*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/acme/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/5
Review Requests: OFF
2,953 Public Reviews Given
3,697 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Honest. I give my overall impressions, let you know what worked well for me and what didn't, and when that happens, I like to try and offer suggestions--totally up to you if you want to take any notice; it is your writing, after all. I am just glad to have the opportunity to read and review. I rarely think anything is perfect, so please do not request a review if you value ratings over review content.
I'm good at...
...being interested. I take time over reviews. My reviews are intimate, informal and honest. They aim to help, offer insight, and celebrate the graft of craft. I love commas. Punctuation is a personal passion.
Favorite Genres
Comedy, supernatural horror, sci-if, fantasy, thriller, detective, slice-of-life, history.
Least Favorite Genres
Dystopian glumness, romance, personal.
Favorite Item Types
Scripts. Fiction. Essays, especially academic
Least Favorite Item Types
Free form poetry. Other than that, little offends.
I will not review...
Unless previously agreed, novels and chapters are a no go with me. I am sorry to say that I haven't the time.
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 2 3 4 -5- 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
101
101
Review of Feathers  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This review is part of
 WDC Power Raid And Chat Forum  (E)
Join our group to help. :-)
#1388251 by Maryann - House Martell


What are my overall impressions?
Wow. I almost didn't review this poem after reading it, because I felt I couldn't justify my reaction to it with mere words, but then, I thought I could at least tell you how it made me feel. It made me feel a lot! I think most of us will have had a brush with devastating illnesses, whether it is the loss of a friend/loved one, or the strange 'almost' relief of remission... waiting, always waiting, to see if it comes back. This thoughtful poem spoke to me as the daughter of someone living with cancer, and it is a spectator's view; the impact on those around people who have to deal with such life-changing conditions is not often addressed so aptly. I can't think of a better poem that speaks with my own emotions' voice. Wonderful writing.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
102
102
Review of The Performance  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This review is part of
 WDC Power Raid And Chat Forum  (E)
Join our group to help. :-)
#1388251 by Maryann - House Martell


What are my overall impressions?
I had to stop by this one because it was a form I was unfamiliar with and you know I likes to fiddle with form. Wow! I looked at the requirements of the form before I read your poem. Big mistake: this looks complicated. I tried to shove the newly acquired information to the back of my head and simply appreciate your poem, not the form. That worked. This is full of vivid imagery *Thumbsup* I think you are one of the best expressive poets I've come across--you always take me right into the moments you create. I then went went back and read it in relation to the form. While that pesky iambic pentameter trips you in a few places in the blank verse, on the whole, I'm gobsmacked! This is fantastic, and as it was written for a contest, I can only hope it did well? The only problem may be that the image is no longer available to you, because I noticed that the spot where an illustration should be has that message that reads ** #1544391 Not An Image **

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
103
103
Review by Acme
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

*Star*AN ACME REVIEW*Star*

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

The title of this poem was what caught my attention, and the brief description made me want to read on. I was an impressionable kid, and I guess Travis Bickle's soliloquy in Taxi Driver, about the rain as a cleanser, made me like the stuff.

You will probably get a few varying reactions to your repetition and adverb use in the following stanza, but that's the beauty of reviewing: it's so subjective. Me? I loved it. I like repetition like this that walks hand in hand with the repetitive percussion of the rain/walk scene.
The street glistens gloomily,
Arcs of dim yellow from lamps,
And headlights holding halos of rain,
The streets shimmer depressingly.
Sure, I'm as big a fan of show not tell as the next reviewer, but sometimes, all you need is a 'ly' to say it how it is. Because your language choice is strong, as well as versatile, in other areas of the poem, I have to see the adverbs there by poet's choice, and I think they set a good contrast between those bright images conjured by what a reader would normally associate with 'glisten' and 'shimmer'. My favourite stanza, without a doubt.

Umbrella laden pedestrians skip and weave,
Shoulders hunched heads down feeling the greynes
It's a great image, but this was one of those points that I thought you could show the weight of that grey in action, just by reviewing your vocabulary. For instance:
Umbrella laden pedestrians skip and weave,
Shoulders hunched heads down bearing the greynes


*Star*Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care! *Star*
104
104
Review by Acme
In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

BOO!


What the spook are you writtering on about?
LOL - I loved your note in the forum. History is written by the winning side, and if your imagination has decided to create a myth with its own historical background, then so be it: you are your own winning side. While it's not exactly what I was after, I am so pleased you entered this fine shortie into the Freestyle challenge *Bigsmile*

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?
Yes! erm, technically it was a groan, but an appreciative, comedy groan after being served a punchline that I should have seen coming. Fab! *Thumbsup*

Chillers?
None -- this is a cute, self-contained joke. Spook on!

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
105
105
Review by Acme
In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

BOO!


What the spook are you writtering on about?
I thought this vignette a smashing take on the 'sometimes they come back' prompt, Nicki *Smile* You managed to cram a lot into a such a short piece, not least of all some stunning description, action, tension, and wonderful scene-setting foreshadowing (the scent of that sofa lingered in my imagination's nostrils).

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?
I didn't giggle at all; I was, quite rightly, a bit scared. Who wouldn't be? Look at the narrator's impotent terror in action:
Tiny, claw-like hands gripped my fingertips and climbed up my hands. I screamed out, but no sound issued from my mouth. I couldn’t see the creatures, but I pictured them. I imagined stout, miniature, gray-skinned people, with squat faces like carved apples left out to dry. They pulled their little knees up from my arms and onto my torso. I felt their coarse skin and the weight of their small bodies. They snickered and wheezed as they pressed down on me, trapping me in place. I struggled harder. I wanted to get up and run away, but I was powerless against them. I concentrated on my right arm. "Lift, damn it!" I shouted in silence. If I could get my arm up, I could throw the creatures off me.

One of the things which made me relax into your read, was the narrator's conversational tone with me as the reader. You managed to make the first part of the item like a confessional between friends. It made me care about what the 'I' in this story was going through.

Chillers?
None. Spook on! *Jackolantern*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
106
106
Review of The Inside Story  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

BOO!


What the spook are you writtering on about?
Jyo, I've looked forward to all of your entries during the past week, and have been rewarded by some wonderful journeys through your poetic imagination. This poem did not disappoint me: wonderful writing!

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?
This is a fantastic concept... in fact, it reminded me of Fantastic Voyage, that classic film where scientists are shrunk and injected into a patient's body. Why? Because your chase scene took me right into a bacterial war! *Delight*

Chillers?
Well! Fate conspired against you in trying to get this in, and you did a smashing job of doing so, given the circumstances. Once you do get a chance to edit, all I have to suggest is that you don't use italicised text throughout: italics, bold, underline, etc., should be the exception and not the rule when it comes to the visual delivery of writing. Similarly, you may just want to cast your eye over some of the punctuation when you get a moment to catch your breath!

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
107
107
Review of Trick or Treat  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

BOO!


What the spook are you writtering on about?
Question: How ace is this?
Answer: VERY ACE!

This IS Hallowe'en. I love the new WritingML, and think this poem is visually appealing, as well as capturing the spirit of the season so well.

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?
Oh, I just plain grinned all the way through. *Bigsmile*

Chillers?
None. Spook-tacular poem! *Witch-hat*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
108
108
Review of Just Like You  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

BOO!


As a side note before I begin the review, you mentioned the fear that I might not be throwing a party for the great event... all I can say is 'yes' I will be throwing the motha of all Hallowe'en bashes, and you, my dearest Spook-tator, will be in your element *Wink*

What the spook are you writtering on about?
I thought this poem was a fabulous break from quatrain structure (not that I get bored of it, but this was fresh and exciting). I think the five line stanzas really added to the sense of confusion, especially as your tight syllabic scheme didn't follow any fixed metre.

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?
I do like it when you experiment with form, and as for the content? Oh, Jyo! What a deep, dark, secret this is... If this is the worst you have to worry about, life is not all bad, is it? *Bigsmile*

Chillers?
None. I adored this. Spook on!

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
109
109
Review of Beastly Banquet  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

BOO!


What the spook are you writtering on about?
I've got to admit a bit of a guilty pleasure, Jyo: you're the one who prompted this prompt *Blush* Your wonderful Ravi adventures invariably have some sort of tantalising food description in them. I just knew this kind of prompt would 'serve' you well. How delightful to find that you can deliver the not-so-nice flavours along with sweet... kinda reminds me of your review caveat!

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?
What can I say to this?
Cocktails at two says the clawed-out invite -
Fresh slime soda or Mocktail Mermaid Lips,
Crisp butt-hollow wings and squeezy nose-drips,
Crunching and slurping, there’s no end in sight.

*Sick* *Delight*

Chillers?
None. Spook on!

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
110
110
Review of I Can Do Better!  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

BOO!


What the spook are you writtering on about?
Considering that you had to do a lot of coaxing and cajoling, I think you've done a smashing job of the monster prompt today *Smile*

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?
Cracking comedy, Jyo *Thumbsup* Anyone who's ever been to a spa will recognise this kind of monster, and I particularly enjoyed the narrator's blase attitude toward the loss of a gooey hubby!

Chillers?
You could be missing out on potential readers by not making the most of the three available genre fields. I don't think you need to explain the word noxious in syllabic terms; it speaks for itself and is a fairly common descriptive word that your readers will understand *Smile*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
111
111
Review by Acme
In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

BOO!


What the spook are you writtering on about?
Oh, you warned me you had a crooked mind... ace! Oh, you sure know how to build up to a punchline *Laugh*

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?
I loved this, Jyo. You used great language to paint a salty picture of days of yore, and then BAM! in came the comedy imagery in the final reveal. Wonderful *Bigsmile*

Chillers?
None. Spook on!

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
112
112
Review by Acme
In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

BOO!


What the spook are you writtering on about?
I love that you accessorise so well--your poem matches your handle *Bigsmile*

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?
Yes. You coaxed out a real life chortle with your poem's punchline... aah, the problems of romance for the undead... *Laugh*

Chillers?
Your humour's great, your imagery's top notch, and your narrative inspired, however, I did get thrown off your rhythm in a few places. I still think you did a smashing job in such a short amount of time *Delight*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
113
113
Review of Grounded  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

BOO!


What the spook are you writtering on about?
Ooh, fab limerick, Nicki! I often wondered if there was a Sky-way Code for broom travel... now I know *Delight*

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?
Kudos for a smashing opening line end rhyme:
There once was a witch from Poughkeepsie


Chillers?
Not for the poem, but I do advise you to reconsider your content rating; hints toward the witch's 'tired and emotional' state mean that this should be 13+ *hic*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
114
114
Review of In the Night  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

BOO!


What the spook are you writtering on about?
Congratulations on taking part in the first day of the Poetry Challenge! Your prompt for today was to write a Vampire poem without mentioning the 'b' word *Delight*

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?
No giggles here--and a good job, too, because this poem is potent mood setting stuff! I liked the way you echoed the tone of fear in nature with some smashing anthropomorphic personification:
Nervous clouds scud across the sky
The language used throughout is adds to the spooky tone.

Chillers?
Just one. Try as I might, I couldn't make this 7 syllable line stretch to eight:
Two curved fangs, white neck espy,


*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
115
115
Review of Dark Music  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

BOO!


What the spook are you writtering on about?
Congratulations on taking part in the first day of the Poetry Challenge! Your prompt for today was to write a Vampire poem without mentioning the 'b' word *Delight*

One of the things I love about opening one of your poems, is that I never know what I'll find. Today, I find a 'Trijan Refrain', and it's a form I've not come across before. Because of that, I thank you heartily for the poet's note explaining the form's requirements. And, according to them, you've done an excellent job of showing off the form here! I think you chose particularly strong refrains.

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?
Ooh, there's not much to giggle at here in this tale of star-crossed lovers, but that's good: I didn't want to giggle; you set a thoughtful tone of regret from the start and I followed it gladly *Thumbsup*

Chillers?
No suggestions. Spook on!

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
116
116
Review by Acme
In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

BOO!


What the spook are you writtering on about?
Congratulations on taking part in the first day of the Poetry Challenge! Your prompt for today was to write a Vampire poem without mentioning the 'b' word *Delight*

You tickled my funny tooth with your title! This is wonderfully silly, and very visual; you are the queen of imagery *Thumbsup* I loved the narrative behind this poem, and chortled at the close of the first stanza.

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?
You captured comedy/horror well, Nicki. The comedy is most evident, but I mentally wrinkled my nose at the horror your protagonist found in thinking of carnivorous treats. Great work, sure, but by far my favourite aspect of this poem is the vocabulary you've used. I loved the assonance in this stanza:
From sundown to dawn, I dig around
in gardens and grocery trash
Collecting delectable, edible bits
to add to my sarcophagus cache


Chillers?
Not a one. Spook on!

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
117
117
Review by Acme
In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

BOO!


What the spook are you writtering on about?
Boo! to you, my fellow Spook-tator *Delight* Ooh, this poem is designed to spook up: loved the addition of a creepy graveyard illustration; it got me into the spirit of the season.

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?
aarrgghh! Phantom horsemen clop through this poem and into my imagination. I couldn't help but think of the Legend of Sleepy Hollow, and you captured the tone, mood and voice of that classic well with good vocabulary choices and just the right hint of dread foreboding. Ace *Thumbsup*

Chillers?
None that I could see *Smile* Spook on!

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
118
118
Review of Who's There?  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

BOO!


What the spook are you writtering on about?
Thanks heaps for entering a poem in the 'One Shots' contest *Delight* Please remember that you are still eligible to enter both the Short Story and Movie Review categories.

aaaaarrrrrgggghhhh Monster-in-law! *Shock* Excellent use of the horror/comedy prompt *Thumbsup* Many will be able to relate to your protagonist in this narrative poem.

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?
I did an out and out chortle. Wanna know where? It was a mid-way punchline. Your opening stanza and following couplets built pace, tension, and horror, with appropriate vocabulary choices, and then...BAM!... you brought out the toilet humour; proof, if any were ever needed, of your Britishness. Loved it.

Chillers?
Oh, the couplets worked so well. Maybe it's just me, but I thought you could have used them throughout? Poet's preference, of course, but the buck in the natural rhythm caught me there, and in the natural rhythm of one couplet which didn't fit the pattern of the ones around it:
that my life hasn’t gone terribly.
Not only that, she reeks of pee.


What can I say? I'm splitting hairs. On the whole, this was wonderfully entertaining. Thanks for entering *Bigsmile*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
119
119
Review of From Beyond  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

BOO!


What the spook are you writtering on about?
Hurrah! A poetry entry earns you a limited offer of 250gps *Delight* Don't forget you can still enter a One Shot in the Movie Review and Short Story categories *Thumbsup*

AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH! Cleaning woes *shudder* I knew it! I knew there was something other-worldly about dust bunnies, and now this poem has given me the proof...

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?
Oh, the fabulous freedom of free verse; it works so well for this poem. I applaud any poet who can make a vocabulary choice like 'Interdimensional' look so darn natural. I thought you got the mix of horror/comedy perfect in this poem *Bigsmile*

Chillers?
Not a one. Loved it; although, I may have nightmares *Worry*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
120
120
Review of The Ouija  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

BOO!


What the spook are you writtering on about?
Thank you for entering the poetry category in the Scream Hallowe'en One Shots *Smile* Ooh, I love a bit of poetry with a satirical edge, and this hallowe'en romp is, sadly, a story of our time. You manage to make some good points and convey your opinions all dressed up in horror allusion galore. Ace.

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?
The nightmare isn't Freddie Krueger;
its been renamed 'Freddie Mac.'
When Jason wields his knife
it now ends up in our back.

This was my favourite stanza and did a great job of summing up your whole theme using popular horror movie imagery. My only concern is your current content rating of E (knives in backs deserve a higher rating, no matter how metaphorical they are *Wink*).

Chillers?
The natural rhythm seemed to be stronger in the final stanzas than it did in the earlier ones. I think this is because of the varying syllabic content to the lines.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
121
121
Review of From Beyond  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

BOO!


What the spook are you writtering on about?
Hey there, Jam *Delight* Thanks for taking the time to enter the Poetry Category over at the Scream Hallowe'en. You still have plenty of time to create entries for both the Short Story and Review categories, if you like *Thumbsup*

Ooh! This is ace *Bigsmile* I love to read poetry out loud, and this one was a pleasure. Simple traditional quatrain structure works wonderfully with the strong rhythm and rhyme throughout. Smashing stuff.

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?
One of the best things about this poem is the fact that it is suitable for a child to enjoy. It's no bad thing to learn, and while the rest of the language is easy to understand, when I tested your poem out on my own 6 year-old child, 'morphed' was the only word I had to explain. She's now getting a little too giddy about Hallowe'en... I guess she takes after her parent *Blush*

Chillers?
I don't have any suggestions to improve the poem, but you may want to consider changing one of your genre fields to incorporate 'childrens'-- you're bound to get a readership as we get closer to the spooky season.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
122
122
Review by Acme
In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

BOO!


What the spook are you writtering on about?
Yay! This is the first entry of this year's Comedy Scream Hallowe'en, and as such, you receive a bonus 1313 gps for your WDC piggy bank. It doesn't stop there, though! This review category entry will also receive 1,000gps as a limited offer, so you're a winner already *Delight*

So, what did you review? An all time classic? Yes, you sure did. This is, without a shadow of a doubt, a classic camp comedy spoof. It's been years since I've seen it, and you reminded me of how wonderfully dated it must be now, when you mention the Communists being the driving force in displacing Vlad from the old country. Loved the inclusion of a movie poster image *Thumbsup*

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?
I love your voice! Most of my favourite reviews are the ones that manage to carry the author's tone in an informal, friendly manner. You have a talent for making me feel as if your opinion is shared direct with me. This entry in the One Shots Review category has certainly set the bar for others to follow.

Chillers?
New York hangovers and a bit of bite innuendo mean this item needs a 13+ content rating, but that and one easy fix typo (...because of it's campy nature... no apostrophe needed in possessive use of its) are the only suggestion I have to an otherwise funny, informative, and thoroughly entertaining review... makes me want to get it out on rental *Bigsmile*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
123
123
Review of The Crossing  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


Hi Jaye *Smile* I am reviewing this short story as a judge for the Rising Stars Shining Brighter contest.

Wow! You took me right into the heart of Regina's story, Jaye. I thought you did a good job of marrying quite a lot of backstory to the actual physical description of Regina's dangerous journey. You may not have painted an image of the girl well, but that's hard to do in a flash piece like this. Instead you added meat to her circumstances, plight, and dangerous flight to another life. I also enjoyed the way that you did not say where she was fleeing from and going to: that makes this a story about people not time/politics/geography. Nicely done *Thumbsup*

I'm always a little hesitant in offering a hyphen master a suggestion, so please forgive me if what follows is due to differences in American and UK English:
She relived the family conference of two nights earlier
re-lived (Oxford) two night's (possessive apostrophe for a singular night that belongs to the conference)

In spite of the misting spray and the wind slapping her face and whipping her hair, the jouncing of the boat and the rocking of the waves made her eyelids begin to droop.
Noticing a lot of 'ands' in a sentence can be an indication of where you edit sentences structure. For example:
The jouncing of the boat sent up billows of misting spray. In spite of the wind slapping her face and whipping her hair, the rocking of the waves made her eyelids begin to droop.
124
124
Review by Acme
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


Hi Jyo *Smile* I am reviewing this story as one of the judges for Rising Stars Shining Brighter.

Oh, my dear friend, your storytelling skills always paint such vibrant pictures in my mind's eye. I love an excuse to make time to visit your fine portfolio, and I'm so glad that you entered this entertaining, and thought-provoking, entry into the Rising Stars Shining Brighter contest.

This is a beautiful story/prayer, and offers a keen insight into the age old questions that can arise when individual spirituality and core beliefs are pitted against the sometime constraints of organised religious rites and observances.

A most enjoyable read, but you may want to proofread punctuation in any future editing that you plan to do.

The shocked accents were those of one my next door neighbours, a trendy student most days, she suddenly transformed
possessive apostrophe needed in neighbour's. New sentence at 'A trendy student...' as this is a subordinate clause attached to the following independent clause ', she suddenly...' There are a couple of other places which you might want to proofread for period use in place of commas. For example, a period is needed after 'Sunday' here:
Sheila, it is also Sunday, you do realise that hospitals work round the clock, you've seen me do holiday duty before.


"Oh, it is you Doctorni", she
The comma goes before the quotation mark, inside the speech.
125
125
Review of Sunset Dreams  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


Hi Ken *Smile* I am reviewing this poem as a judge in the Rising Stars Shining Brighter contest.

Oh, this took me into the moment so well. You have captured that moment in imagery that engaged my senses on many levels, not least scent. I particularly enjoyed this stanza:
Softly, a breeze intones a sweet berceuse.
Its whispering voice, designed to seduce,
hums of promised tomorrows and carries away
the perfume that has been gathered today.


You do a great job of using traditional quatrain poetry with a-a-b-b rhyme scheme. The beautiful natural rhythm compliments your melodic word choices. Faboo.

One easy fix typo won't impact on my rating:
replaced by a star filled blanket of night
hyphen needed to join star-filled
776 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 32 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/acme/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/5