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2,059 Public Reviews Given
2,305 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of The Trial  
Review by audra_branson
Rated: E | (5.0)
I"m sorry - I didn't enjoy this. I LOVED IT!

Such description and truth. It was like watching my mother and father years ago. You have captured the moment precisely without being overly negative to either character. Each is just his own, and some how their mix works.

I absolutely had a great time reading it. Your way with analogies can't help but bring a smile to the readers face.

Thanks for a fun read!

Audra
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Review of Obayo  
Review by audra_branson
Rated: E | (5.0)
Excellent! What a wonderful children's story - thought i enjoyed it greatly too. I love the theme, the build, and the description.

The turning point here was wonderful: He opened his eyes and saw the clear blue sky before him. It seemed endless, a place of possibilities. -- a lesson of seeing not only failure but positive possibilities.

Thank you so much for not just having him fly off perfectly from the nest. This shows us the truth in life - - that it doesn't always come easy, we need to face what we fear, and then have an appreciation for what we can do from that.

A total gem of a story!
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Review of Nature's Perils  
Review by audra_branson
Rated: E | (5.0)
I think you have created a very thorough visual with this work. It is not just the normal lightning, thunder rolls poem. You've brought in the element of humanity too with it. And I appreciate the attention to detail of how nature my be effected positively or adversely.

Nice word choice that creates a strong flow. It builds just as a storm would.

Nice work.
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Review of The Princess  
Review by audra_branson
Rated: E | (5.0)
My son and I were just talking about how our cat runs the house, so I had to share this poem with him. He, too, loved it.

My favorite part: Like a fifteen pound afghan she nestles in my seat
The purr machine working, her presence is a treat

The only thing I might suggest is evening up the syllable count a little - supposedly it helps with meter - like i'm this sentence just changing I am to I"m would cut out a syllable making it more uniform with the rest. feel her rustle on my pillow, am I discovered, I am not sure


Overall, I loved it. It is very visual and enderaring. Great imagery.
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Review by audra_branson
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
, bent over there beds. I - their

ask, brining the receiver to my mouth - bringing

“Check on the kids Sandra.” says a unfamiliar voice. It was a cold male voice, and it knew my name. I start to ask who her is, - comma after kids and something is off on the ending part of this line

Interesting, would like to see it developed a bit more so that it pulls me in even more.

Some very good description. Just watch your tenses. You want to keep it consistent.

Nice to have you at WDC
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Review of The Gift  
Review by audra_branson
Rated: E | (5.0)
Amazing! You had me from the first line. God breathed the Scriptures - the use of the word breathed was so effective and original.

I love how you just say it as it is but yet in an eloquent way. It is very insprirational.

It was a beautiful way to start a morning. Now I feel more "directed" as I go to fight the crowds at the grocery store. I will definitely give them a smile as i think of your poem.

Thank you for its beauty and honesty.

Audra
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Review of Missing Home  
Review by audra_branson
Rated: E | (4.0)
I read this thinking all along - Where is the author taking this - and glimpsing but not quite getting until the very end. I loved that!! You made something "not living" to most people come alive, have feelings and needs. Excellent concept.

A little editoral help:
form the branches - from the branches

a barrier to the outside
would. - would/world

I send a message with my mind - sent

I can only hope my - can/ could

Great job! Happy you are on WDC
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Review of Rockin' Ralls  
Review by audra_branson
Rated: E | (5.0)
Well, I give it a 5 - it's extremely well-written, plus you can't beat the subject matter!

Great job as always!
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Review of ~ Solace ~  
Review by audra_branson
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
You know what I like about a story? I love when it is something I totally don't expect to read, and you completely delivered here.

You left me wanting to know more, which in my opinion is a sign of a great piece.

Though their was great erotica written here, it wasn't the core or even (excuse the pun) climax of the piece. It added to the story, not became the story.

Excellent job!
audra
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Review of Do Not Enter  
Review by audra_branson
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is amazing. Rarely, do i read something that takes my breath away. And this did. i"m sure this is a piece that will mean different things to different people, but for me it was as if you wrote the words that were in my head and heart.

The meter and rhyme add so much feeling to the poem. It's just wonderful. Thank you for evoking emotion in me.

audra
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Review by audra_branson
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a cute tale, and a great message for kids about meeting new friends.

I would either punctuate this into to sentence with a period instead of a comma or combine it like this: There was once a sweet, innocent baby duck named Shyann.
There was once a little duck named Shyann, she was a sweet and innocent little duck.

Shyann was really scared but the more the kitten pawed at her the more gentle she got. - need comma after scared to eliminate run-on

In this paragraph, you've started three sentences in a row with "The kitten". While repetition is great in a children's reader, it can also effect the rhythm of the piece. You might think of naming the kitten to give it a personal feel or rewording some of the sentences.
The kitten told her she would help her to find her way back to the other side. The kitten took off running across the field, ducking in and out from behind trees, playing peek a boo with the little duck. The kitten finally got Shyann back to the right side of the farm

I love the name Shyann. You created a lovable character. I can envision many more adventures.

audra
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Review by audra_branson
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This is a strong descriptive story of an important time in both a son and father's life. It brings to mind things my father has done and said.

Your use of dialogue is strong and really adds to the story.

They needed this dear - dear/deer

One thing i noticed is in the first paragraph you start several sentences with "he". While this isn't technically wrong, it tends to effect the flow of the piece. You might try to reword so you are repeated the way sentences start.

After all, I’m going to be the one providing for my own family someday.{/} He (you are missing the "i" on this ML tag

He broke though the last of the brush and saw the - though/through

Nice job.

audra
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Review of The Boss  
Review by audra_branson
Rated: E | (4.5)
I liked this carefree, cute description of a lovable pet. The rhythm is easy to follow and moves the poem right along.

The only stanza i stumbled a little on was : My day goes on this way
Until it's time for bed,
And when I call Mopsy,
Of course, she wants to be fed.
I can't really put my finger on it but it may be the first line of it.

The picture is priceless and I love the repetition of the first and last stanzas.

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Review by audra_branson
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wow! You have used some great alliterations to really "spice" (excuse the pun) your story.
This was my favorite:
patrol a platter filled with perfectly placed mouthwatering poultry portions, hot as hell,

Before long, the peppery fragranced home became the local bus stop of hungry scholars on a mission of appetite satisfaction. - Excellent line

I love that you wove this into memories and how we hold on to them. I'm sure those kids remember your kindness everytime they smell hot wings.

Thanks for a great read.
audra
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Review of Darwin's Journey  
Review by audra_branson
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
You have such a way with words; I would love to hear you tell a story. I be you really capitivate an audience.

The imagery you painted in this story was amazing, from the flower, the sheepishly grinning guide, just everything!

I tried reaaaaallly hard to find something wrong, alas I've given up. You are the king of flash fiction. YOu know how to use words to their full potential. Yes, I'm a nerd and think that words have potential.

Awesome!
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Review by audra_branson
Rated: E | (5.0)
I'm not familiar to this form but i'm sure you did it brilliantly.

I like the positiveness of this piece. It makes me feel like there is a purpose for our lives even when we've passed on.

in just a few words you have given the reader something to ponder and I'm sure many will see a different message than I did. I think that's what great poetry does.

audra
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Review of Between Friends  
Review by audra_branson
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a sweet write. I enjoy the symbolism of the friendship and the umbrellas. - Nothing is better than a great friend, and you've captured that here.

Their brothers were about the same age as each other and met in school. The girls, meeting each other through their brothers -- the met and meeting so close together seemed awkward to me. Maybe something like "Their brothers were in the same class at their new school. This provided the connection to the two girls meeting and thier introduction to a life-long friendship.

Coconut tree. There, they would sit and soak in the sun, talking about anything and everything. For amusement, after a storm when - i don't think coconut should be capitalized but i could be wrong -- i don't think i capitalize oak tree -- but again - not sure
\
Remember those beach umbrella's we had - umbrellas - no apostrophe -- its not a conjuction or possesive.

The pic is great for this! Nice job.

audra
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Review of Marked  
Review by audra_branson
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Dang you do have a dark side --- wooohooo!

I know this sounds crazy, but keep in mind the source -- at first it reminded me of A Little House on the Prairie episode where the girl gets raped -- but that's where the similarities end. Yours is much more creepy.

2 things i'm curious about - How come you list it under "other" instead of poetry?
And then this line threw me a little bit : Her beauty grew and as her eighteenth year grew nearer - it's the 2 grews in the same sentence - just made me pause.

I love the visual of the birthmark growing -- do you get creepier than that -- Hey you should write a whole story about this!

audra
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Review of Snowdrifts  
Review by audra_branson
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love this! It makes me miss the snow drifts of my youth. It just doesn't seem like we get them like we used to.

There is so much in this that brought out imagery - the fields, the children, the way they dance in the wind (we have plenty of that in oklahoma}

i love the rhyme and rhythm.

Audra
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Review of A Girl's End  
Review by audra_branson
Rated: E | (4.0)
Eyes well up your about to cry - your/you're

Want to scream but incapable of speech - my favorite line

“The girls okay” - girls/girl's

I like the dark genre in poetry. You've set the mood well. I do think thought that some of the rhymes sound a little unnatural, perhaps forced. I love rhyming, don't get me wrong, but I think you may have been able to hit on the "dark" aspects even more if it didn't rhyme -- just my opinion though.

audra
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Review of Candy-Coated Eve  
Review by audra_branson
Rated: E | (5.0)
lololol - i love the name and i love the fact you said no iambic meter. It actually does look like a fun form. I do believe you have a little ornery streak in you.

And the poem was great as well -- the uses of the sense was exceptional. The reference to Eve is brilliant. Wish i had thought of that. (yet again)

Great job, friend.
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Review of THESE OLD HANDS  
Review by audra_branson
Rated: E | (5.0)
Oh my friend - you have misled me -- you made me think you didn't know how to write poetry.

Very rarely does a writing bring tears to my eyes, and yours did within the first stanza.

Each told such a complete and moving story.

My favorite part of my father is his hands. And they look so much like those you described. I think that i have always loved them because it amazed me how something so rough and hard could be so gentle. It alwo was a reflection of all he has given to his family, land, and Lord.

Thank you so much for this piece. It really hit the spot and is saved in my favorites so that i many enjoy it often.

audra
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Review of JOHNNY  
Review by audra_branson
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
You have some pretty funny bits here, and I think you've got boys down just right. Very literal.

I like the voice you use. I feel as if we are sitting at a table and just listening to stories. It's a style of writing I enjoy.

Thank you for making me smile this evening.

Alive, lively, busy, like a mini tornado - i would hyphenate mini-tornado
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Review of Discarded  
Review by audra_branson
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey cinnamon,

I thought I'd return the favor.

I really like this piece. In fact I love pieces that give things a voice that don't generally have one.

I see this is for a contest so I don't know if there was a word limit. But if there wasn't, you might think about explaining how the skirt felt when she was first chosen by the girl -- I think it would symbolize more how both the girl and skirt were enticed by sweet words and the excitement of something new only to both be quickly thrown aside.

On these two spots - you have the possessive its with an apostrophe - its is weird - it only has an apostrophe when used as a contraction for it is or it has.
was quickly discarded by the same callous young girl who had gushed over it’s beauty a scant week ago

and

but it’s interest had been piqued.

, ‘If I never live to see tomorrow, I will die fulfilled. Finding you was the best thing that ever happened to me." - though it looks weird you will need another single quotation inside the double quotation since she is reciting what he said.

You did great with the parallels and had a great voice with the piece. The description was excellent - gave just enough but didn't bog the story down.

Great job!
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Review of Translation  
Review by audra_branson
Rated: E | (5.0)
It was the hardest form EVER. but you make it look easy, dang you.

I have to say though, and this is just because i grew up on a farm -- i read the first word combine - as a com-bine - you know what i mean the farm equipment thingie.

Anyway i love it. it's original and you used words that weren't easy to rhyme or work in. Makes me want to go ride a carousel again.

audra
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