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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/amber1963
Review Requests: OFF
37 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I try to be honest and encouraging. If I can't do both, I'll just be honest.
I'm good at...
Punctuation, spelling, grammar. All that stuff.
Favorite Genres
Science fiction, fantasy
Least Favorite Genres
Romance, Erotica
Favorite Item Types
Short Stories, Novel Chapters
Least Favorite Item Types
Anything that isn't short stories or novel chapters
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by MissTique
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, John Glover !

*BurstP* I'm earning my sparkles at "Invalid Item to spread sparkles for Phoebe around WDC! *BurstP*


Overall Impression:

         I think this is a great start to what could could turn into an amazing story! I love science and medical stuff, and I think (with my limited knowledge of anything related to medicine) that you did well with it. *Smile*


Suggestions for Improvement:

         First off, you may want to space out your paragraphs a little bit. All the text is kind of squished together, and it makes it difficult to read.

         Second, I don't really feel like I know enough about Dr. Samson. I know about his parents, his job, and his eating and exercising habits, but that's pretty much all. I'd like to know more about who he is as a person.

         Third, the story seems to be moving a bit too fast. For example, this part: "It was determined that he had suffered a stroke as a result of a blockage in his left ventricle. Surgery was set for the following Tuesday. Dr. Samson recovered almost two weeks later." tripped me up a little. It went right from scheduling the surgery to him recovering from it.

         There are a few parts like that, as well as the chapter itself. There was a lot of action, but not much introduction.

         Lastly, the transition from the second to last paragraph and the last paragraph was pretty abrupt. I had to read it a few times before I realized that we were back to the present moment.


What I liked:

         I really like the idea that even though Dr. Samson suffered a stroke, and his personality and decision making skills suffered because of it, he was still trying to make good choices. Even though overdosing his patients might not seem "good", exactly, it might just be for the sake of future patients. So he's doing something bad, but (perhaps) with good intentions.


Final Thoughts:

         With a little work, I think this will be really great. I'm enjoying it already! *Bigsmile* I hope to see the next part of this soon! *Wink*

~MissTique

Please keep in mind that all suggestions are only suggestions, and you know what's best for your story.
2
2
Review by MissTique
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Choconut ! This review is for Riot 's newsfeed challenge.

Overall Impression: I really love your use of imagery and descriptive words. It makes your setting and characters come to life. It makes me feel like I'm The one in the forest.

Suggestions for Improvement: No suggestions from me. *Smile* I couldn't find any spelling/grammar mistakes, and all your sentences flowed smoothly *Thumbsupl*

What I Liked: All of it! More specifically, the detail with which you described the forest. It seemed very real to me.

Favorite Part: "It depends on which way the wind is blowing. East, for example, is a happy direction, but north just makes them cross." I couldn't tell you exactly why This is my favorite place, only that it is. I just really like it, I guess. *Laugh*

Final Thoughts: Not a whole lot left to say, except that this story is beautiful, and to keep up the great work!

~MissTique
3
3
Review by MissTique
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, amyjo-Keeping it real and fun! ! This review is for Riot 's newsfeed challenge.

Overall Impression: At first, I wasn't sure what to think of the main character. After reading this, I've decided that I don't like her. She's rude, she's arrogant, and she's a thief.

All of this to say that she's a very well-written character that makes for an interesting story. *Wink*

Suggestions for Improvement: "Everything depended upon him liking her, for if he did, then she could get out of the dump that her parents forced her to live in." I stumbled over this sentence a bit. It might flow a little better if you make it two separate sentences.

What I Liked: Like I said before, your main character was written particularly well. I also like how, while she isn't nice, she is ambitious.

Favorite Part: "Mortification was the only thought crossing her mind." I still don't feel bad for her. *Smirk*

Final Thoughts: I wonder what the boy was thinking..... *Laugh*

Keep up the great work!

~MissTique

Please keep in mind that all suggestions are only suggestions, and you know what's best for your story.
4
4
Review of Death's Laundry  
Review by MissTique
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, The Scribbler ! This review is for Riot 's newsfeed challenge.

Overall Impression: What a great idea for a story! Very creative! It was funny, and I really enjoyed reading it. *Smile*


Suggestions for Improvement:

The word "silent" was used a few times throughout the story to describe different noises the main character heard. For me, "silent" should be used to describe the lack of sounds. Consider using words like "quiet" or "soft" instead.

The sentence "I just yawned, staring at my laundry through the glass of the washing machine as I was sitting on the bench in front of it." seemed a little awkward. Maybe it could be something like "I just yawned, staring at my laundry through the glass of the washing machine in front of me."

"...which was pulled into his face..." I think this should say "over his face".

"....content of his bag...." I think "content" should be "contents".


What I liked: I really enjoyed the casual tone that "Grim" used, like he talks to living people every day. I also like how you made Death seem like a regular person.

Favorite Part: "People these days." Grim knows what's up. *Rolling*

Final Thoughts: This was a nicely humorous read, and I loved it! Keep up the great work!

~MissTique

Please keep in mind that all suggestions are only suggestions, and you know what's best for your story.
5
5
Review of True beauty  
Review by MissTique
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is beautiful! I love reading poetry, and I definitely enjoyed this one! I love the style of writing you used for this, repeating the phrase "True beauty" throughout the poem. My favorite part of this is the message it conveys. I think many young people need to read this. I found this to be very inspiring. Great job! Keep writing!
6
6
Review by MissTique
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is great! The poem is a good depiction of the old saying "Misery loves company". You've put a lot of feeling and emotion into this. You also offer some very good advice, particularly at the end. Be happy even if you have to be happy alone. I really enjoyed reading this. Great job, and keep writing!
7
7
Review of Adapt part 1  
Review by MissTique
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I love it! I think you should keep writing this. I feel like this gives people a different perspective of life. I like how this shows how much people rely on money now, and less on their own lives and their own happiness. I love how this character really appreciates the time that they have. And their view on professionals is very interesting. I absolutely think that this is something worth continuing. Great job!
8
8
Review of Hanna Haley  
Review by MissTique
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I love it! I love the story, the characters, and the plot. To improve the story just a little, I think you should go a little more in-depth with your Hannah character. I think she'd be a bit more interesting if you went into more detail with her and her situation. I'd also like to find out what happens with Seth. This is a wonderful story overall, and I hope to see more from you soon! Great Job!
9
9
Review of Dragon Tamer  
Review by MissTique
Rated: E | (3.5)
First, I'd like to say that this is a great story. It was very interesting, and it held my attention from beginning to end. Next is the grammar and punctuation errors, which I found few of. My one major issue I had with this story was that the ending felt very rushed. You told most of the story in great detail. Then when you got to the end, there was very little detail at all. I feel like you just got bored writing the story, so you just tried to finish it up. My advice: Take your time. With that said, I really enjoyed reading this, and I encourage you to keep writing!
10
10
Review by MissTique
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Well, that was interesting. It was very descriptive. It had a lot of detail, but not too much for a short story. I love this Kirii character. At one point she was good, but she changed. She became evil. Karmak was also a very likable character for me. He was strange, but likeable all the same. I'm curious about how this fight with the Bane Dragon is going to end. Keep up the great work!
11
11
Review of Trapped  
Review by MissTique
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is wonderful! It was very intense, and I was on the edge of my seat the entire time. Your characters seemed very realistic. There were a few small punctuation errors, but otherwise it was very well written. It enjoyed it very much. I hope you are planning on making this into a series. I would love to know what happens next!
12
12
Review of Reconciliation  
Review by MissTique
Rated: E | (5.0)
I was intrigued by this poem, however short it may be. I thought it was very beautiful. The third prompt was interesting, as I've never heard of Harrisham Rhyme Poems before. That must have been a bit of a challenge. I loved your choice of words, and I really loved your poem.
13
13
Review of Basic Decencies  
Review by MissTique
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very good work! I appreciate you writing this, because it is very easy for people to forget these basic decencies. While reading this, I found myself thinking, "Why can't more people think like you?" Indeed, these things seem very basic, but then why do people have such a hard time remembering them? Thank you for reminding us just how easy it is to be decent people. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this.
-Amber
14
14
Review of Good Conversation  
Review by MissTique
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
To just_aralls:
I can't help but to laugh at the ending of this little short story. It was surprising, not predictable like many stories are. I think you had a good idea, and a good story came from it. Two teachers met in a bar..... I like how Kyra changed from sarcastic and rude to friendly and outgoing. I like the little bit of flirting that goes on, and especially how they each had their own little secret. Overall, I think it's a great story! Keep writing!\
-Amber
15
15
Review by MissTique
Rated: E | (4.5)
To ZukoRocks30:
Absolutely beautiful. Sirius was always a favorite character of mine. To be able to recapture the emotion from his death in only 140 words is extraordinary. I like how you included Harry's family in this story. This was an enjoyable read, and I hope to see more of your writing soon. Keep writing!
-Amber
16
16
Review of I'm Just Harry  
Review by MissTique
Rated: E | (4.5)
To Booklover17:
I think that this is a very accurate description of what Harry thought throughout the years. He was definitely one who just wanted to be normal. This poem really shows th at. You are very good at writing poetry, which has never been my strong suit. Very good job, and I hope to see more of your poetry! Keep writing!
-Amber
17
17
Review by MissTique
Rated: E | (4.0)
To Blue Venus:
Wow. I think that was the strangest Harry Potter story I have read yet, but in a good way. To see Harry as compassionate was not surprising in the least. For him to be kind to his parents' killer was slightly odd. But the thing that threw me off most of all was Voldemort. I'm not entirely sure why I'm surprised. Tom was a child to be pitied, but we all just look past that to look at what he's become. His feeling alone seemed odd at first, but I came to realize that this is what Harry Potter is all about. He wasn't a bad kid. He just needed love and compassion and understanding, all of which he never received, much like Harry. Though it was a weird ending to this series, it was wonderful. Keep writing!
-Amber
18
18
Review of A Peculiar Potion  
Review by MissTique
Rated: E | (4.5)
To Ber239:
I really like this! Of course, it may have something to do with the fact that I love all things Harry Potter. But seriously, this is a good story, and I love how you explained everything. I wasn't wondering how Snape didn't find out about the potion or anything else. I also like how you included the house elf. I think they are a great addition to all Harry Potter stories. You didn't change Harry's personality a bit. He's still the same Gryffindor we all know and love. Brilliant work! Keep writing!
-Amber
19
19
Review by MissTique
Rated: E | (3.0)
I like the story and how it ties into constitutional rights and such. The only thing that I'm a little confused about is the iPhone. Whose phone was it? Where did they find it? Did the thief get punished? I feel like you put the iPhone in there just so you could have 3 of her rights violated. It isn't really a part of the main story, which is Ms. Wang discriminating against non-asians. I think you should either incorporate it into the story a little bit more, or leave it out altogether. Other than that, I thought it was good overall.
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