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General Thoughts
A quick funny read, I like it. Reminds me of when I when I lived in a city. I wonder about these lines:
"What is the message
That you are trying to send?"
I personally think a line about anger or trying to get someone to move would be better suited here. But overall the lines work together well.
Form
The rhymes are strong and the pattern stuck to well, makes for a an easy read, which is always good for a light-hearted poem like this. You've missed a letter here however- "Weaving n and out."
General Thoughts
This seems to by a popular form right now, and I am learning to like it and the final line in the stanzas is excellent and makes for a great final line over all. This makes for a good impact. I like most of it, but I there is something about this line - "expose the anguish she has born." that I don't quite like, it doesn't sound quite right and I wonder if there is a better way of putting it. For me, personally, it's a hard poem to read, which just means you've written it well and that it gets to the core of my emotions. Well done.
Form
You follow the form well, and the rhyme scheme is solid. Nothing really wrong with it.
Final Thoughts
A painful poem to read, personally speaking. A good poem.
Remember this is just one poet's opinion. The next review might be entirely different.
General Thoughts
I like this, I like the finishing line for each stanza "In this nightmare I am confined." It's great, a solid line that's got a lot of impact. I like the way you've tied the prompt into this, you've not over done it, it's subtle, but really is all about the prompt all the same. The final stanza is wonderful, ending the poem perfectly.
Form
I like the way you've woven the repeating line into this, it's powerful. The rhyme scheme is good and the punctuation well placed.
Final Thoughts
A solid poem, I like it.
Remember this is just one poet's opinion. The next review might be entirely different.
General Thoughts
A simple poem, and effective in it's message. It's not cliché , you avoid some of the more obvious images of storms and angst, turning them on their head a little which I can really appreciate. I really like the lines - "Instead of a burning plea,
out comes a lullaby."
I think it's the perfect example of avoiding the obvious. I very much like the almost quick pace of it - at least that's how I read it.
The title is good as it opens up the poem and gives you a little background. That one word says a lot when combined with the poem.
Form
The quick flow is good and lasts throughout the poem until you come to the last stanza. I find that the last two lines seem a little out of pace with the rest of the poems meter. They sound find out of context and the rhyme is fine - as it is in the rest of the piece but the lines themselves mean the poem ends badly. Not terribly so, but it's not a great way to end a poem if the lines sound off compared to the rest. I would consider re-wording them so they have fit in with the meter of the rest of the poem.
Final Thoughts
A decent poem that needs a little editing.
Remember: This is just one poet's opinion. The next review may be entirely different.
General Thoughts
This is a hard form to do, and you've managed it well. Each stanza does indeed stand independently well enough, but that deeper theme is obvious throughout and I'm impressed. It's more difficult a form than one would think at first glance. I really like the theme of the poem, the idea of being stripped bare by a storm revealing this darker side beneath. It's a powerful message.
Form
As I said, you tackled the form well, and it mostly flows nicely through the poem. I really like the second stanza and I feel this says the most in the poem and the writer. It has the strongest imagery in the poem too. In my opinion at least. However, I keep tripping up on the comma in the middle of the line. I feel like it would be better served without it, or with an 'is' instead, the pause the comma creates seems unnatural. In the forth stanza, I feel like the word petulant is the wrong word to use, it makes the storm less angry and more sulky which isn't what you're trying to get across I suspect.
Final Thought
A good poem in a hard form that needs little work.
Remember: This is just one poet's opinion. The next review may be entirely different.
Great poem, definitely gives me chills towards the end. I really like the story you created through this poem and you really used the image well. I'm really impressed.
I find this line - "Wicked trees forboding warnings creak aloud."
reads a little awkwardly. I find it confusing. Also foreboding has an E in it.
Good poem otherwise, a great read.
I did not think this was going the way it did. I thought it was going to be about a house fire or something (I'd seen the prompt before I'd read the poem) and then it took a hell of a left turn. A dark turn. I really liked it. The rhymes are really good and sound perfect. I really like those last two lines, separated like that gives them impact. It's an intense poem but a good one.
I like this, though, a quick note, you've ended the poem with a comma and I assume this isn't intentional but a slip of the finger to the wrong button. And I do love that last line, the word arcane is well used here.
I am confused by this line - "But landed like a fallen angel-" as the light has landed but then, gone, like an angel turned dark I suppose. Poetry is very subjective like that and I do enjoy the puzzle this has offered me.
It needs a good work over for punctuation, there is an apostrophe missing in friends in this line - "where your best friends like a sister"
and you need to decide if you're going to use periods or not, because you've use them in some stanzas but not others and I find that a little distracting.
I really like the bit about parents, and towards the end it's very lovely. A decent poem all in all, just needs a little edit.
I really like the idea of the homeless being 'waiting people' and it's a good poem but I would love to see you expand on it a little, on the idea of waiting people. I think it would be really interesting to read, as well as write. I hope to read more from you.
I don't like this font in general, but I think for a poem about lines use should use a straighter font to illustrate lines. I really like this overall, especially this line- "My heart is full of nostalgic nocturne." but don't quite understand this line -"Every night, on the spotlight of the scaled four sided trace." and think maybe you mean paper.
I like the idea of the pencil being tired though, either as well as you or instead of you.
Lovely poem but there are a couple things I personally would change. I dislike the word bog. It stands out so much and really doesn't fit in with the image of Spring beauty.
I wonder if perhaps in the second stanza, as you've written 'opening' you should also change breathe and sigh to 'breathing' and 'sighing'.
Great poem, really well written and well put together. Keeping to the syllables really helps with the flow and makes it so good to read. I really like that last stanza especially this line - "Stand up tall and stretch with might"
Makes the morning worth getting up for if it's always this beautiful!
It needs a little more punctuation than just a full stop at the end, either than or it needs clearing up a little as the lines run on and I get a little confused about which line connects to which. It's a shame you didn't follow through with the rhyming as it was a good start to the poem. Overall I enjoyed it and I liked the fact that both the beginning and end started with the same line.
Lovely, though, you might want to change the font colour of the description at the end because it comes across as the last line of the poem and ruins a little on the first read. It's really sweet though, I love the idea of water and light working together like this.
Awesome. I really like this, I mean it's short but it says so much which I think is a skill. I think this though - "soaking up the-
mad as a raging bull
charging on red rag target-
sun"
needs a little work to make it a bit clearer. It's reads a little clumsily, but it's in no way bad, just a little awkward.
Beautiful. It's truly a lovely poem that needs a little work, because I think the capitalisation of every line ruins the flow a little bit, as it creates a sort of stutter as you read it. In the second stanza in particular does this happen. And here - "I can still catch a hint of
Soft gentle warmth
In the pleasant month of May."
The imagery is lovely though, and warm, if that makes sense.
A lovely poem, with a nice flow. It ends so sadly, it's quite bitter sweet. If you want to edit it slightly, you could try removing extra conjunctions but it already reads quite nice. Perhaps edit it and read it aloud and decide. It's only a suggestion.
For a little while I really did think this was about an actual snake. I like it, though I found it a little hard to read the first time. I struggled with this stanza the most -Its venom destroys trust and love alike.
Once the viper is discovered, the same
happiness is impossible as emotions spike.
I'm not sure the comma is the right piece of punctuation here. Not for me at least.
The end is a little much, I think the exclamation mark ruins it for me.
I like this, but there are a couple of things. In the second line, you're missing the space after the comma (and while you're using punctuation, maybe some full stops? But that's up to you).
This line: "Or place for me my head to lay" has enough syllables for the pattern and flow, but doesn't sound right, you might want to find another way to write the line.
This line; "Because I’ll feel so alive" - would sound better if it was 'Because I will feel so alive.'
Of course, this is all subjective, and just my personal opinion.
I don't care much a punctuation but I always feel like even poems need full stops. But that's up to you but I always find it odd.
The poem however, is soft and quiet, like falling snow. I imagine reading it softly or whispering it even. It's quite lovely.
I like this, though I think you need to remove the double-spacing between the lines. I felt the line - "Often found growing along", read too much like a text-book, and less like a poem, while the rest of the poem manages to tread that in-between place very well and quite easily.
The line "and the walls and chain-link fences" is clunky, it's the 'and' at the beginning of the line. Perhaps a little edit would help.
Beautiful. I love the way this begins -
"that speck of
cosmic ash"
Gorgeous. I love the theme of the stars throughout.
I was wondering if you should split it in half, but having read it over a couple of times, I think not. This is going in my favourites immediately. Keep writing.
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