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Review Requests: ON
366 Public Reviews Given
675 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Honest and critical reviews offered. I look at all components of story-telling: setting, dialogue, characterization, conflict and resolution. I will not generally do a line-by-line edit, though I will point out minor errors. If a piece needs a complete rewrite for grammar and spelling I will tell you so. I do not sugar-coat. I try to be insightful and will offer honest suggestions where I think are necessary.
Favorite Genres
horror, comedy, romance, erotica, drama, emotional
Least Favorite Genres
spiritual or religious
Public Reviews
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Review by jabberwocky
Rated: E | (4.0)
A poem that brings to mind times gone past. The author is thinking back on someone they knew in high school, and perhaps had feelings for at one time, but that time is long past. This has a lovely tone of nostalgia to it, that radiates in the image of scrawling passages in a yearbook. My favorite part is the last line, "I close the book on your memory." It sums up the poem nicely.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of The Red Umbrella  
Review by jabberwocky
Rated: E | (4.0)
A creative and humorous story about a couple of people hiking through the mountains, who discover a lone umbrella accompanied by a strange man who claims to be from a another planet and contains the cure to all of life's woes.

The dialogue in this is a real treat, and where the majority of the humor lies, aside form it's general kind of tongue-in-cheek tone. The list of maladies that the strange little man rattles off made me laugh out loud.

For such a short piece there is some attention given to setting, and I had a clear vision of them walking through the woods. Some more attention could be given to engaging more of the senses however.

Characterization is fairly limited. There is a mischievous quality that exists among the two main characters, Lily and Bill, which is somewhat charming. Being that the strange little man is from another planet, or at least so he claims, I would have liked to see a little more description of him, rather than just that he was in tattered clothes. My curiosity was peaked.

POV was first person past tense, and was consistent.

Grammar and spelling were good.

The plot was imaginative, and resolved nicely at the end, with the strange little man apparently succeeding where he intended. I enjoyed this little bit of flash fiction.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Aunt Jade  
Review by jabberwocky
Rated: E | (4.0)
I thought this was a comical fun poem to read. It flowed beautifully and had a great rhyme and rhythm to it, that made it delightful to read aloud. I laughed as it was something of a storytelling poem, and the plot, a main character who wishes to marry his half-sister is scandalous and presented in a really funny way.

It was very well written with no errors grammatically or in spelling that I noticed. I actually was quite impressed with the ability to tell a story with such language in the rhyme, it had a great vocabulary and word choices.

The last stanza threw me off, as it didn't really seem to jive with the plot of the rest of the poem. It comes off as extraneous, although I see it was written for the cramp which required the use of the dead battery. Since that round is over, my only recommendation would be to rework this poem with a different conclusion, and remove the stanza about the dead battery. That's only my humble opinion, of course.

In general, I enjoyed this quite a bit. A well-written bit of poetry!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of A Moving Day  
Review by jabberwocky
Rated: E | (4.0)
A charming flash fiction story about a moving man who has come to do an estimate on a house, only to be confronted with a surprise.

Characterization is quite good for such a short story. I got a firm sense of the Susan character and her precociousness. It was even somewhat revealing of Sandra's character to invite our main character inside sight unseen. But of course we find out why she might have done that later. The main character is a friendly efficient man, although nameless.

A little attention is given to setting. I know where the story takes place, if it's not particularly atmospheric.

Dialogue is natural-sounding and moves the story forward.

Story is in first person, past tense POV and is consistent throughout.

Grammar and spelling are good throughout.

The plot is simple and somewhat charming. My curiosity was peaked to find out what the story was about when I realized it was so short and there wasn't a lot of space for plot to be revealed. I liked the little twist at the end, and definitely feel you could expand on this story, revealing what happens next. You do leave me wanting to know more, which is a credit to the tale.

Overall, I liked it. It was well-written, holds the reader's attention, and while the plot doesn't exactly resolve, I do like how it ends.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by jabberwocky
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
What an interesting thing to do, to write the story from both perspectives. It takes skill to write the second part of the story, and pull the reader into the new character in such a way that it doesn't seem repetitive.

This was a very short story, first from the perspective of Jack. Through his observations and inner thought-processes regarding his ex, one gets a pretty solid feel for his character. I learned enough about him that I was drawn into his story and wanted to know more about him, like what happened between he and his ex.

Jill's story is as breathless as she is, with a sense of real danger and she seeks to protect whatever it is she has in her fanny pack. Again, I felt drawn into her character, which I got a good feel for based on her reactions to Jack on the park bench.

The dialogue is natural, and moves the story along nicely, and is limited so that in the second half one doesn't feel like like they're reading too much of the same story over again.

POV is past tense third-person limited (although obviously limited to each of the individual characters in their separate parts. POV was consistent.

There is some attention given to setting in the description of the kiddie pool, the description of the park is somewhat limited. Setting is not particularly atmospheric, though it is adequate to have a sense of where they are.

Grammar and spelling was perfect as far as I could see.

The plot, though incomplete as their was no real resolution to the story was interesting and definitely held my attention. You initially drew me in the with the characterization of Jack to such an extent that I was already interested in him before the plot took the bizarre twist it did with the contents of Jill's fanny pack. Because we were already exposed to what was going to happen from a narrator's standpoint in Jack's part, it added to the sense of danger immediately in beginning Jill's part. Overall, I feel the plot was executed very well, although it did leave me with a lot of obvious questions. What was the thing in the pouch? What does Jill deal with the confrontation at the end? Does Jack continue to just hide and observe or do events catapult him into action?

In summation, I really enjoyed this story, found it to be very well written, and am only disappointed to not know how it continues--a tribute to the storytelling in and of itself.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by jabberwocky
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Great story! I was immediately drawn in by the voice of the little boy. There are three characters in this story, and Mom and Dad are sufficient as they never actually make an appearance but the reader still gets a feeling for their characters even with them floating on the outside. The character of the little boy is fully realized, in his voice and his inner dialogue.

That inner dialogue is the only real dialogue in the story, and it's quite brilliant. You do an amazing job of showing versus telling through that dialogue and it's very impressive.

POV is first person present tense, which is a very unusual choice. A lot of people complain about it, but I personally love it when it's executed well as it is in this tale.

The plot is great. The perspective of an abused child locked in the basement by his dysfunctional parents is told in heartbreaking detail. But (as I suspected it would be) it turns out to not be entirely what it seems. The plot has a twistiness to it, although I guessed the ending myself, I didn't care because I was so enchanted by the characters voice.

Grammar and spelling are perfect.

Setting is effective and I got a firm sense of where the story was taking place. There were details like on the temperature and his wish for a blanket that gave life to the basement he was in, real atmosphere.

Overall I enjoyed this story immensely, I found it to be perfect as is, and I wouldn't change a thing.
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Review of Marbhna Croí  
Review by jabberwocky
Rated: E | (4.5)
A rhyming poem that is not in a traditional form I am familiar with, as it repeats lines and rhymes in parts and other just rhymes, but I like it. It has a musical quality to it when read aloud. A haunting poem with a grandmother speaking to grandchild, and giving sage advice. In the end the stars are still falling as in the first stanza though, and I love that. I love this poem. I can't pick a favorite stanza, I think, because every line seems carefully chosen and crafted for effect. I do particularly like the last stanza, I guess, the way it answers the beginning, and the lament it contains is a nice touch. Wonderful poem.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Easter Dresses  
Review by jabberwocky
Rated: E | (4.0)
A lovely free verse poem that is a tribute to daughters who loves their mothers. You really captured that particular form of familial worship. I like how it begins with the references to sewing, and how it spirals back to that again in the end.

Along with a fascination for the fantastical and the mythic
Adventures writers, and eventually she created,


This line through me off a little. Is there supposed to be an apostrophe in Adventures, or am I just reading it wrong? and what did she eventually create? In the next line it refers to her wandering off, I am left unclear.

Anyway, could be my error in how I'm reading it, but it was a bit of a hiccup for me.

Overall I find it to be quite a vivid tale, and I get a strong sense of characterization for both mother and child, which is a nice element to find in poetry. The way it ends is my favorite part, full circle, and with the daughter showing great appreciate for her mother.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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for entry "Strength For Two
Review by jabberwocky
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
A somewhat tragic poem of love waning. From the first stanza you draw the reader in with this imagery of a string caught, a string that is the summary of this relationship. It is grasped for, it is lost. A poem in free verse, you wrangle language to represent the loss that is occurring, a relationship gone sour for whatever reason, a moment that is blessed in hope for renewal. I love the hope that is represented right in the opening lines: that love has to be stronger than doubt. "That stronghold in my heart firms
in our waning hours holding you like a kite" is my favorite image that you represent in this piece. A free verse poem of longing, I thoroughly enjoyed it.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Forest  
Review by jabberwocky
Rated: E | (4.0)
A very emotional piece that tells a story of a mistake made and consequences in a relationship that the author clearly feels are unfair. This is a creative form you've written in. Not a traditional form, but I see the three line stanzas with the aba rhyme scheme followed by the abcb rhyme form. My favorite part is the reference to the splinters, and the last line is particularly powerful and sums up the whole thing beautifully.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by jabberwocky
Rated: E | (4.5)
A heartfelt plea for the homeless. I love the repetitive description of them as "urban tumbleweeds". You actually decribe them in several ways I found to be great comparisons, creative, "sidewalk flowers" "plastic bags". I like how you point out in the end that God-religions call upon people to help their brethren. I've always wondered how people can be so heartless about the homeless and also call themselves religious. The aabb rhyme scheme worked well for this, it's good when read aloud. Overall an insightful well-crafted poem.
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Review by jabberwocky
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A poem that reveals the juxtaposition of feeling that comes with love. How it both brings pleasure and pain to the heart. It's a free verse poem with simple language to paint a picture of how one can be immersed in another's problems--how they become possessed by one's self when one is in love. It has an almost ambivalent feel to it.
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Review by jabberwocky
Rated: E | (4.0)
The villanelle is not an easy form to write in, I commend you in doing such a good job with it. The poem questions the poetic ability of one's lover throughout, with a tenderness of acceptance of a level of silliness that exists between author and subject. It's a funny piece thats written like a conversation, consisting of the subject's "bad" poetry (which it isn't lol) and the author's opinion of it. I find that back and forth amusing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by jabberwocky
Rated: E | (3.5)
A poem in which the author laments a desire to be able to fix various qualities of the world, and the problems of the people in it. There is something of realization here, almost like coming out of a therapy session with the knowledge that one cannot fix the hurt of the world, only control what role they personally play in the world. My favorite aspect of this poem is the wisdom in relinquishing control that it surmises, a giving in to only being a person of love. A free verse poem, this piece could maybe benefit from some use of imagery, simile or metaphor to make it more colorful.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Leopard  
Review by jabberwocky
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
A rhyming poem in aa bb format, it is almost in couplets though couplets generally have the same amount of syllables per line and this poem does not. RHythm could may be slightly improved if the same syllables did exist per line, but it reads with a certain amount of rhythm as it, and the author does a good job with the rhyming. A nature poem that pays tribute to the leopard and his various activities. The first line, that is a summation of his activities is my favorite line, it opens like an active introduction to the poem.
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Review by jabberwocky
Rated: E | (4.0)
A poem in which the author states they have something to bring someone, mourns the loss of not doing so, and then comes to the conclusion that they should bring whatever they are inspired to bring on the day it is thought of, should the opportunity never come again. It begs of the reader to appreciate a moment in time, as opposed to overthinking what tomorrow may bring. A free verse poem, this has an almost lyrical quality that reminds me of the 16th century madrigals we used to sing in choir, it has a classic feel to it. I love how it begins one way then turns to another viewpoint--that the author never brought flowers, etc, and learns a lesson in the poem. Well done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by jabberwocky
Rated: E | (5.0)
It's a lot of work to put a reading into a poem, for sure. You did a great job with that one. I'm not actually too surprised by those cards. They've come up in my own readings I do for myself. I do feel like you've got some personal insight in to me now though which is a weird feeling lol. Thank you for taking the time to do this for me--I am mildly obsessed with Tarot readings.
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Review of Let Me Go  
Review by jabberwocky
Rated: E | (4.0)
A fun poem that brings to mind being youthful and playing at the park. Written in abb cdd format, you did a good job with the form and rhyme. My favorite part of this poem is it's simplicity--it's like it emulates the simplicity of childhood which the poem expresses a desire for--which I find pretty clever.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of The first light  
Review by jabberwocky
Rated: E | (4.5)
A baeutifully descriptive poem about the early morning just as the sun is rising. You paint a vivid image of the dawning day with your words. My favorite aspect of this poem is just how descirptive it is in general. I felt like you were taking me on a little ride through the location, seeing and hearing the awakening of all of nature after the night dies. A free verse poem with no seet rhyme or meter, the poem just depends on the nature of the language for its beauty. A very pleasant uplifting poem.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Making a Haven  
Review by jabberwocky
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Just a little slice of description about finally owning a home of one's own. There is a sense of past troubles, and that there was a lack of permanence in the past that has now been overcome. The house represents a new start, a beginning that can be trusted, hence being able to hand a piicture after nine years, becing able to unwrap the treasures for the china cabinet. This is a good descriptive little piece, and definitely feel like I can envision the room portrayed.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by jabberwocky
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
A poem that seems to move through time, with references to childhood. But it is a childhood that cannot be rediscovered by the man, it is passed. And in the end, those magic moths have eaten the mind of the elder, leaving holes perhaps, but at least "truth eaten". A whirlwind of a poem. My favorite part is the slow,undulating wings--I can picture them.
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Review by jabberwocky
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
An interesting poetic form, I have not seen this one before. A poem that seems to be about the virus that keeps us all locked away while waiting for proper leadership that is failing us. I liked how you change what kind of tears were shed with each repeating line. My favorite stanza is the fourth one that is about being blinded by false beliefs. The poem flows well and has a good rhythm, excellent use of rhyme. I wish I could disagree with your assessment of the situation this poem paints, but it is far too accurate I'm afraid. You did a good job of portraying current events in poetic form.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Last Day  
Review by jabberwocky
Rated: E | (4.0)
A poem about pondering how things in the world are changing, and how one can view the world if death was on the horizon. You express a desire for things to be okay. "I seem to know how, enlighten the strange" sounds cool, but it through me off. Probably just my bad, but I don't get it compared to the rest of the poem. I like the reference to the spirit everlasting and its being a separate thing from the body. My favorite part of the poem is the last two lines, although this is a sonnet, and you have the ten syllables in every line but the last. I think you could remove the word "it's" from the last line and it would still work but keep it in consistency with the syllable count.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Ignition  
Review by jabberwocky
Rated: E | (4.5)
A poem about writing as told through the metaphor of a forge. In real life I work I own a pottery business, so I am enthralled by your choosing to use a craft like a forge as representation of your work. I have lots of respect for crafts of all kinds. I like how it begins by talking about what it's like to not be writing--except for just that spark that is needed to fan the flames eventually. And then the flames rise and it seems to take on an all-consuming power/desire.
This is a strong rhyming poem with an extending abab format. It reads aloud well, although the rhythm is off on one line where you only have five syllables instead of the six you have in every other line:
Now I’ll be your guide,
to stick to the six syllable rule you've established you could just change it to
Now I will be your guide,

A solid poem with a cool metaphor.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by jabberwocky
Rated: E | (5.0)
I like how in this almost every line rhymes the same and the lines in between the stanzas rhyme like in their own refrain. It's a fun silly poem, where you introduce the community to your name, showing a penchant for rhyme and a desire for fame. I even laughed out loud at the country twang. I relate you what your saying, about writing to keep sane.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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