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126
126
Review of Double Wide  
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi HuntersMoon ,

I chose to review your item today as you have been highlighted at "Queen of Comedy Challenge.

*BulletB* First impression and form:

*Laugh* This is a really fun and enjoyable poem. You've done a great job of capturing the stereotypical red-neck themes throughout.

Your poem is in ABCB quatrains, and your poem hold true to the conventions of the form throughout.

*BulletB* General impressions:

The humour runs throughout your poem, but you can still catch glimpses of romance. You do a great job of transitioning smoothly from one stanza to the next, and I like the way how the stanzas progress telling the couple's story from their first meeting.

I just loved the whole closing stanza. I won't provide a quote and spoil it for readers, but it really is the crowing glory of your poem.

*BulletB* Favourite quotes:

*Starfishv*her tramp stamp sliding down to hide
behind her neon lime-green thong.

*Starfishb* her leopard leggings stretched so tight
that spots looked more like tiger stripes


These two sets of lines really made me chuckle. They both provide a brilliant visual of your red-neck angel, whilst taking the stereotype to absurdity.


Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!


Andy~NaNo'ing


Sig gotten for my reviews for WDC Power Reviewers

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#1300305 by Maryann
127
127
Review of The King of Texas  
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi HuntersMoon ,

I chose to review your item today as you have been highlighted at "Queen of Comedy Challenge.

This is exactly what a limerick should be: humorous and filled with innuendo. Who wants to read a clean limerick? *Laugh*

Your longer lines have different syllable counts, unlike the usual requirement of a limerick, but it works really well and doesn't detract from the reading.

I love the last line as it incorporates two of the classic icons of kingship, whilst providing a suitable phallic metaphor.

My only suggestion is in the opening: "A oil rich" should be "An oil rich".

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!


Andy~NaNo'ing


Sig gotten for my reviews for WDC Power Reviewers

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#1300305 by Maryann
128
128
Review of Green Tea  
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Jay O'Toole ,

I like this poem. I'm not a fan of oriental forms, but you have created a really nice poem.

Your poem conforms to the rules of the form, and I like the musical quality of the step rhyme pattern.

You capture the idea of tea drinkers as being civilised, and that tea is viewed as something that is drunk in a serene environment. It's easy for the reader to imagine themselves at one of the classy London restaurants like the Ritz or Savoy for afternoon tea.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!

Andy~NaNo'ing


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129
129
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Prosperous Snow Giving Thanks ,

I'm reviewing your item today as part of I Write (which I just remembered I still needed to do *Laugh* ).

*BulletB* First impression:

I love the way you have captured the ways rain affects you.

*BulletB* Form and poetic devices:

Your poem conforms to the rules of a triolet.

Your two refrains are excellent choices as they reinforce the crux of your poem.

There is great use of personification of the rain throughout.

*BulletB* General impressions:

Your poem has a smooth flow to it. It's easy to visualise the rainfall and feel what the narrator feels.

You have written an enjoyable and clever poem, which is no small achievement given that half of the poem is made up of refrains.

*BulletB* Closing remarks:

Wishing you all the best in finishing I Write.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!

Andy~NaNo'ing


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130
130
Review of Autumn's Palette  
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Rhoswen - Relentless Victory ,

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


I saw "Autumn's Palette on the Noticing Newbies page and thought I'd leave you a review.

*BulletB* Title:

The title of a piece is often the first thing that will capture a reader's attention. Your title is clever, and it immediately brings to mind the colourful season.

*BulletB* General impressions:

Although your poem is written in free verse, it is laid out in set quatrain stanzas - to me this reflects not only the free nature of autumn, but also the traditional aspects we associate with the season (the leaf-piles, the pumpkin-spice, and, for my part of the world, Guy Fawke's night).

Your poem has a smooth flow to it, as you have not written lines that are so varied in length. The centred layout of your poem also helps with the ease of reading.

You have captured the multitude of colours that the leaves become, and I like the numerous metaphors you use throughout your poem.


*BulletB* Favourite quotes:

*Starfishr* Flamed with color

This is a very descriptive line. The mix of reds and yellows of the leaves can certainly create a wonderful visual of a fire.

*Starfishv* Like fireworks against a midnight sky

This is my favourite metaphor in your poem. I've seen forests so file dwith autumnal colours that it really does look like a fireworks display.

*Starfishp* Crimsons and rust dance in the wind
While gold and silver litters the ground

I like these two lines. You capture the winds that come with autumn, and the lackadaisical way only some of the fallen leaves are captured by the gusts.

*BulletB* Closing remarks:

You have done a great job with your poem, and I hope that you enjoy your time here on WDC.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!

Andy~NaNo'ing


A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
131
131
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi CJ Reddick ,

This is a "Leaked Classified Documents review, as part of your winning package from "Wdc 16th Birthday Masquerade Party.

*BulletB* First impression:

I enjoyed your poetic version of this well-known story from the Bible. It adds personality to the adulteress' story without straying from Scripture.

*BulletB* Form and poetic devices:

Your poem consists of quatrains in AABB rhyme, though I do like the use of the close rhymes of known/stones and restored/more.

Your poem makes great use of consonance and assonance throughout - especially the switches between words with a soft "c" and hard "c" creating unexpected consonance. I also like the metaphors you have used in the first stanzas.

*BulletB* General impressions:

Your poem has a smooth flow to it, and the transition from one stanza to the next is seamless.

When I was (much) younger, this was one of my favourite passages from the Bible. I can remember when I about eight-years-old taking great pleasure telling my primary school teacher where the expression "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone" came from. The look on her face was priceless *Laugh*

It's never easy to stay true to an original source when writing your own version of it, but you have achieved this. There is enough paraphrasing of the original to identify your source, but not so much embellishment that you change the meaning or intent of the Verse.

*BulletB* Favourite quotes:

*Starfishp* My sins are my dress, my shame is my crown.

This line deserves to be highlighted twice. You have chosen two clever, yet easy to visualise, metaphors.

We are all familiar with patchwork quilts and blankets, so visualising a dress made up of individual patches of sin does not require a huge stretch of the imagination.

It is a common idea for people to hang their head in shame, and so visualising it as a crown is easy.


*Starfishb* Because of the great act of mercy towards me.

This line perfectly sums up Jesus' philosophy and what he tried to teach us all. I also like it because of the letter "c" consonance created by the hard "c" in "because" and "act" and then the clever shift to a soft "c" in "mercy" (creating consonance with "towards").


*BulletB* Closing remarks:

This was an enjoyable poem to read, and I look forward to reading more of your work. It is clear to see your poem was gifted an Awardicon.

I have no suggestions for improvement, so your poem earns a very well-deserved five stars from me.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!


Andy~NaNo'ing


Sig gotten for my reviews for WDC Power Reviewers

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#1300305 by Maryann


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
132
132
Review of A Benefit  
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: GC | (3.5)
Hi A.D. Writes ,

I chose to review your item today as my required I Write Romantic review.

Please remember that you are the best judge of what is right for your story. Whatever another person says (especially me) whether positive or negative, is just their opinion. You are the only one who can decide what is right for your story.

*BulletB* Title:

I like the title. It not only foreshadows what your story is about, but the double meaning behind it becomes clear by the end of the story.

*BulletB* General impressions:

I enjoyed the story. It moves along at a nice pace, and what dialogue there is feels natural. You have captured the two-guys-buying-a-woman-a-birthday-present dilemma nicely - I especially loved the scene of them stumbling through the lingerie shop, and then facing the ultimate issue of buying the wrong size panties *Laugh*

You did a great job of incorporating the required words into your story without them feeling intrusive or forced. They make sense where you have used them, and they blend in nicely into the narrative.

I like the simplicity of Owen's smile giving away his true feelings. Even Jeffrey, who isn't really a friend, knows what that smile means.

*BulletB* Grammar/Spelling/Punctuation: Spelling and grammar are fine (I only spotted two niggly typos). However, there are comma issues in this story, so you may want to review the comma rules.

The main recurring issue is where you have two independent clauses (complete sentences in their own right) joined by a coordinating conjunction (For, And, Nor, But, Or, Yet, So). I have included a few examples of this in the dropdown below to show you what I mean, but I will leave the rest of the story for you to edit.

*BulletB* Line by line suggestions: These are included in the dropnote below. Your original work is in black, specific suggestions are in indigo, and additional notes/explanations for the change are in orange.

Line by line suggestions

*BulletB* Closing remarks:

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!


Andy~NaNo'ing


Sig gotten for my reviews for WDC Power Reviewers

GROUP
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Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of seven Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
133
133
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi SWPoet ,

I'm back with another review for my Very Wodehouse.

I really like this poem. You have done a great job of capturing the dark that surrounds us. The world is filled with contrasting concepts (dark cannot exist without light, good cannot exist without evil, summer cannot exist without winter), and your poem exemplifies them all.

To write about, or to accept the existence of, this darkness, to really embrace it all, we must look all gift horses in the mouth and find the dark clouds in every silver lining. It's not an easy thing to do, but I think everyone should try it at least once and see where it leads.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!

Andy~NaNo'ing


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134
134
Review of The Golden Rule  
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi SWPoet ,

I'm reviewing your poem today as part of my "a very Wodehouse challenge.

Your poem on the saying “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” gives plenty of food for thought. This is a far easier concept to talk about than to actually follow; it is far easier to do unto others as they do unto us (and this reaction is probably responsible for more ills in the world than anything).

I do like the way how you turn the concept around by asking what we expect from ourselves. There is plenty of speculation within your poem about what we would actually want done unto us, and to be honest, without putting a lot of thought into it, I have no idea what I would want.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!

Andy~NaNo'ing


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135
135
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi The StoryMistress ,

I chose to review your item today as part of Hannah ♫♥♫ 's activity "Pedal to the Metal Racing Game.

*BulletB* Title:

I like the alliterative quality of the title of your cNote shop. Although there are so many different things associated with Halloween, hauntings by ghosts is probably the first thing that most people thing of.

*BulletB* First impression:

I enjoy Halloween - it really appeals to the big kid in me. There aren't many actual Halloween holiday cards to send people (at least not here in the UK), so this is a great idea for members to be able to send Halloween greetings to each other.

*BulletB* General impressions:

You have a nice little Halloween collection of cNotes. This is a great way to help raise funds to keep WDC running.

I like the cliparty feel to them - it makes them appropriate to give during the season, without being overly scary. They can therefore be sent to any member without having to worry unduly if the recipient will get something that they find inappropriate.

There is a variety of cNotes for members to pick from, and they are all very reasonably priced. No member will be priced out of sending some Halloween cheer to a friend.

*BulletB* Favourite cNotes:

I love the Happy Halloween cNote of the Jack O'Lantern on the broom. The image itself calls to mind cartoon-like characters such as Jack Skellington, from Tim Burton's "Nightmare Before Christmas", and the Headless Horseman, from Disney's The Legend of Sleepy Hollow. I also like the wording of the note being "from one ghoul to another" - this is a nice Halloweeny touch.

The Happy Halloween cNote with the witch is my other favourite. I adore the olde worlde look of the image. It looks like something out of the Fifteenth or Sixteenth Century, and helps to take us back to the days when witches were something to be feared and definitely not someone you want to give candy to *Laugh* The wording on the cNote nicely captures the spirit of the Halloween season.

*BulletB* Closing remarks:

You have a wonderful collection of cNote shops in your portfolio. The only thing missing from this cNote shop is an Awardicon. I'll have to correct that oversight.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!


Andy~NaNo'ing


Sig gotten for my reviews for WDC Power Reviewers

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#1300305 by Maryann
136
136
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Jason ,

I chose to review your item today as part of the August Speculative Spectacular Raid.

*BulletB* Title and form:

As with all acrostics, your title is constrained by the choice of the words the acrostic will spell out.

Your poem conforms to the solitary requirement of an acrostic, where the first letter of each line spells out your chosen phrase. The acrostic form is very often forgotten about as it is a relatively simple form to write.

I like that you have used end rhymes in your poem. Whilst not a requirement of the Acrostic form, it does add a nice extra dimension to your poem.

*BulletB* General impressions:

You have written a nice little poem about dragons. It's easy to see your dragon flying high overhead, breathing fire and destruction on its victims. I particularly like the closing line as it helps to reinforce the perceived nature of dragons.

You have created an image of the quintessential dragon, with its sharp claws and orange eyes.

*BulletB* Closing remarks:

Congratulations on winning Eyestar's Dragon Acrostic contest. The orange Awardicon graces a very worthwhile poem.

Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!


Andy~NaNo'ing


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#1300305 by Maryann


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
137
137
Review of My Poetry Nook  
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi ShelleyA~12 years at WDC ,

A "Game of Thrones House Martell Review!


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


*RainbowL* A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum !*RainbowR*


*BulletB* First impression and image:

Folders don't get reviewed very often. I think largely because members forget that they can add images, text, and embed videos, Merit Badges, and the such in the "Your writing goes here" box - meaning that folders typically end up being very bland or just containing a one or two line description as to what the folder contains.

The image fits nicely with your folder's theme. The bookish girl with the shelves behind her really creates the impression of being in a library.

I like that you have embedded three of your Merit Badges. The ones you have chosen (Writing, Poetry, and Creativity) help to reinforce this as a poetry folder, as they are all linked to the creative writing process.

*BulletB* General impressions:

You have a really impressive array of books and sub-folders within this folder. You have written a wide variety of poetry forms, themes, and have written for a number of poetry contests.

You also have a large number of awarded items in this folder which you must be very proud of; I even noticed more than one 50K Awardicon.

*Shield1* Thank you for sharing your work with us! Write On! *Shield2*


*Shield7* Lord Andy~Sunspear of Martell

GoT banner

Game of Thrones  [13+]
Will return one day ~ until then ~ Thank you all who've participated!
by Gaby


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
138
138
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Strange Brain ,

A "Game of Thrones House Martell Review!

*RainbowL* A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum !*RainbowR*


*BulletB* Form:

Your poem is written in five stanzas of ABCB quatrain, and it conforms to the requirements of the form. The use of the word "puppy" at the end of several of the lines, especially in the first stanza, creates an impression of breaking the ABCB rhyme scheme, but it works nicely in this children's poem.

*BulletB* General impressions:

The poem has a smooth flow to it, and a very sing-song feel when read aloud. The consonance and alliteration created by the letters "c" and "l" in your first and last quatrains really help to set the tone of this as a children's poem.

Your poem reminds me of the nursery rhyme Incy Wincy Spider. The character of the flea would be very appealing to children, as he journeys from joy to sadness and back to joy as a result of the rainstorm.

I particularly liked the way you loop the closing quatrain back to the opening quatrain. This is something that is often seen in nursery rhymes and serves its purpose of reminding us that this is a children's poem.

*BulletB* Closing remarks:

Congratulations on placing in The Littlest Poetry Contest.

*Shield1* Thank you for sharing your work with us! Write On! *Shield2*


*Shield7* Lord Andy~Sunspear of Martell

GoT banner

Game of Thrones  [13+]
Will return one day ~ until then ~ Thank you all who've participated!
by Gaby


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
139
139
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Strange Brain ,

A "Game of Thrones House Martell Review!

*RainbowL* A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum !*RainbowR*


*BulletB* Title and image:

Your title is intriguing, and it was the first thing that drew me to this poem. The title is very appropriate for your mystery themed poem.

I found it really bizarre to have a toilet for your cover image, and just had to find out what this poem was all about.

*BulletB* Form:

Your poem is written in five stanzas of ABCB quatrain, and it conforms to the requirements of the form.

I like the use of consonance created by the letter "s" throughout your poem, and the alliteration in the second stanza.

*BulletB* General impressions:

You have done a great job of showing the mystery surrounding the break-in at your narrator's house. Only stealing the toilet roll from the bathroom is just so out there that it shows what a great job you have done with choosing your title.

This bizarre "crime" ties in nicely with the sentiment expressed in your title and in the closing stanza.

*BulletB* Closing remarks:

Congratulations on having your poem featured in one of the site Newsletters.

*Shield1* Thank you for sharing your work with us! Write On! *Shield2*


*Shield7* Lord Andy~Sunspear of Martell

GoT banner

Game of Thrones  [13+]
Will return one day ~ until then ~ Thank you all who've participated!
by Gaby


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
140
140
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi turtlemoon-dohi ,

A "Game of Thrones House Martell Review!

*RainbowL* A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum !*RainbowR*


*BulletB* First impression:

This is a lovely poem that speaks of unconditional love that endures forever, and the closeness of both lovers.

*BulletB* Form:

I don't recognise a specific form. The use of "as it must be" at the end of each stanza is reminiscent of the various refrain forms, but this isn't one I recognise.

*BulletB* General impressions:

I love the use of poetic devices in your poem such as alliteration, consonance, and assonance. It creates a lovely tone and smooth reading flow to your poem.

There is a clear image throughout your poem of the petite perfume bottle fighting the stormy sea to send a couple of words of love from your narrator to their lover.

*BulletB* Favourite quotes:

*Starfishb* letting go, not a loss, no lamenting,

*Starfishr* shimmering water-song. Sent lovingly

I like the consonance in these lines created by the "l" and "t" sounds in the first quote and the letter "s" in the second line. The consonance created by the letter "s" is nicely dispersed throughout your poem.

*Shield1* Thank you for sharing your work with us! Write On! *Shield2*


*Shield7* Lord Andy~Sunspear of Martell

GoT banner

Game of Thrones  [13+]
Will return one day ~ until then ~ Thank you all who've participated!
by Gaby


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
141
141
Review of Christmas Eve  
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi ,

A "Game of Thrones House Martell Review!

*RainbowL* A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum !*RainbowR*


*BulletB* First impression:

Christmas and Christ are popular choices for poems, and you have written a nice poem on Christ.

*BulletB* General impressions:

I like how you progress the basic story of Jesus from the first stanza, where you describe his birth, through his death and resurrection, in the final stanza.

Your poem has a smooth flow to it, and I like the use of consonance and assonance. Your poem sounds as though it is written is catalectic trochaic tetrameter - this is an usual choice, but it creates a lovely rhythm when read aloud. Typically, English metered poetry is written in Iambic feet.

*BulletB* Favourite quotes:

*Starfishr* Hallowed night of Christmas Eve

Your opening line sets the tone for your poem. You open with a reference to the arrival of Mary and Joseph, and that is a good a place as any for your poem to start.

*Starfishb* Bright the stars in Winter's chill

This line is a lovely reference to the Star of Bethlehem and Jesus' birth in December.

*Starfishv* We should tread the path He trod

This is a great message to spread. Christmas has become so commercialised the world over, that I'd be surprised if most children even know what the true meaning of Christmas is.

*Shield1* Thank you for sharing your work with us! Write On! *Shield2*


*Shield7* Lord Andy~Sunspear of Martell

GoT banner

Game of Thrones  [13+]
Will return one day ~ until then ~ Thank you all who've participated!
by Gaby


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
142
142
Review of Courtney  
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Tab ,

A "Game of Thrones House Martell Review!

*RainbowL* A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum !*RainbowR*


*BulletB* First impression:

This was a really enjoyable poem about an uncle and his terrible niece.

*BulletB* General impressions:

You have captured Courtney's attitude brilliantly. You allow her child-like mischievousness and pouting to come through, whist still maintaining her innocence and naivety.

The antics that she gets up to drive her uncle insane, as he struggles to cope with babysitting. I've babysat my cousin's kids a few times and had more than a few thoughts of just leaving them somewhere to fend for themselves *Laugh*

*BulletB* Favourite quotes:

*Starfishp* little princess Courtney

I love this little epithet for the three year old. It fits in nicely with what you poem shows us of her.

*Starfishv* “I just took it without asking!”

This is a typical child's response *Laugh* The simplicity of her response is typical of a child.

*Starfishb* “Momma, can I come back tomorrow?”

*Rolling* This is a brilliant line and had me laughing. It's like the poor uncle has just had a death sentence pronounced on him.

*BulletB* Closing remarks:

This poem was a well-deserved winner of the Humorous Poetry Contest and thoroughly deserves the Awardicon that graces it.

*Shield1* Thank you for sharing your work with us! Write On! *Shield2*


*Shield7* Lord Andy~Sunspear of Martell

GoT banner

Game of Thrones  [13+]
Will return one day ~ until then ~ Thank you all who've participated!
by Gaby


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
143
143
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Moarzjasac ,

A "Game of Thrones House Martell Review!

*RainbowL* A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum !*RainbowR*


*BulletB* Title:

I was hunting around for a second item to review, and this title drew me in. It holds a lot of possibilities as to what it could mean.

*BulletB* First impression:

Your short story delivers the promise of your title, but in a very a subtle way. There is nothing in it that screams out to the reader or grabs by the collar and drags you to the conclusion. Instead, it whispers of deeds and unhappiness, and winks and nudges at possibilities.

*BulletB* General impressions:

This flash piece does a nice job of reeling the reader in. You need to really concentrate to pick up on the subtleties. A lot of flash fiction, especially when it's this short, is very in your face with action, or it's blunt and straight to the point.

Your story hints at a very unhappy woman. We are left to fill in the gaps as to the reasons for her unhappiness, but this allows the reader's imagination to take flight - the reasons for her unhappiness are as varied as your readers.

*BulletB* Favourite part:

The ending. The way you finish the story leaves the reader wanting more, and wondering just what will happen.

*BulletB* Closing remarks:

You have a nice varied port, and I have enjoyed trawling through it this evening looking for items to review.

*Shield1* Thank you for sharing your work with us! Write On! *Shield2*


*Shield7* Lord Andy~Sunspear of Martell

GoT banner

Game of Thrones  [13+]
Will return one day ~ until then ~ Thank you all who've participated!
by Gaby


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
144
144
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Moarzjasac ,

A "Game of Thrones House Martell Review!

*RainbowL* A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum !*RainbowR*


*BulletB* First impression:

Your poem nicely reflects the honesty and wonder of children, before they grow up.

*BulletB* General impressions:

Your poem has a smooth flow to it. I like the consonance in your poem created by the letter s and the s-sounds throughout your poem.

You capture the innocence of children nicely in your poem, this is especially seen in the third stanza. I love the visuals of the bubbles in sunlight and the rings of colour.

Your narrator yearns to see the world as he once did, through the eyes of a child. When we grow up we take on a whole load of baggage, we pick up prejudices and preconceptions, and we lose that ability we once had to make friends at the drop of a hat.

*BulletB* Favourite quotes:

*Starfishb*I pray that these who pass me by, can restore
Innocence back to its rightful place of safety

These lines are filled with consonance, and that creates a nice harmony when reading. The lines also epitomise your narrator's hopes and dreams.

*Shield1* Thank you for sharing your work with us! Write On! *Shield2*


*Shield7* Lord Andy~Sunspear of Martell

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Game of Thrones  [13+]
Will return one day ~ until then ~ Thank you all who've participated!
by Gaby


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
145
145
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Elycia ☮ Hide from Nov ,

A "Game of Thrones House Martell Review!


*RainbowL* A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum !*RainbowR*


*BulletB* First impression:

Your poem captures the stark reality that the disappointments of the transition from childhood to adulthood can be.

*BulletB* General impressions:

Your poem sounds very personal, and I get the impression that this is you talking about yourself.

We all imagine how grand life will be when we grow up, but we so often find that it is nothing like we expect. Adult life is a struggle and a constant challenge, and we only find out when it's too late, that adults often make it seem all too easy.

*BulletB* Favourite quotes:

*Starfishv* When I reached a peak, to see a star,
The star was far away.

Your opening couplet beautifully sets the tone for your whole poem. We've all been there. We put in the effort to reach our goals, only to find that the goalpost has moved without us realising it.

*Starfishv* Lost I was and dreams adrift,

This line speaks to me of someone who is at a crossroads. They realise that they don't have all the answers to the questions they are being asked.

Though I do question the use of the word "and" in this line - it doesn't sound quite right to me. Maybe consider "Lost I was in dreams adrift"

*BulletB* Closing remarks:

This was an enjoyable read, and you have some really lovely lines contained within it. It has been a pleasure reading your poems today.

*Shield1* Thank you for sharing your work with us! Write On! *Shield2*


*Shield7* Lord Andy~Sunspear of Martell

GoT banner

Game of Thrones  [13+]
Will return one day ~ until then ~ Thank you all who've participated!
by Gaby


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
146
146
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Elycia ☮ Hide from Nov ,

A "Game of Thrones House Martell Review!


*RainbowL* A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum !*RainbowR*


*BulletB* First impression:

I like the message of your poem of taking one day at a time. We far too often dream of the future and forget to live in the moment.

*BulletB* Form:

Your poem is written in an unusual combination of free verse and an ABAB rhyme pattern. I actually like this, and it adds a certain charm to your poem.

*BulletB* General impressions:

I like that you have included other poetic devices in your poem such as alliteration, consonance and assonance. These all serve to enhance the harmonious sound of your poem as it is read.

The middle couple of stanzas are a little confusing and don't flow as smoothly as the rest of your poem, but they nicely reflect the ending of your poem where you comment about the world being mad.

*BulletB* Suggestions:

Most of your lines start with a capital letter, but you have a couple of lines that don't. There doesn't seem to be a reason for this difference.

You may want to change these few lines to start with capitals, or is this done deliberately to tie in with your closing about a mad world?

*BulletB* Closing remarks:

Your poem serves as a nice reminder that it is what we do today that shapes our future. I really enjoyed reading it.

*Shield1* Thank you for sharing your work with us! Write On! *Shield2*


*Shield7* Lord Andy~Sunspear of Martell

GoT banner

Game of Thrones  [13+]
Will return one day ~ until then ~ Thank you all who've participated!
by Gaby


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
147
147
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Shannon ,

A "Game of Thrones House Martell Review!


*RainbowL* A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum !*RainbowR*



*BulletB* Title and image:

I love the alliteration and consonance created by the title of your cNote shop. You also have a lovely image of snow-covered chalets at the head of the shop that makes it feel so welcoming.

*BulletB* First impression:

This is a really nice collection of cNotes that cover a wide range of events from Christmas, to Fourth of July, and you have even included St Patrick's Day.

*BulletB* General impressions:

I like the way how you have set up your cNote shop, with all of the mini-shops in it. I like that you have a "contents list" at the head of each mini-shop so that members don't have to keep on going to the main shop page to jump arund.

You have a really amazing collection of images. I love that they are all different in context - some are serious, some are cartoony, some are more traditional.

*BulletB* Favourite parts:

The child/parent images for the Mother's Day and Father's Day cNotes are just so adorable.

*Shield1* Thank you for sharing your talent with us! *Shield2*


*Shield7* Lord Andy~Sunspear of Martell

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Game of Thrones  [13+]
Will return one day ~ until then ~ Thank you all who've participated!
by Gaby


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
148
148
Review of Money  
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi BIKERIDER BEHAVED ALL YEAR ,

A "Game of Thrones House Martell Review!


*RainbowL* A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum !*RainbowR*


*BulletB* Title:

I saw your title and made a perfectly natural assumption what this story was going to be about *Laugh*

*BulletB* First impression:

You've written a nice flash piece on dealing with the neighbourhood scum.

*BulletB* General impressions:

You've managed to write another enjoyable piece here within a very low word count. I like the extreme detail of the story, which is something we don't always get the chance to experience in flash fiction.

It's great to be able to really see a scene the way the author intended with a short story. A lot of the time the reader has so many blanks to fill in, that they can't always appreciate the story even after two or three reads through.

Your genre choice indicates this is a contest entry, but you make no reference as to what the prompt was or what contest it was entered in.

My only criticism of the story is that it is presented in one block paragraph, which makes it hard to read in places.

*BulletB* Favourite quotes:

*Starfishb* Money had tentacles that reached needy addicts in the neighbourhood


I like the use of "tentacles" in this line. The image of tentacles is always associated with slime, and even though in literature the metaphor is well-established, it use doesn't feel clichéd.

*Shield1* Thank you for sharing your work with us! Write On! *Shield2*


*Shield7* Lord Andy~Sunspear of Martell


GoT banner

Game of Thrones  [13+]
Will return one day ~ until then ~ Thank you all who've participated!
by Gaby


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
149
149
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi BIKERIDER BEHAVED ALL YEAR ,

A "Game of Thrones House Martell Review!


*RainbowL* A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum !*RainbowR*


*BulletB* Title:

Here's a title that is going to draw in the reader. We all have that relative (sometimes it's a grandmother, sometimes it's an aunt) who adds to the day's fun.

*BulletB* First impression:

This was an enjoyable piece of flash fiction, and I'm sure that more than one of us has been there in a similar real life situation.

*BulletB* Prompt:

I'm glad you included the prompt, as that helps to explain why there are random words bolded, and you have included all of the words required by the prompt.

I actually like these word list prompts as they allow for a wide range of entries. It's possible to take a story in any direction and any genre.

*BulletB* General impressions:

You've captured a brilliant wedding scene here in under 300 words. I love Trudy - she is so reminiscent of my own grandmother when she was alive. That is the exact kind of thing she do and embarrass the heck out of the family.

*BulletB* Favourite quote:

*Starfishb* "Wait here, I'm going to go find a magnet."


This has to be a classic line *Laugh* I'm sure that one day this line will receive a place of honour alongside the likes of "Call me Ismael".

*Shield1* Thank you for sharing your work with us! Write On! *Shield2*


*Shield7* Lord Andy~Sunspear of Martell

GoT banner

Game of Thrones  [13+]
Will return one day ~ until then ~ Thank you all who've participated!
by Gaby


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
150
150
Review of Winter Wonderland  
Review by Andy~NaNo'ing
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Elle - on hiatus ,

A "Game of Thrones House Martell Review!

*RainbowL* A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum !*RainbowR*


*BulletB* Title:

I love the title you have chosen. When we talk about a winter wonderland we always think about the entire scene (the snow-covered land, the children playing, the aromas of roasting chestnuts etc.), we forget about the magic of a single snowflake.

*BulletB* First impression:

I really enjoyed your poem. I liked how you focused in on a single snowflake, and took us to its eventual sad demise.

*BulletB* Form:

Free verse *Laugh* I'm not a big writer of free verse, but when I did Construct Cup I almost exclusively wrote free verse. Twenty-four hours just wasn't enough time for me to create a really good form poem - I pulled off one blitz poem, but I think that was it.

*BulletB* Favourite quotes:

*Starfishp*Millions of masterpieces,
unique,
individual,
lie unappreciated

This is a great description of your snowflake, Elle. People always comment on how pretty the landscape is, or how lovely the houses look covered in snow, but nobody really appreciates the humble snowflake.


*Starfishr*and coalesce
in an amorphous form

*Starfishv*condemned
perfection

You capture the sad demise of the snowflake in a wonderful tribute here. So often we're told that things are more than just the sum of their parts - snow is the exception to that rule *Laugh*

*BulletB* Closing remarks:

You have a thoroughly well-deserved Awardicon from Second Chance Poetry Contest on your poem, Elle. Though I'd love to know who felt that this wasn't worth placing the first time round *Laugh*

*Shield1* Thank you for sharing your work with us! Write On! *Shield2*


Andy~NaNo'ing

GoT banner

Game of Thrones  [13+]
Will return one day ~ until then ~ Thank you all who've participated!
by Gaby


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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