This looks like a very promising start. You’ve set the main protagonist up quite well with his intentions. Readers will immediately warm to his sympathetic nature and desire to protect people. They will root for him and want to see him succeed. One topic you could explore for further chapters could be how he reacts if a rescue goes wrong.
Aww that was a very touching sonnet to read. I’m not massive on love and romance but I can respect it for those who are. Your wife is very lucky to have you in her life just as much as you are to be in hers. The words of the sonnet were very strong and had deep meaning so well done
This was a fun little poem to read. It should give the reader a reminder that all life matters. It also made me feel sympathy for the man and mouse while it made me hate the woman which is good because you’ve made the reader care about the characters involved. The wife reminded me of Mrs Robinson from Gumball as she took pleasure in being mean too.
Your character description was my most favourite part. They were well explained and defined and I felt I could identify a colour to each of them. That you explained it through some form of TV advert only made it better
The main focus of the story was good too. The little guy feeling under appreciated and ending up in a sticky situation flowed naturally
I hope we’ll see more of these characters in other stories as it definitely has potential
Hi Daniel I felt it was only fair that I review one of your works after asking you to do mine so I chose this one. I quite enjoyed this as it displayed emotions and feelings quite well and reminded us all just how powerful music can be in emotion. I warmed to the character of Frank easily and related to his sympathetic nature quite well. You did a good job with this piece
That was an interesting piece to read. You clearly worked hard on the research so I believed you knew what you were saying. I also enjoyed the opening visualisation as it was a good hook to keep reading
You have hit the nail right on the head. I don’t listen to a thing the media says anymore. If they told me the sky was blue then I’m saying it’s green. The worst thing is too many people just follow it like sheep because they don’t want to rock the boat. Perfect summary
That was a very nice story to read. I liked how the focus was on trying to make a young one happy and the family dilemma has a lot of potential. We don’t meet the current queen here but I already hate her and that’s promising. Hopefully we’ll see more of this soon
A very good story. It felt solid and the suspense built up at a decent pace. I also liked some of the lines between the siblings such as their different attitudes to research, that made me smile
My biggest issue was it sometimes felt a bit robotic to read. Try using “I’m sure” instead of “I am sure” for example and it will feeling quicker and more free flowing to the reader. It also felt odd seeing “that lighthouse” all the time. I think it should always be “the lighthouse”