. This is a review from abcoachnz-Sometimes around
After reading "The Contractor
that I found on the Review Requests page, I have the following comments to offer. Please note that these are my personal reactions and observations. I acknowledge that this is your
story and you should remain true to it.
You have asked for my comments in relation to this being a contest entry. Firstly, I wish you all the best in that.
I enjoyed the story as it is one of my favorite genres and therefore the images you were creating were familiar to me.
Your two main characters, Maya and ?? (I do not see who your other main character is) are well defined and it was easy for me to picture both of them. The dialogue that you used was consistent with the characters. Well done.
From my understanding, the plot was one of post-apocalyptic Earth where there is a cleanup crew intent on getting away from this job. Evidently, he succeeds and is awarded a new posting.
I was a little hard-pressed to identify the key climactic point of the story, although I would assume that it is where he receives notification that he is going to a new, better location.
Your descriptions in the story are succinct and to the point. That is well done as you are able to keep the story moving forward throughout. Well done.
Title, Description, Beginning, and End:
The title to your story is fitting and I was able to reference it a couple of times through reading the story to understand the underlying premise of your story. Also, the title is nice and short that makes it memorable.
The description of your story probably could do with a bit of a rewrite. Even though this is a contest entry, I think that we probably need to look at using this space to entice readers to read the story. Sort of like an elevator pitch for the story. It will also probably give you an opportunity to set some of the scene for the reader prior to them reading the story.
I also wonder whether the first two paragraphs are really the true start of your story, or is it when your main character comes out onto the roof. I know it is important to ensure that the setting is properly detailed, but this could have been incorporated into the narrative later on. Questions I would be asking is why the roof and not the ground?
Your ending certainly concluded the story on a positive note and I am assuming the reference there was to Star Trek.
Finally, I would like to say that I enjoyed this story and appreciate that you have given me the opportunity to provide my opinion on it. However, remember that it is your story and I would encourage you to keep going. All the best for the contest.