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366 Public Reviews Given
675 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Honest and critical reviews offered. I look at all components of story-telling: setting, dialogue, characterization, conflict and resolution. I will not generally do a line-by-line edit, though I will point out minor errors. If a piece needs a complete rewrite for grammar and spelling I will tell you so. I do not sugar-coat. I try to be insightful and will offer honest suggestions where I think are necessary.
Favorite Genres
horror, comedy, romance, erotica, drama, emotional
Least Favorite Genres
spiritual or religious
Public Reviews
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Review of The Nectar Thief  
Review by jabberwocky
Rated: E | (4.0)
A poem that is a mini-dialogue between the subject, a hummingbird, and the author. There is no set form to this poem, although it is a rhyming poem, which you do a good job with. It isn't particularly rhythmic. I like how you present both perspectives in this poem. I especially like the second stanza--the language is almost dizzying and feels fast, like the hummingbird itself. I think you did it deliberately with your descriptions of the movements, and it gives the whole stanza a feeling of movement.


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Review by jabberwocky
Rated: E | (4.0)
A poem about Sue, who knits all day and night as a cure for her anxieties. Her worries become lessened as she focuses on her craft. This poem has a great rhyme to it, and a rhythm as well. I reads well aloud. How mental visitors are "set aside to mind their manners" is my favorite part. The tribute to how a craft can be a source of meditation is great.


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Review by jabberwocky
Rated: E | (4.5)
What a delightful little rhyming poem in abcbdd format about how a girl's life is changed through learning to knit, how it gives her purpose and a creative outlet. my favorite part is the shout out at the end, this poem makes me feel happy.
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Review by jabberwocky
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
The story of Jason, a man who ruined his previous marriage and relationship with his daughter because of his alcoholism. He is lured out to a New Year's Eve party and the story follows his struggle with sobriety.

The setting is at first at the office and then at the sports bar. Mainly at the bar. You don't offer a lot of a description, rather depending on your audience to be familiar with what a sport's bar is. You could add a sentence or two just to engage the senses a little.

Grammar and spelling are excellent, I could find no errors.

Dialogue is minimal. What there is consists of the words exchanged between Michelle and Jason. What dialogue there is goes to help define Michelle as a character, or at least that she is inebriated. You do a good job with this, which leads me to characterization.


The two main characters are Jason and Michelle. Michelle comes off as being conservative at work, but a little party animal at the bar. She is drunk and kind of obnoxious, which serves to help Jason see her as possibly being in his league--if only he could get over his anxiety. This is a character driven story written in the past tense third-person limited pov from Jason's perspective, and you've done a great job of flushing out his character. I know his history, I know his struggles, I'm invested in him as a character.

This is what makes the ending so hard. The story's conflict is Jason's internal struggle to stay sober at the bar, when everyone else, and particularly his love interest are drinking and having a good time. In the end the story is resolved when he gives in to his desires. And we know of course that in the case of alcoholics like Jason, this could be a long unfortunate road indeed.

I felt the ending was satisfying because it's just so honest and likely.

Overall a great story, I really enjoyed it.


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Review by jabberwocky
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow. I hardly feel qualified to review this poem. I have read a lot of poetry of people trying to express young love, those moments of magic, and rarely does something come close to this in quality. Written really all running together like prose, it is a mini-story told through striking vibrant language and images. Each line rolls of the tongue painting the scene. Free verse with a rhyme here, some alliteration there it is delightful to read aloud. A very atmospheric poem I almost feel like I am voyeur there, watching the tangle of limbs of this youthful couple. And it ends with a wistful note for the memory.

Perfection.


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Review by jabberwocky
Rated: E | (4.0)
A poem lamenting the loss of the popularity of classic musicians, and wishing for the end of modern rock music and its squealing guitars and obnoxious noise. The poem opens by giving a visual of a concert that is loud with a frantic crowd. I like how you engage the sense of sound and sight.

The poem is written in sonnet form, and you do an excellent job with it, it has a fantastic rhythm,and your use of rhyme is very good. There are a couple of lines that deviate from the 10 syllable count however:

of all those oldies which are not same = perhaps try
of all those oldies which are not the same

l walk among screaming mass and cringe. =
I walk among the screaming mass and cringe

Perhaps you meant to put the word "the" in those sentences and they're just typos, maybe not, but I think they work better with the additions and it brings you to the ten syllable word count.

Overall I enjoyed this poem. I thought it was fun.


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Review of Soliloquy  
Review by jabberwocky
Rated: E | (4.0)
A fun poem about a little girl's pretend performance for her toys. I really liked this as it brought me back to a couple of times in my life--my own daughter, adn even my own childhood. A rhyming poem in abcb format, this is great to read aloud. It has a pretty good rhythm, but there are parts that could be edited for better flow. For example:
Her name would be mentioned for many miles away --
Her name would be mentioned for miles away
Says the same thing but keeps the rhythm better. Same with:
and Melissa's trek to the 'red carpet' was adjourned.
and Melissa's trek to the 'red carpet' adjourned.

Just suggestions of course. It's delightful poem.


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Review by jabberwocky
Rated: E | (4.0)
Okay, this was a great deal of fun. I really enjoyed all your descriptions of what go into the recipe. I actually laughed aloud several times while reading this. I think it's fun that you made a poem of all kinds of nonsense ingrediants. I especially liked the third stanza, "grandma's secret truffle cave dew".

You have quite a knack for this kind of poetic tale-telling. Have you considered publishing children's books?

Next you put it blender for an hour. = in a blender?
Grandma hoped the Penny was listening. = hoped that


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Review of Jonah  
Review by jabberwocky
Rated: E | (5.0)
A chanting, lyrical poem expressing the love for one's child. You drew me right in with the delightful alliteration and rhyme in the first stanza. The second stanza is somber, "swallowed whole by silence" is a beautiful but frightening line. The whole stanza speaks to the mysteries of autism.

I like your optimism in the poem, as is summed up in the final stanza. That even with the spinning inward and the silence there is still much to explore and the love is exponential and eternal.

The flow and rhythm and rhyme to this make it an absolute delight to read aloud, and doesn't detract from the emotionality of the piece at all as too much rhyming sometimes does. Excellent writing.


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Review of In the Beginning  
Review by jabberwocky
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow I love this. It takes me back to when I lived where there were seasons (obvious ones I should say, not Florida). I like how it's told through the vision of the cat . . . it follows him as he experiences the tentativeness of the spring. You really engage the senses in this one, bringing the yard to life in such a way that I can totally visualize it. Free verse, but here and there you use bits of alliteration that add to the read, especially when read aloud.

Overall this is a perfect poem, as vibrant as the season you promise.


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Review of Lunar Phase  
Review by jabberwocky
Rated: E | (5.0)
What can I say? It's so hard to review haiku's because they are so short lol. But this is a true haiku, in proper form. I like the use of the sense of sound by referring to dogs howling. I like the first line the most, it has a sense of continuity of nature in it. Summed up nicely with the full moon. A perfect haiku. Well done.


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Review of A Love For Me  
Review by jabberwocky
Rated: E | (4.0)
A poem about longing for love. It begins in a dreamy way, with the author's visions of the past. It goes into suppositions over how the author has failed in love before, returning to relationships, chasing relationships that shouldn't have been. It seems to imply the loss of a recent relationship in the third stanza, and a desire to begin again with someone new, a true love. My favorite line is the reference to "the bone of my bone" a stark beautiful line.

And men has come back home from work, = have

Overall a very good poem, I enjoyed the language and presentation of ideas.


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Review of Shush  
Review by jabberwocky
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Okay, I am going to be upfront and state that I am too entirely sure what this poem is about. In the first couple stanzas it brought to mind youth painting graffiti. Then something seems to go terribly awry and our subject is dying, subject to chest compressions that do not save them.

I am fascinated by your choice to rhyme the first words of every line instead of the last. I'm not sure if that's a specific form. I tried to google it to no effect. If not, and it's just something you were inspired to do, accolades for coming up with something fresh in poetry! It's new to me. The piece has a great rhythm when read aloud, and an almost whispering effect because of those beginning rhymes.

Your language is vibrant and very descriptive, really seducing the senses. This is an absolutely wonderful poem that I really enjoyed. It was a challenge and beautifully composed. well done.


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89
Review of The Bird  
Review by jabberwocky
Rated: E | (5.0)
A captured bird who struggles and eventually is rescued by another bird, before they fly off together. The rhyme and rhythm of this poem sis absolute perfection. It just rolls off the tongue when read aloud. The language is visual, and the poem tells a story that presents a conflict that is resolved, and that's always cool. My favorite lines are in the last couplet, particularly "and flew out to creation's edge". A wonderful poem, excellently composed. I have no suggestions for improvement.


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90
Review of Hopper's Gift  
Review by jabberwocky
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a story-telling poem, about Hopper the rabbit, who wants to make a gift for his mother. It's told in an abab cdcd etc rhyme scheme that you are consistent with, and comes off well for the style of the poem. It's almost like this could be for a children's story. The tale is descriptive, has a beginning, middle and end, with a conflict that resolves in the end. Overall it's a delightful little poem. You said you're looking for suggestions, and there are a couple of things. You could use more tools like simile to make the piece more provocative language-wise. The other thing is that though it rhymes well, when read aloud the rhythm is off. This could be aided by using the same amount of syllables in each line. In all, I enjoyed it.


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Review of Joyous Morning  
Review by jabberwocky
Rated: E | (5.0)
A sensory little poem that brings to mind the sights, tactile notes, and fragrances of spring time. A simple lovely little tribute to the season. I was unfamiliar with the joybell form and had to look it up. You did an excellent job with it. Your language is lovely. It is perfection, I have no suggestions for this piece. Well done.


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Review of Little by little  
Review by jabberwocky
Rated: E | (3.5)
A love poem about walls coming down and trusting another with your heart. Free verse, there is no rhyme, rhythm or meter to this poem. It depends on language which flows nicely. My favorite part is the metaphor in the first lines, although I think you should replace the second use of the word whittle with something else to eliminate the repetition: cuts away, erodes, or something.

In general a nice poem.
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Review by jabberwocky
Rated: E | (3.5)
A funny little piece. Indeed, there comes a time of year when air conditioning is the greatest gift one could ask for. However, the syllables you have here are 6/8/5 as opposed to 5/7/5 which is the qualifying format for senryu. Still, it made me smile.
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Review of FROZEN TEAR  
Review by jabberwocky
Rated: E | (4.0)
A sad poem about having treated someone badly, and being left by them in the long run. The writer refers to a lack of compassion on his part and the subject cries, expressing pain, but the writer ignores it, eventually leading to his being left alone and filled with regret for his actions. The second line I stumbled over a bit. Perhaps you could insert a comma: you bore it, just silent.
Rhyme is solid and flow is adequate. Grammar and spelling contains no errors.


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Review by jabberwocky
Rated: E | (5.0)
Piece of love coming from a history of sadness. Loss is discussed, but this isn't a melancholy piece, it is deep and full of love. I particularly like the lines about no longer being in spring-time but mature, and the line about adventures. The poem has an excellent rhymthm to it that would easily translate to song--it is very lyrical. The rhyme is done well, it rolls off the tongue naturally. Overall the flow of the poem is perfection. Well done.


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Review by jabberwocky
Rated: E | (3.5)
Touch of your hands caressing mine's -- mine
An heavenly feeling could not deny, -- a heavenly feeling
Your warmth caress my being, -- caresses or caressed. Thing is you jump around in this poem between past and present tense, so if you go back to work on it I suggest you keep that in mind when editing.
Cuddled in silence to Natures sounds, -- Nature's

Overall, I liked this poem. It's a lovely vision of a couple embracing each other on the romantic Brooklyn Bridge. I like how you incorporated so much setting. I have been where you're talking about, and your poem took me back there. Good job in evoking the senses through establishing a setting in a poem. There is no particular meter to this piece, but the rhyme signature is pretty good, and consistent. My favorite lines are the last two, I think it's a great way to sum up the end of the poem. My only complaint with this really is how you jump from past to present tense and back again. Aside from a couple of the edit's listed above, that's my major suggestion for improvement, should you decide to take it on.


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Review by jabberwocky
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
A tragic poem about the death of one's love. I like your analogy of the lily, and how you describe it as something that would live forever, only to be confronted with the cold hard truth: that nature must take its course, not just for the lily, but for us humans, and the lover in this poem as well. This poem is mournful and emotional. It reminds me of some classic poetry, perhaps because of the first line, how it begins with an exclamation. An evocative piece.


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Review by jabberwocky
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Holla! I would hope so much of this would just be common sense, but if you're writing it I fear it isn't. This is an informative article on how to navigate writing.com obligations in a classy way. It is full of solid common-sense advice. Actually, in reading it I felt a desire to become more involved myself. (I have to figure out how these raffles and c-notes and things work for goodness sake.) Your article is informative, well-written and a positive-toned piece that also admonishes the bad behavior of perhaps some members. It's terrible to hear one might think of reviewing someone as a burden, here in this community. I appreciate your words here, and as it is so well-written I have no suggestions for improvement. Thank you for caring enough to contribute such a piece to our community.


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Review by jabberwocky
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Tommy and Ruby are brother and sister being raised on a farm by their mother and abusive father. Tommy and Ruby plan to escape with a friend, Liam. Tommy and Liam have a secret they share, that they are gay which would be completely unacceptable to Tommy's strict religious judgemental father. So the plan is for Liam to fake his suicide so they can leave their small town and go somewhere where they will be accepted.

Characterization is a strong point of this story. I get a thorough feel for Tommy and Ruby, and their sibling relationship which is close though they bicker a lot as brother and sister are wont to do. Their father is a vivid character who shows no sympathy for the apparent death of their friend Liam. Their mother is a kind, weary long-suffering type. I thought the characters were all well-painted and the strength of the story.

Dialogue was fantastic. You used a country vernacular which would have been easy to come off as cheesy or forced but it doesn't, it comes off as natural and moves the plot forward.

The setting is their farm, and I had a good feel for it. It wasn't particularly descriptive but adequate.

Grammar and spelling were perfect, I found no errors.

POV was third-person limited from Tommy's perspective, and it was consistent throughout.

I found the plot to this to be very interesting. I was invested in Tommy and Ruby's escape. You drew me in right away and held my rapt attention throughout. I was anxious to see what would happen, if they would get away. I was a little surprised that it just jumped to the future rather than showing the actual escape and meeting up with Liam.

Also, I was a little confused about what Ruby knew. Her grief seemed so genuine and then she takes the flowers down the deer path in the end almost like she's mourning Liam, but I feel that Liam is alive and well and hooked up with Tommy. So she's just a really good actress? But if Tommy is going to tell Momma the truth in the end, why does she take the flowers? Maybe I missed something here . . . it wouldn't be the first time lol.

Overall a truly enjoyed this story a great deal! A great read!


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Review of Nonna's Story  
Review by jabberwocky
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
The story of a woman who pursues the truth of her grandmother's story, because she was a mystery and never spoken of as she was growing up. She goes to Italy where she meets up with her aunt, who then gives her the complete story of what happened with her grandmother. It is a tale of tragedy indeed.

The story opens with an air of mystery and immediately draws the reader in. A good opening hook. I too want to know what happened. The story that the aunt tells is regaled beautifully and vividly. The story is told entirely through dialogue that while a little tale-tellish to come off as completely natural (not a lot of people can tell a story with such prose) but it moves the story forward, is interesting and serves its purpose. The setting is in Northern Italy, in her aunt's house, which I get a visual of with the description of the mountains outside. The offering of homemade wine lends a sense of hominess. We get a strong feel for the aunt character, her spirituality is clear in several areas, not just with her prayer at the end, but with the clutching of her cross, etc. The plot moves forward briskly, with the conflict--the mystery of what happened to her grandmother being ultimately resolved in a satisfying way when we the reader learn the truth of what happened. There is one area I stumbled over a bit. She is talking about all the children being asleep in the house, and yet she is full of description about her mother wrapping her head in a scarf before leaving, descriptions of the church and service, the people flowing from the church to the fire . . . how could the aunt character have seen any of these details in order to describe them when she was either asleep in the house, or in the burning house? Just something for you to chew on. I certainly like all that description and feel it's integral to the telling of the story, so I suggest finding a way for it work logically. POV is third-person limited and consistent. Grammar and spelling are great, you were only missing some end quotes here:
.The word asylum? I asked.

Overall I thoroughly enjoyed this story, you kept my rapt attention the whole time. Your writing flows and the language and descriptive elements are spot on.



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