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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/afaith
Review Requests: OFF
671 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
Honest and methodical.
I'm good at...
Short stories; grammar.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy and Action
Least Favorite Genres
Horror and Melodrama
Favorite Item Types
Under 5k words.
Least Favorite Item Types
n/a
I will not review...
n/a
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
1
1
Review by A*30s*Faith
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
gorgeous, simply stunning in its simplicity; as always, sorry for your loss


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review by A*30s*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Well Hi-Dee-Ho There!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts, at the end of the day whatever you decide is the right answer!


*Reading* Initial hook:
Well written,great imagery


*Pencil* Storyline:
I’m interested, not quite hooked because not sure I like Ryu, but close

*Home* Setting:
I can picture it really well, love how bright and neon juxtaposes with seedy night life


*Butterflyb* Atmosphere/Tone:

*Telephone* Dialogue:well done, natural, some great slang

*Suitheart* What I liked:
“She then rolled her eyes, like she was so grown up, like she knew everything, and then spoke with confidence.”
This is simple yet paints a perfect picture

“I hated when she did that- when she took my idea and then did a better job at it than I did. Why does she have to be good at everything, I thought.“
Get a good sense of the kid here and when he says girls have it easy, I’m not sure I like him but you’ve made him compelling

Showing the dichotomy of Chawray was interesting, he paid for the delivery but he was a serial sex offender, an easier kill to swallow but you humanized him a bit

Rye is Slye?! What a twist, and THATS the inspection?interesting.



*Tools* A few comments/suggestions I had:
Homophobia and rape culture all in one fascinating world. Got uncomfortable toward the end when she voiced her rape fear that all women have, then again when you see that sly is illegal


A few parting comments...
Please keep writing, this is great



Hope this helped! Great job on a great piece of readable art!!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

Click me to join the 'Power' group!
Image #1964011 over display limit. -?-
Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review by A*30s*Faith
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Thank you for sharing this rare perspective! That ending was absolutely beautiful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review of Mikey Fix It  
Review by A*30s*Faith
Rated: E | (4.5)
congrats on the flash fic win! I love this, semi fresh off of watching the animated Oscar shorts and I could easily see this being animated; keep up the great work!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review of Writing.Com 101  
Review by A*30s*Faith
Rated: E | (4.5)
This, is FASCINATING! I consider myself relatively smart but cryptos still baffle me. How long does it generally take before reaching 20 GP mined? I'm at a 4k total with zero mined yet.
6
6
Review of Staycation  
Review by A*30s*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hey! Congrats on winning the Writer's Cramp!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts, at the end of the day whatever you decide is the right answer!


cute story, just wish it had some sort of twist, like Wade's first job was in the attic and he created himself a little oasis of escape while his wife thought he was working on fixing stuff in the attic

Hope this helped! Great job on a great piece of readable art!!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

This Has Been A Review By: AFaith A WDC Power Reviewer

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Review of Time Waits  
Review by A*30s*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Norman Booler has a peculiar gift.
ok, so far so good

He sees stuff before it comes.
oook, vague, which is good, but it's not gripping either;
maybe: He's a precog in a world ruled by the past.
or
He sees things before they come to fruition.

Something with a bit more pizazz

Otherworld evil finds him.
this isn't so bad, but is he from earth and this is an alien planet, or are aliens coming to his planet?

A clan of dirty wealth, zealots, and ruthless gangs also want him.
don't give away too much too early, be more vague while still showcasing the danger, maybe:
Life as a precog is tough in a world ruled by old world heathens.
or something.

Death is their currency.
this is a cool line, but it doesn't make the most sense by itself, that's a ton of death, is the only way to pay people by killing people? I don't get it

Will Norman be the last left standing?
makes it sound like he's a part of their underworld evil, "How will he survive?" or something sounds better.

Great start!



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Review by A*30s*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (2.0)
soooooooooo, what now? your title's...ironic?

i don't see the comedy, I get the irony but you don't say if the gun accidentally went off...or if the guy he brought up just up and shot him....needs more meat, more action, less Trump...talking.

"We can’t outrun bullets through a crowd, but we can shoot through one! "
funny line


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
Review by A*30s*Faith
Rated: E | (4.0)
interesting, think i'm going to go searching for more political poems after this. it's not till the end that I even have a clue which side you're leaning on, or even if you're on a side; and I like that.

"As they fold blindly and aimlessly
Towards every wayward,
Unison, frothy discourse."
could be Republicans, they are certainly more unified than, Dems, but it could also be Dems

"Of this notorious, yet functional
President of the wealthy
And working Union. "
now, my favorite word here is "functional"
are you supporting Trump or merely pointing out that this is the politician we deserve given our careless and wanton approach to politics over the past...ever


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
Review by A*30s*Faith
Rated: E | (3.0)
the rhyming made it easy to read, simple flow

perhaps I don't know enough about sports but the end didn't make much sense to me, sounded like forced rhymes: "Own the grooves, Earth’s shorter axis.
Tomorrow’s built and where the max is;
Just keep vying, no new taxes. "

tomorrow we'll keep striving for the 'max'? perfection? ok
'no new taxes'? taxing workouts? i dunno, disappointing end

"Gravitate toward being clutch.
Doing more serves as the crutch;
Attempt to shoulder these and such."

doing more is a crutch? how so? over performing maybe and making more mistakes?
'such' sounds like a very forced rhyme; perhaps "Attempt to shoulder these 'too much' " as another nod to working too hard and "doing more"

this poem makes you think but not quite in the way you intended I think, I'm more distracted with the clumsy rhymes than the good moral of the poem


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
Review by A*30s*Faith
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
Heeeeyyy, to this is interesting.

I like how you use words like "superb, stylish, and classy" I feel like you're looking at their clothes and how they keep themselves together, not just their looks

I take it you like to do stuff in the car?

Interesting how you say "We might pose a subversive and chancy question" that's a cute way of saying 'talk dirty'

I like the word usage in this poem but overall it's too vague, instead of using terms like "we might" and "their homes" try telling a 1st person narrative to draw the reader in and make them feel like a part of the story, or better yet, make them want to be you


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
Review of pieces  
Review by A*30s*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
ooooo, I like how you juxtaposed a mirror with an earth crystal/jewel

interesting piece, would appreciate some capitalization for some sort of style

not sure I get "placed together again"; I assume that's referring to the broken person who doesn't like what they see in the mirror but it may not quite work with the crystal analogy but then again maybe a geology lover would know better

the last line puts me in the mind of 'uniqueness is better then our own trivial expectations of beauty'


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
Review by A*30s*Faith
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
super duper sweet!

First I thought this was going to be patriotic because I read 'us' as 'U.S.' *Pthb*

I'm glad it wasn't, lovey dovey stuff is so much better *Pthb*

3.5/5 because it was easy and didn't play around enough with the English language, there are too many words out there to only use the first rhyming words that come to mind


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
Review of Gaston and Yvonne  
Review by A*30s*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Well Hi-Dee-Ho There!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts, at the end of the day whatever you decide is the right answer!


*Reading* Initial hook: cute Rapunzel like poem

*Pencil* Storyline:Gaston peeps upon Yvonne

*Tiedye4* Characters:Gaston and Yvonne

*Home* Setting:a tower

*Butterflyb* Atmosphere/Tone:quaint, nursery rhyme-ish

*Suitheart* What I liked:the rhyme scheme

*Tools* A few comments/suggestions I had:

(Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear)


*BulletG*That burned there through midnight to dawn.
the quick repetition is a bit much, also maybe take out "through"

A few parting comments...
cute poem!



Hope this helped! Great job on a great piece of readable art!!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

Click me to join the 'Power' group!
Image #1964011 over display limit. -?-
Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
Review by A*30s*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Well Hi-Dee-Ho There!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts, at the end of the day whatever you decide is the right answer!


*Reading* Initial hook: i love the premise but it lacks a streamlined story vibe

*Pencil* Storyline:a young INVESTMENT banker relives his 80s heydays

*Tiedye4* Characters:other young socialites and the elders that make up their corporate family

*Home* Setting:India under British rule

*Butterflyb* Atmosphere/Tone:happy, joyful, realistic whimsy

*Telephone* Dialogue:not much

*Suitheart* What I liked:
At the RCGC dinner, Mickey gave me a little tip. "Make sure you tip the waiters in advance". It worked wonders.
this is an interesting tidbit, in the states I would think this would do the opposite unless you leave a huge tip, but that may just be food service, I imagine tournaments are different


*Tools* A few comments/suggestions I had:

(Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear)


*BulletG* She would first ask about my mother who was from the Tagore family and then get down to her personal work.
so are you from high society? it kind of seems like it, I dont' imagine many middle or poor class people go rowing or become young bank managers, in an effort to more accurately inform your audience I think you should mention a bit more about your background/family fortune

*BulletB* he might have suffered and one lucky management trainee was left to pursue a career in banking.
i assume that trainee was you? it's a bit unclear be/c it didn't sound as if you'd lose your job is you failed, best to bring that up if it was the case

*BulletR*The reason apparently had nothing to do with the act of making love, which was eminently acceptable and admirable, but the fact that the cloth covering the billiard table, made from very expensive worsted wool called baize, had been damaged.
do what now~!? it was ok to have sex in public?!!?

*BulletV*It was a moment in space and time that has passed on in the journey of transient history.
i love this sentence....


A few parting comments...
take time to insert more dialogue and mention that these events occur in order, if they are not sequential then...why not?



Hope this helped! Great job on a great piece of readable art!!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

Click me to join the 'Power' group!
Image #1964011 over display limit. -?-
Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
Review by A*30s*Faith
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is an awesome idea and I'm honored to be one of the lucky few featured!!!!!!
17
17
Review of Circles  
Review by A*30s*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
well said about living life in a mediocre haze

need to do a lot of spell checking and general maintenance, but the point is there

my question is, what makes the freaks/outsiders life so much different than the 'sheepele'?

I consider myself to be quite the black sheep/odd woman out as far as my family and "mainstream" are concerned and yet I still find myself not full living up to my potential, I would be interested to know if this 'outsider' is really as far outside as they think they are


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
18
18
Review by A*30s*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I like how you start out by explaining your fairy's name.
I also like how you number and label all your various collections.
I for one am curious as to what makes a rising star. I've always been a bit jealous that I wasn't picked out and sponsored when I first arrived, but the yellow case made it all better *Pthb*

I look forward to returning and perusing your port at my leisure.
I found my way here by way of the random "Read and Review" link.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
19
19
Review of NaNoWriMo Prep  
Review by A*30s*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
sounds interesting, i like that she's most afraid of losing her job, what will she do to keep it? probably go to counseling, but how/where/when will she find relief and what pitfalls will trip her up along the way?

excited, hope you finish!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
20
20
Review by A*30s*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!
Congrats on being featured in a drama newsletter!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts, at the end of the day whatever you decide is the right answer!


*Reading* Initial hook: whoooa, stoked to see this story continue

*Pencil* Storyline: Witch is forced to marry a witch killer. she wishes him dead, but his murderer is a witch hunter so why...?

*Tiedye4* Characters: captive witch, her witchy mother, husband, cousin and the new guy

*Home* Setting: Salem?

*Butterflyb* Atmosphere/Tone: medieval

*Telephone* Dialogue: not bad, weird the mom said "for Christ sake", figured the speech would be older than that

*Suitheart* What I liked: the premise

Hope this helped! Great job on a great piece of readable art!!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

This Has Been A Review By: AFaith A WDC Power Reviewer
Image #1964011 over display limit. -?-
Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
21
21
Review of Unkown  
Review by A*30s*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
hmmmm, normally would give 2.5 due to lack of emotion but the fact that this sounds like a positive meditation mantra bumped it up, plus I like the little stop/play images

assuming the title should be 'unknown' and your description just sets the tone for this apathetic musing

once I got to "think of how special you are to them" I realized that maybe the writer isn't apathetic, perhaps they are simply meditating on their spiritual energy: accept the bad, focus on the good, keep moving forward

AFAITH POWER REVIEW CAPTAIN!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
22
22
Review of Cab Ride  
Review by A*30s*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is really funny/frightening all at the same time. Borderline black comedy? Least it would have been had he actually died, glad he didn't though.

Grammar Nazi: I really like punctuation at the end of poetry lines, it helps me to see where the writer intended for there to be a breath.

Would love to hear you read this in
FORUM
Poetry Readings  (E)
Hear WDC poets read their poems aloud
#2076004 by Elle


AFAITH POWER REVIEW CAPTAIN!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
23
23
Review by A*30s*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a
Image # 3 for 2014 Laugh on Raid
Comedy Review!


Please remember that these are just my thoughts, at the end of the day whatever you decide is the right answer!


*Reading* Initial hook: it's amazing how brainwashed we all are, I couldn't think of another answer first if I tried

*Pencil* Theme: Un-da the Sea!

*Butterflyb* Atmosphere/Tone: random comedy

*Suitheart* What I liked: diversity of answers

A few parting comments...
wish you were around to give the background on this one and so I could see the related item; proud of myself because I chose "I eat pineapples for breakfast!!!" cuz that sounds tasty right about now...'yo mama!' was a good one too...
It's impressive how many responses you guys got on this poll!

Hope this helped! Great job on a great piece of readable art!!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

Image #1902664 over display limit. -?-
Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
24
24
Review of #bestvacationever  
Review by A*30s*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a
Image # 3 for 2014 Laugh on Raid
Comedy Review!


Please remember that these are just my thoughts, at the end of the day whatever you decide is the right answer!


*Reading* Initial hook: too cute, love the title and mostly successful rhymes!

*Pencil* Theme: #unplugged

*Tiedye4* Characters: typical 4.0 suburban tech family

*Home* Setting: digital home to the natural wilderness

*Butterflyb* Atmosphere/Tone: Millennial; digital; then familial

*Suitheart* What I liked: use of the pizza emoji!; tweets from the birdies;
“It Sprg Br8k,” replied my son and
“smh…girl ain’t got no butt for that dress”
To Facebook my daughter posted that mess HA!


*Tools* A few comments/suggestions I had:

(Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear)


*BulletG*“..., starting tomorrow”
I then heard a gasp of guttural horror
we maybe be stuck with the pseudo rhyme, but to help the flow maybe: 'Then I heard gasps...' OR 'Then came the gasp, 'O the HORROR!'

A few parting comments...
I'm impressed that a Dad knew so much tech-crap jargin, I had to look at your Bio to get a glimpse of your age or at least what you do for a living; 43 at time of writing, gives you Kewl Kredits ;-P even as an Engineer you could choose to stay out the loop but sounds like you enjoy dallying with the rest of us silly creatures!

Hope this helped! Great job on a great piece of readable art!!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

Image #1902664 over display limit. -?-
Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
25
25
Review by A*30s*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a
Image # 3 for 2014 Laugh on Raid
Comedy Review!


Please remember that these are just my thoughts, at the end of the day whatever you decide is the right answer!


*Reading* Initial hook: I like these 'what if' analogies

*Suitheart* What I liked: the premise

A few parting comments...
were their more characters? I'm not that familiar but I remember Gilligan, Professor and Skipper then "the millionaire and his wife, the movie star, and...other people *Pthb*;
haven't they had celebrity survivor? it would be amazing to see the actual actors have to survive for a week or two, but the surviving cast is probably too old...time for a reboot!

what even prompted this topic?!

was thinking 3.5 stars but this trip down memory lane (theme song's stuck in my head) and the imagination spark bumped it to 4

Hope this helped! Great job on a great piece of readable art!!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

Image #1902664 over display limit. -?-
Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/afaith