*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/1starsong/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/9
Review Requests: OFF
7,130 Public Reviews Given
7,195 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 5 6 7 8 -9- 10 11 12 13 14 ... Next
201
201
Review of The Door  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Sun* Hi SomaSilver! I absolutely loved reading your poem aloud and its concept reminded me of the poem "The road less travelled". I think the notion of a doorway is a brilliant symbol and one we can all relate too...the opening and closing of doors of opportunity etc. *Thumbsup*

*Sun* The structure of the poem is solid with its steady rhyme and flow and the repetition of the key line is emphatic. I enjoyed the dramatic feel. Line one verse two caught my attention. I like the way you composed it. Words like "perplexed" and "verdant" were effective too.

*Sun* You made good use of assonance and consonance to create a pleasing soundscape and flow. The punctuation assisted the flow though I think I would use a perios after "stands" in the second verse and "chest" in the third. *Wink*

*Sun* I was not thrown out of the read though I did notice that the syllable counts are not always regular... between 8 and 9 syllables per line. YOu do not specify this is a form poem so I was not sure if, ideally, the lines should be even or alternated. *Wink*

*Sun*The dilemma is well shown and I could feel the struggle of the speaker and the last line lifted me so it felt like the speaker may be ready to jump as the image of inspiring, verdant lands has such appeal! *Smile*

Thanks for sharing your vision in this well conceived creation. It was a pleasure to enter.
Keep on writing on as your muse guides....go through the door! *Starstruck*

202
202
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Delight* Hi Whiskerfacebythefireplace . Your blog entry popped up as I scrolled and what a great topic. It must be cool to have teens who can keep you in touch with what is out there. I would not have a clue and some stuff I hear is not to my liking. LOL

I enjoyed your open style and how you add actual quotes of conversations in your daily writing here. I can imagine the irritation calling for a "turn it off!" *Laugh* Thank goodness for headphones. I don't even know what electric-swing is so now I have to go look it up as I am curious. I had to laugh at the reference to the chipmunks. I may have to go have a listen to that one too..just in case.

I like how you personified the songs as having taken up residence on your list. *Thumbsup*Song can echo in your head for sure! Thanks for sharing the video of this song as it was quite fun.

Thanks for sharing your experience! *Star*

eyestar
for WDC Superpower  Reviewers group

203
203
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


*Balloonp*Happy anniversary wishes Winnie Kay! *Cake* I hope 2020 will be a fine one for your muse here.*Fairy*

I love limericks so could not resist a peek into this folder! Green is great for the Irish theme and form too.

The alliterative title rocks and the first line of alliterative syllables rolls off the tongue really fine! *Star* It was so pleasing and fun to read aloud with its creative rhyme and alliteration.

Fine composition of the form with the correct lines, syllable counts, rhyme and comical element. You really did a great job with the the rhymes as they are sometimes hard to get to make sense. The punctuation was helpful to the read too. *Thumbsup*

I had a great laugh so this is a successfully written limerick! *Shamrock**Laugh* Thanks for sharing your gift!

eyestar
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
for WDC Superpower  Reviewers group
204
204
Review of Morning run  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Sun* Hiya Sumojo! I am happy to review your story from the "I write In 2020" forum. *Delight* The Taboo words contest is certainly a challenge. I am not sure what the theme or taboo words were for this one.

The title is perfect as it gave me the main focus of the story and I imagined the routine of it. I am not much of a runner or a lover of cold weather so I could identify with the first wake up call of a winter run! *Smile* Of course, I live where there is a ton of snow and ice so I have no desire to run. Being on the beach might be nice..at least for views even in winter.

Your description of the setting, and the effects of running are vivid and I laughed at the dog antics! Ew. I can imagine that eye! My cat used to bring little gifts.

I liked the "Polar Bears" as a name and how amazing folks like to swim all year round! I appreciate the feeling the runner has after the run as it gives the idea that it has positive effects and motivates him to do more. Exercise can lift the spirit. *Heart*

I enjoyed reading the tale out loud as it flowed well with effective phrasings (like "I wonder at the wisdom") and active verbs with thematic vocabulary to paint a clear picture...both of the scene, character's feelings and thoughts. It had a clear beginning and end, staying on topic revealing the runner's changing feelings about the day and I appreciated the bit of dialogue and the relationship with the dog. *Star*

I did notice the word "along" was repeated in this line and felt you only needed it one time.
"I jog along the icy cold wetness along the water’s " Maybe just put "wetness of the water's edge"? *Wink* I like the personification of the wave having an intent. *Smile* Gosh, how cold to run in bare feet!

I noticed a typo in "At lzast" *Wink* I would maybe reread to add commas where you have broken phrases. *Think*

The personal tone and vibrant descriptions made this a delight to read. Thanks for sharing your vision and craft. *Starstruck* Run..er..Write on!

eyestar
for WDC Superpower  Reviewers group
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
205
205
Review of I Write In 2020  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Gingerbread* Hi Carly. Yummmy! I get to review your Christmas poem from the "I Write in 2020" Forum. *Delight*

*Gingerbread* The image in the first line charmed me as I visualized the Gingerbread (assume cookie} dancing with fancy outfit. The personification of the the cookie is a delight! It was easy to enter into the vivid vision of the Christmas as your images touch sight, sound and scent of the season. *Star*

Something that kept coming up to me: I did get stuck in line one... should gingerbread be plural to go with dance, or should the verb be dances. Of course, gingerbread itself could be a bunch. Maybe add the word cookie, or Gingerbread men. *Think*

*Ornament1r* The cool image of perching chocolate and the verb "swoons" are effective. The poem flowed well and was pleasing to read aloud. Instances of assonance and consonance woven into free verse create a wonderful soundscape. Punctuation was used to effect and the lines have a coherent flow as you take me from experience to experience of the holiday. The atmosphere is so warm and inviting. I like how you wove the meaning of the season into the last line. *Sun*

*Starstruck*Thank you for sharing this delightful picture of Christmas in July. I loved this. Good luck in the contest.

eyestar
new signature for WDC Superpower Reviewers
206
206
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with Noticing Newbies Committee  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Delight* Welcome to WDC Experiment! Congratulations on posting your first item! I hope you will do a bio block soon to get your flair out there.

*Bug* I was drawn to the title as it made me curious and sounded philosophical. I enjoyed reading your reflection on the your encounter with a fly. I think the natural world has a lot of messages and provides a way into our own inner world if we take the moment.

*Butterflyr* I liked the style of the monologue and entered into the reverie with ease. Great job describing the fly's eye with "kaleidoscopic". Your personification of the fly by having it think about you was brilliantly done. We can take ourselves so seriously so I like the idea of you being a passerby in the life of the fly. It reminds me that we are indeed one and connected to all!

*Quill* In line 4 I think the word "what inspired" should be "that inspired." *Wink*

*Star* Thanks for sharing this thoughtful expression which also inspired me to ponder as well. Cool!

eyestar
~~Image #611986 Sharing Restricted~~
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group
207
207
Review of CLASH!  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*Happy 10th anniversary Elle! *Shock* Seems like only yesterday we met! I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*

*Swordl* It is just like you to take on challenges and run wonderful events like Quills and this Clash! Thank you for all you be and do to make WDC so special.

*Swordr*The theme is clear and is a great way to hone characterisation. Not allowing fan fiction underlines this skill development. The activity is well explained and I like the look of the page. Red and Black are appealing for the theme too. Dropnotes are convenient for details and helps streamline the page. I had to smile when the rules say it is ok to kill an opponent but ask nicely before brutalizing them. *Smile*

*Star* The due times and dates are clearly bolded so we can't miss it.

*Quill* I am intrigued by the Curse prompt too. It gave me the idea of the covid quarantine...only worse. I would not want to be stuck in my mind with my worst fears. *Shock* Brilliant and inspired idea to stir the muses. *Thumbsup*

Incentives, gifts and final prizes are generous and it sounds like a fun if challenging event. Thanks for keeping it going and inspiring authors to hone their skills in a creative way. *starstuck*

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
WDC Power Personal Star sig


208
208
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*HI I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*

*Fairy*Wow! What a creative way to rewrite a fairy tale and add a punch! The Clerihew form suits the comical theme and I see that it has a political vibe from your genre selection. *Thumbsup* The title is brilliant play too. You really turned the table on the old witch and Gretel's change of character. mmm. Change can be...good. *Facepalm* lol ONe hopes the new witch will be of higher vibe. I like the word convert and it adds another inner rhyme to the piece.

*Fairy2* The form is well composed in its 4 lines, steady rhyme scheme and makes fun of a famous person..at least in the fairy tale world! The lines and meter are not regular as the form requires and flow rather well aloud. The second line was a bit of mouth full and the word "she" is used a lot. LOL I think not using punctuation works too.

*Star* Brothers Grimm, move over! Thanks for sharing this rather dark yet humourous rendition of Hansel and Gretel. What happened to Hansel? *Wink*


Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
WDC Power Personal Star sig

209
209
Review of Sky Sign  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*Happy days Normajean. I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*

*Fairy*{e;delight}I was drawn in by the alluring title that made me curious about signs in the sky and I appreciate fantasy themes too. the cover picture is suggestive and the character could be lonely or peaceful.

I take it from the shortness of this piece that the contest theme may have been about story ideas and the writing suits the cover picture. I could really see this boy waiting. I was charmed as the way you set up the short summary. You suggest so many mysteries and I could feel the hope in the last line.

You leave us with a lot of questions from which an entire story could be created. eg. Like how long had he been in hiding, from what, and who are They who will come back and what if they do not, what will happen? Wow! Brilliant prompt. *Salute*

Congratulations on your win. It is well deserved. *Starstruck*

Thanks for sharing your vision and imagination and for all you be and do to make WDC shine bright. May you have many more fun and fulfilling years here. *Heart*


Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
new signature for WDC Superpower Reviewers

210
210
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*HI Steve! I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*

*Delight* I always enjoy a good wordsearch and Have completed some of yours and now I find you have a folder full of them. Great idea to organize them in a folder which contains topical folders! *Laugh* like a puzzle in a puzzle!

*Confettir* Thank you for including an introduction at the top of the folder as I encounter many folders with no invite. *Wink* Your love for words and puzzles is vivid and I like how you explain that you can do the same puzzle again with different formatting. I am sure many folks do not know this! *Smile*

*Star*Your three main folders make logical sense and each tag line explains what type of puzzle each one contains. I like the name "Articulous" and I have done a few in your travel the open road category! Excellent way to show some of the sights of far off places.

*Candy1* Thanks for sharing your fascination with word puzzles and providing a load of entertainment for those times when we want to noodle around! *Thumbsup* Cool contribution.

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
new signature for WDC Superpower Reviewers

211
211
Review of Earthset  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


*BalloonR**ConfettiP*Happy Days Tanith! I am here with a review to celebrate you! *Star*

*Delight* I could not resist this evocative title as I scrolled your port. You engaged my interest in the first line with the dialogue question and I liked how you described the setting of the scene to keep me waiting to see what the man had! Well done. Using a simile about the earth as promise was wonderful too. Feels poetic in the midst of a sci fi background. *Smile*

I had to smile at the answer and it was really cool to have the physical book as a theme and symbol in the sci fi world. Spalding has wisdom to share with the young and he makes a good point about systems crashing. What would we do without physical books? *Shock* I liked the idea that he and the book were like part of the base. The description "the fire of joy" is vivid.

The conversation was well written and useful in moving the story along and showing opinion/reaction of the characters. Interweaving the 'I' as observer voice narration was effective as well. I like how you reveal Patterson's questioning nature and then show that he was open to new ideas. Spalding was quite convincing. I like the message of blending old with the new that seems to be indicated here.

*Quill*Should there be a period after "book"? as it is a complete sentence as is the next.

This was interesting to read and I felt happy that Patterson may learn to appreciate the real thing! *Bookstack* LOL Thanks for sharing your gift and vision. *Star*

Light on the path as you write on!!*Star*

eyestar
new signature for WDC Superpower Reviewers


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
212
212
Review of I Write In 2020  
for entry "Catharsis
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Sun**Owl* Hi Carly! I am happy to review your poem from the "I Write 2020" forum.


Wow! Your vision using the prompt word is amazing. I love the reference to "sage" as a shamanic cleanser. Brilliant idea! *Salute*

The twenty four syllables creates a vivid image of the meaning of the word and has a powerful theme. It was pleasant to read aloud especially with your use of consonance and rhyme. The pause in the second line is perfect, adding impact.

I see you use caps on each line and a period on the end. I wondered why you did not use regular punctuation after "sage" to be consistent. Or instead, You could leave off the period at the end..it would add to the notion of freedom..no bounds of the cage. *Wink*

I think it might be more personal if you used "me" and "my" instead of "our". *Think*

I so appreciated this expression and hope it does well in the contest! Thanks for sharing your gift. *Star*

*Fairy* eyestar
new signature for WDC Superpower Reviewers


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
213
213
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Delight* Hi Odessa! I am happy to review your story in the "I Write in 2020" forum.*Balloonr*

The title made me smile and caught my curiosity! I really liked how you took the US event home to England. I had read on the news that pubs were opening there so your topic is timely and it does seem like a celebration, given the restrictions of our times! *Thumbsup*

I could so imagine the trials and rules they followed trying to get to the pub. The twist at the end was priceless. Even though they may have been disappointed, her ingenuity was brilliant and made me laugh!

Your first lines set the tone or excitement and the plan clearly. I appreciated the lively dialogue between the man and his wife. I assumed the man spoke first as the reference to not wanting to spend time in the pub all day would be Her line! LOL I could feel his frustration too with the gloves and her practicality through the dialogue. *Star*

I wondered if " all day sat in the pub." should be "sitting in.."?*Think*

The conversation was easy to follow as they wove their way through the town, following the protocols. You did a good job showing the distancing on the bus and the overcrowded place as everyone had the same idea to go out. *Smile* I like the vivid word "dodgems" and the rationale for being "puffed" after walking. lol

Thanks for sharing this entertaining scenario about Super Saturday! I had fun. *Starstruck*

eyestar

for WDC Superpower  Reviewers group

214
214
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Delight* Hi Odessa! I am happy to review your entry in "I Write in 2020!" forum.

*Badge*What an exciting tale of how this hero lives twice and an original response to the prompt too! The idea of a fake death and spy identity is cool! I loved the setting in the first paragraph and could imagine the honouring ceremony thanks to your vivid description. I liked the surprise when yo had the apparently dead officer speak from hiding. Effective use of dialogue where you have the vicar speak a bit. You set up the mystery of this "jumper" well too as it caught my curiousity.

*Badge* I enjoyed the change in the character's speech and dress as he preps for a new life and you still kept me guessing when he asks about fighting. Good flow as you reveal the plan. I felt sorry for Jase and did smile at the quip at the end of the chapter. *Smile*

*Badge* The plot was good and Jacob's speech, actions and observations built his character so he could pretend to fit in with this group. "erks" is an interesting word. *Think*

*Quill*This complete thought " the fear was the watcher was still watching." could be a sentence on its own, or made into a phrase for better flow: " in case the watcher..." or "fearing the watcher.." connects with the action of the speaker better. *Wink*

Should there be a comma after "gathered" in "As a crowd gathered the bloke was .." *Questiongr* And I wanted to say "boot in what?" at the end of that line. Maybe a tweak would clarify a stronger detail. *Wink*

*Quill*The line beginning with "he wasn't surprised when.." feels awkward and unclear. Did he see them go into the room and then the guy in the suit went in, or was the guy in the suit already in the room. The use of "to be joined" Maybe used "followed by a guy...." would be more clear. *Think*

*Badge* You really set up a dramatic scene and I like how you show the heart of the undercover cop...in that he did not like beating up a mate but would do his duty as a hero...
I wonder what will happen next! Thanks for sharing your craft and creative vision. It was easy to enter into the scene and believe that he indeed, was a hero. *Star*

eyestar
for WDC Superpower  Reviewers group


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
215
215
Review of RED  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Strawberry**Delight* Happy Kitchen Klutzes Day Tinker! We are reviewing Food items in our Raid and look what I found! *Tomato*

Delicious! I love ripe fresh tomatoes and your description is so vivid that it appeals to all the senses. Using the present tense brings the reader into the experience immediately. *Delight*

The free verse was pleasant to read aloud with its effective alliteration, assonance and consonance. I especially liked "orange odorless orbs" and "slice, succulent, spills, licked" with the "l" sounds and "accent the sweet acidic tang"! *Thumbsup* The rhyme at the end is a fine effect.

The punctuation assists the read and it is awesome how little you had to use in the flow of the piece. Yummy read! *Strawberry*

*Star* Thanks for sharing your brilliant vision that makes me impatient for the new tomatoes to grow. There is no comparison... new tomatoes in a toasted tomato sandwich! Yum. *Laugh*

Write on! Happy Summer.

eyestar
WdC Superpower Strawberry Shortcake Review Raid
216
216
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Delight* Happy Strawberry Shortcake Raid! I am so glad you added this to our list! *Strawberry*

*Strawberry*The title makes cooking seem a delightful and fun activity so it has appeal! It is a great idea to put recipes and experiences in a folder. *Thumbsup* Your introduction is short and invites readers in, giving a glimpse of the topic. I wondered about adding some colour or food emoticons for vibrancy...though I know this would not be a priority job. LOL

The items in the folder are well titled and taglined so readers can immediately see what each one is at a glance. The cover pictures are yummy and useful as well, making for a colourful vision.

The chicken spaghetti recipe is awesome. I like how you add the note about experience with gluten free cooking. It is definitely a different taste sensation and cooking trial. Sharing your best recipes...that actually work and taste ok ...can help others. In fact, in your introduction you could even highlight that you will post some gluten free stuff

I think I will skip the Reese's recipe and I never liked the taste of peanut butter with chocolate. LOL What a way to ruin chocolate! *Laugh* Now I KNOW many will disagree! Glad we can all have a POV! *Rolling*

The Hallowe'en dip looks yummy! The picture of the bowl says it all. Uck in a good way! Thematic for sure. *Wink*

Thanks for sharing your love of cooking! *Strawberries**Star*

eyestar
WdC Superpower Strawberry Shortcake Review Raid
217
217
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


*Strawberry* Happy 10th JIM! It's raid time and here I am with a review for you! *Delight*

The picture you paint about a PotLuck is vivid, clear and comical too. It was appealing how you contrasted the goodness of each part of the meal with a not so good quality about it. eg. the taste of the wine, the dry crust and buying the bread! LOL I really had to laugh. I liked the wavy gravy! *Laugh*

I enjoyed reading the balanced verses aloud with the fine rhyme scheme and style of using phrases with a mix of longer and shorter lines. the rhythm was not exact and yet it did not detract from the fun of the read.

In verse 5, I would change 'It" in the second line to "that was baked.." as it follows the comma line before. A period after "bed" would be good too. As the after is a complete sentence, I wondered about the comma especially as the next line is a complete thought on its own. Maybe period and then a colon after paid...could indicate the price in the next line.
Also you need a period at the end. *Wink*

The last line was a great twist that changed the tone a bit and gave extra meaning to the gathering. Brilliant! *Thumbsup* I had fun entering your vision.

Thanks to continuing to share your gift, humour and contributions with WDC! You rock! *Starstruck*

eyestar
WdC Superpower Strawberry Shortcake Review Raid
218
218
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Delight* Hiya Ruwth! I am happy to review your blog entry for "I Write In 2020!" I am sorry to hear you are not feeling well and it does make it hard to write in the midst of it all. I had a week of fatigue last month and did not do much. The body was saying rest! I hope this will soon pass for you. We are all in the midst of big shifts in the world and maybe we tune in to it.

I appreciate your openness in sharing and making the effort. I see from the prompt that only ten entries are required so you have time yet to get back to your creative flair. *Heart*

The theme of your piece is personal and thus fits a daily blog of what is going on with you. It shares reality with your readers. It is easy to follow. I felt that you were apologetic and wanted to assure you not to be. *Smile* Now you have inspired me to go over there and give it a go. I am not sure I have time for every day blog but might manage ten. It is a busy month as I was not at my best last month.

Thanks for pushing through and participating with the bards!...now go get some rest. *Heart*
See you when you are feeling better. *Sun*

eyestar
for WDC Superpower  Reviewers group
219
219
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
*Delight* Hiya Drake! I am happy to review your piece from the "I Write in 2020 forum! *Smile*


*Thumbsup*The title is appealing as it creates a picture in my mind and the personification of the fangs being brave is intriguing. the idea of the orcs admiring the avenging cat is original and cool to consider. I enjoyed the action of the poem and its quick pace.

*Cat*The imagery was vivid and I could so see the campfire tale telling about the "savage fangs" and that orcs might use that name. It makes sense. The ending line gives more tribute to the cat in the orcs eyes. Neat fantastical piece.

I wondered about the change in voice as it seems at the start you begin with the orcs speaking ..eg. "our" and then turn to third person..."The orcs saw" You might say "we orcs, who were in the house... and then we describes..." etc. I believe consistency in tense and voice are key elements.

*Quill*I notice a few places where capital letters should be used: line 2, line 4, lines 7-8-9, 11-12. *Wink*

*Delight*I had fun entering into this imaginative vision. thanks for sharing your creativity.

eyestar
new signature for WDC Superpower Reviewers
220
220
for entry "30DBC Road Trip
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Sun**Delight* Happy Spring Jeff! I am happy to review your blog entry for the "I Write in 2020!" Good to see you here!

*Quill* *Laugh* What a great response to the fun prompt! Glad you could get up to Canada! *Heart* I had to laugh at meeting someone to just read with them. LOL
It would be fun to hear your tv experiences! I loved how you picked up on Gem's dogs too. That would be fun. I am really learning a lot bout these members included in your trip. I see a star trek fan! *Thumbsup* Your ending made me laugh too..it certainly would be magical on road trip to get overseas. Good point! *Laugh*

*Heart*I appreciate the research you did for this piece and the detail of mileage to travel. Wow! I wondered if there would have been any fun foods or drinks along the way. This piece could open up a dialogue with fellow members for more potential information. *Smile* and I see that in the comments, it did. They were fun too!

The entry was organized and easy to follow. In the paragraph 7, the first instance of "hopefully" needs a capital letter and maybe a comma after Carly..as there are a number of phrases there. I would try for a different word than "hopefully" near the end just for variety. Like 'it would be grand" or something like that.

*Starstruck*Thanks for sharing this entertaining journey. It was fun to learn about some of our members. You did a great job sparking conversation! *Salute*

eyestar
new signature for WDC Superpower Reviewers

221
221
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Delight* Hiya Intuey! I am happy to review your poem from the "I Write in 2020" forum. The title and topic was appealing and topical for our time. I was also curious about the poem form mentioned in the tag line. I had not heard of it, so thanks for the author's note! *Smile*

*Heartv* The poem form is well constructed according to its rules and it is really impressive that you could find thematic words with the three syllable rhymes. I loved "covetous" and "gluttonous" and the expression "lacking in labours". *Thumbsup*
It must have taken some time to dream up and map it out to create this vivid message to inspire us to re kindle kindness.

*Fire*I like how you begin and end with a positive note and reveal the negative aspects of people in the middle two verses. I could sense the puzzlement and sadness about how "self-centred" or selfish some can be, even though it may be unconscious survival behaviour. It makes me wonder when we will all wake up.

*Smile* I smiled at your contrast of the behaviour of pets to the "smart-mouths"! Wow! *Shock* That really makes a statement. Good one!

*Heartt* The poem was a pleasant read with its patterned rhyme and flow. It is quite unique in form. The use of some consonance and bit of alliteration adds to the overall flow and pace. The punctuation assisted the read. I liked the dash as effect. I do think a period could be useful after "respect" and perhaps a comma after "kindhearted" in the last verse.*Wink*
I wonder about a dash after "discarded" or some pause..so the imperative "watch" gets some emphasis.

*Heartb* I really enjoyed the imagery in the last line.. what an inspirational vision of how Love can heal. The voice is clear and invitational. I like how it is not judgemental...as the use of the word "we" represents how it takes all of us.. and that all of us have over time added to the issues of today! *Thumbsup* As we awaken, we take our responsibility... and lead the way for others.

*Star* Thanks for sharing your vision and well crafted Ae Freslighe! *Salute*

Write on in the light!

eyestar
new signature for WDC Superpower Reviewers



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
222
222
Review of The factory  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Delight* Hiya Odessa Molinari! I am happy to review your item for "I Write in 2020!


This was a fascinating flash story. I was intrigued from the first line as it made me curious as to where the person was having a first day. I liked the cool way you lead us to discover where he was by describing clothing and things in the environment all in the first few lines.
I did notice the line beginning with "petrie..." and the next one are not complete sentences, just phrases. Is this a style? I realize that word count might matter. It does sound like he is observing in his mind though as he passes. *Wink*

The whole concept of the quality control and how it is done is kind of creepy and has a sci fi vibe. The question at the end is evocative and I can see why he would be afraid to ask. The department and its rules make sense and I like how you use the colour references. The chute notion is original and the whole procedure here is so clinical! Well done and not very comfortable to think about. *Thumbsup* Interesting they did not consider brain damage or physical looks! I liked the contrast of the clinical observation, conveyor belt with the words "precious cargo". That the newbie was careful is a warm part of the tale.

You certainly drew me in and have me wondering about the black chute as well. You really engage the reader's imagination to complete the story. Good job leading us with clues.

Thanks for sharing your vision with its dark theme. Do you have an answer for the last question? *Laugh*

eyestar
new signature for WDC Superpower Reviewers


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
223
223
Review of A life  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Delight* Happy April Sumojo! I am happy to review your item from the "I Write in 2020" forum!

Wow! I don't think it is easy to write about oneself when there is such an abundance of life to share in a short piece. *Think* You have done a wonderful job highlighting key turning points of interest. *Thumbsup*

I was able to hear the heart of your voice as I read each segment and the last paragraph was an effective summation of the theme of leaving the country. It was awesome that your parents came over for awhile. I assume your mom was better with her heart to travel.

It was so sad about your Grandfather at his end and it is cool he knew GB Shaw!

I noticed a few spacing issues that could be fixed up. *Wink*

In the line "seven, moving twice more in my childhood." I think it would be clearer to end on
"seven'. Then make a new sentence about moving twice more, maybe saying where if you want to add details.

Your mother sounds like a strong person who felt she had to manage everything. Must have been to have a baby alone. Her heart attack makes sense and it must have been scary for you all and still had to go on business as usual. Wow!

I like how you describe your love for your hubby and your gumption in going for what you want. I thought you had some of your mother's courage in you! *Laugh* It is amazing as you were only 16 meeting a true love that lasted! *Heart* *Shock* I am glad your parents came around.

Each paragraph shared a different aspect of your experience, in order. I had the notion that you could really expand the last two paragraphs and the theme of leaving into its own episode.
Maybe even tie in the events of the other moves in your life and how that influenced you and family. You mention the moves but not how it changed anything.

These highlights of your life merit even more detail in further writings. I see a memoir of your time.*Heart*

I really enjoyed hearing about your amazing life and could hear the pride and love you have for it, in all its ups and downs. The key to take away is that love can get us through! *Smile*

*Starstruck* Thanks for sharing so authentically in this heart felt essay.

eyestar
for WDC Superpower  Reviewers group
224
224
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
*Balloony*Wow!Princess Megan Rose GOT Fox ! *Delight* What another fabulous fan fiction creation! *Thumbsup*


I think I may have seen one episode of Downton Abbey somewhere along its long line but did not have access to it myself. I have heard lots about it from fans and so it figures it is about time for its own place here at WDC! *Heart* I love Maggie Smith and have heard her interviews about her part.

*Star* Your introduction is inviting and filled with enthusiasm about the group and the show! I had a sense it was a while in the dream stage and could feel the thrill of a grand opening complete with an MB! Fabulous, darling! *Wand*

*Star* The added creation of a free verse poem to celebrate and summarize keys of the show is marvellous too! It gives us the sense that you know your topic and will be a knowledgeable leader of this undertaking! *Tiara* It has a fun and light vibe with lots of details of place and people.

*Tophat*The pictures add style and grace to the page. I still wonder why you don't center them! LOL But everyone has a different perspective. LOL The little castle glyph is lovely and might look nice centered at the top. *Wink*

*Star* It looks like you have a few fans in the club already! Yay! I will pass it around as I am sure there are more folks who are fans, or at least know more than I do about it. LOL

Thanks for sharing your vision and appreciation for Downton Abbey and giving us something else to consider here as we are going through a different world event. *Heart* Inspiring.

Keep the ink flowing as you follow your muse and write on!*Star*
eyestar
Sig for blog/reveiws

GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of six Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann - House Martell

225
225
Review of Dragon Lullaby  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Silverwindrose! Thanks for entering "DreamTime Dragon's Poem Contest! Here are my brief comments on your child's dragon poem! *Fire*

*Dragon*Oh, This is so sweet and has the calming vibe of a lullaby! I could picture the little dragon and the dream flight! It makes sense a dragon would dream of this. *Delight*

*Moon*The repeating verse at the beginning and the end make a lovely refrain and the image is so vivid. The middle verse is fun to read with its descriptive word pictures too. I really enjoyed the form as you repeat the last word of one line in the next! Wonderful composition.
I could see the picture in my mind.

*Dragon**Star* I enjoyed the reverie and thank you for entering though I know you were busy. I would have liked to see more rhyme as the prompt mentioned. *Wink*

Keep the quill scribing! *Star*
eyestar


A dragon reading a book by candle light
2,556 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 103 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/1starsong/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/9