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2,953 Public Reviews Given
3,697 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Honest. I give my overall impressions, let you know what worked well for me and what didn't, and when that happens, I like to try and offer suggestions--totally up to you if you want to take any notice; it is your writing, after all. I am just glad to have the opportunity to read and review. I rarely think anything is perfect, so please do not request a review if you value ratings over review content.
I'm good at...
...being interested. I take time over reviews. My reviews are intimate, informal and honest. They aim to help, offer insight, and celebrate the graft of craft. I love commas. Punctuation is a personal passion.
Favorite Genres
Comedy, supernatural horror, sci-if, fantasy, thriller, detective, slice-of-life, history.
Least Favorite Genres
Dystopian glumness, romance, personal.
Favorite Item Types
Scripts. Fiction. Essays, especially academic
Least Favorite Item Types
Free form poetry. Other than that, little offends.
I will not review...
Unless previously agreed, novels and chapters are a no go with me. I am sorry to say that I haven't the time.
Public Reviews
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76
76
Review by Acme
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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*Star*AN ACME REVIEW*Star*

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

Hey there, and welcome to WDC!

This is a delightful poem *Smile* I may have read this completely wrong, as your poem's genres don't mention religious or spiritual, yet the moment I read the opening line I was very much taken into the spirit of the season. I love the excitement that comes with the closeness of Christ at Advent and you manage to capture that here with soft, yet compelling, words in this poem. Your imagery is solid in the opening stanza and wove a beautiful description through comparative imagery. I was looking at the star that led to Christ on the first Christmas, and this gave your final stanza a solid foundation for the less tangible ideas/emotions about the Word made flesh and the repercussions for humanity.

You may want to think about changing your genre fields so that your target readership has more chance of stumbling across your work, and you may also want to consider checking your punctuation. Here are a few typos I noted:
a mountains shadowy peak
Like a dewdrop on a spiders web--
a mountain[']s shadowy peak
[l]ike a dewdrop on a spiders web--


*Star*Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care! *Star*
77
77
Review of The Crunch Point  
Review by Acme
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I really enjoyed this, Callan. You managed to capture that agony of feeling that walks hand in hand with attraction, of a million different crippling screams of personal agony vs conversation and expression of desire. And, as always, you manage to go off on a stream of consciousness tangent that develops the character's psyche, even if it sits a little awkwardly in the frame of the story. What a read, what a read *Smile*
78
78
Review of Group Therapy  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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The brief description to this one caught my eyes, because I'm a big fan of dialogue. I think you're a master at developing characters through speech in such a short amount of time, and I think script comes naturally to you: the action in this scene is good, even though (bus drivers apart) this is a group of sitters. You might find it an interesting exercise to cut out the prose all together and adapt it as a script. I think it would have legs, especially if you develop the session into about a half hour. There's a good market here in Blighty for script work, especially if adapted for radio. Many production companies look for thoughtful and dynamic pieces such as this for Radio 4 productions. Check the beeb's latest planned programming (yearly) and then get in touch with a few production companies. A good place to start for general info is: http://www.bbc.co.uk/writersroom/writing/guideline...

In this prose version, there are a few punctuation typos that you'll probably catch with fresh, proofreading eyes, and you may want to look at how long the group session takes, because I did feel it was rather quick. Read it out loud and time it to see (most scripts work on the estimate of one page of dialogue = one minute).
79
79
Review by Acme
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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*Star* Acme Review *Star*

This review is offered in the spirit of support and is only my opinion. Please feel free to take what you will from it and thank you for sharing your work!


Oh, I can't thank you enough for sending me this seasonal treat, Dr B *Bigsmile* From seasonal twee to horror-filled glee, you do a wonderfully macabre job of showing the different aspects of Santa's work via the 'good' and 'naughty' list. After the list of terrible behaviour that the boy has wrought over the past year, I found it hard to sympathise with him when Santa went to work... Wonderful *Smirk*

erm, BTW, just so you and the big, red fella know: I have been very, very good this year, and still haven't had the pony I've been asking for since the 80s... given my growth spurt over the past 20+ years, I think I may need to upgrade my request to 'horse'.

The only thing I will suggest you do now is to proofread for punctuation typos. There are some missing commas, especially in the dialogue, missing hyphens, and the odd comma splice. A quick edit will make this item shine out like the gem it is *Thumbsup*

Write on and take care!
80
80
Review by Acme
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


For more information on reviewing please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

What are my overall impressions?

I love being reeled into a story, and you are so very good at strong openings that manage to do that. This one cut to the chase and added a sprinkling of that dry, subtle, humour that you execute so well: Roger was insane. Not the normal kind of insane...

Of course, the sad irony of this tale is the wisdom behind Roger's 7 methods to avoid mind control. I thought you managed to make him quite the protagonist, even though he is talked about/reviewed by other characters and not directly by the reader. I thought all your satellite characters were well portrayed and helped develop the plot well. I especially liked the way you used the young psychiatrist as the foil to Roger's ideas.

I only noticed one tiny typo:
“You don’t have to be afraid of me, my dear.” Roger’s voice creaked and groaned from lack of use, “the only person any of us truly have to fear is ourselves.” Capitalise the start of the second part of speech (because you ended the first part with a period, this is a new sentence, not a continuation).

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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81
81
Review by Acme
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" 

What are my overall impressions?
I saw the title, giggled, and knew I had to stop by here before I left. This parody is what it is, and is very good, and funny, too! I particularly enjoyed the imagery/actions of a well-loved couple and some not-so-well-loved nocturnal habits. Ace.

What are my favourite parts?
That I smiled all the way through *Smile* This parody was spot on, and I enjoyed letting my head sing-a-long (erm, not out loud--I'm not that cruel to my family)


What are my suggestions?
Mild curse words (yes, I think crap comes under that heading) mean that you should re-rate your content to ASR as it "may contain very mild slang curse words (dang, darn, etc.) or mild derogatory words"

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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82
82
Review of Tribulation  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" 

What are my overall impressions?
As per usual, I'm having a real blast reading your form poetry; you do it so well! Diatelle is a lovely form for many reasons, not least because it is visually appealing as well as its 'swelling' nature to the middle of a poem. You seem to make the end rhymes look so easy, and unforced, as if the form were tailored exactly for what you wanted to say *Smile*

What are my favourite parts?
Oh, it has to be the flip-sided twist of imagery and meaning that you managed to do when you twisted and flipped the last half of the poem on its head--very cleverly done!
A diamond heart, at last unsealed,
its softness transformed, its true strength revealed.
[...]
It leaves helpless feelings, no key to wield
against self-sold shackles well sealed

What could have been an end-rhyme cop-out, became a deft masterstoke, allowing comparative imagery to make your point. Fabulous.

What are my suggestions?
None. Write on!

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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83
83
Review of Subservient  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" 

What are my overall impressions?
I love it when a poet leaves a note to explain the form used, as they are often, like this one, new to me. I can think of no better testament to your writing than the fact that it inspires me to go off and try this form for myself: you did a great job of showcasing it *Smile*

What are my favourite parts?
All poetry is distilled, whether in imagery, emotion, or space! This poem deftly concentrates all three. The imagery (even without the thoughtful illustration) is ripe and bursts through (hard to do sometimes, when refrains abound, which can lessen impact--not here!). The emotional content of the piece is heavy with symbolism and meaning (pall bearers, being another connotation of word use), and the form's reduction in line length focuses the content even more so.

What are my suggestions?
None. At first, I couldn't see where the 'gaudy crown' fit in, but this poem has more about it than slaves and thralls; it's almost like a solemn state occasion, because of that early image of the loss of a crown, the later 'pall', the somber faithful assurance of approaching 'winter's hound'... it's one of those poems that I can find as much as I want inside it, and either enjoy it at face value, or consider at my leisure. Wonderful writing.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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84
84
Review of Dare To Be  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"  as part of your auction win from Boston

What are my overall impressions?
Dear Ken, I wasn't sure which hat to wear when reading this, so I will wear both my L&A hat and RSSB one, too *Bigsmile*

Both your title and brief description are very strong and will appeal to a large readership. I know I was hooked by the sentiment carried by both.

What are my favourite parts?
The whole. This didactic poem to your daughter is a celebration of the woman she can aim to be, but it's more than that: it's an acknowledgement of your beliefs as a parent, and resonates a quiet confidence that she will be all that she can be and more. I left this poem feeling inspired, uplifted, and invigorated for the challenges ahead, and no doubt, your daughter will feel similar.

What are my suggestions?
My only suggestion is purely personal preference, but one that I wanted to offer, nevertheless--if this is not following a specific kind of form that I haven't recognised, that is! (Always a possibility when I get carried away by the words *Blush*)

The jump from four line stanzas to six felt a little haphazard, and I think you can retain the meaning by just tweaking your rhyming couplets to create five quatrains:
The trials and lessons that you learn
will make you stronger in return.
And in the end, a woman grown
from the seeds that you have sown.

With confidence and self assurance
you will have built up your endurance
to face the challenge that is life
and overcome the daily strife.

So choose your seeds with greatest care
and meet the challenge, if you dare,
to become a woman, proud and whole,
who reflects the beauty in her soul.


*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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85
85
Review of The General  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" 

What are my overall impressions?
Hey there, Munchkin *Smile* It's great to see you posting new work here at WDC, and thank you for inviting me to come along and read this poem. I was intrigued by the title because I have a short story of the same name and wondered what your poem might be about. It might be an idea to use the brief description area to highlight the content, and pop your current one in as an author's note.

From the minute I set eyes on this, I felt it was too lyrical to be a poem. Not only is the language and the rhythm musical, but the use of refrain and repetition adds a musical quality to the words, too. Maybe it was the mention of guitars, etc., but I do think this would make a smashing song.

What are my favourite parts?
Oh, your second stanza is very strong. It is pivotal in both its placing and its content; the whole pace and tone change here. The simple refrain of 'nobody went there' adds a touch of dark humour which suits the content wonderfully.

What are my suggestions?
Tense shifts can be a little distracting. In the following line, you may want to change "I've"(I have = present tense) for "I'd" (I had = passed) to correspond with the past tense end of the sentence "meant"... either that or keep present and change meant to mean.
I've been driving for miles just to show that I meant well.


You may want to proofread specifically for punctuation/grammar typos:
The generals back soon- don't let him off.
An apostrophe is needed to show the contraction of 'general is', rather than indicating many generals.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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86
86
Review of Kristilove  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" 

What are my overall impressions?
This is a smashing tribute to a WDC friend and mentor *Smile* I do hope Kristilove enjoyed reading your heartfelt and sincere praise and gratitude for the impact they have had on your online life *Delight*

The orange text is playful, as is the mood of this piece. I think it works well with simple vocabulary and informal language. Perhaps it is that informal and conversational tone that threw me a little with one of your word choices 'fantastical'. Informally, this would rely on the modern use of 'fantastic' as being 'extraordinarily good or attractive', whereas the use of fantastical is rather old fashioned and its older meaning is 'imaginative or fanciful; remote from reality' which doesn't follow what you were saying at all.

What are my favourite parts?
The good humour, intimacy, tribute and playfulness all struk a chord with me *Smile* I also liked the emoticon use; it added to that friendly feel. My favourite stanza has to be the pivotal middle stanza. It really doesn't matter what kind of form or meter you use, this poem is more about how you express your feelings about another person than mere technical considerations.

What are my suggestions?
Just that odd use of fantastical threw me in the poem, but the genre field choice of 'nonsense' also distracted me. If this poem shows anything, it shows how very sensible your decision to befriend each other was. May I suggest 'community' or 'Writing.com' as an alternative?

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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87
87
Review of Inside Out  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" 

What are my overall impressions?
I chose this as my last item to review because of the author's note requesting reviews *Smile* Even though the brief description hints at a 'last letter', and the form of the poem is stanza structured, there is an almost lyrical quality to your words, because of the repetitive lines and phrases, that would make this a good song.

What are my favourite parts?
While the grey was a little hard to read (erm, old, weary eyes, I'm afraid *Blush*), I did think it added something to the meaning of the poem, which touches on the nature of a loss that is not black and white.

You captured the essence of the whole poem in one, simple, beautiful line:
There's something I now need to write, that I cannot say.
*Thumbsup*

What are my suggestions?
I've built a fire, warding off the nights coldest of chills
possessive apostrophe needed in night's

I've found both lovers and friends within my travels.
upon my travels?

As you're not following any strict syllabic scheme, you may want to look where you can concentrate your word use, rather than use tense modifiers and superfluous words:
I do wish I [would've] had more time to mend the fence


*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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88
88
Review by Acme
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


This is one of three reviews your friend Boston ordered from "Invalid Item" 

What are my overall impressions?
I was drawn to this poem by the scene setting of the title and the nature of the contents described by the brief description. This poem should prove universally poplar to many people because it focuses on friendship.

What are my favourite parts?
This is a moving piece which shows the depths of the narrator's feeling for their friend clearly through some beautiful uses of imagery via simile. The simple couplet construction gives a reader a chance to pause and reflect on each couplet before progressing. In this way, you did a great job of controlling pace and tone *Thumbsup*

What are my suggestions?
It always pays to proofread for clarity and spelling. Not all spelling errors will show up in a spell check.
I see you inside out like you see me, through to end,
Because your standing on the outside too, looking in.
I see you inside out like you see me, through to [the] end,
Because [you're] standing on the outside too, looking in.


*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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89
89
Review of The Dreamer  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*Star*AN ACME REVIEW*Star*

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

Hi-de-ho *Pthb*

I'm pleased as punch to see you signing up for PWW! Oh, we're a small team, but what we lack in quantity we certainly make up for in quality--you'll fit right in *Bigsmile*

Stunning opening. If the title and brief description are there to catch a passing reader's eye, the first line/para are there to keep them scrolling through your storyworld. You did a smashing job. I felt immediate empathy for the battle-weary fella *Thumbsup*

Dialogue's got some funny rules, and, knowing that you just had to get this out while fresh, I hope you don't mind me pointing out a few places for future editing:
“Please Mr Graham, please,”
Unless you go on to provide a 'tag', describing the way something was said, finish your sentence inside the speech with a period.

When action precedes or comes after speech, use a period, and be sure to start your speech sentence with a capital letter, action or descriptive tag:
A smile spread across the teacher's lips, “you kids are getting too smart for your own good, you know that?”
A smile spread across the teacher's lips[. "Y]ou kids are getting too smart for your own good, you know that?”

“Wow, wasn't that amazing folks?” the announcer flicked flicked a few strands of hair away from her face, “say a big thank you to our favourite seals, Bella and Stinky!”
“Wow, wasn't that amazing folks?” [T]he announcer flicked flicked a few strands of hair away from her face[.] “[S]ay a big thank you to our favourite seals, Bella and Stinky!”


Touche[,] Keiran.

“Heh, that'll be tough.” Keiran whispered
“Heh, that'll be tough[,]” Keiran whispered

“In Latin.”*Laugh*


Pickity, pickity, me, but I hope you don't mind *Blush* Style is very subjective. I personally love lots of commas, so I am a big fan of the Oxford Comma (the one that makes lists go on and on, up to, and including, the one before the last item on a list followed by a conjunction). I think the lack of that one is AFP? APF? Well, you know: the one the press all advocate. Anyhoo, the point is neither of them are right or wrong, but if you are going to show preference for one style, it pays to stick with it throughout:
Sweat glistened on flushed pink foreheads, families bickered and children screamed for cold treats. (not Oxford)
Mr Baxter grinned, winked, and set off with a purposeful stride towards the vendor. (Oxford Comma)
Gawd, I've just realized how boring I am *Blush* I'm putting away the punctuation me, and turning back into a reader (a reader, BTW, who was enjoying themselves immensely before they went off on one... *shakes head at self*)

One of the things I admire so much in your writing is your ability to take me right into the scene. Your descriptions are vivid, but not overly fussy in their detail; you allow me to paint and colour-in such wonderful sets, characters, and scenery from the broad sketches you pencil. Loved *Down* because I felt the weight/weightlessness of such impossible power and spectacle:
a gigantic black shape slipped through into the deep blue pool. Ozzy circled languidly underwater for a moment, then powered upwards with a few strokes of his huge tail. Breaking effortlessly through the surface tension, he leapt clear of the water in an ambitious impersonation of a flying fish. His huge dappled frame hung motionless in the air for a split second, before crashing back to earth, sending a virtual tsunami towards the crowd.


Another of my favourite aspects of your short story writing are the many layers you add: there is a firm surface story, but with plenty going on underneath the surface (pardon the pun). Little hints of Quinn's home life are revealed subtly, as is his standing amongst his social peers. Lovely. Many-layered philosophical musings and an entertaining story all wrapped up in one *Delight*

Write on and take care,
Acme

*Star*Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care! *Star*
90
90
Review of Who's there?  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

BOO!


What the spook are you writtering on about?
Thanks for entering a poem into the One Shots *Smile* I love your take on this prompt. Many's the time I've been playing games on FaceBook with MaryLou only to dream about her sending real dragons, and suchlike, to my house... at least, I hope I was dreaming *Worry*

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?
Yes, you turned in a great punchline after building tension well with some spooky imagery (particularly enjoyed the description of the headlights *Thumbsup*).

Chillers?
All I can suggest for any future editing is that you look at the rhythm to some of the lines; they're just a little bumpy and halting in places. Other than that, this was a top notch read. Thanks *Bigsmile*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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91
Review by Acme
In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

BOO!


What the spook are you writtering on about?
Dr B! *Bigsmile* Oh, you chose one of my all time favourite films... and that's just for the soundtrack alone! You captured my attention with your strong opening first line; it gave your opinion a very distinctive voice. I love that this is a clearly opinionated review, with plenty of commentary on the cast and their previous work. Even though your humour is paramount, you never lost my interest and respect for your thoughts. I think that has a lot to do with your evident extensive knowledge about the film and its contributors.

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?
Another thing, those vampire boys ride motorbikes without helmets, but when you’re undead who cares about head injuries, plus I don’t think that helmets would fit on over all that big hair.
I think the hair, itself, could have had the density of most polymer plastics used in safety head gear *Thumbsup*

Chillers?
There are a couple of punctuation typos and the odd spelling typo (capitalise people's names), but on the whole this was a most enjoyable read, and one which served the review prompt well.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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92
Review by Acme
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

*Star* Acme Review *Star*

This review is offered in the spirit of support and is only my opinion. Please feel free to take what you will from it and thank you for sharing your work!


Robin, as always, it is a pleasure to be in your portfolio. Today's visit is on behalf of the Circle of Sisters, because you have entered this poem in the Rising Stars Shining Brighter contest *Smile*

You really are a cut above, in my eyes. I guess that makes me expect more, so please remember that I'm working on a scale of 'perfect' down to 'what other people may consider perfect' when I review your work *Wink*

I did enjoy the philosophy behind this poem, and thought your rhyme, rhythm, and vocabulary worked well to produce a thoughtful and thought-provoking poem that inspired me, as well as gave me something to mull over for some time! Good writing, as usual *Thumbsup*

Spiritual and inspirational this may be, but I, personally, dislike the Contest Entry genre field: it wastes the possibility of reaching a third audience; in this case, the history lovers (and you know I'm one of those).

If you do plan on future edits, just take a peek at punctuation. For example, the closing parenthetic comma is missing from the line ending 'friend':
yet science, faith’s immortal friend
confirms our past...


Okay, I realise the irony of what I'm saying, when it comes to a poem that urges the modern to blend with the ancient, but I do find it distracting when a poem, or piece of prose, switches from modern to archaic language use. I suggest you stick to the modern, as it is predominate in this poem:
a questioning that never quits.

And so, t’is you I call upon
So, it is you I call...

Write on and take care!
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93
Review of Move Along  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

*Star*AN ACME REVIEW*Star*

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

Hi Daizy,

This is the final review that you won in Jace's auction. Thank you for making me feel so welcome in your portfolio *Smile*

I chose this item because it had been recently created and modified. I was also feeling a little philosophical, so your genre field choices appealed to my reading appetite.

Another thoughtful, and thought-provoking, piece from you. This thought for the day is easily digestible, and will give good scope to readers to examine themselves/faith in light of your words. Using a modern analogy of a user guide for technology was a good way to reinforce the points you make about faith in action.

One tiny typo won't stop me giving this a perfect rating.
We need to check with others who have already started on this journey (other Christians). And most importantly, we need
Join two independent clauses with a comma before the conjunction:
We need to check with others who have already started on this journey (other Christians), and most importantly, we need


*Star*Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care! *Star*
94
94
Review of Autumn Playground  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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*Star* Acme Review *Star*

This review is offered in the spirit of support and is only my opinion. Please feel free to take what you will from it and thank you for sharing your work!


Hi Pat *Smile*

Thank you for entering this seasonal poem into Rising Stars Shining Brighter. I have to say that I was taken right into your childhood memories as I read, and thought your imagery, pace, tone, and language use were wonderful. I did giggle, too--although, I'm quite sure I wasn't supposed to (I'm just very juvenile *Blush*):
into the muddy bottom of the creek, making squishy noises.
I can still feel the cool, soft mud on my feet today.
Maybe it's time for a bath? *Wink*

Write on and take care!
95
95
Review by Acme
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*Star* Acme Review *Star*

This review is offered in the spirit of support and is only my opinion. Please feel free to take what you will from it and thank you for sharing your work!


Hi Oldwarrior,

Thank you for entering a poem into Rising Stars Shining Brighter *Smile*

I felt truly moved by the content, subject, and expression in this inspirational and spiritual poem. I think that 'holiday' might not be the best way to advertise this poem to potential readers, and suggest that you consider 'military', 'spiritual', and 'inspirational'.

You have a lovely turn of phrase, vocabulary, and your rhyming couplets had a great natural rhythm to them, which propelled the poem along at a steady pace. In fact, I have no suggestions for what you've written, only how you've written it.

Similar to prose, poetry works best when you stay in a particular tense. Little shifts between past and present can distract your reader:
I stood upon the hill one day looking down below,
I felt a presence standing near, my thoughts begin to flow.
began

And speech, even the Lord's, is much more easily recognisable to a reader if you use quotation marks:
I will keep them close to me, the Lord then softly said,
for in the house that God has built they were never dead.
"I will keep them close to me," the Lord then softly said,
"For in the house that God has built they are never dead."


Write on and take care!
96
96
Review by Acme
In affiliation with Circle of Sisters  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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*Star* Acme Review *Star*

This review is offered in the spirit of support and is only my opinion. Please feel free to take what you will from it and thank you for sharing your work!


Hi Ben *Smile*
Thank you for entering the Rising Stars Shining Brighter contest. Perhaps it is the darker side of my humour embarrassing myself again, but I found this funny, and think that came through in a number of ways. I do hope that the experience tag you've added is in relation to your lack of nature awareness, and not due to the loss of a loved one in a motor accident? If it is because you've lost a loved one, please do not put too much stock in my finding humour here: I mean it in purely the way that certain aspects of not recognising animals, and the melodramatic ending, all contribute to something which tickled me. Sure, you do have some thoughtful points to make about how anonymous people can be to us: we're all just blood and guts, but there's no escaping the fact that first three stanzas are humourous in their own right, and that the final stanza (for all it's horror and impersonal made personal) is delightfully dramatic and bursting with dark humour. If I have one suggestion, it's to celebrate your wicked side and change one of your genre fields to embrace the twisted grin of some of your potential readers *Blush*

Write on and take care!
97
97
Review of Fiery Red Hair  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*Star*AN ACME REVIEW*Star*

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

I noted that this item had been recently modified, so thought I would take the opportunity to read it *Smile* This is musical prose! It seemed to flow in much the same way as the galloping horse the old lady rode on. I liked the idea that a lone, frail, woman in a hospital bed could experience such an alternative life in her mind. This clever tale of reincarnation/soul mates did not need to be longer than the scene your words painted. Normally, flash backs wouldn't work in so short a piece, but here it works wonderfully in joining the two worlds together in a satisfying way, which made the ending all the more enjoyable.

For the majority of the piece the repetition works well to make this piece of prose almost lyrical, but that said, one thing which did stand out was a use of one particular image: the eyes. While this gives a good indication of the character's appearance, it did seem to reoccur enough for me to wonder if you could use a different detailing description. Maybe engage some of the other senses? Here are the references from the first three paragraphs:
Her half-opened eyes [...] the green-eyed lover [...] Tears from her unseeing eyes [...] from her reddened eyes [...] Her green-eyed husband [...] hair of her green-eyed daughter


*Star*Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care! *Star*
98
98
Review of The Key  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*Star*AN ACME REVIEW*Star*

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

Dear Daizy,

This is the first of three reviews you will receive from me, and I thought I would start with one of your highlighted items. I am glad I did, because this beautiful, thoughtful, poem was an inspirational read to me, especially today. I work for a parish church, and while the majority of my job deals with the brightest aspects of Christian life, I do also come in contact with raw emotions and grief of the recently bereaved. Today, we had a requiem mass for a young man in his early 20s; it was a moving service to say the least. Your poignant words of comfort, and joy, in 'coming home' to the kingdom of heaven, truly moved me. I found it uplifting and inspirational, and thought that the rhyme and rhythm of the quatrains enhanced the delivery of your sentiments. I think your choice to explore the subject via the key itself worked very well, and I can see why this poem has been awarded an awardicon. I have no suggestions to improve the quality of the content of the poem, but there are a couple of typos you may want to address in future editing:

"It's time to use this, my friend.
You have been a faithful servant,
Your job here is at an end.

You'll only need to use...
Just as a new paragraph in prose needs to reassert the fact that speech is in progress with another opening quotation mark (even though the original one does not close at the end of the previous one), poems with clearly defined stanzas should also re-open the quotation mark where appropriate. In this case as follows:
Your job here is at an end.

"You'll only need to use...


As you are not following a set syllabic scheme, you may want to edit for tense modifiers, such as:
The oldest Key that was hanging there
The oldest Key that hung there


You use appropriate punctuation throughout, but should change the comma after ready for a semi-colon to avoid a comma splice here:
Your mansion in Heaven is ready,
You're going there today!


*Star*Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care! *Star*
99
99
Review of Strange Jungle  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This review is part of
 WDC Power Raid And Chat Forum  (E)
Join our group to help. :-)
#1388251 by Maryann - House Martell


What are my overall impressions?
I saw this highlighted in your blog and wanted to stop by. I'm glad I did. Your writing is tight and your storytelling skills make this an enjoyable read. I also looked at the contest prompt, and this story fits the animal in the city prompt very well. I wish you every success *Smile*

What are my favourite parts?
The descriptions are vivid, and unique in their point of view! The dawning of fear was captured well with good attention to the narrator's physiological reaction. I was also delighted with the alien view point of human beings; it's nice to take a step back and see us as the mammals we are.

What are my suggestions?
Your craft of language, grammar, and style is good, but I do think the 2000 word cap means you could develop the journey the 'gator/croc makes into the city, as it wasn't clear how he arrived there via a dusty route. I'm not all that familiar with wildlife, but thought that they dwelt in swamp/wetland habitats. Maybe you could have the animal find a storm drain? That would seem to be authentic to me and would compliment the story. Any decision, of course, is yours to make. My opinion is subjective and based on a woeful understanding of the animal kingdom *Blush* ... erm, and storm drains *Blush*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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100
100
Review of Apology  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This review is part of
 WDC Power Raid And Chat Forum  (E)
Join our group to help. :-)
#1388251 by Maryann - House Martell


What are my overall impressions?
Ken, I love Monty's Traditional Poetry Contest, and I wish you the best of luck with this fine effort *Smile* Once again, your apt illustration enhances the narrative content of the poem. You tell a complete, and wonderfully dark, tale in a few well chosen words and set up a natural rhythm and rhyme scheme that took me along at the pace you wanted to set. Oh, we've all been here, too! Well, not in the gutter, but regretting words said in anger and wanting desperately for the other person to know how sorry we are. The beauty of this poem is that, while the ending is melodramatic, it helps convey that feeling of frustration which is never really satisfied with a simple 'I'm sorry'. Good writing, and good luck in the contest!

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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