Acme's (acme) Reviews

Review Requests: OFF

2,953 Public Reviews Given

3,697 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

Honest. I give my overall impressions, let you know what worked well for me and what didn't, and when that happens, I like to try and offer suggestions--totally up to you if you want to take any notice; it is your writing, after all. I am just glad to have the opportunity to read and review. I rarely think anything is perfect, so please do not request a review if you value ratings over review content.

I'm good at...

...being interested. I take time over reviews. My reviews are intimate, informal and honest. They aim to help, offer insight, and celebrate the graft of craft. I love commas. Punctuation is a personal passion.

Favorite Genres

Comedy, supernatural horror, sci-if, fantasy, thriller, detective, slice-of-life, history.

Least Favorite Genres

Dystopian glumness, romance, personal.

Favorite Item Types

Scripts. Fiction. Essays, especially academic

Least Favorite Item Types

Free form poetry. Other than that, little offends.

I will not review...

Unless previously agreed, novels and chapters are a no go with me. I am sorry to say that I haven't the time.

126

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#3164139

Review of The Fried Chicken Bank Robbers

Review by Acme

In affiliation with

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

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Hi Connieann

I am reviewing this short story for the Rising Stars Shining Brighter contest.

Unfortunately, as it was created in April it does not qualify under the contest rules and will be disqualified. I would still like to offer you a review, though.

This short was full of action and drama. I enjoyed the way you built up the tension by isolating your protagonist, and in the dark, too! All of that added to the rising tension that you wove into this story.

You may want to focus on cutting superfluous words in future editing--doing so will make your sentences crisp and to the point. For example:

I had worked at Carter Chemicals almost three years now as their receptionist.

It just didn’t pay to take a vacation with the way the work piled up while I was gone, but I was glad I had decided to come in today even if it was Friday.
It didn’t pay to take a vacation; the work piled up while I was gone. I was glad I had decided to come in today, even if it was Friday.

127

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#3164129

Review of A Moment In Time

Review by Acme

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (4.5)

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Hi Pat

I am reviewing this poem as an entry for Rising Stars Rising Brighter contest.

What a colourful poem! I did enjoy your use of coloured WritingML to enhance the visual display of this poem. I enjoyed the subject matter, too, because I like to see nature reflected in poetry. I particularly enjoyed the narrative story and reminiscing in this poem. The final verse made the opening one more potent, because I know what it is to be so lost in a book that I start to see the world, rather than read it. Good use of imagery and you set the pace well. I did think there were a couple of places where you could have expanded your vocabulary just a little to freshen some old phrasing (worries floated downstream, butterflies fluttered, etc.), but for the most part, I was with the narrator all the way

128

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#3164120

Review of ODE TO TED KENNEDY

Review by Acme

In affiliation with

Rated: E

| (3.5)

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Hi Oldwarrior

I am reviewing this item as an entry in Rising Stars Shining Brighter contest.

The recent death of Ted Kennedy has had an impact on a great many people. I had the pleasure of seeing an interview with family members on CNN last week, and his love of the sea was most apparent in their moving tributes.

This poem does capture that well, and is a fitting testament to his life, but you should consider working on your punctuation as much of it is incorrect. When you do have something like this which is worth sharing, it pays to take time out to make it legible and literate, so that you can convey your feelings easily to others. If you are incorporating punctuation in a poem, you should apply the expected use of commas. For instance, a comma should not be used to replace an apostrophe (both serve different purposes), and a comma cannot join two independent clauses without a conjunction. A quick edit specifically for punctuation should clear up these clarity issues and enhance the meaning of your poem. Any work is worth the effort, because this is a lovely tribute to a great, and much missed, man

129

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#3163512

Review of To Dwell

Review by Acme

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
I chose to make this my final poem because I noted it had no ratings. That could be because you have selected 'other' as the genre field. You may find that using all three of the genre fields will draw in potential readers who use the site's search engine to find material.

The first person address to 'you' on such a personal issue (the reader is addressed as the absent lover) made me take a step back emotionally from this poem. It was as if I were reading someone else's mail. Silly, I know, but once I re-read it some of that guilty impact was lessened and I enjoyed it as the narrator's lament to a long-gone love.

There's something wonderfully romantic about tragic love. It's as if the communicator can finally express themselves to someone who will listen; it adds to the sad tone that the reader is often not the person who should be listening.

What are my favourite parts?
Simple, traditional, rhyming quatrain allowed me to be carried along with the natural rhythm of your lines, meaning that there was no real need for a rigid meter or syllabic scheme. It meant that you controlled my reading pace, and you did a good job of it. Each stanza carried it own exploration to the subject matter, allowing a little pause before moving onto the next stanza/next train of thought.

What are my suggestions?
Do try to advertise your work to potential readers, and make the most of the genre fields and keyword fields that the static items provide

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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130

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#3163504

Review of Mazed

Review by Acme

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
I normally steer clear of untitled poetry. I don't really know why, as there are lots of examples of it throughout the craft and throughout time, too. I think it may be because a title is a great way to capture a reader's eye, and I worry that if the writer can't be imaginative with a title, what will the content be like? Just me, I'm sure, but it was the brief description that hooked my attention and gave me a bit of a clue as to what to expect from the poem. I'm glad it did, because I think the poem is wonderful.

It's simplicity only goes to underline the complexity of meaning. Wow. There's such power behind your words; I felt a strong emotional connection to the narrator and the intimacy that went toward an informal relationship between them and me as a reader--like a confidence shared, or being given access to a secret diary of sorts.

What are my favourite parts?
Alliteration works best when used subtly. There's nothing subtle about its use in this 'M' peppered poem, but it never felt overpowering. In fact, I enjoyed it all the more because you managed to choose such musical language. There really is a strong melody to your words that comes alive when this poem is read aloud. And what language! Sure, it's simple, but as I said in my overall thoughts, it's doubly effective in this case. Your opening line, in particular, is very strong.

I liked the structure too. Again, this is simple: two quatrains separated by a rhyming couplet. There is a good strong natural rhythm here, but I think you could play to its advantage a little stronger in the first stanza (see below)

What are my suggestions?
One thing that I have noted in all your poems so far, is the fact that you only use one of the three genre fields available to you. You may want to consider using all three, because you could be missing out on prospective readers who use the site's search engine to find items of interest to them.

As you're not writing to any specific syllabic scheme, you might want to let the natural rhythm be reflected in the rhymes at the end of your lines. They all rhyme except for the third and fourth line of the first stanza, and, because there is a natural aural rhyme that you could use, I suggest that you consider the following change:

Too many ways in a
Misshapen Maze.
Too many ways
in a misshapen maze.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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131

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#3163486

Review of Twisted Perception

Review by Acme

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.0)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
I think you may have liked the Constanza a little more than you let on

While this poem does not have the syllabic content required of the form, it does remind me of it in the way that you have incorporated first line monorhyme into the a-b-b rhyme scheme of the triplets. I like it

What are my favourite parts?
Unlike the previous poem, this poem is in the first person and it works wonderfully, because you are more vague about the circumstances effecting the narrator. This is pure emotion without a solid backstory. A reader could imprint the circumstances/setting that they want to, with the emotional power of your narrator's suffering evoking an emotional response.

What are my suggestions?
Just one little thing distracted me as I read. I enjoy poetry that does not use punctuation, just as much as poetry that does, but find it a little disconcerting when it is used and doesn't follow expected grammatical style. This is entirely personal preference, so please feel free to ignore it, but I would be tempted to capitalise the start of the second stanza's second line following the period which ends the first line.

I think the image of the twisted tree trunk is good, but couldn't really see it in the imagery of the poem. I think that was because of the 'indoor' nature of the poem. Words like 'hallway', 'trapped', and 'surrounded by gray', went against the outdoor imagery.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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132

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#3163477

Review of Bitter Tears

Review by Acme

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is the first of four reviews on behalf of "Invalid Item" gifted to you by your friend Just call me Omni

What are my overall impressions?
I like Constanzas because of their requirement to have meaning when the first lines are read together. I was drawn to this poem because the brief description mentioned the form, but also because it sounded like you never wanted to do one again! I think this an admirable, and good, effort at writing to the particular demands of the form; your rhyme scheme and syllabic count are spot on, and your the meaning of the first lines is well echoed in the spirit of the rest of the poem.

What are my favourite parts?
It is a tough subject, and one that you allow the reader to explore via third person. This is good when it comes to subjects such as domestic abuse, because first person can be a little overwhelming, whereas an objective narrator allows the reader to invest their emotions at a level which best suits them. I was drawn in and felt the emotive content of the poem.

I also enjoyed the little touches of attention to detail that you used in the visual display of this poem. The cool colour of blue text added to the icy horror of the protagonist, and the image of a closed, tear-filled eye enhanced the impact of your subject matter.

What are my suggestions?
Due to the nature of the subject matter you should change your rating from E to ASR. Please feel free to check with Content Rating Support or a Moderator first.

While the mention of a constanza poem caught my attention, it is not the best way to fully use your poetry item's brief description area. You may find that adding a little hint about the nature of the poem itself will attract more readers.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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133

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#3162234

Review of Eau De Vie

Review by Acme

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

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AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

Hello

I saw this short story featured in the Fantasy Newsletter and couldn't resist a peek. I have to say, the brief description makes for a wonderful hook, and I'm glad it invited me in. I thoroughly enjoyed this story, and, as usual, your parting point is thoughtful and stayed with me long after I first read it. That's another wonderful treat about your stories: they make me want to re-read them. Maybe it's because of the fantasy tag I have in my head, but I think you quite the modern moral fairytale teller.

No matter how salient a point you make, you always manage to lift the corner of my lips into a delighted wry smile. This story is no exception. Here's the sentence that sent me smiling into the unresponsive mirror of my laptop monitor:

The next day he returned to the bushes, and began to slash away the foliage with the rusty machete he had borrowed from a slightly unhinged friend.

I only have one small suggestion, and, yes, it revolves around commas

(I know, I'm a fine one to talk).

As he drank, he felt his troubles wash away, it was as though some enormous weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

Replacing the second comma with a semi-colon will avoid a comma splice and join the two independent clauses without need of a conjunction

I did try to read the sentence with the view that the information between the current commas as some sort of aside, but it didn't quite work. It is, of course, up to you.

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care!

134

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#3155224

Review of Bleed

Review by Acme

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
Harrowing, dark, and raw with authentic emotion, this poem uses simple language to convey complex human emotions. Readers who haven't experienced panic attacks will be able to relate to the experiences of the narrator, as well as those who have.

What are my favourite parts?
There is a lot that I like about this poem. As I noted in my overall impressions, I do like the simple language choices, as well as the short lines and simple stanza structure. Free verse, again--it comes so naturally to you, thanks, in no small part, to some nice wordplay, like this:

I watch my self bleed
out of the horrid surreality...
that is my life, my mind, me

What are my suggestions?

Empty shell
plastered smile
blank slate
empty state
a hollow space...
where my heart once belonged

Some of the phrasing here is a little too well used to have a fresh impact on a reader. You may want to consider looking at different ways of conveying the narrator's state.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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135

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#3155198

Review of I Stand Alone

Review by Acme

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is one of four reviews on behalf of "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
Hi omniblueeyes

It's great to be back in your fine portfolio again. I chose to start with this poem, because both the title and brief description captured my imagination. The illustration of the sturdy oak stood proud against a thunderous sky added to the powerful delivery of your poetry. There's such a sense of empowerment, strength, and enjoyment in this poem--as if the narrator is basking in their solitary status. It's lovely, and left me with a feeling of quiet, tranquil, pleasure in sharing a part of that in my role as a reader.

What are my favourite parts?
Some of your imagery, metaphor and simile made the hair on my arms stand up; it was wonderfully fresh and evocative. I particularly enjoyed the notion that the sun was not fueled by chemicals, but 'through secret prayer'--thought-provoking and suited the mood of the piece, too.

What are my suggestions?
Just a few typos:

emitting it's own bright light
...
each is it's very own

no need for possessive apostrophe in its

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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136

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#3152026

Review of That Beautiful Leap

Review by Acme

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

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AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

What can I say? I'm a sucker for a happy ending, so your brief description caught my eye straight away.

Your narrative voice is a style of its own in this item; you managed to slow and control my reading pace to fit the overall tone of the narrator. I particularly enjoyed those moments where you sprung a psychological insight into a loaded sentences like here:

His partially absentee father with his total lack of empathy or understanding for others and, by proxy, the world.

That's a great way to give a reader an instant character sketch and develop background at the same time

Your description of the jump is action-packed: good verb use, sentence length and pace. It took me into the story and along for the ride. A reader can't ask for much more than that

One aspect of your vivid imagery that shone out of this part was the close correlation to another Greek myth: Icarus, but with a happier ending. Ace!

Sisyfus = Sisyphus (those crazy Greeks and their phs

)

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care!

137

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#3151443

Review of How To Make Friends, not Foes.

Review by Acme

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (4.5)

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AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

Yay! I love Ravi stories

This is full of your trademark subtle comedy, but with the added bonus of some wonderful life lessons, as you say, 'out of the mouths of babes'. You command your storytelling with some powerful imagery that took me right into the setting, and developed your characters into 3D people in my mind's eye.

There are a couple of typos that you're sure to catch in future edits. Here are a couple of note:

It should have been enough, the entire village quaked at the idea of angering Karia, his muscular prowess was obvious to any that cast a glance at his barrel-chest and bull-neck.

A comma isn't strong enough to join two independent clauses. Start a new sentence, or join them with a coma and conjunction, or use a semi-colon.

magnificent moustache that now quivered with wrath..

Extra period typo. Mustache? (I've become terribly Americanised in my spelling, so this could be me

)

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care!

138

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#3151376

Review of Genesis

Review by Acme

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

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AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

Oh, Ken, you had me snorfle with laughter (yes, that can happen: it's a cross between a chortle and a snort). This clever comedy narrative on the subject of the original sin was a hoot to read, and a pleasure on the ear when read aloud, because the rhythm and rhyme pattern work so well. Thank you for supplying some top notch comedy in this round of the contest. Good luck!

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care!

139

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#3147531

Review of Free The Crisps

Review by Acme

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

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AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

Thanks for stopping by my portfolio, Callan. I like to return the favour, where possible, and was delighted to find your portfolio cram-packed with an eclectic reading choice. I chose this item because of the title. I thought I might find another Brit hiding away under all those American cousins on site.

I think I took the same test that Ben did. If so, I'm surprised that 'Mastic Asphalt Spreader' isn't on the list. Of course, school leavers are never given useful tests like the Rorschach test or Myers Briggs. Shame.

While humour doesn't feature as one of your genre choices, it certainly shows itself in the narrative observations about life, our expectations of it, and others. I also think you did a smashing job of creating fleshy and believable characters. Ben's intensity certainly came through, as did the honest amusement of the work colleague. You obviously have a rare talent in making turning the ordinary into the extraordinary, and I liked your voice and grammatical style

I got a little confused with who was telling this story. If the narrator was the friend who eagerly awaited to see what Ben came up with in the staff room, then it might be best to stick to first person perspective rather than alternating between first and third:

The next day at work, the friend looked around for Ben at lunch, hoping that he would have some other bizarre little spectacle for him to amuse himself with. He asked the store manager [...] I can't say I ever saw Ben after that, I walked past his house a few times but the lights were always off, curtains drawn.

"this just isn't right, this isn't how It's supposed to
be for me."

sometimes it's hard to see some formatting errors, but if you have done any cutting and pasting, single wrap-round returns, like the one here, will show up on the screen.

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care!

140

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#3141670

Review of Hospital Buddies

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (3.5)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

Thanks for entering the history contest. The history of illness is a whole sub-division of history in its own right. I love an inspirational story of people overcoming adversity, and you can't get much more inspirational than overcoming a debilitating illness and going on to become President

I would have loved to have more to read, and for you to develop the hospital relationship between the two men and show what their lives in hospital were like.

When there are two male characters talking, 'he' can become confusing, and you may want to use a different pronoun/noun. Also, in this example, you need to check your punctuation as there is no opening quotation mark for the reply, which distracted me as I read:

"I'm just talking to myself," he said. "I'm sort of in shock. They just told me I have polio. What are you in for?"

I've got polio, too. They must have thought we'd be good company for each other. What's that saying....misery loves company? Where are you from?" he asked.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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141

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#3135732

Review of Shimmy and Roscoe

Review by Acme

In affiliation with Circle of Sisters

Rated: E

| (4.5)

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Acme Review

This review is offered in the spirit of support and is only my opinion. Please feel free to take what you will from it and thank you for sharing your work!

Hello, my sister

I wanted to visit with my sisters, because it has been too long since I last did so. I chose this item out of your fine portfolio because I liked the 'sound' of the title, and when I saw comedy was one of the genre choices listed, well, I couldn't resist

I thought the comedy here was subtle, and that's what worked well. The stale smells of cheeseburgers, and Roscoe's reaction to them; the build up of eerie tension, and finally Roscoe being the one to lead Shimmy back home: all those little touches broke the tension and made the characters seem real to me. Lovely writing.

Challenges are a great way to get your muse going, and while most demand that you write in a limited period, once they are over, you have a good opportunity to revisit the item with editorial eyes. There are a few instances where a comma wouldn't go amiss. Adding them, especially to long sentences, will add clarity for your reader like this one:

The sky had grown dark overhead and Shimmy grew more concerned with rain ruining what was left of her wind blown ponytail hair style.
The sky had grown dark overhead[.] Shimmy grew more concerned[,] with rain ruining what was left of her wind[-]blown[,] ponytail hair style.

Write on and take care!

142

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#3135640

Review of Defiance

Review by Acme

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (5.0)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
This is a solid, observational, free verse poem. I liked the way the poet introduced the scene via first person narrative. Doing so put this reader in the poet's shoes, and allowed me to explore the images and feelings evoked as if I was there.

What are my favourite parts?
There is a lot of double meaning in this poem, whether echoed through the metaphor/descriptions of the fate of the tree: "It suffered the fate of all its kind by standing alone, unwilling to bend in the face of the storms".

I also enjoyed the clever word play and gentle punning that you do so well. This has to be my favourite example of that:

Once tall and stately, this mighty tree
stood like a bulwark within the wood.
It fell to the lessons of history
by its very nature.

What are my suggestions?
Not a one. I think this is a very enjoyable poem on many different levels.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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143

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#3135637

Review of Espial

Review by Acme

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
Oh, my! This is one heck of a romantic poem, Ken

I was carried away with your words, and with the passionate zeal of your tone. Sure, the overall emotion expressed is romance, but the passion here is so sensual, too.

What are my favourite parts?
I read and re-read this poem, and each time, the rhyme and rhythm rose and fell in the eddy of your words. While you do not adhere to a strict meter, there is a natural flow to your words that boarders on anapestic meter. It certainly helped control the pace and tone of your delivery, and was, for me, most enjoyable when read aloud.

What are my suggestions?
Personally, if when I see that my own work naturally leans to a specific meter, I look to where I can strengthen it throughout the poem. It may be something you wish to consider doing in the future.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#3135584

Review of Fiendish Delight

Review by Acme

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: 18+

| (4.0)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is the first of four reviews on behalf of "Invalid Item" , gifted to you from Brooklyn as part of "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
Dear Ken, it is a pleasure to be back in your fine portfolio

I chose this as my first read/review, as I noticed it has been newly created and you have not received any feedback for it yet.

I've got a shiver on an August Monday morning! I know I've said it before, but it's worth saying again: your imagery is stunning. You manage to create such solid and vivid scenes in your poems due to good vocabulary choices and strong simile and metaphor.

What are my favourite parts?

She'd trace the veins and arteries, sing with the music of the blood,
and lay her head upon his chest and feel the heart's strong thud.

The construction of this stanza this excerpt is from didn't fit into the rest of the poem as a whole, but it didn't stop my from enjoying it as one as one of the highlights of the piece. This was because you paced it frenetically and built the whole thing to a blood-curdling crescendo.

What are my suggestions?
You might want to make this specific to one person's experiences throughout, or maintain the general air that you relate to. Either way, sticking to one kind of experience (shared [they] or particular [him]) will give your poem a stronger voice:

until it was too late and no matter how they fought,
the horror of the truth was always their last thought.
...
There was no escaping the confines of her lair.
With guile and sensuality she would trap him there.

There is not set rhythm and the rhyme scheme fluctuates. For the most part it doesn't matter, as you maintain a strong natural rhythm to your lines, and the end rhymes work as couplets (no matter the construction of the the stanzas). It breaks down is in the 8 lined stanza, where the line lengths variate, so that even the rhyming couplets are lost. I think it might be worth while shoring up this stanza, as the looser form around it will still work.

Your words are so potent, that I notice when padding is added. You may want to review your use of some regularly occurring words that could be cut in future editing, eg: would (and contracted derivatives: she'd). There are a lot of them.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#3135580

Review of A Masterpiece

Review by Acme

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.5)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
This poem is addressed to a child as 'you'. It shows the narrator's awe and love well, and I can see why this item has a beautiful ribbon attached to it.

What are my favourite parts?
The tone of wonder and awe of something divine in crafting a perfect human being is captured well in your poem. Tone, imagery, extended metaphor and language choice all add to that tone.

What are my suggestions?
As this poem looks at God as the architect of design in this life, I suggest you reference that in your opening stanza:

How else could such a gift [of to] humanity come true?

I was a little distracted from the pace and rhythm of your delivery by the numerous uses of ellipses. You may want to review their uses as end line punctuation.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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146

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#3135574

Review of Joseph's Prayer

Review by Acme

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (5.0)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
This is a truly moving poem, and I enjoyed the way your words provoked an emotional reaction from me. This poetic prayer will be easy for anyone who has children to be able to relate to, whether they have lost them or not.

What are my favourite parts?
I enjoyed the sense of the narrator not being able to see the larger plan at work; faith is a delicate and intangible thing, especially in the face of loss. There was also a musical value to your words, rhyme and rhythm that conveyed your meaning well.

What are my suggestions?
Again, 'other' is not the best genre choice to attract potential readers.

I have no suggestions to improve the piece itself.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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147

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14 days may be credited.

#3135570

Review of Tormented and Torn

Review by Acme

In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army

Rated: E

| (4.0)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is the first of three reviews on behalf of "Invalid Item" , gifted to you from your friend Boston

What are my overall impressions?
This first person poem is effective in drawing the reader into the state of torment and frustration of the narrator. I thought you did a good job of showing the narrator in the first half of the poem, and introducing the object of their tormented heart in the final part of the poem. Punctuation is never necessary in poetry, but sometimes even the odd comma can add clarity, and there were a few places where I had to re-read lines and stanzas in order to follow you effectively.

What are my favourite parts?
I think you did a very good job of conveying the tortured nature of the narrator. I enjoyed the wide vocabulary used and how your word choices helped in the delivery of the poem's overall tone.

What are my suggestions?
Use all three of the item genre fields available to you. This will make it easier for potential readers to find your work via the site's search engine.

Your language choices were most effective and I particularly enjoyed this:

I'm doomed to life of solecism
Loneliness...contrite
Blinded by an insecure
deceptive wrong or right

Saying that, I thought the meaning of the last two lines were a little clouded as you have not used punctuation in this poem. If you do not want to use commas, you might want to rephrase the final two lines.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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148

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#3133790

Review of An Extraordinary Day

Review by Acme

In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

For more information on reviewing please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

What are my overall impressions?

This terrifying tale of robbery and kidnap kept me on the edge of my seat with your compelling story-telling. It lives up to your brief description of a harrowing experience, and to find out that you based your story on a real life event added another twist of horror to it. I think you do a good job of telling the story, but it would have been nice to have had a little more by way of description; areas where you could have shown, not told, but I understand you may have been under some word limit restraints, if this was for a contest. I thought your command of pace and tension was well done and you told the story in a sequential manner.

Due to the level of violence (robbery, gun crime, and kidnap), you may want to review site literature regarding content rating. I thought it more suitable to a 13+ readership.

By 3:00(pm) the heat would blister anyone not wearing sunscreen.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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149

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#3133030

Review of But I'm Driving!

Review by Acme

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

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AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

I noticed that Staine popped a link to this item in this week's Comedy Newsletter, and I wanted to stop by

Anyone who has kids will be able to find the humour in this. I know I certainly related to it. I thought OMG, that's me... One pesky typo won't stop me for giving this a perfect rating. Your comedy made my day, and had me smiling. It also had me wondering about your driving style--out of the mouths of babes, eh?

She looked up at me with wide, innocent brown eyes and replied seriously(,) “But I’m driving!”

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care!

150

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14 days may be credited.

#3131927

Review of Rant on Poetry and Critics

Review by Acme

In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP

Rated: E

| (3.0)

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AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

Hi Kuro, and welcome to Writing.Com

One of the things that I love about this site is that all writing, including rants, are out there for readers. I like a good rant, so your title and brief description caught my eye... especially because I love the reviewing side of site-life, too. I understand your frustration at critics, I really do, but it does help if you consider why they are taking time out of their day and their own writing to give you an opinion on yours. Ultimately, you're the artist, the creator, so it's entirely up to you if you want to use or dismiss their advice, but if you are frequently receiving reviews that say the same thing, you might want to consider that they have a point. This item is a great way to express yourself, and you do a good job of it, but you may want to look at your delivery. If you use the language and grammar expected, people are less likely to become distracted by how you are saying something, and listen to what you have to say

Oh, and if you would like to find a place to rant that could earn you gift points, why not try this fabulous contest:

Invalid Item

This item number is not valid.
#939666 by Not Available.

Reading some of the site literature about reviewing is also a great way to become familiar with the types of critique you may receive here. Try these handy links:
"Reviewing @ Writing.Com"

[E]
"Guidelines To Great Reviewing"

[E]
"Public Review: Tool or Weapon"

[E]

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care!