Hi, shyguy42  . I came across your story in the “Please Review” page. I enjoy the fantasy, magic, action/horror, and gay themes included here.
I made some comments/suggestions below, but remember they are my humble opinion only. Take what suggestions you like and ignore the rest. This is your story!
First thing, your story could benefit from a simple review for spelling, punctuation, grammar, spacing, extra words, and repeated words. Another reviewer mentioned avoiding adverbs, and I totally agree. The word ‘quickly’ is used a lot. When writing action scenes, trust the reader knows that a lot is happening very rapidly, so we will read ‘quickly’ into a lot of places without having the word on the page. 
Another thing to be aware of is avoid ‘telling’. At the beginning, the story was in the pov of the elf and was well-written. Great job! But starting with “The sealed door was their only…” it felt as if someone else was reading the story to me. It is important to ‘show’ the reader instead of ‘tell’. Keep the story in the elf’s point of view. Think about:
“I don’t have to remind you that this door is our only way out of this labyrinth,” the elf shouted.
“Yes, dear,” the orc responded. “I’m trying to make out the language on this lock, but it’s in an ancient dialect and I need time to decipher it.”
With growing alarm, the elf noticed more undead, entering the chamber and approaching them.”
Just a suggestion.
Give your characters names so you don’t have to keep writing ‘the elf’ and ‘the orc’ all the time. Since this is fantasy, you can make up names! 
What I liked best is having gay male main characters. I think we need more LGBT content in fantasy stories! I find it interesting that an orc is one of the main characters and in a compassionate, heroic role. Usually they are depicted as evil beings, so this is a refreshing twist on the them.
I also liked the hook at the beginning of the chapter. Right away, we are in the midst of the action and that helps reel in the reader. Try to come up with a hook at the end of the chapter to make the reader want to read more. It seems that they found the heirloom they were looking for? What do they plan to do with it now?
Great job! I look forward to reading more about the elf and the orc!
Alex
Comments/Suggestions/Corrections:
The elf swung one of his axes plunged an axe in the ribs of one of the undead warriors an undead warrior. Quickly he followed up by burying his second axe in its neck, taking its head clean off. He kicked the body away towards another a second undead who swatted the headless body away with its shield. Taking advantage of the opening the elf rushed in and with a twirl and a battle cry added another beheading to his count. As the body undead fell he quickly turned to his left, blocking a Warhammer strike by dropping to his knees and catching the shaft in the cross of his axes. A terrible roar left the undeads' undead’s mouth as he pulls pulled at the hammer attempting to free it. The elf willed himself to stand firm, his tired arms struggling to to hold the hammer, and the fool creature holding it , in place [Check the punctuation here.] He glanced behind, sweat nearly dripping in his eye, and yelled ,.
[New paragraph]
'Beloved, I must insist that you hurry up. I cant can’t protect you from this many undead for long.'
'I'm going as fast as I can !' Shouted his Orc companion shouted, standing in front of the mechanism built into the door, sealing it.
Flanked by two statues of warriors from a forgotten time. [Use a comma here instead of a period.] The Orc mages' mages usual rough low tone of voice had a panicked edge to it. His eyes {x]}dated darted from the opened book he held and the lock.'
[New paragraph.]
I need to get this right or this place will be our tomb.'
The sealed door was their only why out of the mountain labyrinth now, the way they came in now cut off by the undead. The only hope they had to open it was to translate the language written on the lock itself. However the language was as old as the statues and his lover needed time to decipher it…
[This is all telling.]
His aim ring true and his target dropped as well but unlike the pervious previous combatant not permanently.
He gasped in pain, turning his head to see the the ugly face undead that had stabbed him. The elf gathered his strength a headbutted the zombie away. Only to turn into a shield, bashing him square in the face. As he fell to the floor the zombie warriors gathered around him, getting ready to bludgeon him to death with whatever weapons they had. Suddenly the chamber filled with sunlight causing the undead to groan and shield themselves. They were then attacked by a barrage of fire balls.
[Try to avoid passive voice. Consider: “Without warning, a barrage of fire balls swarmed the zombies, igniting their tattered clothing.” Another author might word it better. ]
I trust you still have the the item?'
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| (4.0)
| (4.5)
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