|Well Hi-Dee-Ho There!
This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!
Please remember that these are just my thoughts, at the end of the day whatever you decide is the right answer!
Well written,great imagery
I’m interested, not quite hooked because not sure I like Ryu, but close
I can picture it really well, love how bright and neon juxtaposes with seedy night life
Dialogue:well done, natural, some great slang
What I liked:
“She then rolled her eyes, like she was so grown up, like she knew everything, and then spoke with confidence.”
This is simple yet paints a perfect picture
“I hated when she did that- when she took my idea and then did a better job at it than I did. Why does she have to be good at everything, I thought.“
Get a good sense of the kid here and when he says girls have it easy, I’m not sure I like him but you’ve made him compelling
Showing the dichotomy of Chawray was interesting, he paid for the delivery but he was a serial sex offender, an easier kill to swallow but you humanized him a bit
Rye is Slye?! What a twist, and THATS the inspection?interesting.
A few comments/suggestions I had:
Homophobia and rape culture all in one fascinating world. Got uncomfortable toward the end when she voiced her rape fear that all women have, then again when you see that sly is illegal
A few parting comments...
Please keep writing, this is great