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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/aliciawithay
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32 Public Reviews Given
145 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by AliciaWithAY
Rated: E | (4.5)
Eats shoots and leaves is a fabulous book - kudos on reading it. Many grammar geeks disagree with some of the things she has to say in it, but overall she provides an excellent basic guide to punctuation. If you're really interested in reading about the mechanics of writing, I would recommend two fantastic books by Bill Walsh. They are "The Elephants of Style" and "Lapsing Into a Comma." Both are absolutely wonderful, funny, insightful looks into the world of words. They're geared toward newspaper editing, but they're excellent for general use as well.

Thanks for the poll - it's nice to know I'm not the only person who obsesses about their commas.
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Review by AliciaWithAY
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This has some excellent points and, as a poem, it brings a lot to the table.

My suggestion for this would be to remove some of the details. You tell us so much that we aren't left anything to decide for ourselves. For example, take this stanza:

You wonder why I'm anorexic
You really can't tell?
My daddy blames my mommy
"She's not eating. Why?"
My mommy just doesn't know
"I can't force her, can I?"

I think it would be much more powerful if you just removed the second line. Reread it like this:

You wonder why I'm anorexic
My daddy blames my mommy
"She's not eating. Why?"
My mommy just doesn't know
"I can't force her, can I?"

You pull back from that editorial commenting and just state what is going on. This lets the reader draw the line from parents blaming each other and giving in to the anorexia.

Thank you for sharing what is obviously a very personal work. Keep writing.
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Review by AliciaWithAY
Rated: E | (4.5)
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you! This is exactly how I feel about reviews. I good review that has a negative view of my work is always much more helpful than a poorly written review by a person who loves it. Thanks for a well-written piece with some practical reviewing tips.

P.S. I dropped you down to 4.5 because I found all the emoticons distracting.
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Review of Modern Woman  
Review by AliciaWithAY
Rated: E | (4.0)
I love this - it's fun and powerful at the same time. I like the juxtaposition of what women are supposed to be now, while the reader is aware that this isn't exactly what's going on.

I do question whether the questions at the end of each stanza are necessary. I think this piece would be more powerful with just the couplets, then perhaps a single line stanza at the end with a "Right?" or "What is that" or something of that nature.

Otherwise great work - I especially love the stanze "There is no need to bend / to the infant whims of men" - excellent rhyme and meter, as well as a powerful punch for the statement.

Keep writing!
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