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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/anxiousgeek/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/4
Review Requests: OFF
243 Public Reviews Given
I'm good at...
Poetry reviews, reviews of shorter fiction.
Favorite Genres
poetry, fantasy, sci-fi
Public Reviews
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76
76
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is good, has an almost dancing rhythm. It falters a little near the begining, the fourth line doesn't quite fit the rhythm even it's a good line.

In the last line 'their' should read 'there'.
77
77
Review of Self Medication  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This is good, I like the tone of it, dark, rain swept in atmosphere.

I dislike the line 'the first cut is the deepest' because it's so cliche when the rest of your poem stays away from most of the typical self harm stereotypes.

I really like the last two lines, this is a great piece.
78
78
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Great quiz, I did awfully, but I learnt something!!
79
79
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
That's a great piece. It flows really well, the rhymes works. You've really got this subject well written.

No typos, but not every line has to be capatalised.

Great poem, keep writing.
80
80
Review of Nature's Wisedom  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
That is upbeat and it has a beat. I like it, 1,2 1,2. It works really well.

I think, personally, that you should change 'treasures' to just 'treasure' so that it rhymes perfectly with measure, to keep the flow going and so nobody trips up on it.

And the last line might sound better with the 'And' not being capitalised because it when it makes the word sounds too harsh and again you trip over it and it ruins the flow.

Just a couple of suggestions. Great poem.
81
81
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I like that the last two lines are dramatic. Though, the poem kind of leans towards the speaker feeling this passion, therefore perhaps she would be the one to take the life of her lover.

Also, I don't think you need the today on the end of the last line. I think

"Tonight I will die in your arms, or,
I will die by your hands."

works a little better.
82
82
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I don't like this a whole lot. It's well writeen but the beginning, the way you have appraoched this topci is a little school-like. A little cliche. I do like some of the later stanzas and I really like

"No sun
No rain
Just fog."

and the way it ends, I htink those little bits, sticking out like that work very well.
83
83
Review of Flames  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I really like this. the stanzas stars really well, flow nicely but at the end seem to lose that flow a little bit which isn't so great. But I like the idea of it, the story behind it all, it's good.

For some reason, I really like this bit.

" is it the mark on my head
that constitutes your excuses?"

That's great.
84
84
Review of Hidden Flower  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really like this. It flows nicely even without any punctuation, it builds up to something very good at the end.

I'm not sure I like this line

"the secreted dew"

The word secreted just doesn't seem right there, doesn't sound right. But that's the only problem I have with it.
85
85
Review of Old Friend  
Rated: E | (3.5)
It's a nice poem, good imagery, but the structure confuses me a little. There seems to be no set rhythm to the rhymes.

Also, I don't like the way every line is capitalised when there is no punctuation at the end of the lines.
86
86
Review of Speculate  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is really good and funny too. I understand completely about wondering what other people are doing. I do it all the time. Make up funny and sometimes fantastical things to explain it.

I love the way it ends.

The way it's broken up with one line or two lines makes it a little hard to read. Especially when you go off on a tangent about the broccili and perhaps that bit needs to be seperated more clearly.
87
87
Review of "circles'  
Rated: E | (4.0)
great poem, some really good imagery. With some more punctuation to break up the lines a little it might be better but I like the continous flow of it.

This is my favourite line

"stone eyes staring into space"
88
88
Review of Sick, True Love  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Great poem. It ends better than it begins and while it's worth holding out for it can be a bit off-putting. The flow in first stanza is confusing, you want to use a rhyme but put it in the wrong place. If you could re-work it a little it would start perfectly.

The line

"Like as Eve bit from the apple"

doesn't sit right with me. It sounds grammatically incorrect somewhere. Something to think about maybe..
89
89
Review of Cosmic Clerk  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I like it, the last two stanzas are definitly the better ones of the poem and stronger than the first two.

I think in the first stanza

"clickity- clack
keyboard"

needs changing to improve the flow because it isn't the right word or it needs 'the' in front of it.
90
90
Rated: E | (3.5)
Some this is really good, the
rhymes flow very well but in
parts it may be a little too abstract.

The melting isn't explained until after the dripping starts leaving me somewhat confused.
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