Well, you're a writer after my own heart. I am a big fan of pieces designed to stir up this kind of emotion.
"Languishing body with a spirit of soft fire" - That among many other descriptions, I loved. To be honest that line immediately drew these eyes before starting to read the piece. It stood out to me that much!
This short story merges the harsh reality of death but emphasises both the unknowing and beauty in embarking its journey. I also enjoyed the reference to Clarice waiting, those sensations, a perspective that I didn't expect to come across.
Any advice? I would like to recommend experimenting with the layout. This is a personal opinion, please take at face value.
My reviews are only to praise the good and offer improvements where I feel they're needed.
In this instance, spacing out into multiple paragraphs and adding in short sentences at various parts would be the polish to this piece. When all the words mesh together, you lose a trick that can be taken advantage of, that is pacing. Pace the reader.
You can make them wait longer with Clarice.
Give them time to absorb those final moments.
Those precious final moments...
The above is not the best example in the world, however, the principle remains the same. When stories are combined, people tend to scan more, miss details and spend less time with the character.
Correct the word count doesn't change, the length of time reading does. This story warrants, no, deserves the reader to feel plunged by Clarice's bedside.
You have strong emotional creativity and looking at your profile, you're churning out a lot of new content, which is fantastic to see. There's feeling in your words, the subject matter and how you portray them. That's why I love this melancholic style.
This is designed to make people sad. It made me sad. As a result, it adds greater appreciation for the wonderment of life. What contributed to that? You did, with this piece.
Again, fantastic work.
I'm officially a fan.