Hi Escape Artist  ,
This is the first review you have won as part of my auction package at "Genre Auction and Fundraiser"  . I would like to thank you for your generosity and support of the various Newbie groups who will benefit from the GPs raised.
This review, and all comments within, are for "Chapter 1 - Prologue" only and do not apply to any other chapter.
Please remember that you are the best judge of what is right for your story. Whatever another person says (especially me) whether positive or negative, is just their opinion. You are the only one who can decide what is right for your story.
 First impression:
This was a brilliantly written opening to your novel. It provides us with the backstory as to how Mikhail arrived on the island, and it gives us a sense of those who seem to be the initial main characters of your novel.
General impressions:
 These comments are specifically about the first half of Prologue
that takes place on board the brigantine and in the sea.
I love the vivid description of the sea and the storm in the first half of the prologue. This is reinforced by the picture of the stormy sea and the capsizing ship you have at the start. It provides a visual to which you constantly refer to in the first half of your prologue.
The way you describe the scene, you show us a lot of what is happening and you don't tell us what is happening. I am very impressed with how you have shown the storm-tossed brigantine and Mikhail's swim for his life. It really does make it very easy to not only visualise your scene, but I can almost taste the sea spray as the waves crash into the ship.
Personally, I think "show and don't tell" gets seriously overused in reviews (I think it has just become a stock phrase people throw in just to have something to say) and it is something I normally avoid commenting on, but in your case I am impressed with your skill in showing your scenes that I decided to break my own rule here.
I liked how you avoided overusing the word "wave" when describing the sea, as it made the few occasions where you did use it seem innocuous. It is such a natural word to use when describing the sea, and seeing it so infrequently in your prologue is just one example of the indicators I have seen that you have a clear grasp and command of the English language.
I was also good to see how you used words such as rollers, torrent, and maelstrom to show the reader just how rough the sea is without cluttering your text up with a load of those "ly"-ending adverbs.
I've been on a number of cruises over the years, and have been through everything from calm seas, to force eleven winds, to twenty foot high waves in the Bay of Biscay. Even with heavier modern-day ships and being outfitted with stabilisers, you still feel all of the tosses and turns in very rough seas.
I can therefore understand something of what Mikhail is going through. Mikhail's actions (such as holding onto the safety rope) further help to convey just how rough the sea is.
These comments are specifically about the second half of Prologue that
takes place on shore and introduces us to the mysterious man and woman.
Mikhail is experiencing a lot of sensory input whilst curled up on the shore, and is slipping in and out of consciousness, and you capture this really well.
I love the intricacy of the description of the woman. You describe not only her physical features, but also her dress and her jewellery. I'm not usually a fan of reading such a detailed description of a character in one hit, but you have done this really well.
It was great to see how, in contrast to the detailed and pretty description of the woman/daughter, you have kept the actual description of the man/father to a minimum. Describing him from Mikhail's perspective as "an Aztec King lording over the prostrate body of an obedient acolyte" provides enough detail to be getting on with.
The grass not being affected by the wind and the large ant leave the reader guessing at this stage as to whether he actually saw these things or if they were part of some half-dream. There are similar doubts in the reader's mind as to the reality of the barrier that seems to prevent Mikhail from touching the grass.
Mikhail's last conscious thoughts are written very well. It leaves him and us wondering what is in store for him.
All this uncertainty as to what is real and what is part of Mikhail's exhaustion-induced sleep at this stage is very compelling. It provides a brilliant chapter ending that makes the reader want to carry on reading in the hopes of finding some answers.
These are some general comments on Prologue.
I didn't notice any extraneous or bloat words and I did look for them on one of my several read-throughs. This is the sign of someone who not only has read, reread, edited, and re-edited their work, but also someone who has a top notch grasp of how to tighten up their writing. This is actually something I still struggle with, and it's amazing that I can spot it in other people's work but not always in my own.
The whole chapter flows smoothly, and the transitions from ship to sea to shore are seamless.
The ending of this chapter nicely sets up the next chapter. It gives us a sense of the ending of the current chapter and a prelude to the next chapter. Far too often chapter endings can seem like an ending in of themselves because they happen abruptly, and then since there is no set up for the next chapter there is a feeling of disjointedness as the characters transition between chapters.
Favourite quotes:
I have several favourites, and all for different reasons. You have a way of creating very vivid scenes with all of your descriptions, but these are my favourites.
"The largest, foaming with whitecaps, cascaded over the bow in sheets of salty spray
biting into the raw faces of the scurrying crew."
I've seen waves when they get foamy like this as they collide with a ship, or as a ship ploughs through them, and I've been out on deck on a cold day when there has been spray coming up from the waves. I can see this part clearly in my mind's eye, and you have done an excellent job in describing it in just one sentence.
"For a time, the terrible sound of wooden beams twisting and
snapping held sway over the crashing surf."
I've never heard the noise a ship makes when it breaking up, but I do know how noisy the sea can get when waves are crashing into rocky coastal areas. This is a very scary comparison as I am forced to realise just how loud the breaking up of the brigantine would have to be, to be heard over the noise of the crashing waves.
"His strength spent, Mikhail rolled into a ball and closed his eyes while the roaring
surf slowly faded to a quiet blackness."
This is a great way to end Mikhail's journey to land. Curling into the foetal position would be a natural response to everything he has gone through. It is the body's own instinctual way of protecting itself from further stresses.
"The shattered remains of the one-hundred-sixty-foot brigantine
littered the shore—along with several bodies."
I love this line comparing and contrasting the broken body of the ship and the bodies of some of the crew. It is one of several such comparisons that shows just how vivid your imagination is.
"For the moment, he had cheated death, but unless he could find shelter and start a fire,
a new nemesis, one known and feared by all seamen, would move its cold hand
toward his heart, a quick, efficient killer with an unspoken name."
This is a very chilling line (no pun intended). Mikhail thinks he has braved the worse of it all, but there is another threat for him to contend with. It is shocking just how quickly hypothermia can set in. I can remember reading Jack London's To Build A Fire and I was absolutely terrified by the idea.
"He stared at the kneeling girl in disbelief, wondering if he was dying, or, in fact, already dead."
I like this line. He sees the girl and is wondering if she is an angel. He knows that he is close to death, and expecting the end he can't help but wonder if an angel has come down to carry him home. This one line brilliantly sums up everything going through his mind while he is curled up on the ground, without you needing to give us three paragraphs of emotions and thoughts.
"He whispered a prayer as his last spark of strength cooled to a dying ember."
This is Mikhail's last conscious act. He knows the uncertainty he is facing about surviving until morning, and seeks solace in the Almighty. This was indicative of sailors in times gone by, who tended to be God-fearing folk.
Line by line suggestions:
There is only minor thing. Your original work is in black, specific suggestions are in indigo, and additional notes/explanations for the change are in orange.
Mikhail likened him to an Aztec King
Mikhail likened him to an Aztec king
"king" does not need to begin with a capital letter in this instance. You are only referring to the generic title of king here and so it only needs to be lowercase.
You would, however, need a capital letter if you were providing a specific example (e.g.: King Henry VIII, King James II, etc.) or where the title is regarded as a proper name (the King of Sweden, the King of Norway, etc.).
Other suggestions:
I personally don't really like the use of the word "brig" as an abbreviation for "brigantine". I know that it is a perfectly valid use of the word and that it is grammatically correct, however I think that most people who have ever watched any naval/military films or TV shows will only be familiar with the word "brig" being used to refer to a prison or a holding cell.
I only noticed one use of this in this chapter, but it could cause confusion for readers who are not well-versed in naval terminology. It is worth keeping in mind for future chapters as well.
Following on from the above, you may want to consider trying to work in a way to describe what many may find to be unfamiliar terms - while you are posting here on WDC maybe you simply create a popnote with an explanation.
For example in the line ". . . who was already straining hard to starboard on the tiller." you may want to find a way to let people know what a tiller is or what it does. I know in this day and age we have Google, and it only takes a second or two to look up a word, but I find that if I have to look up the meaning of too many words to be able to read a story, I get turned off very quickly.
I know there are a lot of readers who enjoy looking up new and unfamiliar words, but there are probably just as many who find it an inconvenience.
The other problem is that when you hit unfamiliar words, it breaks up the smooth natural flow of a story.
I noticed you start a lot of the paragraphs with "Mikhail". Since he's really the only character before the arrival of the mystery woman it would be difficult to find a different way to start the paragraph off, but I think this is something you should look at.
On the first couple of read-throughs it kind of went by me unnoticed, but now I've read through five or six times it's really starting to stick out.
Closing remarks:
This was a thoroughly enjoyable read, and a great opening to your novel.
Just based on this one chapter I can see why you have been nominated in the Quills, and why you three awardicons for this story.
I hope that I haven't waffled on for too long in this review (or does this now qualify as a short story  ), and that you have found some useful things in it.
Thank you for sharing this item! Please keep on writing!
Andy~hating university 
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I chose to review your item today as part of the February Power Reviewers Review Raid 
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
And in its darkest depths – those lovers met again!
This does not bode well 
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You should also acknowledge that this unseasonable summer was due to a coincidental historic low in solar activity, as well as the volcanic winter event.
