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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/apoorvak
Review Requests: OFF
73 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
When reviewing I try my best to point out examples of certain problems I come across in each piece. I don't tend to sugarcoat things, but I do comment on what is good about the piece as well as what flaws it may contain. Obviously the length of my reviews really depends on the length and depth of the item I am reviewing.
I'm good at...
Finding any and all grammar or spelling mistakes, and picking out flaws in the story line or weak aspects that can be strengthened.
Favorite Genres
Romance, Action, Mystery, Suspense
Least Favorite Genres
Supernatural, Nonfiction
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, some poetry
Least Favorite Item Types
Non-poetry verse
I will not review...
Anything that takes me over an hour to read. I would still be interested in reading, but I simply don't have time to focus on picking apart such a long item. I also will not review something that completely bores me, because honestly I wouldn't have much feedback for it.
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Always  
Review by Apoorva
Rated: E | (4.0)
Normally I would say that this poem doesn't tell enough of a story, or that it doesn't share your feelings with the reader as much as it could. However, after reading it over about three times, I find that because of this, I am only more intrigued to learn more. I have no idea what the poem was truly about, and that's the way some of them should be. Maybe it was more of a personal poem? Whatever the case, it was a very interesting read. The only thing I would change is probably the formatting. :)
2
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Review of Story  
Review by Apoorva
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
This story was very interesting, and I think it has a lot of potential to be developed further. It was extremely hard to read however, in that it was all clumped into two huge passages. This loses the interest of the reader and it is necessary that you space out your lines, especially since you have dialogue. Also, the ending was very abrupt. I think you should develop this more though, as it could become very interesting. :)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
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Review of Talk before sleep  
Review by Apoorva
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi there, and welcome to WdC! I'll start of by saying that I found this piece very interesting. I do not agree with many things mentioned, but it is a point of view of a dying man, and this could be one of the scenarios. That we shall never know.

I also would like to point out a few things in hopes of helping you out with writing things similar to this in the future.

"An old man lies on his death bed; and while laying there in the complete silence of the room. There appears an angel with wings of white and the garb of one that doesn't have much money." - The use of the semicolon in this sentence is not accurate, and the period is not necessary. I would change it to something like "An old man lies on his death bed. While laying there in the complete silence of the room, there appears an angel with wings of white and the garb of one that doesn't have much money". If you want to take your professional language a step farther, I would use "does not" in place of "doesn't" and try to avoid all other contractions.

You repeatedly use " its' " in your passage. The apostrophe at the end is unnecessary as "its" without an apostrophe expresses possession in itself.

If you just work on the grammar, spelling, and overall layout of the passage, it has good potential. :)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review by Apoorva
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
This is such a beautiful poem, but even more so a beautiful story. I don't read many poems nowadays that tell stories rather than emotions or feelings. This has them both though. The story is packed full of emotion. I love the happy ending, because we don't have enough of those anymore. Thanks for sharing and write on!
5
5
Review by Apoorva
Rated: E | (5.0)
Aww! That made me smile. This is such a sweet poem with so much love. Whoever you wrote this for must be very lucky. :) Anyways, it's a really good poem. I like how it is old-fashioned, and the vocabulary you use flows very nicely. Thanks for sharing!
6
6
Review by Apoorva
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is such a sweet, happy poem. I myself have never been able to write poetry that isn't dark or sad, but this is really good. I love how there's a sort of musical sense to it in a way. It has a rythmic flow, which seems hard to do given the prompt. Write on!
7
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Review of to lose your love  
Review by Apoorva
Rated: E | (3.5)
Wow... I like it. :) I had to read it through a couple times before I felt like I understood it completely. It might just be me, but it seems like a pretty sad poem. My favorite line is "must my reality become a painted illusion?".

One thing I don't like as much is the use of the ellipses. I think it would be more forceful if it was just used at the end instead of all through the poem. Also, it might be intentional but the lack of capitalization was a little distracting. Awesome poem though! :)
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Review by Apoorva
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Wow. This is amazing. I'm a pretty big Shakespeare fan myself, and this is beautiful. There are a couple things I would've changed, but that's just because I probably saw the play in a different way. I love how you incorporated the last line of the play into your poem.

Thanks for sharing!
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Review of Willing to teach  
Review by Apoorva
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is really nicely worded. I'm not religious myself (and am only fourteen), but it's a really interesting thought. There are a couple mechanical errors that I see, but I like the fact that it seems like you're just sharing your thoughts, which I appreciate. :)
10
10
Review by Apoorva
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A lot of people do not have the ability to write free verse, but obviously you do. I love the feeling of confusion and guilt in this poem. The character obviously shouldn't feel guilty, but people don't always feel what they should. I loved the poem.
11
11
Review of No One Cares  
Review by Apoorva
Rated: E | (3.5)
I'll start off by saying this is a very emotional poem. I like how you make the reader feel both sad and frustrated.
Just a couple suggestions:

In the line "With my thoughts and my mysery", "mysery" should be spelled "misery".

I do not like the exclamation points at the end. It ruins the feel. Maybe it should be:
I am in a box by myself,
Searching for answers I'll never find
And still... no one cares, no one cares.

No one cares.

Sometimes having the same kind of punctuation throughout the whole poem can add effect. Even removing the punctuation all together (except commas) might work better.

I love the main idea of this poem, and loved reading it. Hope this was helpful!

~Apoorva
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Review of The Sound  
Review by Apoorva
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I loved the writing style, the grammar was perfect, but most of all I loved the title. It really made me want to read it, and now that I did it's such a creative title. I really liked the story. It was enjoyable, and really took my mind off of things.
13
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Review by Apoorva
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I loved the story. Beautiful format, and everything Th only reason I gave it a 4 was because it feels like it's building up to something... but then it just ends. Yes, I think you should finish it.
14
14
Review by Apoorva
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Even though it has some typos an grammatical errors, I LOVED IT! I want to know more! Oh my god please write more... Is part two up? I can't find it... Just revise it and correct the grammatical errors.
15
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Review by Apoorva
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow I love that poem. I think it expresses a lot of love, and how dangerous love can be. Once you make a commitment, you are entitled to keep it, and protect your love no matter what. If you don't, it isn't love at all. Beautifully written, and great word choice.
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Review of The Stoning  
Review by Apoorva
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Oh wow. When I started reading this I thought of "The Lottery". Then I read that it inspired you. Such an interesting short story. YOu changed it so that she is getting stoned for loving "another woman's man". I think it's a cool a alteration.
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Review of This is Offensive  
Review by Apoorva
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
That's really interesting. Just one thing:

Its "Amerigo Vespucci" not "America Vespucci"
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18
Review of My Mind's Recess  
Review by Apoorva
Rated: E | (4.5)
Such a sweet poem. I love it. I do think that it could've had better word choice, but other than that, the message is sweet. Just all around a "pretty" poem. I really want to read more like it, because I am not good at writing happy poetry... but obviously you are!
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Review of Event Horizon  
Review by Apoorva
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Very well written. I think that it pulls the reader in, and it definitely makes me want to know more.
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Review of Story of a Son  
Review by Apoorva
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Wow, I love it. It's really deep.
Just a couple things:

In the line "It's all to much", you use the wrong "to". It's supposed to be "too".

Maybe you could make it flow a little better?
21
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Review of Desire  
Review by Apoorva
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I love the message the poem has, although I think it could have a little more figurative language.
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22
Review by Apoorva
Rated: E | (4.0)
That's really deep. I love deep poetry. I think it's sad in such a beautiful way. Keep writing.
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Review by Apoorva
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I like the way you elude into revealing them to be vampires. Is this supposed to make fun of Twilight, or are you planning to publish it? Just curious. I like your voice, and your writing style is great. Just one thing.

The sentence "How could she have made such a ridiculus resolution." should have a question mark at the end of it.

Keep writing!
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24
Review by Apoorva
Rated: E | (4.0)
That's really intriguing. Is it from the middle of a story? I like the sense of mystery, but I think you should fill the reader in on what is going on at the same time, while still being able to let them fill in the blanks.
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Review of The Lone Tree  
Review by Apoorva
Rated: E | (3.5)
I think it could use some more feeling, but the idea of it is beautiful.
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