Hi StephB. I could actually feel the thunder and drumming reverberations from the game. I would have liked more stanzas with more action, but I am not familiar with the game or the movies. I liked the "Fire, fire burning bright." line as it gave me an idea of the setting and how dangerous it really is.
Congratulations on your placement in the contest, and your Quill Awards Nomination.
Oh my goodness! I love this poem. Every pet owner can probably identify. Great rhyme and rhythm with good descriptives. The poem is just right in length regarding sentences as well as stanzas.
I really must read more of your work. I hope you keep writing about Wilson and other emotional subjects.
I like your coming of age bio, and it is perfect.Using Richard Bach's quote is inspirational. I like Bach, too. I was a teen when "Jonathon Livingston Seagull" was first published, and it helped through some rough spots. Being myself was always a challenge.
Anyway, I like your writing. Your sentence structure is sometimes lengthy but doesn't detract from the read. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself.
Interesting piece of prose. It does seem dark and sad, a cry for survival. I like the original form, the italics for emphasis, and the directional cues. I look forward to your continued writing about the red willow. It's easy to believe that suicide is and then is not an option.
Keep up your writing. You have an interesting style.
Great job! A good metaphor for those of us who feel the binding of our own anxiety. I like the form and function of the structure of your poem. Although the poem doesn't rhyme, it has good rhythm. I read the poem twice and got the same feeling that it was written by someone who wanted a social situation but was afraid to fall in love, too.
I hope I have come close to the intentions behind the metaphor. Good luck to you. Keep on writing.
Every detail of the morning routine is in my mind's eye. I can see this priest performing the rituals he has developed over his many years. And, yes, I want to know more about the man tied in the downstairs. What is doing there? Why is he in bondage? Your story leaves me wanting more.
The only suggestion that I have is that when you enter the static item, go back and edit the settings tab so that you can have a discernable paragraph. It's difficult to read without some kind of paragraph form.
Yep. That's what it's like to have a sibling. Good use of dialogue to set the scene. Your piece almost reminds me of the writer, e.e. cummings. He wrote most of his work without capitalization and very little punctuation. Your work would fit right in if you eliminated more of the capitals and punctuation. I like it a lot. Brought back lots of memories.
I am happy that you found yourself after graduating from high school. Fighting through a tough childhood must make other challenges seem small.
I like your passion. And the sadness comes through, too. Some of your sentence structure is difficult to follow, but overall, you have done a good job sharing your disappointments and successes.
Oh, my! Can I identify? Depression is so debilitating. Your poem describes is perfectly.
I like the organization of the verses, and how your last verse describes "a slobbery black mess." I, too, like non-rhyming verse, and the flow is easy to read.
Thank you for writing this. I know it is hard. Take care.
So much honesty in your writing, and a topic which most of us can identify. I like your description of fear as "his greatest rival." Good rhymes and rhythm.
I like your poetry and hope you will continue to write for WDC. Good luck to you in your future works.
Nice characters. Good storyline. The Yuria flower is obviously important; maybe, more description could be added. The idea that a ruler could know that there is not really an uprising, but a suicide epidemic is very metaphorical for sad happenings in modern days.
The only other thing I could say is that when you transfer your word doc., edit the document so the paragraphs are more evident. It's very hard to read otherwise.
I like the story. Keep up the good work. I look forward to the next chapters.
Wow. I know this article is an older piece, but it is still valid. What a journey you have taken. I enjoyed and related to your "wall" metaphor. I, too, work at bringing down that wall to my loved ones. Your honesty is very refreshing. Your organization of the article is logical and put together with forethought and understanding.
Thank you for sharing so much of yourself. It's no easy task even in writing.
I felt your sentence structure and terminology encouraged me to keep reading. Your last sentence was very heartfelt and sincere. I know that those of us with a "wall" struggle to reach out. The love and understanding are so hard to accept and acknowledge.
I truly wish you continued success in your life: marriage, employment and family.
I read your poem through several times before I felt that I understood the meaning and purpose. The idea that many of us hide in safety is apparent. The idea that many of us could benefit from raising a fist to protest lost opportunity. I like this poem for its thought-provoking theme and the balance of rhymes and rhythm.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/andie4356
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.30 seconds at 7:27pm on Apr 18, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
