Hey!
This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!
Congrats on being featured in the Authors (8/14) newsletter!
Please remember that these are just my thoughts, at the end of the day whatever you decide is the right answer!
 Initial hook: thank you for introducing a myriad of phrases to describe common writing occurrences, would not have known how to properly describe half of these
 Atmosphere/Tone: producutive, professorial, as succinct as possible without losing meaning
 What I liked: the 'fun-house'/circus analogy
 A few comments/suggestions I had:
(Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear)
 It's not that writers don't know how to write ...in our attempt to evoke the proper imagery.
amen, a reason I don't write as much as I should is because I have a hard time free writing without having to correct every little mistake the first time through *sigh*
 Sally's plan for using the over-active libido of young men for production of characteristics of desirable quality to produce viable offspring was an outgrowth of her upbringing of dubious nature.
being a visual learner I am always dissapointed when there is no follow up; how would you suggest Sally rewrite this sentence?
Maybe: Sally planned to use the over-active libido of young men to produce characteristics of desirable quality. These desirable characteristics would in turn produce viable offspring. This was an outgrowth from her upbringing of dubious nature.
 21st century writing requires more than just punctuation for our shorter attention spans.
too true
 I find it difficult to offer advice how to correct this kind of sentence, except to break the multiple shifts in perspective and transform them into paragraphs of shorter sentence length. But then, I'm no William Faulkner, so I won't even try.
I don't blame you for not rewriting that; I was lost by the second line. I remember reading Faulkner and his comrades in school, they always exhausted me....
 This is more logical.
this is interesting, I actually like both versions but understand the need for the rewrite, could it possibly just depend on the audience you're writing to and the tone of the story?
The shrubs, grown by local landscapers, were scruffy looking and had to be thrown away at Tri-County Landfill.
i like this example and the ride analogy, never thought on it like that; though I would go one step further and ask "is it necessary to know who grew the shrubs? if yes, can the local landscapers be introduced in an earlier sentence and change this to: The scruffy-looking shrubs grown by local landscapers were thrown away at Tri-County landfill.
Better: Judy loves nature, and she's eager to go for a hike through the woods.
it is better, but I get bored with pronouns and find myself using words like "is" ...what is that? it's not a preposition...
The Twister...Most authors write in the present, and sometimes their writing reflects that perspective.
o wow, I like this one, never really thought about it, just chalk it up to 'news speech' whatever that is....
I give to you a new task... To write in order to be understood, write the natural way in which your readers think, even if not correct grammatically.
I like this and sometimes use it as a crutch to write simply, but it's relatable! Reminds me of the time my mom corrected me on saying a phrase correctly only to then watch a movie in which young Elijah Wood says the exact same incorrect phrase; when I asked mom why they wrote it that way she said it was because that's the way most people talk {/randompersonalstory}
also, if "I" is the subject, what is "you" 2nd subject? I always sucked at grammar in school.....
THE CONJUNCTION AT THE BEGINNING OF THE SENTENCE
oooo this still haunts me today, a product of 90's education I always struggle with the possessive apostrophe, Oxford comma, and beginning a sentence with a conjunction; sometimes I keep it but I always feel dirty afterwards....
This is the kind of pedantic nonsense up with which I will not put! (3)
literal lol at that one, classic
A few parting comments...
it took me a few separate reads but I am really glad I read this entire article, would be nice to see it in print some day
Hope this helped! Great job on a great piece of readable art!!!
Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:
 
|
| (4.0)
| (4.5)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
WDC-PR would like to wish 
