharing your heartfelt expression, giving us pause for thought. *Starstruck*

new signature for WDC Superpower Reviewers

194
194
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*Smile*Welcome to WDC Kieran1998! Your piece popped up on the Read and Review! The alliterative title grabbed my attention as I love trees! *Laugh*


*Smile* Your story was so comical and reminded me of a child's story of the big turnip! *Thumbsup* The setting and character was clear and the romantic motive for reaching into the tree was a valid one. I had a good laugh. I liked the dog and the boxers. So comical!

*Smile* It was straight forward to read and follow in a logical plot. I would suggest putting dialogue on separate lines when someone different speaks and when you have Timothy talk to himself, maybe put it in italics and use the word He, instead of always repeating Timothy. You use his name alot.*Wink*
eg. "that's wierd" he said {or thought) if he does not talk to himself out loud. Period after "budge".

*Quill*Also look for ways to tighten up the sentences for smoother flow, maybe even shortening up some of the longer lines.

eg. "his phone that was in his back pocket " could be simply "his phone in his back pocket" especially as this was a long line.
I don't think "wife" needs a capital letter at the start. *Wink*

*Smile*I like the happy ending and that she got her flower. It is cool how he finally solved the problem. I wanted to know more about the kind of tree and how he could get in it. LOL It was really entertaining and imaginative! *Thumbsup*

*Star*Thanks for sharing your funny adventure. Well worth an edit. Keep on writing! *Quill*

eyestar
new signature for WDC Superpower Reviewers
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Four time Quill winner!
#1300305 by Maryann



195
195
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Delight*Hiya Elle! *Tophat**Rabbit* Thanks for your generosity in the Mad Hatter Tea Party! *Salute* Here is one of your ten reviews from your Super Power Package! *Smile*


*Starstruck* Wow! This is absolutely profound tribute to this soldier. Your description was detailed and vivid right from the start as you 'show' him go about his activities on this day. It was so sad as I imagine he has lost his wife as well and then will go and celebrate rememberance day for his lost comrades. Your portrayal of his character is so realistic and the emphasis on the "solitariness" as you create your image, hits an emotional chord. *Thumbsup* It is powerful how you reveal his dealing with the loss so stoicly and yet I can feel his feeling.

*Star* A complex weave that is a pleasure to read with consistent rhyme and well chosen vocabulary that create an imagery that appeals to the senses and the heart! I admire how you show the age with vibrant real images like the slippers, vinyl records scratched. the carpet and floor. The scenery and the man reflect the time. Stunning!

The free rhythm suits the "story" poem as the details are so necessary to create a complete picture.

*Starstruck*Excellent expression that touches the heart and gives tribute to this special person. By the tag line, I sense he could be a family member. *Heart* Thanks for sharing with such affection and honour.

eyestar
Magic signature for POWER!
196
196
Review of Soldier  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Delight*Hi J.L. O'Dell! I am back with another review for your raffle win as I could not resist reading another. *Smile*

*Badge* Wow! this is an amazing acrostic! I love creating them myself and yet have never been able to get a double acrostic to work! This rocks! *Salute*

*Thumbsup* The form is excellent with the key letters bolded and each line fitting the theme and letter. You paint a vivid and honourable picture of a soldier and the strong feelings of respect for those fallen. I can really feel the deep comraderie and having the setting a rainy stormy day as they stand there emphasizes that potently! Well done!*Star* Having one soldier cough is so real and gives me the idea of the lengths comrades go. Brilliant.

*Smile* Your word choice is effective and I really liked words like "bravado", and "alumini" as well as the repeated hard sounds like "d" words, "G" words, and K words. *Thumbsup*

*Starstruck*Thanks for sharing your potent and moving vision to honour the solider.

eyestar
for WDC Superpower  Reviewers group
197
197
Review of Sugar Time  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Shamrock*Hiya J.L. O'Dell! Here is another review from your winning package in the Mad Hatter Tea Party! *Delight*

*Tree* I love maple syrup and have family who used to make syrup. My dad used to do pull toffee on the snow so your appealing poem brought back good memories. Yesterday I visited a friend who was boiling sap from her trees. They do it the natural way, outside, over a fire for 12 hours. Tastes delicious. It was so appealing to find this title! *Delight*

*Tree*The free style flow suits the theme and your reflective tone. I could imagine the scene and the anticipation for the sugar candy at the end. The title was appropriate for the poem. *Smile*

I noticed a few punctuation glitches: I don't think you need a comma after "branches" or "trees" as the next line flow naturally from those words. Also, you do not need a period after "sap" and the line is not complete unless your drop the "As" at the beginning of verse 2. *Wink*

I did not understand the "high in a dish" and "same snow". I really was into the story up to the last stanza and think it could be more direct rather than use two gerunds. It feels different in style. *Smile* The first gerund works, maybe the third line could be clearer as in "we poured on the syrup". Make it pop as the highlight of the experience...especially from a kid's perspective.*Smile*

*Star*This was a wonderful image of your memory well worth a few tweaks to tighten it up. Thanks for sharing your heartfelt vision. Now I think I will go and have some maple syrup! *Wink*

eyestar
for WDC Superpower  Reviewers group

198
198
Review of Baked Pies  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Delight**Shamrock* Hi J. L. O'Dell. Yay! Your ticket in the Mad Hatter Raffle won my package which includes some reviews! So here I am! Thanks for your generous support.

I enjoy limericks and was drawn to your yummy title! I liked the originality of the theme and it is funny to imagine. Your rhyme works well and it was fun to ponder. I like the smell of homemade pies and the leaving them in the window makes me think of an older time. Funny too that you use Winter in the town name as it is a contrast to the ants of summer.

I notice that the syllable counts are not all in the pattern of 9-9-5-5-9 as is the format. If you add "and" to the forth line and shortened the last line, it would flow better. The last line really through off the rhythm and you use the present tense there as well. Maybe: "As the ants ate her pies, she felt ill!" It fits the 9 count. Also I think we know that pies ar baked so dropping that word would fix the second line as far as syllable pattern goes.*Wink* The title shows us that they are baked as well.

I find limericks challenging to do especially the humour part! And you have that! *Laugh* Well worth a tweak of the form. Good luck in the contest.

Thanks for sharing your vision. *Star*

eyestar
for WDC Superpower  Reviewers group
199
199
for entry "Haiku 4 the Hunt
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
*Treepine*Greetings! Thank you so much for entering the "Haiku Hunt Contest! *Delight* Here I am with my brief comments on your shining entry.

*Flowerr*I like the focus on the bird from the prompt and the idea of a banquet from his view. The connection of "banquet" to "lavish bounty" is clear.

*Quill* The haiku form uses the older 5-7-5 syllable count and phrases with a kigo seasonal indicator. The simple adjective makes the picture of the bird clear and specific. It feels like you are giving the reader an interpretation of how the bird is thinking of the bounty.

Little glitches for me:

I have been learning that haiku uses more specific observations rather than concept words. I think the second line and the last line seem to say a similar idea without giving the reader more specific image to see. Without the picture, we won't know if you see flowers or seeds or...*Wink*

I am finding if I am not confined by the strict syllables, it is a bit easier to be clear. A lovely interpretation and I would like to have had more space for me to enter in and choose for myself if something was delicious or lavish. *Smile*

*Flowerr*I like the personification of the bird and reading the poem aloud with its appealing sound scape from word choices. *Thumbsup*


Good luck in the contest! *Shamrock*

eyestar

pic for contest

GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Four time Quill winner!
#1300305 by Maryann
200
200
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Treepine*Greetings! Thank you so much for entering the "Haiku Hunt Contest! *Delight* Here I am with my brief comments on your shining entry.

*Flowery* I love the image of the cascade of yellow and the description of the fence in the prompt picture. So clear for me to visualize even if I did not see the picture. *Thumbsup*

*Quill* The haiku is well composed with two contrasting images and a turning point where I am directed from the flower scene to a bird. The minimal descriptors gives the bird its specifics.

Little glitches for me:
I wonder if you need the " gives nod" in the last line as you already have a verb in line two and I took it to mean the bird was giving approval, though it could be it was nodding. Just having the phrase about the bird would be enough to have us ponder about it's activity. I see you were using the 5-7-5 so had to make it work. I take it the word spring is a seasonal word and fit with the syllables as well.

*Flowerr* Overall, a fine haiku for the prompt picture. I could imagine it.

Good luck in the contest! *Shamrock*

eyestar

pic for contest

GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Four time Quill winner!
#1300305 by Maryann
2,771 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 111 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/1starsong/sort_by/r.review_creation_time+DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time+DESC/page/8