Lovely, though, you might want to change the font colour of the description at the end because it comes across as the last line of the poem and ruins a little on the first read. It's really sweet though, I love the idea of water and light working together like this.
Awesome. I really like this, I mean it's short but it says so much which I think is a skill. I think this though - "soaking up the-
mad as a raging bull
charging on red rag target-
sun"
needs a little work to make it a bit clearer. It's reads a little clumsily, but it's in no way bad, just a little awkward.
This is really pretty, almost like an epic fairy tale in itself, or some sort of epic tale of old. Great stuff. I thought for a few lines that the fairy and the gnome were getting married and was a little disappointed when it turned out they weren't! It's a good poem, and I really enjoyed reading it.
Beautiful. It's truly a lovely poem that needs a little work, because I think the capitalisation of every line ruins the flow a little bit, as it creates a sort of stutter as you read it. In the second stanza in particular does this happen. And here - "I can still catch a hint of
Soft gentle warmth
In the pleasant month of May."
The imagery is lovely though, and warm, if that makes sense.
A lovely poem, with a nice flow. It ends so sadly, it's quite bitter sweet. If you want to edit it slightly, you could try removing extra conjunctions but it already reads quite nice. Perhaps edit it and read it aloud and decide. It's only a suggestion.
For a little while I really did think this was about an actual snake. I like it, though I found it a little hard to read the first time. I struggled with this stanza the most -Its venom destroys trust and love alike.
Once the viper is discovered, the same
happiness is impossible as emotions spike.
I'm not sure the comma is the right piece of punctuation here. Not for me at least.
The end is a little much, I think the exclamation mark ruins it for me.
I like this, but there are a couple of things. In the second line, you're missing the space after the comma (and while you're using punctuation, maybe some full stops? But that's up to you).
This line: "Or place for me my head to lay" has enough syllables for the pattern and flow, but doesn't sound right, you might want to find another way to write the line.
This line; "Because I’ll feel so alive" - would sound better if it was 'Because I will feel so alive.'
Of course, this is all subjective, and just my personal opinion.
I don't care much a punctuation but I always feel like even poems need full stops. But that's up to you but I always find it odd.
The poem however, is soft and quiet, like falling snow. I imagine reading it softly or whispering it even. It's quite lovely.
I like this, though I think you need to remove the double-spacing between the lines. I felt the line - "Often found growing along", read too much like a text-book, and less like a poem, while the rest of the poem manages to tread that in-between place very well and quite easily.
The line "and the walls and chain-link fences" is clunky, it's the 'and' at the beginning of the line. Perhaps a little edit would help.
Beautiful. I love the way this begins -
"that speck of
cosmic ash"
Gorgeous. I love the theme of the stars throughout.
I was wondering if you should split it in half, but having read it over a couple of times, I think not. This is going in my favourites immediately. Keep writing.
Love the poem, I like the way you've shaped the words, so all the 'sometimes' all line up, and the long line and shorter 'stumps', could be like the river themselves. It's nice to look at as well as read, which, while not often important can be a factor.
Sol is lovely, it really should be a piece all on it's own. It needs a little editing, perhaps some punctuation, to make it perfect. I have never really thought about our sun that way - being alone.
Life As Blues is okay but I don't like this line "No not never boy." It doesn't seem to fit with the rest of the poem.
You should really try and bold or underline the titles of the poem so they are easier to read and separate.
I don't really know what this is poem is about, it seems to start off as one thing then becomes about another altogether. It's a little confusing at first and then you get into it. It's enjoyable, and the colours are nice. The first line of the second stanza has a slight error. "What as I waiting for?" - 'What was I waiting for?' or is it 'What am I waiting for?'
Also one stanza towards the end is in pink and then black. Is this intentional? if so, you might want to consider separating the black lines with a line break and creating another stanza of their own.
This gives me chills, which is a good thing. It's a great poem with a good rhyming structure that really works, with no hiccups. I worry that some of the lines are too short compared to the line before, which means it doesn't read as well. Perhaps reading it out loud would help.
This stanza in particular stands out for that reason:
"My flesh now hangs in sanguine strips,
an arcane offering.
A noiseless scream falls from my lips
yet to this pain I cling."
This is so sad, perhaps a little over done in places, but it's obvious it's an our-pouring of emotion. If you were thinking of editing it, I would suggest that perhaps this stanza:
"Where the family
Where the happiness
Where the holidays
Spent together"
As it reads a little oddly. Either an 'are' or taking away the 'where' might help.
Lovely. It makes me think of my own nephew and how much I love him. It could perhaps do with a little editing on the longer lines, to make it flow a little nicer and make it an easier read. It really gets across how much you love him though and how special he is to you and the to the world.
Great poem, you should try and read it out loud, because I think it would sound really good. If you read it out loud to yourself you can tweak it a little then, so see where the rhythm or flow of it needs a little work. Love it though. My favourite stanza is this:
Romantic fantasies coursing through cavernous logs
marked with soot and ashes
smudged with smoke and spirit
mesmerized by scarlet embers
that embrace the fevered mistress
it feels fast, like it needs to be read and spoken at some speed.
It's an interesting poem, I do like it, but it needs to be cleaned up a little.
In this line: "My brother’s and I herd the song humming in our ear,
I'm assuming you mean heard and not herd.
I really like this:
“To arms! Grab sword and shield , I say”,
was the song the horn did play,
A lot. Though the comma seems out of place.
This line We cry, “Our shields are strong our swords are sharp and we are not afraid to die!”,
needs breaking up to make it easier to read.
And this line Till death gripped my brother’s soul and squeezed till like a river his blood did run,
I find very hard to read but not sure what you need to change.
It's a really good poem, it has this weird feel to it that I really like, a true fantasy feel but darker all the same.
The last few lines of this are really very good, very nice. I don't like the format much, I think you need to work on that to make the rhythm of the piece clearer, the pace, so the reader tie certain lines together, and seperate others. For example I gather these two lines:
"Knowing that 'stength '
Lies in moving on"
are to be read together, so to speak, but this isn't clear until you read the piece over a couple of times. Also, you've missed the r out in strength here.
I like it, very descriptive, without being overly wordy, though 'buff' is a word I'm unfamiliar with in this context. It's the sunrise, I assume, or I read it as the sunrise, but I'm left with questions, about this quest, about the character/person writing this poem.
I like it, very dark. Quite scary. It's a good poem. A couple of issues I see. In the third stanza, the first couplet is considerably shorter than then second couplet and it throws the rhythm off a little.
In the final stanza, I don't understand this line :"The desire to survive feels everything strange"
I really like this. I write a lot of short poetry myself, and love it.
It's not cliche but it is angry and gets it across well in so few words. Actually for so few words, it's like a little story, having that beginning, middle and end.
Well done, keep writing.
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