*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Creative fun in
the palm of your hand.
Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/anxiousgeek
Review Requests: ON
241 Public Reviews Given
I'm good at...
Poetry reviews, reviews of shorter fiction.
Favorite Genres
poetry, fantasy, sci-fi
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 ... Next
1
1
In affiliation with Mental Health Writers Alliance  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
*Awarenessg**Awarenessg* May is Mental Health Awareness Month *Awarenessg**Awarenessg*
Do you have any mental health items in your port? Fill this out for a review:
 
SURVEY
Mental Health Review Form  (E)
National Mental Health Awareness Month hosted by MHWA. Would YOU like a review?
#2188408 by Charlieeee ♡


*Heartg*
I like this, it's hopeful. I mean, I was annoyed and am annoyed in a way because I feel bad for the elderly father but then, I suppose if he still got his daughter back then that's a wonderful thing but it's not obvious really. Not that it has to be, but it's ambiguous and I don't know how to feel about that.

I really like the hopeful tone at the end. Rehab and therapy can be different for everyone. It's doesn't have to be in a hospital or with a doctor.

One note - Have you missed a y on the end of ever in this line?
"meeting ever Jane Doe in sight"

It doesn't quite make sense.

Write on.

Need support?? Join the "Mental Health Writers Alliance group: "Survey to Join MHWA

MHWA Group Review Sig 3


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review of 68 Minutes  
In affiliation with Mental Health Writers Alliance  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Awarenessg**Awarenessg* May is Mental Health Awareness Month *Awarenessg**Awarenessg*
Do you have any mental health items in your port? Fill this out for a review:
 
SURVEY
Mental Health Review Form  (E)
National Mental Health Awareness Month hosted by MHWA. Would YOU like a review?
#2188408 by Charlieeee ♡


*Heartg* Theme/Subject Matter:
This really struck a cord with me, as someone who has been bullied and seen people been bullied and not done anything about it (though more out of fear than anything else.

*Heartt* Originality/Creativity:
I was half expecting something else, something like this would have a happy ending and I don't even know why but I'm glad it didn't. There is reality in this ending, as brutal as it is.

*Heartg* Emotion/Impact:
I feel guilty and sad. Any emotion created by poetry, by words, means it has merit, has done something but the intensity in which I feel this speaks volumes.

*Heartt* My Favorite Part:
He prays for strength and does not find it. It's not a nice thing but it's well done.

*Heartg* My Suggestions:
I don't think you necessarily needed to capitalise the word OUR in the last line. I think it's strong enough to get the point across with it, to be honest.

*Heartt* Summary:
A great posm if a little painful.

Need support?? Join the "Mental Health Writers Alliance group: "Survey to Join MHWA

MHWA Group Review Sig 3


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review of The Library  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I am definitely Adam in this, I too love to browse and pick out a book. I like the atmosphere you've created here, a little bit of mystery and wonder.

A couple of things I noticed. I don't think "old wives tale" is the right phrase here - I always associated that with remedies and superstition. I think myth might be better.

The last sentence doesn't read particularly well, it either needs breaking up or rewriting.

I would love to read more of this certainly.

Keep writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Rated: E | (4.5)
Great list of links, that worksheets and plot beat one looks really interesting. Also I liked the Review templates one cause I used to have one but as you can see, I no longer do.

One thing - one of your links is broken - you have one too many { in your Writing ML. :)
5
5
Rated: 18+ | (2.0)
I like where this is going and what you're trying to stay here. I live with depression and anxiety too and relate to some of this. I like the way it ends, it's not a positive end but sometimes there isn't one. Though this can be seen as more of a cliffhanger I suppose.

You definitely need a good proofread though, not all of it makes sense.

Keep writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Rated: E | (4.5)
Plaguey Pete is the funniest thing I've heard all week and actually something I would watch.

I'm not too sure about some of these others though. 17 hearts? how would you fit them all in there?

I like this, it's funny but not obviously in it's satire until you really get into it.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Rated: E | (4.0)
This end hilariously, I love that last line and the confidence that leads up to it. You manage to convey that really well with just dialogue and so few words.

I'm not sure what the constraints here are but it would definitely benefit from an extra sentence between the "Absolutely." line and the "so...where are we?" line. Just because there is a disconnect between those two lines. Too much of a disconnect.

Keep writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Review of Werewolf  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I like this, it's a story in a poem which is never easy to do. An origin story and we're left that there's more to be told, more of this poem.

I like the conflict you've created in this.

I think it's a little odd that you've not included any punctuation but still capitalised letters. That might just be a preference on my side though. There is definitly some room for improvement for the flow, some stanzas work better than ever and reading it out loud will always help with that.

Keep writing.
9
9
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This feels like two poems in a way, both good and bad versions of a conversation almost. I kinda like that though it may not be what you were going for.

There is a little confusion when reading the second stanza - "I haven't betrayed you even though"
This line could use a comma or something, just to indicate a pause or break, as on the first read through or so, it reads a little odd, like the grammar is incorrect, even though with the second line it makes sense.

Have a think about it.

Good poem, keep writing!



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
Review of On Giving Reviews  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow, this is really in-depth, more so than I expected. I want to thank for this. I usually review poetry and have my own style though it varies depending on the poem and my mood but these are good ideas to add - I don't always consider mood which is odd - especially as I am a poet.

This is good for everyone and I particularly like the way to you stress not to stress.

Also, I like the formatting. There's a lot here but you address that and highlight bits and make it easier to read.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
Review of Siren's Sanctuary  
Rated: E | (3.0)
I like though, I'd like to read more. You created a good atmosphere, There are some clunky sentences and odd word choices but it's a good little piece that really just needs editing. And maybe expanding!

One thing, that has nothing to do with my rating or review is that the font size you've chosen makes it very hard to read. Just a thought for making your work more accessible.

Keep writing!
12
12
Review of Confidence (2)  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Very positive, the rhymes works well in places and that makes the flow quite smooth but not having a consistent rhyming scheme interrupts that. Perhaps a little work on find rhymes for those unrhyming lines would help make this poem flow better.

This line doesn't seem to make sense; "The hard wind blow make you fall down" and there are places I think some punctuation would help to break up sentences that shouldn't run on.

Keep writing.
13
13
Review of The Write Life  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Short but says a lot. Perhaps some of the lines could do with being shorter in places but I like some of the descriptions of being a writer. The first line is the best, my favourite. I think "in the zone" would look better in italics but it doesn't change the way I read the poem too much.

Love the ending too. Great poem.
14
14
Review of Unrequited  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Is this written to particular form - it's not one I recognise off hand if it is so I couldn't tell you if its good in that regard or not. The language is good, I like the effort you've put into sticking to the style throughout and making it work so well. It doesn't sound forced or contrived at all which is something that I find happens when people try to write in a style or language that's long gone.

I think the dashes need spaces after them because I keep trying to read those lines too quickly and my eyes see this as one word almost 'return-thy' and 'relent-thine'.

15
15
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is really sweet. Short and to the point, says a whole in those few lines, those few words.

The rhymes, for the most part, work really well, though my mind stutters slightly on intertwined and mind. It seems like it could be darker but it's wrapped up in that final gorgeous line making beautifully sad.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
Rated: E | (3.0)
I like the tone of this, a sort of whispering that ends on a melancholy note. It leaves me feeling a little anxious in a way like I know where this is going and it's nowhere good but you have to go with it, follow it through to the end regardless.

I wonder about the lack of punctuation. I've never been a fan of capitalising the first word of every line and without punctuation, it means that the only idea the reader gets of pauses or emphasis in the poem are the line breaks and capitalised words.

Something to think about. Not every poem needs punctuation or even grammar, but it needs to have something that helps the reader hear it out better in their minds.
17
17
Review of Await  
Rated: E | (3.5)
It gives off this dark vibe like it's going to be about something terrible but it ends so differently. It's a true love poem, the romance of reality and I like that a lot.

I'm not a fan of poems where every line starts with a capital letter because they always feel a little jarring when I read them. And you've used question marks but no other punctuation so to the average reader the only indication of pauses are the line breaks and the capital letters.

The images you created and the language used are great though and with a bit of tweaking could be amazing.
18
18
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is quite whimsical and I like the picture you create for us of your summers. I don't like the exclamation mark but I do like the lines:
"campfires flickering,
and fireflies blinking"

Wonderful.

The punctuation on The Lake is great, we all had places like that, they had actual names but we just called them the pond or the lake or the shops.

There are a couple of bits missing. This stanza:
"I remember,
Grandma and I
sit under the trees
enjoying the cool evening breeze."

doesn't read right. Is there a word missing?

And this line: "if the caught any fish"
Should it be "if they caught any fish?"

And the last line works well with the alliteration but I'm sure it should say 'tell tall tales."

I like the easy free flowing form you've found here, much like summer itself.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
19
19
Review of Seeker  
Rated: E | (3.5)
I like the imagery this invokes but I do not like the form. I find capital letters at the beginning of every line somewhat jarring. It creates a pause when perhaps that's not what you intended when you've not finished the preceding line with a full stop. Some punctuation added in places might help and reading the poem out loud can help you find the rhythm of it.
I really like this line: "That glimmer of hope left on the shelf."
Good work. Keep writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
20
20
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I like this a lot. Makes me think of flowers pollenating. I like the tone of it a lot, it's quiet and understated. I'm not sure if it's following a form but the second stanza seems to stutter slightly as if there is a full stop somewhere there shouldn't be if you see what I mean. As if left and right should be on the proceeding line.
I like it a lot though, it's slow pace is a gorgeous.
21
21
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really like the way this ends, but I find the beginning a little confusing. Not necessarily what the poem is about - that is made clear by the end two stanzas. But I find the way the words are but together in this line - "Good versus evil battles for cause," throws me off a little and jars the flow of the poem, which is otherwise good.

Normally I don't like every line to be capitalised in poems, but with this two line stanza form it looks quite good.

The last two lines are brilliant - it sums up everything about the poem and life in general. Or at least as I see it.

Good work. Keep writing.

________

- Rhi
My new sig


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
22
22
Review of You Will Not Die!  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
I like this funny little story - especially the bit about your brother having given Anna a scorpion in a lolly once. The dialogue is fine - you know who is speaking every time and it sounds natural.

The writing itself needs a little work - it feels a little clunky here and there as you describe things. There is no need to be so formal because it's non-fiction. Write it as if it were fiction, let the words flow.

Also there seems to be odd places in which there are two spaces between words, instead of just one. Same as after periods and the next line. Sometimes one and sometimes two. You might want to check that and clean it up.

Great last line though, really like that.

________

- Rhi
My new sig


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
23
23
Review of Darkness  
Rated: E | (3.0)
It has potential but I find that starting the all three paragraphs with "As I lay here," means the first two feel a little unfinished like they are going no where until that last paragraph. I wonder if starting them with -"I lay here," might be better.

In this part - "who's beauty unfortunately coexist amidst a fear of that unknown" - did you mean to write "coexists"? The singular doesn't quite seem right.

It's long almost winding sentences are perfect for this type of poetic prose, I like that very much.

Keep Writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
24
24
Rated: E | (3.5)
General Thoughts
I like the imagery in this and it has an unexpected but not unwelcome ending. It's quite lovely.

Form
I find the first half of the poem very hard to follow. Those first nine lines blur into one and I'm not sure where the pauses are supposed to be as the comma's do not seem to help but hinder. Plus with every line being capitalised - something I personally don't like - I just find it too hard to read despite the excellent imagery.

There is also a typo in this line - "YOu're never near to being lone."



Final Thought
A nice poem that could do with a little editing to make it easier to read it.


Remember this is just one poet's opinion. The next review might be entirely different.


-anxiousgeek


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
25
25
Review of Hunger  
Rated: E | (4.0)
General Thoughts
I really like the compare and contrast idea for the two different kinds of hunger - you do it very well.

Form
I wonder if the way you segue from one stanza to another could be improved somehow, perhaps with a dash or ellipsis to connect the two and make it the jump between stanzas and perspectives.

Final Thought
Painfully honest poem, brutal in places. Excellent work.


Remember this is just one poet's opinion. The next review might be entirely different.


-anxiousgeek


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
100 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 4 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/anxiousgeek