That is a really eerie story--and so true to human nature re: how we, too often, keep settling for keeping a lousy status quo even when a better alternative is clearly offered.
You have some typos needing correcting, so proofread this again. However, don't change the story. AJ wants U 2 meet The CanMan!
What an absolutely beautiful story you made out of those song titles!
The last paragraph provides the perfect ending for this Conversation just as the beginning sentence ( Grandpa, Tell Me About The Good Old Days. ) sets the mood.
I promise not to give away the ending--which was definitely a surprise!
Excellent story!
This can stand alone without another word added in order to achieve one kind of effect or it could be an introduction to anything from the rest of a story to the rest of a novel to (if turned to drama) the rest of a TV series.
This poem holds a very interesting story, and I would be very curious to learn the longer version of it. It sounds as if there's a wife and an ex-wife/ex-girlfriend who have had to deal with a man who can't be satisfied with what he has but always seems to be looking at what lies beyond on the "other side" where he imagines that the grass is greener.
When he was with his ex, his current looked good to him.
Now, he believes that the ex is the one and the current should be left for her.
This is a man who really needs to grow up. I know what you mean about really liking this poem. I do, too, because it speaks the truth about a man with a wandering eye.
I was at St. John's in Anderson, Indiana when I had MRSA back in May of 2009, and Aunt Kate was there the following year and, eventually, passed away there.
That song was played whenever a baby was born.
I wonder how common it is to play that song at hospitals these days when babies are born.
I can also remember that this was the song played at the end of the original version of the movie called The Champ.
The Champ had just died after being in a match that he really wasn't up to being in so that he could earn enough to make a better life for his son.
I'd always thought of the song as being one to show that he had fallen asleep to his earthly life, but it could also be announcing his birth into his Heavenly life.
I see one typo in the second paragraph where you meant to say as healthcare providers but said has healthcare providers instead.
Lots of times, I hear tunes in my head followed by a kind of message re: why I was thinking of that particular tune. You're right about it's getting a person in touch with his/her spirit.
I've already thought of at least one more answer to this idea of two kinds of people, but I'm going to wait on some others to post before posting again so that I won't end up hogging the item.
This is a very moving list of goals for 2011, and my prayers go with you for all of them--especially, the one about getting a kidney for your daughter.
You and I both have a book in the works. I, too, am hoping to finish mine before long. I think that books are kinda like babies: they will come when they're good and ready! Still, the one giving birth needs to contribute to the labor when the time comes.
I'm going over to your port now to see what else I can find out about your daughter. Feel free to drop me a line to let me know more. Perhaps, I can help you to get the word out! Hope so!
Since I make most of my reviews public--including this one--I hope it will result in the right people reading it who can get your daughter the help that she needs. AJ wants U 2 meet The CanMan!
What a delightful, little shoppe you have! I've just finished sending your flower garden cNote to Moarzjasac and hope to be back here again to send out more of your cNotes to deserving people!
Only one thing needs to be changed. This is now reading as a tribute to "Invalid Item." Since item is no longer available, it might be good if you edited your cards and their introductions to bear a description of the recipient of your honor.
That's quite a story--and told in such a way that I could fit right inside of your third-grader skin and feel what you were going through back then.
Sounds to me as if Miss Teacher didn't quite know what to do with a kid like you, so she gave you a part where (or so she must have believed) you could have a role in the production but would be in a safe place where you wouldn't end up messing up the order of things.
I'm giving this a five-star rating as an excellent rough draft, because I have confidence that you'll be continuing to hone this story until you get it perfect.
Most of the imperfections are grammatical errors and typos.
Even with all of those, the story is well-written and speaks volumes.
To me, it speaks of a community where everything seemed to be safe and perfect but really wasn't.
Would the death of one damaged, little boy who spent most of his life keeping a terrible secret of abuse and turning it inward change things? Or would he just be seen as a child who wasn't quite right, and, sometimes, these things just happen?
Keep up the great work with this story that needs to be told!
You're so on-spot! No matter how many resolutions we make, we need to remember that God is the cornerstone of the best of said resolutions.
The word "commitment" adds much-needed strength to what we do with our lives--and to make a top commitment to God helps us to better discern the direction in which we should go with how we spend the moments of our lives. AJ wants U 2 meet The CanMan!
These are just some one the words I can accurately use to describe this little Christmas treat of a story.
It has been done in many ways before--the idea of what would happen if a gift-giver took the song about the twelve days of Christmas literally (either in whole or in part--in this case, in part.
After you have read this, why not imagine being presented with one of the gifts of the twelve days of Christmas and see what you can come up with in the way of a story and/or poem!?!
This had me chuckling and laughing out loud all the way through!
It's interesting how you have taken an average activity of life and have turned it into a teaching game for men in a tongue-in-cheek sort of way--and, tongue-in-cheek or not--some of it is very true to life.
This is quite a story, to say the least! Words can't even begin to describe it--and I mean that in a great way. Guy has a wife who never seems to be really satisfied with any restaurant they go to--until this particular one. This is a shining example of Murphy's Law on steroids!
This is a cleverly-written parody of 'Twas The Night Before Christmas that offers a realistic--yet lighthearted--look at what it's like during the hectic holidays to share your home with one or more autistic kids who thrive on order and cringe at changes in routine.
Is this based on something personal that has happened to you and/or somebody close to you?
You've certainly captured the feeling very well!
It takes me back to 1977 when one of the last guys I expected to let me down in a big way acted in ways that were like putting a knife into my heart and turning it this way and that way.
I could have written this poem and dedicated it to him, but you wrote it for me!
I'm glad to have come across you here at WDC, and I hope that you go really far with your writing, as you have a lot to teach a hungry world when it comes to feelings and actions.
You've done a really great job of writing a sequel to Lord Of The Flies.
Even though the title of this book is familiar, it's one of the books that I haven't yet read, but your sequel makes me curious about it, so I plan on putting it on my reading list in the very near future.
Are you planning on writing an entire book about Jack's life after the island, or will you just be leaving the story where you've ended it?
I could just picture a goat like this in my mind, and I can see wonderful illustrations for him, too.
Too bad that Dr. Seuss isn't around anymore to make those illustrations, because he would be perfect for the job.
I'm going to add my goddaughter, Robin, to my list of people to share you with. She and/or her soulmate, Tina, could, likely, whip up wonderful illustrations for this goat poem.
I'm also adding a neat guy named Ashleigh Brilliant (Yep! That's his real name!). He has his own unique postcard line, and he's been around for ages. Not just sure how old he is, but I know that he graduated from high school the year that I was born. Unless he's one of those baby geniuses (which COULD be a possibility), he would have to be at least 15 or 16 years older than I am (and that young only if he skipped some grades).
You're definitely somebody who's right up here with people who are several times your age! In other words, very gifted!!!
Very much to-the-point and well-written. Falling to the ground from the grief of rejection brings to mind a person who has been discarded like a piece of trash in spite of the person actually being a treasure deserving something better.
This is an amazing story. I have a writer/editor friend who would enjoy it a lot, so I'm going to be sending him a link to it in a little while.
Welcome to WDC! After finding you at "Invalid Item" , I felt led to travel over to your port and check you out. This is the very first item I've read by you, and I'm *totally* amazed and can tell you that it won't be my last!!!
I'm working on a piece of writing now that I'm going to be putting up for bid so that it will travel around the WDC site more, but, before I get back to it, I plan on reading the rest of your port (or, at least, what's up at this time) so that I can include a plug for you in it.
When I was a little kid (long, long, long before you had even been born), we used to have media called 45 rpm records that were made out of vinyl. In fact, at that time, we even had 78 rpm records that were very fragile. I still have several of those left. A couple of those 78s that I managed to break but wish that I had now were by Elvis (Hound Dog and Don't Be Cruel) and Jim Reeves (Bimbo and Gypsy Heart). I was able to get Bimbo on a 45 rpm, but the flip-side wasn't Gypsy Heart.
Anyway, we had a radio station on the AM dial (I don't even think that there was such a thing as FM back then) (1070 was the frequency) called WIBC out of Indianapolis.
It played all kinds of music--from songs that were popular in the 1940s to country to pop to rock 'n' roll (as we called rock back then)--and the DJ whom I remember most was Bouncin' Bill Baker. He was the one who ended up introducing The Beatles in September of 1964 when they appeared at The Indiana State Fair.
Anyway, when a new song came out that seemed to have hit potential, the DJs at WIBC would introduce it as "a wax to watch" (referring to the material used to make the record).
Right now, I'm making like Bouncin' Bill Baker and introducing you to the WDC community as "a wax to watch," so take that as a compliment!
Oh yes! Something pretty commonplace with me has happened again: Feedback that I've given has turned into an article in its own right, so I'm going to share it as that--which means that you're going to be getting even more exposure than beyond this public review!
Just discovered your note about wanting me to check out some of your writings. This is the first one, and I can tell that it will be a pleasure to read the others. Very clever and describes WDC to a T. So glad to know that WDC is getting better and better with time. We certainly have something to celebrate!!!
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.47 seconds at 3:41am on Apr 25, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
