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1
1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Rhymer of the Rotted Rainbow ,

I am reviewing your item today to provide feedback on your latest "Rising Stars Summer Camp assignment.

Lilli set you the assignment of writing an essay on Mark Twain, and I provided a lesson on writing essays.

To give you some well-rounded feedback, I will cover both the technical aspect of your essay as well as my own personal opinion on the content of the essay and how you have dealt with the subject matter.

The part of the review dealing with the technical aspect of your essay should be taken in that way. It is all about how you have actually written the essay, and how it matches up with what was discussed in the posted lesson about writing essays. Any feedback in this section will probably seem nitpicky, but it is there to help you the next time you need to write an essay.

Technical aspects:

*BulletB* Have you written an essay?: As the lesson covered, the idea of an essay is to answer a question, and there should be a clear introduction, a body, and a conclusion. You have achieved this really well *Checkg*

*BulletB* Overall word count: Well done on using most of your full word count. *Checkg*

You may only have 33 words left to use, but due to the low word count this is about 5% of your word count. When writing longer essays, you really shouldn't have 5% of your allotted word count left over as this could indicate that you have missed out some fact or another.

*BulletB* Have you answered a question?: You have set a question to answer, and it is simply stated in the description of your item. I like that you have chosen to focus on one aspect of Twain rather than go with the "write everything possible" approach. *Checkg*

As I discussed in the lesson, you don't always have to present both side of an argument in your essay, and you don't. There is nothing wrong with this approach, especially when the answer to your question is practically a foregone conclusion.

*BulletB* The introduction: You have a clear introduction to your essay, and it provides some context to the question your essay aims to answer. *Checkg*

Your introduction is clear and concise, and it comes in below the 10% of the word count I discussed in the lesson. This is a good approach as it allows you more words to use in the body of your essay.

It may not help much when dealing with low word counts, but when you have word counts in the thousands, saving 2-3% of the word count in the introduction could allow you to discuss another idea in the body of your essay or discuss existing ideas in more depth.

My only issue from a technical standpoint with your introduction is that it does not really provide an introduction to your question. Keep in mind that your introduction still needs to include at least a passing reference to your question, even if you have already stated it in the title or description of your item.

*BulletB* The conclusion: You also have a clear conclusion to your essay. It provides us with a glimpse of Twain's sense of humour, and this is what your essay set out to look at. *Checkg*

The conclusion comes in about 13% of the allotted word count, which is above the 10% discussed in the lesson. Your combined introduction and conclusion also comes in just over the 20% total discussed in the lesson. As I mentioned earlier, when dealing with low word counts it is not much of an issue, but with much larger word counts it can be a problem, especially if it means there is something you had to omit from the body of your essay.

That said, there is nothing really wrong with your conclusion, and including Twain's own words is a nice way to close out your essay.

*BulletB* The body: The body of your essay is well laid out, and you present one point at a time *Checkg*

Completing your thoughts in one argument before moving on to the next helps to provide your essay with the structure it needs.

The body of your essay comes in at about 75% of the word count you used, and there was 33 unused words. You should always try use to all of your available word count when writing an essay.

With a word count of 750, these small percentages one way or the other don't really amount to much, but when you have essays with word counts of 5000 and 10000 and more, these small percentages really can add up.

You start off with some information about Twain's early life. This provides some good context for the later arguments in your essay.

You discuss some of Twain's stories and essays, and how he uses his own brand of humour in them. You present four arguments in support of your essay, and each argument uses roughly the same percentage of the word count.

What did I think of your essay:

*BulletB* Your essay's question and the introduction: I've always liked the humour Twain instils in his stories, and this is an unexpected route you have gone down for your essay. One of my favourites is The Prince and the Pauper, and Twain makes great use of humour in that novel.

*BulletB*The conclusion: Despite some of my nitpicking in the previous sections of this review, I genuinely do love your conclusion.

Using a quote from Twain as part of your conclusion is a nice touch. I'm familiar with the quote, and it really is the perfect quote to use to close out your essay.

*BulletB* The body: I like the way your various arguments smoothly flow from one to the next.

It was nice to see you refer to works of Twain's other than his big four novels to support your arguments.

*BulletB* Suggestions: I don't really have any suggestions aside from you may want to think about including some more quotes in support of your arguments.

*BulletB* Closing remarks: Overall, this is a well-written and well-crafted essay, especially for only being 717 words long. You should be very proud of your essay.

Wishing you all the success in Rising Stars.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!


Andy~your friend till the end


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#1300305 by Maryann


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2
2
for entry "icicle musings
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Rhyssa ,

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


You make excellent use of personification throughout this winter poem, but I particularly enjoyed the emotional content.

The first two stanzas do a great job of explaining the science behind icicle formation, yet they are so full of emotion. The opening lines are absolutely haunting, and they are further enhanced by the reminder you provide in the beginning of the second stanza.

I love the contrast in the third stanza of the natural icicle to the artificial Christmas decorations. I did chuckle over the almost vanity of the icicle in the closing lines of this stanza.

The fourth stanza is really emotive as the icicle describes it magical ability to split the spectrum of the sun at the possible cost of its own life.

The final stanza does a great job of bringing us back to the opening of your poem. I love both this envelope sensation as it perfectly mirrors the cycle of what happens in nature, and even your icicle realises this as it voices its own sensation of death and rebirth.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!

*Badge3* *Badge* This review is part of "Earn Your Badge!; a forum to post reviews and earn Merit Badges! *Badge* *Badge3*

Andy~your friend till the end


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#1300305 by Maryann


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3
3
Review of Open House  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi QueenNormaJean livs inOctoPrep ,

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


That was a clever idea for this short story.

I wonder what it be like is something like that happened in real life. At least they seem to be able to work around their past, if not able to forgive or forget it.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!


Andy~your friend till the end


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#1300305 by Maryann


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4
4
Review of I-Cord  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi QueenNormaJean livs inOctoPrep ,

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


I like the opening to this short story. This reminds me a lot of when I used to knit with my grandmother. The only difference is that our knitting patterns were always on paper. I've never liked using seed stitch as I used to lose track if I was on a knit or purl stitch.

I'm sure an i-cord would be plenty strong enough to strangle the idiot husband *Laugh* It would make a really cool tie.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!

*Badge3* *Badge* This review is part of "Earn Your Badge!; a forum to post reviews and earn Merit Badges! *Badge* *Badge3*

Andy~your friend till the end


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#1300305 by Maryann


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5
5
Review of Blowing Winds  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi QueenNormaJean livs inOctoPrep ,

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


I love the personification of the winds in this short story. It reminds me of the scene in Sound of Music where Maria describes storms as the lightening saying something and the thunder answering back.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!


Andy~your friend till the end


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#1300305 by Maryann


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6
6
Review of An Important Test  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi QueenNormaJean livs inOctoPrep ,

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Now that's how to tell a story in only 130 words.

The ending caught me completely off-guard. The dialogue gave away nothing of what the story was about.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!


Andy~your friend till the end


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#1300305 by Maryann


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7
7
Review of Time's Up  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi QueenNormaJean livs inOctoPrep ,

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


What is with you always portraying computers as the bad guy *Laugh* Though I know they deserve it.

I like the dialogue, and Rose's last line, which should be serious, actually gave me a chuckle.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!

Andy~your friend till the end


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#1300305 by Maryann


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8
8
Review of It's a Fine Line  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi QueenNormaJean livs inOctoPrep ,

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


This is a really moving short story. You have done a great job of capturing Sally's internal dialogue, and it is easy to see people with dementia reflected in that.

This reminds me so much of when I used to visit my great-grandmother. One day I was her son, the next day I was one of her doctors, and then on special days she thought I was Winston Churchill.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!

*Badge3* *Badge* This review is part of "Earn Your Badge!; a forum to post reviews and earn Merit Badges! *Badge* *Badge3*

Andy~your friend till the end


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#1300305 by Maryann


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9
9
Review of Surrealism  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi QueenNormaJean livs inOctoPrep ,

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


You story paints a really surreal picture.

I'm not particularly into art, but I love Dali's Dream Caused by the Flight of a Bee around a Pomegranate a Second before Waking, especially the fish eating the tiger. I can so see your narrator's living room being a Dali painting.

I love the ending with your narrator waiting for the clock the strike 28:00. This has a very 1984 feel.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!

*Badge3* *Badge* This review is part of "Earn Your Badge!; a forum to post reviews and earn Merit Badges! *Badge* *Badge3*

Andy~your friend till the end


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#1300305 by Maryann


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10
10
Review of Disenchantment  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi QueenNormaJean livs inOctoPrep ,

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


That was absolutely hilarious *Laugh*

I loved the back-and-forth, and I thought it was like either a married couple or two kids who are friends.

Poor Mitzi. I don't know if something like that has ever happened, but that could be the next Lolcatz meme.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!


Andy~your friend till the end


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#1300305 by Maryann


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11
11
Review of Fun Times  
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi QueenNormaJean livs inOctoPrep ,

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Ah yes, the power of the Trip Advisor review.

The food was great, but the restaurant wouldn't allow me to break the law, and they dumped me outside on my ass. Overall I give them one star *Laugh*

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!


Andy~your friend till the end


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#1300305 by Maryann


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12
12
Review of Winter is Coming  
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi QueenNormaJean livs inOctoPrep ,

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Well that was something different.

This is one reason why I love living in England. For me, it's winter is coming, where's my hot water bottle? *Laugh*

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!


Andy~your friend till the end


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#1300305 by Maryann


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13
13
Review of Your Last Chance  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi QueenNormaJean livs inOctoPrep ,

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


This is why you never disrespect your mother's cooking. Momma gonna make you pay *Laugh*

But I loved the opening where not even the dog would eat the food.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!


Andy~your friend till the end


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#1300305 by Maryann


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14
14
Review of Bothersome  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi QueenNormaJean livs inOctoPrep ,

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


That was an interesting idea for a news story.

You really only get the whole knocking on a neighbour's door asking for something and end up being dragged in for tea and biscuits with the old folks.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!


Andy~your friend till the end


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#1300305 by Maryann


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15
15
Review of Charming  
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi normajeantreant,

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


This is a nice tale on the Prince Charming story.

I'm not sure what to make of Mark. Even his closing lines sound more sarcastic and cruel than genuinely caring.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!

Andy~your friend till the end


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#1300305 by Maryann


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16
16
Review of Mystery  
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi QueenNormaJean livs inOctoPrep ,

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


A mystery indeed.

Jody sounds like the quintessential bullying big brother, but George isn't about to let that stop him. George has successfully solved one mystery, but now he has another one to solve.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!


Andy~your friend till the end


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#1300305 by Maryann


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17
17
Review of Christmas Lights  
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi QueenNormaJean livs inOctoPrep ,

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


This is a nice little Christmas story.

I liked the image of the poor dog with all the Christmas lights wrapped around her. Good to see Santa and his elves out checking who's been naughty and who's been nice.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!


Andy~your friend till the end


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#1300305 by Maryann


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18
18
Review of Bad Dream  
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi QueenNormaJean livs inOctoPrep ,

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Well that's a crazy dream. I've had some odd dreams in my time, but that one takes the biscuit.

So Mary is a bit of a sleepwalker. It's interesting that sometimes people will do things in their dreams and when they wake up they find they've done something similar.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!


Andy~your friend till the end


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#1300305 by Maryann


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19
19
Review of Don't Tell  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi QueenNormaJean livs inOctoPrep ,

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


I had to read that ending so many times to work out what happened *Facepalm*

I love the back and forth between George and Jerry. It reminds me a lot of the dialogue between George and Lenny from Of Mice and Men.

So Jerry finally did what he said he didn't want to have to do. Sometimes the price of finding out something is not worth it.

Your ending is a dark twist on a Shetland Island tradition of a courting couple who bury a ribwort plantain wrapped in a dock leaf under the summer twilight.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!

*Badge3* *Badge* This review is part of "Earn Your Badge!; a forum to post reviews and earn Merit Badges! *Badge* *Badge3*

Andy~your friend till the end


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#1300305 by Maryann


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20
20
Review of Enough  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi QueenNormaJean livs inOctoPrep ,

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


This is absolutely priceless. You've created a thoughtful piece of flash fiction in only 169 words.

I wondered just what you could do with a story this short. You provided so few details to the couple, and then the story looked like it was going to finish so abruptly with Jodie leaving you could hardly call it a story. But then you gave us the last line.

The ending is great, and it turned the whole thing into a complete story. I wonder just what kind of stories all the flies on all the walls in the world could tell us.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!

*Badge3* *Badge* This review is part of "Earn Your Badge!; a forum to post reviews and earn Merit Badges! *Badge* *Badge3*

Andy~your friend till the end


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#1300305 by Maryann


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21
21
Review of Push the Button  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi QueenNormaJean livs inOctoPrep ,

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Well that ending really sucks! *Laugh*

I wonder what on earth went on to warrant that kind of ending. I really like that aspect of this story as it allows the reader to make up their own story.

So the pair of them were only following orders. Something used far too often to defend the worst atrocities humans have committed.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!

*Badge3* *Badge* This review is part of "Earn Your Badge!; a forum to post reviews and earn Merit Badges! *Badge* *Badge3*

Andy~your friend till the end


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#1300305 by Maryann


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22
22
Review of Rules of the Road  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi QueenNormaJean livs inOctoPrep ,

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


That was a little different. Not the usual type of story I've come across so far.

It's an interesting little story, and I wonder how many people there are on the road like George with no license and who can't read the scenes. Based on what I see of drivers here in London, I don't think any of them passed their driving test *Laugh*

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!

*Badge3* *Badge* This review is part of "Earn Your Badge!; a forum to post reviews and earn Merit Badges! *Badge* *Badge3*

Andy~your friend till the end


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#1300305 by Maryann


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23
23
Review of Prime Memory  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi QueenNormaJean livs inOctoPrep ,

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


It's very important for the geewhiz to function correctly *Laugh*

I loved the nerdy sciency stuff. I can just imagine Harry having a large science book and beating George about the head with it.

I had to laugh when Harry this is rocket science.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!


Andy~your friend till the end


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#1300305 by Maryann


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24
24
Review of Still Life Shot  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi QueenNormaJean livs inOctoPrep ,

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


This was a funny story.

I love the detail and imagery you include. I liked the dominoes of the falling over in the the third paragraph. The final paragraph conjures the song of thold old woman who swallowed a fly.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!


Andy~your friend till the end


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#1300305 by Maryann


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25
25
Review of The Puzzle  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi QueenNormaJean livs inOctoPrep ,

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


It is so sad when someone has this kind of memory issue. My grandmother had senile dementia, and this is so familiar.

The idea of the puzzle being a memorial is really poignant way to end the story.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!


Andy~your friend till the end


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