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Short stories; grammar.
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Fantasy and Action
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Horror and Melodrama
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Under 5k words.
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201
201
Review by A*Monaing*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Please remember that these are just my thoughts, at the end of the day whatever you decide is the right answer!

*Reading* Initial hook: loved it! and can totally relate! My Aunt Patty isn't just a Super Woman in the exercise department, my moms oldest sister knows technology better than I do!

*Butterflyb* Atmosphere/Tone: assumptive (that a word?) then harsh realizations are sunk in

*Suitheart* What I liked:"For every step she took, I had to take one and a half or two to keep up. ", o this is SO my Aunt Patty, hiLARious;
"The cashier looked at me a little funny as I passed through, "Are you okay?"", chuckled at that;

*Tools* A few suggestions I had:

(Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear)


*BulletG*Inside my warm jogging suit I could feel the sweat trickling down my back.
since it was an "unseasonably warm November day" would have been funny to see what Aunt Fanny was wearing, like if she was dressed better "as if she somehow knew it would be warmer than usual"

*BulletB*after removing those brand new Nikes. Thin strips of skin hung from the backs of my heels.
o wow, it just got serious, lol, nice reminder: never wear new shoes walking

*BulletG* "Mom, can you get the door?"/Grabbing a paper towel, I dried my hands. "Got it."
what was the purpose of this intro? seems pointless

A few parting comments...
man, i have got to write about my Aunt Patty now, thanks for the prompt *Wink*

Hope this helped! Great job on a great piece of readable art!!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

This Has Been A Review By: AFaith A WDC Power Reviewer

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
202
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Review by A*Monaing*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Please remember that these are just my thoughts, at the end of the day whatever you decide is the right answer!

*Reading* Initial hook: love stories from animal POVs they are always enlightening

*Tiedye4* Characters: Donna,lovely innocent Calico; Bella, the pure white Prima Donna; and mistress

*Butterflyb* Atmosphere/Tone:with kitty high on weed I began to worry for both Donna and mistress' well being

*Telephone* Dialogue:“Here Bella, want some weed?”, LMAO mistress just went from 'middle aged animal loving career woman' to 'early 20s blue collar worker' in my mind;

*Suitheart* What I liked:"it tasted better because it was in Donna’s new stainless steel bowl.", ha!;
"Bella loved making that noise, especially in the middle of the night. It made her mistress act crazy,";
"a piece of the prey clenched between her teeth,";

*Tools* A few comments/suggestions I had:

(Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear)


*BulletG*when Donna tried to horn in, she growled
when Donna tried to hone in, she growled

*BulletB*That resulted in her mistress calling her the “B” word and shaking a pointed finger at her.
....I assume "the B word" is 'Bella'? if yes, hilarious!

*BulletR*bewildered to know where she had come from.
doesn't quite read right or flow for me

*BulletV* Bella's survival instincts told her Donna was the enemy.
that's interesting, as a reader I wonder, is it her instincts or her personality, because some cats' instinct is to form a pack/relationship with house mates *shrug*

*Bullet*into a defensive ball next to the sugar bowl
another curiousity, is it really a "defensive" ball or just a sleepy/relaxed ball? could Bella merely be perceiving her to be defensive?

*BulletG* like a Jackson Pollock painting
lots of good similies throughout

*BulletB*She surveyed her loosed pearls peppering the parquet.
lucky, I foresaw this going in a completely different fashion, thought mistress might slip and fall on the pearls, hurting herself and thus not being able to care for Bella anymore...like your way better ;-D

Hope this helped! Great job on a great piece of readable art!!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

This Has Been A Review By: AFaith A WDC Power Reviewer

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
203
203
Review by A*Monaing*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Please remember that these are just my thoughts, at the end of the day whatever you decide is the right answer!

*Reading* Initial hook: very nice prodigal son story

*Telephone* Dialogue:“If you don’t mind staying in a sixteen-year-old’s room,” good stuff, Dad piled on a lot of guilt/ad nauseum about putting his mother through but in the interest of a short story I get it

*Suitheart* What I liked:the fathers uncontrollable emotion;
"Lots to do in that …Europe… place.” He reached out and gave his sister a playful punch in the leg. ;
“And you’ve always been in my heart, Dad, even when I couldn’t find my way.”

*Tools* A few comments/suggestions I had:

(Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear)


*BulletG* He forbade Martha from returning a letter
ugh, just hate when spouses do that; hate it even more when the other one caves

*BulletB* They were the epitome of their father with their golden blonde hair and bright blue eyes.
this made me think that Danny was their dad, would have been nice for her to mention the bro-in-law the child belonged to

*BulletR* clearing dirty dished from the table
clearing dirty dishes from the table

*BulletV* At his insistence, she stopped setting his place five years ago...She busied herself clearing dirty dished from the table, and the untouched setting for Daniel.
two contradictory statements

*Bullet* she turned and hugged her daughter,...Martha whirled around. She dropped a China serving platter.
she was hugging her daughter while holding a platter? maybe she "knocked over a China serving platter"?

*BulletG* “Dan?” His voice cracked as he rushed toward the door.
best conveyance of emotion evar

*BulletB* he ruffled Ben’ curly locks
he ruffled Ben’s curly locks

*BulletR*I brought you all some cool stuff, so let’s get in there and start opening presents!”
curious to know how he knew he had nephews, who's he been in touch with?

Hope this helped! Great job on a great piece of readable art!!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

This Has Been A Review By: AFaith A WDC Power Reviewer

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
204
204
Review by A*Monaing*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Please remember that these are just my thoughts, at the end of the day whatever you decide is the right answer!

*Reading* Initial hook: super....adorable (tired of 'cute')

*Butterflyb* Atmosphere/Tone: dreadful, then hopeful

*Telephone* Dialogue: “I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship!” cliche but perfect for this moment!

*Suitheart* What I liked:"Sandy and Marsha were crying in the corner. The drama queens at their best.";
"Larry was dancing like an electrocuted chicken"

A few parting comments...
I get the same anxiety during 'optional' office pizza lunches at my small business, I'll be thinking hopeful thoughts like this entry next time ;-P

Hope this helped! Great job on a great piece of readable art!!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

This Has Been A Review By: AFaith A WDC Power Reviewer

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
205
205
Review by A*Monaing*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Please remember that these are just my thoughts, at the end of the day whatever you decide is the right answer!

*Reading* Initial hook: cute...though odd

*Butterflyb* Atmosphere/Tone: annoyed then thoughtfully reflective

*Suitheart* What I liked: the incorporation of a carol into a 'normal/everyday' setting

A few parting comments...
it's odd that you only chose one day out of the carol to mention, would have been nice to have cameos from days 1-10 also

Hope this helped! Great job on a great piece of readable art!!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

This Has Been A Review By: AFaith A WDC Power Reviewer

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
206
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Review of The lost child  
Review by A*Monaing*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Please remember that these are just my thoughts, at the end of the day whatever you decide is the right answer!

*Reading* Initial hook: still with the recurring theme of "CUTE"!

*Suitheart* What I liked: creative use of multiple songs and movies

A few parting comments...
the "Walking in a winter wonderland" sounded a little forced and awkward, would make more sense to mention maybe after the family was reunited, I get where you were going with that though

Hope this helped! Great job on a great piece of readable art!!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

This Has Been A Review By: AFaith A WDC Power Reviewer

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
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Review of S. Claus  
Review by A*Monaing*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey! Congrats on being mentioned in the Daily Flash!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts, at the end of the day whatever you decide is the right answer!


*Reading* Initial hook: awww, heartfelt message from the man himself

*Butterflyb* Atmosphere/Tone: sad, despondent, resigned

*Suitheart* What I liked: hopefully makes the reader think about how they celebrate with their own family, maybe people will try a little harder to make sure they and theirs appreciate what they have

Hope this helped! Great job on a great piece of readable art!!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

This Has Been A Review By: AFaith A WDC Power Reviewer
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Review of The Fun House  
Review by A*Monaing*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts, at the end of the day whatever you decide is the right answer!


*Reading* Initial hook: I usually hate scary stories but this has a very "are you afraid of the dark?" feel and I loved that series

*Pencil* Storyline: 3 unsuspecting kids make the mistake of their short lives

*Tiedye4* Characters: Kevin, Johnny, and Becky

*Home* Setting: a creepy old amusement park, aptly named the 'un house', no fun to be had here/there

*Butterflyb* Atmosphere/Tone: childlike mischievousness at first, then pure terror, then sorror over children's disappearance

*Telephone* Dialogue: did good job of getting us invested in the 3 main characters, made it extra sad when they disappeared...

*Suitheart* What I liked: "The un House. I wanted to go home." almost wish you had named the story 'The un House', good stuff;

*Tools* A few suggestions I had:

(Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear)


*BulletG* I started having doubts while a strange sensation crept through my body.
I started having doubts as a strange sensation crept through my body.

*BulletB* "Gimme some light," I said after sitting down...After watching Johnny and Becky slide into the landing area,
bit of a time lapse, he sat down but there's no mention he slid down like Johnny and Becky

*BulletR* My feet pumped as if my life depended on my speed.
maybe some reference to the other bikes here, such as "I was in such a frenzy I didn't even check for Johnny and Becky's bikes", but you mention the police/searchers finding the bikes later so perhaps that's sufficient, just seemed like a time lapse/lack in story

A few parting comments...
the picture really adds to the story, I'm glad you didn't have the kids found all bloodied and mangled, better to let us stew/wonder about what happened to them...very creepy

Hope this helped! Great job on a great piece of readable art!!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

This Has Been A Review By: AFaith A WDC Power Reviewer

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
209
209
Review by A*Monaing*Faith
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
now that i've read all the available chapters I feel equipped to give an overall analysis fo the series. very good, extremely promising; just keep the characters consistent and don't fall into the trap of extraneous detail; at the same time try not to leave too many gaps for assumptions, i.e. it would have been nice to know that Maddocks past life Taylan isn't necessarily the life he had directly before his current life.
really hope you get the muse to continue this series soon!
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for entry "Invalid Entry
Review by A*Monaing*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts, at the end of the day whatever you decide is the right answer!


*Reading* Initial hook: nice ongoing flow of events, finally some physical action between the characters and yay the woman ends up on top! *Bigsmile*

*Pencil* Storyline: Maddock learns that his past life was more angry/dangerous than his current self

*Tiedye4* Characters: Lamere-Lead Operator, found it interesting Wolfe called him by name also;

*Home* Setting:the Reflection Room is mentioned now, like 3 chapters later, would have done well to name it back then, the disjointedness in the mix of new information just puts it in the way and harder to remember;

*Suitheart* What I liked: the fight scene and the detailed seance

*Tools* A few suggestions I had:

(Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear)


*BulletG*"We lived and fought together," ..."Now drink your tea," Wolfe said. "We have some real work to do when you're done."
whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! that's a HUGE revelation! Maddock's mind should be all over the place with questions and as surprised as I am, but there's no mention of his mental reaction

*BulletB* I walked the Earth with Taylan hundreds of years ago."
soooo then Taylan isn't Maddock's LAST life, but one from many lives ago...ok, so then how are they able to pick and choose which past life they remind him of? and here I thought black goo had a mind of its' own, maybe those in charge in Aaru choose it?

*BulletR*This Soul Shepard is the least skilled
so the Soul Shepard is also the Caretaker? again with the multiple names, how about KISSing it and sticking to just one?

*BulletV*"It has nothing to do with it," Wolfe said.
"It has nothing to do with that," Wolfe said.

*Bullet*Black put her fists in the air and began bouncing on her feet.
if she's about to beat him up please don't make her bounce, the first beat down should be easy, least effort possible expended by the upper hand; save the bouncing for when Maddocks' taking her seriously

*BulletG*Maddock looked up at her from he ground,
Maddock looked up at her from the ground,

*BulletB*but she somehow blocked the attack with her elbows and dug them into his thigh-- it hurt bad.
oooo, nice fight imagery, gotta try that next time I'm sparring *Pthb*

*BulletR*"I'll bring an Ouija transponder
"I'll bring a Ouija transponder

A few parting comments...
you made this chapter back in July?! don't make me your faithful readers wait much longer for a new chapter, begging you!

Hope this helped! Great job on a great piece of readable art!!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

This Has Been A Review By: AFaith A WDC Power Reviewer

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
211
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Review by A*Monaing*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts, at the end of the day whatever you decide is the right answer!


*Reading* Initial hook: very honest and thorough depletion of emotion through writing

*Butterflyb* Atmosphere/Tone/Mood: honest and in a way complete, I feel like if I don't know everything you thought and felt at the time I have about 90% of it

*Suitheart* What I liked: that I could relate to the anger at the end

*Tools* A few comments/suggestions I had:

(Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear)


*BulletG*we had got back to soon.
we had got back too soon.

*BulletB* I told my dad mom doesn’t seem well
I told my dad "mom doesn’t seem well,"

*BulletR* The worst day of my life, still the memories remain intense.
The worst day of my life, still the memories remain intense.

*BulletV* *stylistically*
as a free style poem I get it because that's all I do with poetry but if you're really interested in making it flow better I suggest making the stanza lines more even, give it a pattern like 4-3-2-3-4 or 4-4-3-2-4-4; I think after you step away from it and come back in a week or few days you'll automatically see some style changes to make, least that's what happens to me

A few parting comments...
lost my dad Super Bowl of 2012 this year and I still avoid thinking about it too much, I appreciate you taking the time to share this with the world, and with me *Smile*

Hope this helped! Great job on a great piece of readable art!!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

This Has Been A Review By: AFaith A WDC Power Reviewer

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
212
212
Review by A*Monaing*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts, at the end of the day whatever you decide is the right answer!


*Reading* Initial hook: very cute tale, since it's been so long since I actually watched the series it was nice to see what I remembered and which parts were your creation; last line sounds well thought out, nothing complex but a nice relax from the build up

*Butterflyb* Atmosphere/Tone: dreamy, familial; like that it's set in a bedtime story setting

*Telephone* Dialogue: cute and loving, great to see Samwise in a fatherly position

*Suitheart* What I liked:"Samwise gathered his daughter close, as if she were still the only one." beautiful imagery that evokes emotion

A few parting comments...
good job putting your own writing style to a very...stylistically rich series

Hope this helped! Great job on a great piece of readable art!!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

This Has Been A Review By: AFaith A WDC Power Reviewer

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
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Review of Kings Kingdom  
Review by A*Monaing*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts, at the end of the day whatever you decide is the right answer!


wooooow, very powerful, leaves me full of wonderings: just what were those things, surely there's magic involved, who killed the king?! but the ending also leaves me feeling satisfied, I still don't feel like I can be 100% sure that Fran is the 'better' sibling but it sounds like Nolan created whatever came to kill him sooo, he probably deserved it

Hope this helped! Great job on a great piece of readable art!!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

This Has Been A Review By: AFaith A WDC Power Reviewer

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
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Review of Stay  
Review by A*Monaing*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts, at the end of the day whatever you decide is the right answer!


*Reading* Initial hook: love the prose, very well done, the description throws me off though..."watching her walk away" so then is the consistent "God please" line a spiritual pleading for a woman not to leave? because I read it as a prose/song/prayer to God, I like it both ways, prefer it the way I read it but it's interesting how different the meaning is if you don't read the title and description

*Suitheart* What I liked: the easy flow even though repeated lines tend to get old; "Forever is a day/Longing for tomorrow" best line ever!

Hope this helped! Great job on a great piece of readable art!!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

This Has Been A Review By: AFaith A WDC Power Reviewer

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
215
215
Review by A*Monaing*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts, at the end of the day whatever you decide is the right answer!


*Reading* Initial hook: cute story about how we never truly grow up, old men are just stubborn boys at heart

*Suitheart* What I liked: "for channels, so remote.";
"Joe ran a combat plan;/he soon hijacked TV's remote,/tackling another man." hilarious! can easily picture that

*Tools* A few suggestions I had:

(Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear)


*BulletG*but some days, in disjointed ways,/Joe rued his machismo.
this seems a little forced to me, why would he rue his machismo? it works though

A few parting comments...
great idea to write in response to an actual news prompt, very funny; also love that you added a small Ballad definition at the end, for poetry cripples like myself it's great to have such quality information readily available *Smile*

Hope this helped! Great job on a great piece of readable art!!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

This Has Been A Review By: AFaith A WDC Power Reviewer

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
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for entry "Invalid Entry
Review by A*Monaing*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts, at the end of the day whatever you decide is the right answer!


*Reading* Initial hook: the black goo is soooo cool!

*Pencil* Storyline: Maddock communes with his former self

*Tiedye4* Characters:Taylan Chagatai, Maddocks' most recent past life

*Home* Setting: the living breathing heart room of the Soul Census

*Butterflyb* Atmosphere/Tone: reverant, creepy (only because it's new and unknown and uncontrollable), alive

*Telephone* Dialogue: funny as always while still remaining a degree of seriousness, got another good chuckle out at the end, funny how the simplest most cliche of phrases when stated at the right time, never get old (that's what she said)

*Suitheart* What I liked: the in depth description of a scene previously mentioned

*Tools* A few suggestions I had:

(Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear)


*BulletG*...holding their bulky-looking rifles across their chest.
...holding their bulky-looking rifles across their chests.

*BulletB*Soul Census Enforcer...Maddock remembered being told that agents would go through a 'baptism'
so he's an "Enforcer" and an "agent"? maybe stick to just one word or the other

*BulletR* Wolfe walked to the entrance wall, and put his had into it as if to leave.
Wolfe walked to the entrance wall, and put his hand into it as if to leave.

*BulletV*Now that he was alone, the thumping and rumbling made him feel uneasy.
nice to see bit of a warm/sensitive side to him, it's ok to be a little scared, makes him nicer and more relatable

*Bullet*slaughtered by the Mongol invaders, only to later join them and pledge his life to the Kipchak Khanate-- also known as The Golden Horde
soooo Taylan joined the Mongol invaders? hate he joined the group that killed his family...but I guess it happens

A few parting comments...
I hope we get to learn about the past lives of others, I wonder if it's common for each life to be more like the most previous life and we slowly evolve/change our habits over time and several lives, if that's the case then it would be interesting to learn about those who drastically change between lives, I bet they're special;
also it'd be great to eventually learn something of Maddocks other past lives, especially the last girl *Pthb*

Hope this helped! Great job on a great piece of readable art!!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

This Has Been A Review By: AFaith A WDC Power Reviewer

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
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217
for entry "Invalid Entry
Review by A*Monaing*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts, at the end of the day whatever you decide is the right answer!


*Reading* Initial hook: yay we find out a LOT about Maddock's mission, but how does it relate to Zarad and Aloli?

*Pencil* Storyline: Maddock gets a tour around Soul Census and we find out why there are so many lost souls

*Tiedye4* Characters:the Caretaker, curious to know more about him/her/it

*Home* Setting: the Atrium, busy place, brain of the whole Soul Sphere complex;

*Butterflyb* Atmosphere/Tone: very MIB meets 5th Element-ish, plus it's own flavor

*Telephone* Dialogue: fun and light, Wolfe's losing his glasses and Maddocks teasing of him and Black is hilarious, I literally lol'd at the end

*Suitheart* What I liked: "She was a real bearcat alright-- he liked that." ha 'bearcat' that's a new one...prefer 'hellcat' myself but that has damnation overtones so...bearcat's good *Pthb*;
life is "a game", I knew it!;

*Tools* A few comments/suggestions I had:

(Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear)


*BulletG* and that motion picture he had seen earlier was actually himself in another life-- right before he died.
oooo, that's an interesting tidbit!!! I didn't comment on Wolfes comment about him having no reaction to the previous life clip in Chap. 2.1 because they came in and said he wasn't supposed to be up for another hour....well in his sleep he was dreaming about scenes from his current life...and wouldn't have seen the replay until he woke so how did Wolfe know he had no reaction to the replay?! ha, almost confused myself there.

*BulletB* he could not find any obvious source of light, yet everything had an even glow to it... no shadows either. Weird.
yes weird, but interesting, very interesting; it's also neat how this scenery description automatically altered the image I had in my head, proudly I was pretty spot on *Smile*

*BulletR* it had something of an underwater or seashell-like appearance
i should have mentioned last chapter about the hanging ceilings, interesting descriptions, excited to see if they have any significant meaning

*BulletV*the ocean, and parts of Europe, were mostly unlit.
curious...very curious

*Bullet*released so that that they can join their brethren
released so that that they can join their brethren

*BulletG*Soul Guide-- ...In that time, it will have completed some important tasks that affect the overall future of mankind.
oooo, wonder what major shift Vero's Cycle caused?

*BulletB* Were these guys just dieing at birth or what?"
Were these guys just dying at birth or what?", good job of getting the character to ask a question the reader would ask

A few parting comments...
I wonder how the monolithic Soul Census is related to the celestial pool from the first chapter; also, so Europe is 'blind' to the Census now because of the crash? guessing that's where the climax will take place, wonder what sort of evil's hiding out over there! can't wait.

Hope this helped! Great job on a great piece of readable art!!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

This Has Been A Review By: AFaith A WDC Power Reviewer

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
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for entry "Invalid Entry
Review by A*Monaing*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts, at the end of the day whatever you decide is the right answer!


*Reading* Initial hook: more exposition, nothing really new or unexpected

*Pencil* Storyline: Maddock's finally offered the job we knew was coming and that he'd take

*Tiedye4* Characters: same

*Home* Setting: same plus a similar hallway

*Butterflyb* Atmosphere/Tone: Maddock's temper gets the better of him...again

*Telephone* Dialogue: a tad 'relaxed' (by this story's view) and teasing

*Suitheart* What I liked: the way 7 other agents come out dressed like Wolfe, I imagined a very Matrix-y "Mr. Anderson" moment

*Tools* A few suggestions I had:

(Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear)


*BulletG* reincarnation and and some dingus called a Soul Sphere.
reincarnation and and some dingus called a Soul Sphere.

A few parting comments...
was there really a need to make this it's own chapter? 2.1 and 2.2 should have been combined I think

Hope this helped! Great job on a great piece of readable art!!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

This Has Been A Review By: AFaith A WDC Power Reviewer

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
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for entry "Invalid Entry
Review by A*Monaing*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts, at the end of the day whatever you decide is the right answer!


*Reading* Initial hook: i'm excited to get back into reading this story, it's been too long!

*Pencil* Storyline: Maddock wakes up in what sounds like a physical/earthly section of the Soul Society?

*Tiedye4* Characters: Director Samantha Black (...Vero? Aloli? new character probably...); Agent Wolfe (I was hoping he was Vero but now I'm not so sure...); and of course Maddock

*Home* Setting: some bizarre futuristic place where people's souls are apparently watched, recorded, and edited as necessary

*Butterflyb* Atmosphere/Tone: confused, unknown, sounds like he's somewhere important, added mystery with the hologram video where he can see it

*Telephone* Dialogue: basic, the body language does more to alter the perceived roles of Director Black and Wolfe

*Suitheart* What I liked: well, I finally re-read the book description and see that Maddock and Zarads lives are mutually exclusive, that makes things simpler, but gotta be honest I was kinda digging the idea of Maddock being Zarads new earthly vessel *Pthb*

*Tools* A few suggestions I had:

(Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear)


*BulletG* but you will refer me by my title of Director.
but you will refer to me by my title of Director.

A few parting comments...
only four more chapters! hope the end isn't near....

Hope this helped! Great job on a great piece of readable art!!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

This Has Been A Review By: AFaith A WDC Power Reviewer

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
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Review of The Witness  
Review by A*Monaing*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts, at the end of the day whatever you decide is the right answer!


*Suitheart* What I liked: great build of suspense in such a short time

*Tools* A few suggestions I had:

(Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear)


*BulletG* ...diverted Mikhaila’s attention just for a nano-second.
"...diverted Mikhaila’s attention just for a nano-second. "

*BulletB*took the opportunity to run to a boat shed just a few paces from where he crouched.
took the opportunity and ran to a boat shed just a few paces from where he crouched. or "near" where he crouched

A few parting comments...
not sure why Andino felt the need to run, surely Mikhaila would have been in the boat and off at some point *shrug* gripping tale, sad for Theresa and baby Andino :(

Hope this helped! Great job on a great piece of readable art!!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

This Has Been A Review By: AFaith A WDC Power Reviewer

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
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Review of Advent  
Review by A*Monaing*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts, at the end of the day whatever you decide is the right answer!


*Reading* Initial hook: Love how it's in the form of a tree! I learned a new word, great use of "mendicant".

*Suitheart* What I liked: love how it provokes thought and visual imagery of the nativity centered on Mary

*Tools* A few suggestions I had:

Only thing that would have made it more creative/impressive is if there was a set pattern to the first and last words of each verse. I.E. first and last words of 1st and 2nd stanzas = 'advent' and last and first words for 4th and last stanza = 'fullness', that in and off itself is neat because they are like bookends, but would have been neat to see that pattern throughout, 'willing' almost does and can be counted in a way

Hope this helped! Great job on a great piece of readable art!!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

This Has Been A Review By: AFaith A WDC Power Reviewer

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
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Review by A*Monaing*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts, at the end of the day whatever you decide is the right answer!


very emotional (environmentally speaking) and straight forward; love the desent from the buildup the high that you start on to the lull and relaxed state, love the personification of the earth 'slumbering' after the 'restless'/'sleepless' nights

Hope this helped! Great job on a great piece of readable art!!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

This Has Been A Review By: AFaith A WDC Power Reviewer
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Review of Expected  
Review by A*Monaing*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts, at the end of the day whatever you decide is the right answer!


*Reading* Initial hook: i must say, this is one fascinating work of transcendentalism that I feel ill equipped to review, but I shall try my best

*Pencil* Storyline: a sky couple look at the world and like the reliable sequence of daily events until...the bomb doesn't drop

*Tiedye4* Characters: mr. and mrs. blue, the scarlet soldiers, the sleeping tiger

*Home* Setting: in the sky? above all of these things happening it sounds like

*Butterflyb* Atmosphere/Tone: transcendent, above, removed from the action, looking down or on in a safe place

*Telephone* Dialogue: Mr Blue said, "the world is a recurring dream.", most interesting line, still not entirely sure what it means or how long their 'days' last; it's almost nauseating how...giddy they are about the predictability, as if the soldiers deaths and the bombings don't bother them in the least

*Suitheart* What I liked: "The last thing that Mr and Mrs Blue expected to see" ahhhh, very nice how the opening sentence ends up being literal and not facetious

*Tools* A few suggestions I had:

(Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear)


*BulletG* an hysterical rush of traffic, and, to meet their expectations, an hysterical rush of traffic
only use "an" before an unsounded "h." like 'honorable' or 'honest' : a hysterical rush of traffic, and, to meet their expectations, a hysterical rush of traffic

*BulletB*"Now the bombs rain over far-removed cities," ....the fourth thing that they expected to see would arrive,...The last thing that Mr and Mrs Blue expected to see was a sleeping white tiger with a bell in its teeth.
I assume the tiger should have been bombed? also as the 'last' thing, is the tiger the fourth thing coupled with the bombs or a fifth thing on it's own? doesn't really matter I suppose, just how I read it was kind of trippy

A few parting comments...
love the piece, first piece of abstract art I've read in a while and feel like I understood more of the cues than I would have say a year or two ago, nice!

Hope this helped! Great job on a great piece of readable art!!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

This Has Been A Review By: AFaith A WDC Power Reviewer

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
An "Invalid Item Review
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Review by A*Monaing*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts, at the end of the day whatever you decide is the right answer!


*Reading* Initial hook: bizarre 'coming of age' story with a ...not quite a 'twist'...more a 'roll'

*Pencil* Storyline: young girl is woefully unprepared for this next step in her young life

*Tiedye4* Characters: Kim, the headless girl; Trevor, love interest, though he can't be really nice if she thinks he'll just laugh at her; Carl, red headed lil bro that needs to sweep his hair off the bathroom floor; Mrs. Blaze, understanding English teacher; Ms. Sparks, understanding nurse; Mom, easily excitable, not very dependable in a crisis; classmates, cruel little kids...

*Telephone* Dialogue: oddly normal, at first I thought maybe this story was set in a weird/magical/bizarro world where zombies and other strange things happened all the time

*Suitheart* What I liked: "it rolled into the corner of the bathroom behind the toilet, and you know how the mung builds up back there." easy description that almost made me gag, I do know the nastiness of which you speak;
"There was just a nice, neat cross section of muscle, bone, tendons and little veins" that's nice, I often wonder that when dealing with headless characters;
"I’ll go get the duct tape.” hahaha! fixes EVERYthing;

*Tools* A few comments/suggestions I had:

(Original quotes will be in black, any changes or suggestions I'll make in blue to make it clear)


*BulletG* ...we were going to have to pour her into a tub of Tylenol #3.
...we were going to have to drown her in a tub of Tylenol #3. or we would have to give her an IV of Tylenol #3.

*BulletB* and shook my head between my hands.
i wonder if she physically shook her head or manually did it with her hands....just a thought

*BulletR* my scrabbling fingers managed to grab only a tuft of hair before it toppled off my shoulders
so the head was so heavy and/or moving so fast that the tuft she grabbed either got yanked out or fell through her fingers? it's a small detail but caught me up short, probably better to just have her scrabble for it and just miss it instead of grabbing anything

A few parting comments...
tell me, this idea had to come from the old adage "you'd lose your head if it wasn't attached" HAD to!; love the dedications at the end

Hope this helped! Great job on a great piece of readable art!!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

This Has Been A Review By: AFaith A WDC Power Reviewer

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
An "Invalid Item Review
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Review of My Psalm  
Review by A*Monaing*Faith
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey!

This is a WDC Power Reviewers Review!

Please remember that these are just my thoughts, at the end of the day whatever you decide is the right answer!


*Reading* Initial hook: very nice! a great method of reflection and communing with God

*Butterflyb* Atmosphere/Tone/Mood: reverent and honest

*Suitheart* What I liked: how you made it your own while maintaining the flow of a Psalm

A few parting comments...
can't really suggest changes because it's such a personal expression of self, for clarity sake maybe revise the use of so many ellipses and use other punctuation instead

Hope this helped! Great job on a great piece of readable art!!!

Reviewed on behalf of the WDC Power Reviewers:

This Has Been A Review By: AFaith A WDC Power Reviewer

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
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