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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/anthonyhamid
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22 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of The Struggle  
Review by TonyHamid
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Some very strong ideas in this one, Jaded La Morte - because of its energy as well as its sincerity.Thanks for the read - keep writing.
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Review by TonyHamid
Rated: E | (5.0)
I like this. The old style rhyme with the chorus is one I would also like to have a go at. Really enjoyed this, Brenpoet.
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Review of My Grouse Country  
Review by TonyHamid
Rated: E | (3.5)
I like this - it rings true and is so simple.
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Review of Sakura Waltz  
Review by TonyHamid
Rated: E | (4.5)
The title/first line attracted me to this piece, Silva. Nice use of alliterative effects and polysyllables. It reads like a beautiful meditation on movement.
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Review of Notes About Time  
Review by TonyHamid
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
A very interesting poem with some fascinating ideas. Almost Biblical in style and scope.
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Review of In Significance  
Review by TonyHamid
Rated: E | (4.0)
Nice work. Love the pace and rhythm and rhyme of this poem.
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Review by TonyHamid
Rated: E | (5.0)
Nice powerful and clear. Like all your poems in your portfolio.
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Review by TonyHamid
Rated: E | (5.0)
Nicely evocative and a very warm feeling to this poem, Charles. Reminds me of a short story I once taught to my O level students. Graet writing.
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Review of For Mom  
Review by TonyHamid
Rated: E | (5.0)
Fantastic poem - liked this a lot, Charles. Very moving, with the spaces between the words and lines doing as much work as the words themselves. Thank you.
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Review by TonyHamid
Rated: E | (4.0)
Love this delightful and quirky rhyming story!
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Review of IM Me  
Review by TonyHamid
Rated: E | (4.0)
Like the wittiness of this piece. I am fascinated by the impact on Literature and language of the digital! Thank you.
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Review of Awkward Moments  
Review by TonyHamid
Rated: E | (4.5)
I loved this, Sylvia. It's so close to what I try to write and is very personally touching. I could trace you through your voice here which sounds so genuine.
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Review of Missing You  
Review by TonyHamid
Rated: E | (3.5)
I can feel the emotions in this one, James. It touched me as I,too, have to spend time away from my love.Thank you.
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Review of Future generation  
Review by TonyHamid
Rated: E | (3.5)
Very stirring work, Spirit-Angel! This is very affirmative and empowering.
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Review of Being Fed Up !!  
Review by TonyHamid
Rated: E | (4.0)
Lovely rhyming poem! You keep the language taut and each word is well-chosen. The message is simple and economically handled. A great read. Thank you.
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Review by TonyHamid
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello, Lyssa. My favourite - a freeform sonnet.

I can see what you are trying to do here- just 'keep being you' and get those words to work for you! There is a nice touch with the imagine/compassion tie up. But you need to highlight these language insights with some kind of patterning of the lines.

Then you have got nascent rhyming with struggle/juggle but it is not followed up.

Try writing in strict rhyme, just for the practice. It will sensitize you to the potential of language expression.

Don't give up - keep going.
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Review by TonyHamid
Rated: E | (3.5)
Lovely flow to the story, simply written and engaging. You're well on the right track, Kieran. You keep the action moving and add just a little bit at a time to keep us guessing.

A couple of gentle tips:

1. Descriptions - avoid numbers: height, weight, for example. Try to give us a picture rather than an abstract idea.

2.Lay out dialogue neatly with a different line for each speaker, with he said, she said flowing on the same line.

For example:

Sophia then placed her hands against the tree and pushed but still she didn't move.

"Huh", thought Sophia, "looks like I need to put my back into it to get out of here."

So the teacher placed her hands...

Indenting dialogue also makes it easier to read.

This was a lovely read. Well done!
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