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239 Public Reviews Given
244 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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26
26
Review of Dear Younger Self  
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*




Hello, A E Haas
This is a review for "Dear younger self".
from "The Newbie welcome wagon"

*PenV* Thoughts
What a great idea you used in your little story! To write a letter to your younger self. Knowing what has happened in your life down the line and reassuring a much more fragile and uncertain self that everything- or most- will work out eventually.

*PenG* Notes
I just wish it could be real. That if I live many more years, and well, my older self would come to reassure me that things would be fine. OF course, if it isn't the case, I am not sure I would want to know. But that is a whole other story.


*PenR* Favorite part
I liked how you concentrated on the really important stuff, like your soul-mate, the creation of a family, the "don't have time for drama" line- which is totally true. It sounds like a letter many of us would like to receive at some point in our lives.


Thank you for sharing.Keep writing.

Susan
27
27
Review of Nap Time  
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Hello, A.E.Haas.

This is a review for "Nap Time"

This is such a sweet and cute poem for the everyday life a mom gets to know so well! It is beautifully written, with sweet and precise images, whether for the mess of the house or the rocking in the chair together, while mom is waiting for her little one to sleep.
There is only one word that describes this poem and it is "sweetness."
Thank you for sharing this beautiful piece. Keep writing.

Susan

28
28
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*




Hello, Jess.
This is a review for "The priorities of an 8-month old."
from "The newbie welcome wagon"

*PenV* Thoughts
This is a quite amusing short story through the eyes of an eight-month old baby. Cute description of what he sees in his mom, her feelings, her dislikes, her needs. Quite an insight.


*PenG* Notes
"they must have been 8 months old once too" should be "they must have been 8 months old once, too" The same applies to "sometimes she forgets that I have eyes, too."


*PenR* A part that didn't sound so nice, at least in my head, was why the baby would refer to his mother as "Mother" and not as "mom" or "mommy", something much more childish. The same goes for the father. Using "Mother" and "Father" gives it a distance that shouldn't be there for a baby, even if his dad were absent.


Thank you for sharing.Keep writing.

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29
29
Review by abbyer
Rated: E | (4.0)
*SnowMan* *Snow1*


Hello, Larah.
The following is not professional, just my personal opinion. Feel free to disregard anything you don't find useful.
Here is review of "The girl who taught me everything" for "a very Wodehouse challenge".

*BurstB* *BurstBl* *BurstBr*
You wrote a piece that is sweet, sensitive and has many hidden meanings.One level on which your piece can be read is that sometimes we use insignificant things with which we try to fill our lives. I am not saying that getting a higher education is wrong or useless- I have one. It is just that sometimes we get so consumed by the pursuit of more and more degrees, that we forget what life is all about.

*BurstG* *BurstV* *BurstO* The second level your piece can be read is that sometimes it takes a child or a less fortunate human being to show us what life is and what is worth in this life. Sometimes, we have to see through other people's eyes, to appreciate what we have in our own life.


*BurstP* *BurstR* *BurstB* The description of Eve, the innocence in which she lives her life, the few material things that she owns and the fact that all of it does not spoil her joy of living, is the greatest lesson we can learn from your piece.



Thank you for sharing. Best wishes.

*SnowMan* *Snow1*
30
30
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*SnowMan* *Snow1*

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Hello, Norhafizah.
The following is not professional, just my personal opinion. Feel free to disregard anything you don't find useful.
Here is review of "The occupational hazard".

*BurstB* *BurstBl* *BurstBr*
Nice, emotional and so very true piece of the goods and bads of motherhood. The first years of the new life are seen in a quite humorous way. Feeding, sleeping, everything is a battle.

*BurstG* *BurstV* *BurstO*
The school years are exactly as you describe them. I would only disagree with the mother going to the teachers everytime something is wrong. The children are supposed to fight their own battles.

*BurstP* *BurstR* *BurstB*
As for driving, no matter how old we get, our moms always worry. But there comes a time when we get older- and so do our parents- that the roles are reversed, and we are the ones worrying about our parents driving.


Keep writing. Best wishes.

*SnowMan* *Snow1*

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31
31
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*SnowMan* *Snow1*

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Hello, Marisa.
The following is not professional, just my personal opinion. Feel free to disregard anything you don't find useful.
Here is review of "Work in progress intro."

*BurstB* *BurstBl* *BurstBr*
It is an interesting introduction for a bigger story. The title isn't particularly gripping, but the brief description is.

*BurstG* *BurstV* *BurstO*
Something mysterious is going on with your character. They describe themselves in terms of rain (like it), of not having to go out of the house, of having to work from home(they enjoy it).

*BurstP* *BurstR* *BurstB*
Something is clearly mysterious. The character probably can hear other people's thoughts, and it is an interesting element that pushes the story forward. You make the reader want to read more.


Keep writing. Best wishes.

*SnowMan* *Snow1*

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32
32
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*SnowMan* *Snow1* *SnowMan* *Snow1*

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Hello, Rachissmiling.
The following is not professional, just my personal opinion. Feel free to disregard anything you don't find useful.
Here is review of "Let's get it started".

*BurstB* *BurstBl* *BurstBr*
Nice, blogg-ish style reciting of the beginning of a day for a mother of four children. There is one "chapter"and describes the feelings during these hard mornings.

*BurstG* *BurstV* *BurstO*
The love and despair she feels about her children are both evident. As much as she loves them, she clearly understands their faults. I liked "the excrutiatingly painful journey to school." and " fourteen going on thirty", as they so eloquently describe the difficulties each of the children ages present.

*BurstP* *BurstR* *BurstB*
The only comment I have to make is that the piece feels unfinished. The end is quite abrupt, as if there are more pieces to follow. If this is the case, I would like to read them all.


Keep writing. Best wishes.

*SnowMan* *Snow1* *SnowMan* *Snow1*

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33
33
Review of False Advertising  
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*SnowMan* *Snow5*
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Hello, MacSween.
Welcome to the "Newbies only 100 word contest". I will send you my review as the second judge in the contest.

*Books2* "False advertising".

*StarV* *StarB* *StarO* *StarBr* *StarP* *StarG* *stargray* *StarR* *StarBl* *StarV* *StarB* *StarO* *StarBr* *StarP* *StarG* *stargray* *StarR* *StarBl*
Nice little snapshot of a split second before opening the mailbox and realizing what is hiding inside, and of the anticipation for something that never comes.
There is a lack of verbs in two quite long "sentences" that is a bit confusing. However, those two "sentences" make a very powerful image.
The disappointment in the last sentence is evident. I liked especially how you managed to describe two strong emotions, anticipation and disappointment, in so few words. Good job.
*StarV* *StarB* *StarO* *StarBr* *StarP* *StarG* *stargray* *StarR* *StarBl* *StarV* *StarB* *StarO* *StarBr* *StarP* *StarG* *stargray* *StarR* *StarBl*



Good luck. We will be expecting your entry next month, too.
*SnowMan* *Snow5*

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34
34
Review of First Fight  
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*SnowMan* *Snow5*
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Hello, Cheri Annemos.
Welcome to the "Newbies only 100 word contest". I will send you my review as the second judge in the contest.

*Books2* "First fight".

*StarV* *StarB* *StarO* *StarBr* *StarP* *StarG* *stargray* *StarR* *StarBl* *StarV* *StarB* *StarO* *StarBr* *StarP* *StarG* *stargray* *StarR* *StarBl*
Interesting piece. The first fight between a couple, sweet, not too rough, innocent. The strange thing is that we don't get to learn the reason for the fight, it could be anything, and it still does not affect the flow of the story.
The whole piece brings out a sweetness and an innocence that is present in most new couples' fights, the desire of both to be fair to each other and to be persuaded as well. Good job.
*StarV* *StarB* *StarO* *StarBr* *StarP* *StarG* *stargray* *StarR* *StarBl* *StarV* *StarB* *StarO* *StarBr* *StarP* *StarG* *stargray* *StarR* *StarBl*



Good luck. We will be expecting your entry next month, too.
*SnowMan* *Snow5*

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35
35
Review of The Way Out  
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*SnowMan* *Snow5*
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Hello, LCCooper.
Welcome to the "Newbies only 100 word contest". I will send you my review as the second judge in the contest.

*Books2* "The way out".

*StarV* *StarB* *StarO* *StarBr* *StarP* *StarG* *stargray* *StarR* *StarBl* *StarV* *StarB* *StarO* *StarBr* *StarP* *StarG* *stargray* *StarR* *StarBl*
What a great job. It made me smile as I was reading it for the second time around, because the first time I was too busy trying to understand where this was going.
Despite my having written something similar in "Twins", I never guessed the ending. I actually thought it was a nightmare or a horror story, up to the last sentence. You managed to describe in just a few words the true mechanism in which a baby is born through the baby's eyes. It was as if I was watching "the inside" of a movie! (no pun intended)
Great twist in the end, and overall a great job!
*StarV* *StarB* *StarO* *StarBr* *StarP* *StarG* *stargray* *StarR* *StarBl* *StarV* *StarB* *StarO* *StarBr* *StarP* *StarG* *stargray* *StarR* *StarBl*



Good luck. We will be expecting your entry next month, too.
*SnowMan* *Snow5*

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36
36
Review of The Epiphany  
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*SnowMan* *Snow5*
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Hello, Burney.
Welcome to the "Newbies only 100 word contest". I will send you my review as the second judge in the contest.

*Books2* "The epiphany".

*StarV* *StarB* *StarO* *StarBr* *StarP* *StarG* *stargray* *StarR* *StarBl* *StarV* *StarB* *StarO* *StarBr* *StarP* *StarG* *stargray* *StarR* *StarBl*
Interesting story, clear as far as the message is concerned, but a bit hazy as far as what really has happened in the story.
Is it a suicide attempt or an accident? It could do with some polishing in the order in which the sentences are written. The two sentences "Don't get me wrong I'm not suicidal but it seemed a good death." and "Long awaited I,for the reaper, instead came the epiphany." are a bit off and confusing.
The most powerful lines are those in the third paragraph. They convey the true meaning of the piece.
*StarV* *StarB* *StarO* *StarBr* *StarP* *StarG* *stargray* *StarR* *StarBl* *StarV* *StarB* *StarO* *StarBr* *StarP* *StarG* *stargray* *StarR* *StarBl*



Good luck. We will be expecting your entry next month, too.
*SnowMan* *Snow5*

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37
37
Review of The Swings  
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello, Intuey.
The following is not professional, just my personal opinion. Feel free to disregard anything you don't find useful.
Here is review of 'The Swings"
from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

*StarB* *StarBl* *StarBr*
Before I started reading your story, I thought it was going to be a dream, or a personal experience of sorts. As soon as I saw the picture, I suspected it was going to be something dark, perhaps.

*StarG* *stargray* *StarO*
The first two lines are powerful and gripping and scary at the same time. They just drag you along to wanting to read more.
Without knowing that it was written for a poetic prose contest, it wa spretty clear to me that it had elements of poetry, some rhyming , short phrases , a certain fluidity. I found it appealing and different from what I have read before.

*StarP* *StarR* *StarV*
The description of the amusement park seems happy, but I would say it has a hidden "creepiness", if you allow me. The sense I was getting was "don't be fooled, nothing is what it seems". The ending, of course, only comes to confirm this feeling of uneasiness.
I didn't know anything about poetic prose before reading your piece. It helped me learn a few things and I greatly enjoyed it. It was a powerful experience for me to read it. Thank you for that.


Keep writing. Best wishes.

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38
38
Review of Teamwork  
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, bumblegrum(aka Grum).
The following is not professional, just my personal opinion. Feel free to disregard anything you don't find useful.
Here is review of "Teamwork"
from "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

*StarB* *StarBl* *StarBr*
Oh, you describe a mother's nightmare and best dream at the same time. How you managed to do it, is beyond me. In just over a thousand words, you paint with detail a full picture of the everyday life and relationships between the members of a seemingly normal family.

*StarG* *stargray* *StarO*
Your main character seems to be a pretty decent guy, the older brother, and is in constant fights with his younger sister. He appears like a normal kid, caring and supportive of his mother, fed up with his sister's behavior.
The story is presented through his eyes, but quite objectively, because he does not really absolve himself of the blame.
The girl, on the other hand, is a spoiled brat *Smile*, like all kids can be at a certain point in their lives. She is really hard for us to like, as readers, because she behaves eactly as her brother says. But, everybody has a sweet spot.

*StarP* *StarR* *StarV*
I liked especially the fact that Sam doesn't try to be the good guy and shut Lisa out. He finds a way to help her, because he truly cares about the wellbeing of his family. So, he helps her understand her mistakes and relieves his mother from a burden. The last paragraph, where the physically absent but obviously emotionally involved father congratulates his kids, is a great way to wrap up the story.

Thank you for sharing.Keep writing. Best wishes.

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39
39
Review of Tap Battle  
Review by abbyer
Rated: E | (3.0)
The following review is part of the package "Rune Riddles" from "The spell shop". (Review#3)

Review of "Tap Battle"

It is a story about a duel between two characters, that does not appear to be very clear as to what it concerns.
You seem to have a pretty clear idea as to what you want to write and the scene plays beautifully in your mind, that's why your pure descriptive scenes are nice and clear. But for the rest of the story plot, there seem to be sentences gathered together without making absolute sense and without having any relation to one another.
The first announcement does not have any real connection to the rest of the story. Why is the duel decisive of the fate of the world? It is not explained and not really related. What students are these? Why do they take the fate of the world in their hands?
The scene where you describe tap dance is nicely written with many details. If you could apply these details to the description of the settings and background and characters, the story would flow a lot smoothly and not be confusing.
Keep writing. Thank you for sharing your story.
40
40
Review by abbyer
Rated: E | (3.0)
The following review is part of the package "Rune Riddles" from "The spell shop". (Review#2)

Review of "The frozen computer screen"

It seems like the description of a prank that has backfired in their faces. It is the story of some kid trying to make an april fool's joke and the whole class being a part of the prank. Someplace aroung the middle of the story, it becomes apparent that something has gone wrong.
There are a few names thrown in randomly, there is not enough description of the kids that take part in the story, there is no need to know the kids' names, unless they develop later and we need to know the characters' names.
Looks like a snapshot of a scene inside a classroom, maybe you had to follow a prompt.
It is an interesting idea that needs to be more clear on what exactly it refers to, and some more explanation of the characters and their intentions.
Keep writing. Thank you for sharing your story.
41
41
Review of The Smoke Alarm  
Review by abbyer
Rated: E | (3.0)
The following review is part of the package "Rune Riddles" from "The spell shop". (Review#1)

Review of "The smoke alarm"

It is a short story that seems to be related with Halloween, but it only becomes clear in the end. It is somewhat confusing, because the whole story does not seem to have a point. The title is not relevant to the story, as the smoke alarm only appears in the first paragraph, and even then it doesn't play a big part in the story.
There needs to be a change in the tenses "This morning, the smoke detector woke me up." is in past tense and then you continue on with present tense.
I liked pretty much the scene in the bathroom with the brother where he dodges fireballs, it was quite funny.
The characters are not fully developed, so we can't really relate to them. It as if there are four characters taking turns in speaking about a random event and the whole reaction at the dragon thing is not "realistic", as realistic as it can be when we are talking about a dragon in the bathroom.
Only the dad seems to have a greater part in the story, somehow helping Gina to get to her previous state.
Maybe if you added some more setting and background on the characters it would all come down more easily and more related.
Thank you for sharing your story. Keep writing.
42
42
Review of The Disappearance  
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Lynda.
The following is not professional, just my personal opinion. Feel free to disregard anything you don't find useful.
Here is review of "The Disappearance" from "Genre Auction and Fundraiser"  "Short Stories Package D"

*StarB* *StarBl* *StarBr* Impressions
Nice and gripping young adult story, a little bit of fantasy, too.
After reading it you are left wondering how it will go on.
I have to say I found a bit off the reason why a whole family
had to sell her house and go move some place 800 miles away,
when they could have moved grandma with them, in their own house.
A broken wrist and collar bone is not enough reason to uproot a whole family.
Maybe a better reason could have been used for such a radical change in their lives.

*StarG* *stargray* *StarO* Characters
The main characters in the story are Em and Grandma,
which are practically the only characters that we can relate to.
The rest of the family is barely mentioned, so much so that they could even not exist,
if it wasn't for their disappearance.
Em is described as a mature , almost 12-year old (end of elementary school) girl,
easy-going, with a loving relationship with her grandmother.
The Grandmother has a special affection for Em, but there is not much interaction
with the other members of the family.
Em's parents are barely portrayed and mentioned, except some minor scenes.


*StarP* *StarR* *StarV* Development
The second chapter is way too short in comparison to the other chapters.
There is a great description of the house, which I greatly enjoyed,
but it could have been more elaborate. I liked how you pictured the house vividly and old-fashioned wealthy.
The change between the party that took place and the death is very sudden.
The story could use a much more detailed description of the event of the party itself,
not just the preparations, and of the death and the reactions that it triggered.
We don't actually see anyone mourn, apart some changes in their usual habits, and that is strange,
considering the special relationship they had with grandma.
The first half of the story (until the death) feels a bit disconnected.
Some random images that don't connect. The second half (after the death) flows better,
Grandma and Em actually speak more than before.
The scene where you describe the fairies is a beautiful and colorful one, I loved it.


The end of the story leaves you wanting to know more.
I hope it is continued. Keep writing. Best wishes.

Susan *Beach*


PS. 3K gps are included with this review for all three stories of the package reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
43
43
Review of The Last Request  
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Lynda.
The following is not professional, just my personal opinion. Keep only what you find useful.

Review of "The Last Request".
From/for "Genre Auction and Fundraiser" 

*BalloonB* *BalloonG* *BalloonO* Impressions
The story is about the final thoughts of a man who has been asked about his last request.
He is going to die but we don't know why and we don't really learn all the details
concerning this matter. So the story is interesting with much left to our imagination.


*BalloonP* *BalloonGo* *BalloonS* Main character- Development
The main character is Jarred, who has been incarcerated for thirteen years.
He seems like he is a split-personality. He thinks he is good although he is evil. No human
could consciously do harm to others- which is evident- and think he is good (which he seems to think.)
"He didn't kill anyone." This seems to perhaps be in his mind- some kind of distorted reality due to many years in isolation.
The development seems a bit hasty, just two paragraphs to think about his daughter and his girlfriends.
Some more elaboration in these two elements would make a more complete picture of his personality before jail and of his crime.


*BalloonY* *BalloonV* *BalloonR* Notes
I found a bit odd the fact that he was given choice abouth his punishment. This is not very believable.
Since he is in jail, the sentence should have been read to him, not having him decide it.
Also, later it is stated that the warden refused to kill him with a lethal injection, so the punishment was already pre-arranged.
"You will be castrated from life today". I don't think castrated is the right word for this sentence.
Castration has a very specific meaning, so you can't castrate someone from life. "Remove", maybe, if you want it to sound a little more poetic.


*BalloonO* *BalloonR* *BalloonS* Conclusion
The last referral to Satan, in comparison to the beginning's God and Bible talk
make stronger the feeling that it was somehow two people talking, the split personality I mentioned earlier.
It is a quite well-written story, capturing and dark. Some more touch-ups and it is good to go.


Thank you for sharing your story. Keep writing. Best wishes,

Susan *Suitcase*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
44
44
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*RainbowL*Hello, Lynda.
The following review is part of the "Genre Auction and Fundraiser"  Short Stories Package D. It is not professional, just my personal opinion. Feel free to ignore anything you don't find useful.


Review of " The Trouble With Bad Eggs"


*MailB* Impressions *MailB*

This is a quite interesting story, which, however, lacks in depth and justification of the reasons that everything happens. It could be more satisfying if it was just a rough draft or even an introduction to a longer and more complete story.

*MailO* Elements *MailO*

The story revolves around the two main characters, Jeff and Sue, who at first I thought were a couple. As I read on I realized this was not the case.
There is a certain degree of mystery that permeates the story throughout. Even though it is not something specific, the atmosphere is kind of suspicious, so it builds up the tension.


*MailG* Writing style *MailG*

The story is written through third point of view. There is much dialogue and a little narration, too, but it is the dialogue that makes the story go forward.


*MailY* Plot *MailY*


This is the story of a couple-neighbors, actually, who are cleaning the outside of a house. As I was reading, I got the feeling that something crucial and suspicious was going on with the garbage can, too much focus was given to it, so it had to be pivotal in the story. In the end, it is revealed that indeed, it was. From a certain point and forward, I think from the point where a remark on its weight was made, it became clear to me who was inside the can.


*MailV* Development *MailV*

The characters are a bit flat, there is not much background on either of them, they are underdeveloped. We don't really get many information about their personalities, and their actions are not especially justified. Sue is described as persistent and curious, but why is she like that? It's a bit too much to try to go through someone's garbage when he tells you no, so her action is not very believable. Jeff is not justified, either, we don't learn many events from his life that could justify what he did, or why he did it, unless there is some sociopathy underneath. If this story is expanded, maybe it will be more complete and reasoned.
Also there are some logic gaps. Sue offered to wash the rugs and he said 'throw them". Why did he say so if he had something to hide in the trash? Jeff is described as a "gentleman from the old days", maybe there could be some more description on why Sue thought so.


*Mail* Favorite lines *Mail*

I liked the scene where Sue enjoys the grass, the image was very calming.


*MailR* Conclusion *MailR*

All in all it is an interesting story. Maybe some more sentences are needed to cover some of the basic subjects above, and it can be really intriguing.

Keep writing. Best wishes

Susan *RainbowR*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
45
45
Review of Janette  
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This review is being made as part of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 's *Shock* Dare To Review Raid! *Cat*!

"Invalid Item" 

Hello, Bob.
The following is not professional, just my personal opinion. Feel free to disregard anything you don't find useful.
Here is review of "Janette" from "Power Shop Review"

*StarB* *StarBl* *StarBr*
The story starts in an interesting way, describing a funeral, and is gripping from the second paragraph already. A crime for which a woman was wrongfully convicted, stripped her of a decent life. A decent return to society was not achievable because she had lost all faith and trust in people.

*StarR* *StarG* *StarP*
I liked the kind-of-twist in the end, where her husband loved her so much that he wanted to give her a last chance to be freed of guilt and wrongful decisions, something he was not able to do while she was still alive.

Keep writing. Best wishes.

Susan *Beach*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
46
46
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This review is being made as part of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 's *Shock* Dare To Review Raid! *Cat*!

"Invalid Item" 



Hello, Devils in my ear.
The following is not professional, just my personal opinion. Feel free to disregard anything you don't find useful.
Here is review of "The Stick Shift Disaster" from Power Shop Review.

*StarB* *StarBl* *StarBr*
It is a funny description of a comic and almost tragic at the same time event while learning to drive. It could have ended a lot worse. It is a hard thing, the stick shift driving!

*StarG* *stargray* *StarO*
I liked the way you described a casual christmas morning. I enjoyed the rituals, too, especially the way everyone has been practicing to avoid running errands for the day.

*StarP* *StarR* *StarV*
Another funny thing I quite enjoyed was the funny incident where one of you ran to the hurt boy, and the other one run to the hurt car. As I was reading it, I was picturing the image and I found it quite amusing, given that nothing serious had happened. Moral of the story; first study some theory about driving and then go on to practice!


Keep writing. Best wishes.

Susan *Beach*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by abbyer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This review is being made as part of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 's *Shock* Dare To Review Raid! *Cat*!

"Invalid Item" 



*RainbowL* Hello,Carly . I found your piece "My dreams will come in time" in Power Shop Reviews. I would like to leave you some comments, which are not professional, just my personal opinion. Feel free to ignore anything you don't find useful. Here is,

Review of "My Dreams Will Come In Time"




*DropV* Impressions
I really liked this casual story, being written in a comfort and cool mode. It is very interesting and appealing, because it deals with a subject that most of us who write have come across- the inability to express what we want to say. It is an easy-to-read story, that manages to picture a very vivid image of the problem the main character has, and also manages to combine two completely different settings that make the whole story go forward.


*DropR* Characters- settings
The main character is a woman, no name known, and she is the one who is speaking, the story is told from a first person POV. Her other half has a name, Robert, but he is presented not as her loved one, but rather as a nuisance.
The two settings that appear are the character's home, which is not described at all, and the pub in which she finds refuge, in order to kick her muse to life. The pub itself is beautifully described, both in terms of surroundings and atmosphere, as well. The whole presentation makes the room seem so alive and inviting, that you wish you could be there, too, enjoying a cup or coffe, or something stronger *Smile*.


*DropY* Development
The whole story is played out in two scenes. One in the house, where our character seems frustrated and fed up with Robert, she seems to be smothered by a certain kind of affection or by an unknown pressure. The second scene that stretches on is played in the street and in the pub, where she is seen as free and liberated from an enormous pressure.


*DropG* Notes
It seems that what the character needed was to unwind somehow and clear her mind, so her creativity would get right back in. She managed to do it by changing scenery and allowing herself to get in the right mood before she attempted to write again. Sometimes our own mind or our whole body give us signals and let us know what is best for them. If we follow the signals, only good can come out.


*DropP* Favorite lines
I loved the whole description of the pub. As I was reading it, I wished that I could be there with a pad and pen in my hand, writing.

Thank you for sharing. Best wishes, *RainbowR*


*Beach* Susan


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Sophia's Brother  
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*



Hello, Abear.
The following is not professional, just my personal opinion. Feel free to disregard anything you don't find useful.
Here is review of "Sophia's brother" from "Read a Newbie".

*StarB* *StarBl* *StarBr*
What a nice and sweet story, written from a child's point of view. You did a good job describing certain circumstances that probably led to the bonding between brother and sister.

*StarG* *stargray* *StarO*
It is quite obvious that this belongs to a longer story, in the sense that it is not complete, it just gives a first introduction of a relationship that goes beyond what we read here. It is a good excerpt, though, interesting enough for the reader to read more of the story.

*StarP* *StarR* *StarV*
My favorite paragraph is the second one, where you describe the feelings of a child after a nightmare, through the eyes of a five-year-old. The metaphor of the bed being an island in the middle of the ocean is one I had never imagined, yet I guess it is exactly what a frightened child feels. You did a really great job there.


Keep writing. Best wishes.

Susan *Beach*


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by abbyer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*



Hello, Charles.
The following is not professional, just my personal opinion. Keep only what you find useful.

Review of "I Saw Her Face Last Night"
From "Read a Newbie".

*BalloonB* *BalloonG* *BalloonO* Impressions
Thank you for sharing this great, emotional story, which is quite unusual given the POV from which it is written. Not very often do we read about men describing so pure and sensitive emotions.


*BalloonP* *BalloonGo* *BalloonS* Elements
What we have here is a father talking to his daughter -who just became a mother- about her own mother. Emotionally, sensitively, sweetly, we see emotions alternate. From astonishment to guilt, to joy, to hope. You managed greatly to do so in so few words. Great work. The main idea is for the father to talk about his wife, to reminisce of her and share his joy with her, even if she is not alive.

*BalloonY* *BalloonV* *BalloonR* Notes
I didn't see any mistakes as far as grammar and typo go. So, what stays with me from the story you wrote, is the flavor of sweetness and partnership that never ends and goes beyond this world.


Thank you for sharing your story. Keep writing. Best wishes,

Susan *Suitcase*


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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of BUT MOM  
Review by abbyer
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*



Hello, beavz.
The following is not professional, just my personal opinion. Feel free to disregard anything you don't find useful.
Here is review of "BUT MOM" from "Read a Newbie".

*StarB* *StarBl* *StarBr*
Nice work with making most teenagers' dream come true! You managed to write a short story where the real identity is revealed in the middle of the story, whereas up until then, all sentences and thoughts are exactly like a grown-up's.

*StarG* *stargray* *StarO*
It is a common secret that most kids would like for once to be in their parents' shoes, so that they get to decide what is permitted and what not. This girl managed to do it, even if it backfired on her *Smile*.

*StarP* *StarR* *StarV*
I especially liked the fact that she was acting exactly like a mother, sneaking up on the couple and screaming about the time, calling her mom "missy" *Bigsmile*. But the highlight for me was her reaction when she turned around and up the stairs. Talk about wounded pride!


Thank you for sharing. Keep writing. Best wishes.

Susan *Beach*


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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