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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/aleksandrnepan
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3 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
Review of The Map  
Review by Aleksandr Nepan
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Another great story! Although I would have liked to know a little bit more about what the creature was or at least what the rest of it looked like as it pulled itself out of the water, perhaps just a glance back while he was running away.

Again, excellent descriptive work overall, I found the description to be nicely executed and not too overpowering this time and the length of the piece was perfect for the story.

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Review of Landscape  
Review by Aleksandr Nepan
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Excellent description of everything! Although the description sometimes made it difficult to follow and I had to re-read some parts, I definitely saw the landscape and felt the presence of the old man throughout.

I'm interested to see where this goes in the second part as the final paragraph in this first part was particular interesting.

Thank you for your story, I look forward to reading the rest of your work.
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Review by Aleksandr Nepan
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I'm a bit unsure about the sentence near the beginning, 'what some would call the local fag. I’ve never been one to give into such arbitrary hate, I have a cousin who’s the same way and I would die for the kid.', this seems like it could easily be omitted and leave no effect on the rest of the writing, not to mention the possible discussion about the word 'fag'.

Also, (sorry for the nitpicking!), the line 'and then my brain is blank', near the end of the story, seems out of place. Perhaps due to a sudden present tense as opposed to the past tense used throughout the piece.

Aside from these, I really enjoyed your writing and description! I am a huge fan of weird fiction, the diary entries were a nice touch.
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