Apoorva's (apoorvak) Reviews

Review Requests: OFF
73 Public Reviews Given
74 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
When reviewing I try my best to point out examples of certain problems I come across in each piece. I don't tend to sugarcoat things, but I do comment on what is good about the piece as well as what flaws it may contain. Obviously the length of my reviews really depends on the length and depth of the item I am reviewing.
I'm good at...
Finding any and all grammar or spelling mistakes, and picking out flaws in the story line or weak aspects that can be strengthened.
Favorite Genres
Romance, Action, Mystery, Suspense
Least Favorite Genres
Supernatural, Nonfiction
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, some poetry
Least Favorite Item Types
Non-poetry verse
I will not review...
Anything that takes me over an hour to read. I would still be interested in reading, but I simply don't have time to focus on picking apart such a long item. I also will not review something that completely bores me, because honestly I wouldn't have much feedback for it.
Public Reviews
1
1

Review of Always  

Review by apoorvakMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Normally I would say that this poem doesn't tell enough of a story, or that it doesn't share your feelings with the reader as much as it could. However, after reading it over about three times, I find that because of this, I am only more intrigued to learn more. I have no idea what the poem was truly about, and that's the way some of them should be. Maybe it was more of a personal poem? Whatever the case, it was a very interesting read. The only thing I would change is probably the formatting. :)
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2

Review of Talk before sleep  

Review by apoorvakMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi there, and welcome to WdC! I'll start of by saying that I found this piece very interesting. I do not agree with many things mentioned, but it is a point of view of a dying man, and this could be one of the scenarios. That we shall never know.

I also would like to point out a few things in hopes of helping you out with writing things similar to this in the future.

"An old man lies on his death bed; and while laying there in the complete silence of the room. There appears an angel with wings of white and the garb of one that doesn't have much money." - The use of the semicolon in this sentence is not accurate, and the period is not necessary. I would change it to something like "An old man lies on his death bed. While laying there in the complete silence of the room, there appears an angel with wings of white and the garb of one that doesn't have much money". If you want to take your professional language a step farther, I would use "does not" in place of "doesn't" and try to avoid all other contractions.

You repeatedly use " its' " in your passage. The apostrophe at the end is unnecessary as "its" without an apostrophe expresses possession in itself.

If you just work on the grammar, spelling, and overall layout of the passage, it has good potential. :)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of June 13--Wheat  

Review by apoorvakMail Icon
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
I love how personal this story sounds. Whether or not the experience was actually yours, I don't know, but it sure sounds like it! I also enjoyed the feeling of being a child. When parents make decisions, a young child can often do nothing about them. I'm not sure if that is the message you wanted to send out, but that is what I got from it personally. :)
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4

Review of Music Room Memories  

Review by apoorvakMail Icon
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
This is such a beautiful poem, but even more so a beautiful story. I don't read many poems nowadays that tell stories rather than emotions or feelings. This has them both though. The story is packed full of emotion. I love the happy ending, because we don't have enough of those anymore. Thanks for sharing and write on!
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Review of Flesh and Pain  

Review by apoorvakMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I love this poem. It feels as if I wrote it myself. My favorite part about it is the last couple lines, as it introduces a sense of mystery. Although the flow was thrown off in some places, it fits the meaning of the poem itself. I read this three times to get the full feel of it, and I think I understand where you are coming from. Write on!
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9

Review of No One Cares  

Review by apoorvakMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
I'll start off by saying this is a very emotional poem. I like how you make the reader feel both sad and frustrated.
Just a couple suggestions:

In the line "With my thoughts and my mysery", "mysery" should be spelled "misery".

I do not like the exclamation points at the end. It ruins the feel. Maybe it should be:
I am in a box by myself,
Searching for answers I'll never find
And still... no one cares, no one cares.

No one cares.

Sometimes having the same kind of punctuation throughout the whole poem can add effect. Even removing the punctuation all together (except commas) might work better.

I love the main idea of this poem, and loved reading it. Hope this was helpful!

~Apoorva
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19

Review of New Years Resolution  

Review by apoorvakMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I like the way you elude into revealing them to be vampires. Is this supposed to make fun of Twilight, or are you planning to publish it? Just curious. I like your voice, and your writing style is great. Just one thing.

The sentence "How could she have made such a ridiculus resolution." should have a question mark at the end of it.

Keep writing!