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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/apologue
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23 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Childhood Trauma  
Review by Apologue
Rated: E | (4.5)
Good afternoon Chris,

I must begin by saying there are a couple types and missing commas. This did not detract from such an eye-opening experience you've shared.

Similar to you, my father and I never had a smooth relationship. Your story brought back memories.

Unfortunately I too have suffered the loss of a child and my heart goes out to you about your sister.

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome is not what we endured but know people who have been affected by this.

Life can seem immeasurably cruel and as you've said; the devastating effects it has on a family.

Isn't it odd that despite abuse we take, in later life we can decipher between the meaningful lessons and those that are overboard? That to me is a sign of great strength, for you to delve back during such a dark period and put it into perspective.

Thank you for sharing this,

Apologue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review by Apologue
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good afternoon Tim Chiu,

I for one am not a Christian, although, I sure do love poetry of this nature. You've executed the importance of the faith and extended it the mortal realm.

The pace in my mind built as your point is driven in. It stares slowly, a rhythmic bounce and kicks into a whole new gear.

It is spoken with such conviction. Making the reader question their devotion and life choice.

Such a strong message , portrayed utilising powerful points and imagery.

As a non-believers I find there is a lot to appreciate with this piece.

Wonderfully done.

Kind regards,

Apologue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review of Up There  
Review by Apologue
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Welcome to Writing.com Runti Promise,

A poem about heartbreak, most apropos.

By the way, it's written there are a few flaws, where commas could replace full stops and a couple of grammatical issues.

"You was" change to "You were".

"Why would you go and do that," is missing the question mark.

Please don't allow these remarks to be taken offensively. I genuinely enjoyed this and thought you've captured the essence of a broke heart beautifully. When I began back in 2018, I received a similar rating and critique as this. The message is strong, a few added adjustments will help it shine brighter.

The heart is a complex organ. You've said it perfectly that we hold people to such high estimation, give them the main focus in our lives and at the same time; give them the power to hurt us deeper than anyone ever could.

You reminded me about the beautiful sadness that such grief bestows. It is devasting to feel this way. Then again as people say "it's better to have loved than never loved at all".

For your opening item in a portfolio that is a bold move and greatly applaud you for sharing this.

Please accept these points as a welcome gift.

If you require any assistance, please do not hesitate to ask.

Kindest regards,

Apologue






*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review by Apologue
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good day Mordee2,

I've come across this piece and so pleased with myself for clicking on it.

Grammatically I couldn't pick any fault. The pacing was brilliant and dialogue just oozed humour.

It's both certainly imaginative and executed in a clever fashion.

Thank you for sharing this, it was highly enjoyable to read.

Kind regards,

Apologue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review of Slut  
Review by Apologue
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Welcome to Writing.com Earlymorningrise,

One day in and already two items on your portfolio, that's what I call 'hitting the ground running'.

There are numerous reasons why writers write. Goes without saying I know. In this instance, you've addressed a topic and perspective that needs to be shared.

This is my own personal opinion and meant to be a means of support. I find this to be a rough draft structurally yet with an important message. My first pieces on writing.com were far from perfect. What I am stating is that a bit more time spent could contribute this to reaching a larger audience. Which I believe it should.

"It was lose and freedom all rolled into one" - that does not read right to me. I'd certainly recommend adjusting this, as it is the coup de grace.

I found going through high school (secondary school in the UK) to be a social experiment gone wrong. That feeling translated into adult life, especially in regards to subjects of the heart.

As the saying goes "nothing ventured, nothing gained". There are people paralysed at disappointment and others that are willing to be heartbroken on a journey to find 'the one'.

For some finding, a faithful and loving partner comes easy. For others, it is a testing experience that proves a make or break situation to a great number of people.

A leading cause of stress is how a person addresses past decisions. Having a history of multiple partners could make an individual dislike themselves and self identify as the problem. Without possessing coping mechanisms or inspirational content like this; they become trapped with their own misplaced negativity.

This is interesting, in every positive sense.

I applaud the fact you've started yesterday and blasting out this subject.

Now my question is, where does this go from here?

If this is an avenue you wish to explore further, channelling personal experience to aid others, then I suggest it's a path you're certainly suited to.

Kind regards,

Daniel



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Review of Fake  
Review by Apologue
Rated: E | (4.0)
Welcome to Writing.com Real Life,

It is a single word title and yet effective in drawing the eye.

The opinions of this review are mine and given as a means to help. If you do not agree with anything said; please appreciate it is with the best intentions and not meant to cause offence.

Before I get to what I enjoyed, there are grammatical and structure issues here. Now, this may be a rough draft that you are planning to polish, if it is, I'd encourage for you to do so.

I am a huge supporter of articles that open up the masses eyes to a real pressing issue. This is made with genuine passion, it isn't difficult to tell that. This is also relatable because you make it relatable by asking the questions that real people will pose in light of this subject matter.

We do tend to see a backward society ever-expanding. One where being fake is accepted as a real and anything else is either ignored or deterred from recognition.

As a writer; I feel that with more time dedicated to the presentation, the message broadens its range.

That's what I want this piece to receive, a wide range, that allures readers to digest this harsh reality.

You have a voice. It is a strong one at that and again encourage you to pursue this.

There are girls as we speak getting drawn into this self-destructive logic. What helps a counter-balance, or better yet, a right for that wrong? Content like this that justifies the whole desire of perfection as a harmful illusion.

Keep up the good work.

Kind regards,

Apologue
7
7
Review by Apologue
Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome to Writing.com Burgundy,

Good heavens above. This is a poem that should be in a classic Disney film. I was taken to that land of fairy tales and adored the "father time" reference. Please respect I relish the whole poem, that reference for some reason stuck out for me and brought a smile to my face.

I've seen a number of fantastic poets start lately. On the public messaging I have declared that to be true. Then I come across this and cannot deny it has exceeded all expectations.

You possess a brilliant command with words. I can tell by the structure and relation in the wording that this took dedication to finely tune together. It says a lot when the poem protrudes such effort, in the way it is crafted.

As a reviewer, this is one of those moments I thank myself for signing up.

Reason being? Because having the opportunity to experience a poem like this is always a pleasure.

Thank you so much for sharing and I'll endeavour to read your future works with great anticipation.

Kind regards,

Apologue

8
8
Review of Just Me!  
Review by Apologue
Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome to Writing.com CAW,

This was a real treat to come across. I often find a person who can use straight forward words and use them in such a creative way to be a truly remarkable trait.

What I mean by that is; often we hope to utilise a distinct word out of a thesaurus to further embellish on a meaning. The idea that because something isn't often used; it must be viewed upon as being impactful. Unless the rest of the story or poem compliments such a style, it won't work.

Here we have a fluent, introspective and beautiful articulation of the self.

You've done this cleverly to ensure it reaches a mass audience. As I said above, there's nothing to detract from the meaning you're conveying.

It's about us and it's written to reach us.

I am getting the vibe that this must have been an impromptu undertaking. A flash of brilliance and creativity. Either way, well done and thank you for sharing this.

Kind regards,

Apologue



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
Review of Snow v.1  
Review by Apologue
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Welcome to Writing.com,

Not Suki, I found this poem really charming. You've demonstrated great confidence with this.

I love the use of dialogue, the repetition and overall flow. The descriptive vocalubarly doesn't feel like it's thrown in there either. Sometimes poets do not use such terms in a subtle approach yet you've found a well balanced form of execution.

These comments are one's own opinion. Only given as a means to help and provide that third person perspective. My main critique is that the ending doesn't feel like the full stop that the rest of the poem deserves. Do not get me wrong, poetry is at times a challenging puzzle to convey emotion and we can piece together the majority but struggle later on with that fine-tuning.

In conclusion I'd reccomend perhaps experimenting with the last six lines, if you ever have the desire to revise or extent on it.

I see the weakness as a compliment in disguise. Afterall, I have no doubt on your abilities with writing poetry from reading this. By joining here, there's the opportunities to push yourself and further develop.

Writing for me is one of those joyous hobbies that doesn't have an end point. There's always ways to improve that then later compliments your future creativity.

You have already garnered plenty community recognitions in such a short space of time. I look forward to seeing future contributions from yourself and how your portfolio continues to expand.

Kind regards,

Apologue





*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
Review of Love Slips Away  
Review by Apologue
Rated: E | (4.5)
Good evening Dober,

As promised, here's a review. I've ironically been on a role reviewing poetry as of late. For whatever reason, it seems to pop up for me as a suggestion. As you've reviewed my piece privately, I'll bestow the same gesture to you.

These words speak powerlessness. Coming to terms with an inevitable outcome. An end to a happy relationship in a swift moment. The girl is dropped to depths beyond measure, unable to anything but accepts this devastating truth.

A short poem. It is robust with expression. You may one day choose to extend or create an extended version, I could see you fleshing this out further without risking any loss to the emotion or message, you give a tone that seems so well-paced.

Viewing your profile, it's no surprise that poetry is a love of yours after reading this (now twice).

The ending has submissiveness. Being a softy, I'd love a character in this instance to seek out a new love on the horizon with great vigour. Is that personal opinion or the poem having an effect on me?

This is the first poem you've ever done here. I sense a melting pot of creativity ready to burst out of that think tank of yours. Starting at Writing.com can be intimidating. Many years ago, I joined another community, it was intimidating as hell. Far less supportive than here, by a long mile.

You have done a competent, impactful and well-written poem.

Judging by how others have rated it as well, you've done a remarkable job with this!

Kind regards,

Apologue







*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
Review of Child of grace  
Review by Apologue
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Good evening!

Well, you're a writer after my own heart. I am a big fan of pieces designed to stir up this kind of emotion.

"Languishing body with a spirit of soft fire" - That among many other descriptions, I loved. To be honest that line immediately drew these eyes before starting to read the piece. It stood out to me that much!

This short story merges the harsh reality of death but emphasises both the unknowing and beauty in embarking its journey. I also enjoyed the reference to Clarice waiting, those sensations, a perspective that I didn't expect to come across.

Any advice? I would like to recommend experimenting with the layout. This is a personal opinion, please take at face value.

My reviews are only to praise the good and offer improvements where I feel they're needed.

In this instance, spacing out into multiple paragraphs and adding in short sentences at various parts would be the polish to this piece. When all the words mesh together, you lose a trick that can be taken advantage of, that is pacing. Pace the reader.

You can make them wait longer with Clarice.

Give them time to absorb those final moments.

Those precious final moments...

The above is not the best example in the world, however, the principle remains the same. When stories are combined, people tend to scan more, miss details and spend less time with the character.

Correct the word count doesn't change, the length of time reading does. This story warrants, no, deserves the reader to feel plunged by Clarice's bedside.

You have strong emotional creativity and looking at your profile, you're churning out a lot of new content, which is fantastic to see. There's feeling in your words, the subject matter and how you portray them. That's why I love this melancholic style.

This is designed to make people sad. It made me sad. As a result, it adds greater appreciation for the wonderment of life. What contributed to that? You did, with this piece.

Again, fantastic work.

I'm officially a fan.

Kind regards,

Apologue




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
Review of 2 Years  
Review by Apologue
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good evening Ash,

Wow! I've been on an unusual role of reviewing poetry as of late and really thankful that has been the case. At Writing.com we're spoilt for having so many promising poets join these past few weeks, it's truly remarkable.

Now I am not an expert in poetry, my opinion is to be taken at face value, for better and worse.

Let's get the constructive suggestions out the way. I like ending on the positives, the best way for the person being reviewed in my book.

I'd like to recommend tidying the format. If this is just a hobby then that's not the be-all or end-all. Having one's heart set on doing this with ambition, I believe a revised layout may allure more eyes to your work. Removing the smiley face is advisable, and I'll get into the reason why in the positives.

Ready for it?

Ok, here are the positives. To contradict an earlier statement, the existing layout has a key element I did like, the short sentences. I appreciate this is giving two different messages, please try to decipher the save medium and utilise these occasionally on a restructure.

You've managed to articulate a real experience and bundled it such a smooth flow. It speaks that personal touch that cannot be emulated. The voice you've used is strong, reminiscent and adds such detail as though we're sharing these moments with you. That's remarkable in and of itself.

I've been involved in a long-distance relationship before. That's not said to draw similarities, but I really related to this. We two had to separate due to circumstance. Fondly, I still remember the times shared together. Those happenings in life never leave you.

This poem highlights dreams, the ambition of the relationship and motivation to make it worth. The clinging remnants of hope are felt and lead with an undesired but yet still a somewhat satisfying outcome.

You didn't depart under ill terms. He went away following a dream that you both respected him having. It takes a selfless person to allow someone their wings in both a literal and symbolic way.

It's my belief there are poets that get fuel from life. Many accomplished songwriters channel that type of energy. Simply put, I believe you have a gift and have been made a fan.

I'll keep my eyes peeled for any future work.

You've made a great choice joining Writing.com, I for one thoroughly enjoyed this.

Kind regards,

Apologue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
Review by Apologue
Rated: E | (4.0)
Good evening Soul mate's call,

This poem has certainly chimed a familiar bell with yours truly. This may be the first poem, however, you've really hit the nail on the head to a delicate subject matter here.

Depression arguably one of the most formidable foes we have in life. In this poem, its weight is abundantly clear. I enjoyed the opening and closing repetition, that shows confidence and reaffirmation to the message. It opens and closes, closing with more impact. Brilliant execution.

Four stars? This is a solid good poem. My opinions are of course to be taken as they're, only to offer an angle to perceive improvements. I felt that rhyming of "fine", "wine", "crime" and "decline" feels elongated. The words chosen leading to them are great, but as a suggestion, keeping the rhymes in sets of two, as is the common theme may offer a better flowing result?

There's nothing to say you cannot extend these rhythmic connections. Arguably, if you extended the poem, that could make better use of this.

Your language is sharp and to the point. For this topic that suited it so well. It has lines that emit an emotional response, that sufferers of depression can surely relate to.

Right or wrong, I believe as a starting poem, your confidence is building. That's more than understandable. Poetry can be intimidating to undertake, at least it remains to be the case for me.

As stated, this is felt in the heart. There's no question in that respect. You have played this creation safely, in my estimation and yet the potential is bleeding through.

On Writing.com there are a number of incredible poets.

Reaching out to them, learning from them is strongly suggested.

I wouldn't be surprised in a short space of time that you'll join that list in my estimation.

Great work!

Kind regards,

Apologue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
Review of I am Nothing  
Review by Apologue
Rated: E | (5.0)
Welcome to Writing.com IamGaia!

Lately, we've had a number of remarkable poems sprouting up from newcomers as their first-ever pieces. This is most certainly one of them.

The wordplay is excellent, you maintain a consistent meaning. It flows nicely, with a purpose, culminating with that affirming message.

You've also demonstrated a strong level of confidence. Something I did not have starting in a new environment such as this.

For me personally, the concept of being nothing is liberating. Others fear it. I believe we're on a similar wavelength over this philosophical subject.

I do hope you're planning to invest more time here. There's plenty to sink your creative teeth into and may see opportunities to further push those talents further than ever before.

Every day is a school day, right?

This is the best starting piece I've personally seen a newbie produce to date and I have a feeling there's a lot more for us to see from you.

Kind regards,

Apologue



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
Review of Anger  
Review by Apologue
Rated: E | (4.5)
Welcome to Writing.com Lady Catesstrophe!

This poem has garnered many reviews and I can certainly see why. As a reader, you can tell the emotion felt inside that went into creating this.

The chosen language is straight to the point, it's impactful and I loved the use of a spider as a metaphor.

From an immediate perspective, it appears to be about war, yet the web is woven deeper to anger, as it is entitled. Despite humanity having experienced worse fates in the past, there is a feeling that aggression doesn't stop evolving to new extremes.

I saw it as were succumbing to conflict beyond screaming, shouting and physical fighting. Our very souls are what is being targeted, under a sinister agenda. The yelling, screaming and door slamming of doors feeling worse than previous imply a person's intention rather than the action itself.

A lurking evil is seeping into society. Whereas an author you're pleading for a better tomorrow, as any compassionate and logical person would.

Poetry isn't my typical forte, once in a while, a piece hooks me in and this is one of them.

I do hope you stick around as an active member and continue to develop.

Kind regards,

Apologue
16
16
Review of Mental Mess  
Review by Apologue
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Lauren Rose,

Great introduction piece. I found it striking and loved the involving the technological contributors to anxiety, as well as the finer details. While reading, it flows nicely and is thought provocative.

This either enforces an image to the reader or relates with those who have shared similar experiences. You've created a poem that is both informative and relatable in equal measure, that takes talent to accomplish.

Why 4.5 stars? You may rightfully ask.

Well, Lauren, I could sense that with potentially another revision, that may boost your chances with potentially having this poem published.

For example, the verse about the puppet master and being the puppet, if you could work around the word repetition, that would be an area for refinement that may in this reader's opinion, make this great poem shine even brighter.

Opinions are like backsides, we've all got one. I am most pleased you've decided to join here and look forward to reading your other work.

Kind regards,

Apologue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
Review of Quickly Ahead  
Review by Apologue
Rated: E | (4.5)
Good evening Austin,

Firstly welcome to Writing.com, I do hope you're enjoying the experience thus far and will continue doing so.

You've already had four reviews, I'm presuming others have shared tweaks in terms of grammar. Do not get me wrong, there's a number of impressive uses in this piece, that I'll happily divulge if you'd like.

Let's focus on the context. I loved your use of vocabulary, this stood out to me the most. Both the words themselves and how they are implemented, a great balance.

You convey strong emotion, which is amplified with the use of thought-provoking questions. A self-narrative that pulls one way and another.

This personal conflict is one that the reader can relate to with such ease. That in itself is a talent.

With any starting piece, do not allow any negative reviews to deter you from continuing. By what I've seen you most certainly belong here, and I look forward to seeing what else you produce.

Kind regards,

Apologue


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
18
18
Review of Genesis  
Review by Apologue
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Ghostly Moon,

This is awesome, it has a catchy flow that’s rhythmic and hilarious.

It’s made my day coming across this.

Kind regards,

Apologue
19
19
Review of Angel's Heart  
Review by Apologue
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi Quiltingmama,

I stumbled upon this story on the read & review option. As a male, a heterosexual one at that, I found this really engrossing.

At the end, you presented the big pay-off and tantalised the reader through the whole duration.

This reminded me of the song “The Dance” by Prince.

Brimming with conflict, weighing strong arguments either side. Beautifully executed, so well paced and I feel you educated me further on emotional writing.

5 stars, so very well deserved.

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