Hi Z-cat !
I found your short story on the Noticing Newbies page about a week ago and read it a couple times. I was so captivated by it that I wanted to write a decent review when I had enough time to do so, and that's why I put it off until now.
We begin with a mouse. I admit when I came to the end of the mouse's story, I was very sad! But something told me to keep reading and boy am I glad I did!
This is a circle-of-life type of story, illustrating how the life energy of a mouse gets transferred to the cat who eats him, and then when the cat dies, how his energy (or soul) gets transferred to the soil, and so on. Genius!
Narration: Voice, Tone, Exposition, Metaphors/Similes, Basic Storytelling and Diction:
The voice is always first person and although the characters change from paragraph to paragraph, the transitions are so seamless and expertly developed that I was just left in awe after reading this a few times over. I wish I could write something as brilliant as this!
There is no dialogue because most of the characters are animals, except for the Earth's soil and the berry bush.
Beginning and Ending:
The beginning pulled me in with "I was a mouse." My dad's nickname for me since I was 12 years old has been "Mouse" and so I've always loved the little rodent. The ending, so masterfully woven, really took us full circle and back to the mouse, after venturing through the brief lifespans of other creatures and plants and the Earth.
My only suggestion to you, my dear, is to keep writing precious gems of writing like this one!
This is by FAR the best and my absolute hands-down favorite story I've ever read in my LIFE, not just here but out of anything I've read, published or not. It plucked at my heartstrings with the whole nature theme and having animals as the main characters was awesome. It really showed how life and death are neither good nor bad, they just are, they just exist, and death is just as natural as life, and with life comes death most inevitably, but the reverse is also true, that with death comes new life!
I also loved the narration of the mouse and the cat. The blind baby mouse was described so accurately that for a second I forgot I was reading a piece of fiction. You did an amazing job at putting yourself in the baby mouse's shoes (or paws I guess?) and then the cat's after that. In fact, each character, even the berry bush, had its own personality and understanding of the world and their place in the grand scheme. I can't say enough positive things about this story. The length was perfect; not too long and certainly not too short. I am so glad I found this story and I am going to send my dad a link to this page so he can read it, but I will make sure he knows I didn't write it! But I think he'd appreciate it just as much as I did.
I hope you enjoy your time here at WDC and I hope you get as much out of it as we all do, such as finding hidden treasures in stories like this one!
Thanks for sharing your talent, and please keep writing!