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Poetry and short stories.
Favorite Genres
Historical fiction and fantasy. I also love any type of poetry, especially form poetry.
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Sci-fi.
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Short story, poetry, chapter.
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Public Reviews
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226
226
Review of Flash Entries  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
Greetings Amay ,

This concludes my port raid for you on behalf of "The WDC Angel Army. Here are some of my notes on your wonderful story! *BigSmile*

Plot:

A woman wakes up to find her mother running and screaming through the house at 3:00 in the morning, at which point she must calm her down and convince her that she's okay. We then find out at the end that it's Black Friday, but I wasn't sure what significance that had to the story.

*Woman**Man*Characters:

The narrator, the mother, and Tim. I would've liked to know the narrator's name.

Setting:

In the narrator's home.

Narration:

The pacing was good, but I didn't really see what the goal was for the main character. I know she wanted to get her mother to take her sugar, but was that it?

*Thought*Dialogue:

The dialogue was good, and I felt the desperation in the words.

Beginning and Ending:

The beginning started off on the right foot, with great dialogue and immediate action, launching right into the meat of the story. The story ended on a sad note, with the mother and narrator in their respective rooms, somewhat isolated, no longer spending time together like they used to. It makes me wonder if the mother has some sort of dementia...

Errors:

"Shhh, Mom, it’s alright." should be "Shhh, Mom, it's all right." There's another instance where it's written "Alright" so fix that again. "her breathing slowed, finally she quieted down" should say "her breathing slowed, and finally" etc. "take your sugar before you oatmeal gets cold" should say "take your sugar before your oatmeal" etc.

Needs Work:

The errors, and the narrator's goal.

*Heart*Favorite Lines:

"She sat up on the edge of the bed. Rubbed her face, blew her nose. She looked so sad, so defeated. It killed me to see her like this." Very sad lines.

Summary:

This was a very sad story indeed of a troubled mother who has recurring night terrors, and her loving daughter, bless her heart, who takes care of her each time she has an episode. The husband seems like a tool to me; he could be a little more caring and compassionate, given the mother's fragile state, but maybe he was just irked at being woken up so early since he had to go to work soon. Still, the mother couldn't help it, obviously. I felt really bad for the mother, the poor thing. You've created a strong character that I sympathized with and instantly liked, so well done. Although it was a sad read, it seems like it could be the story of many folks out there, I'm sure, myself included (although it would be my grandmother, not my mother).

Thanks for sharing your talent, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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227
227
Review of Wounded Warrior  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings Amay ,

This is a continuation of my port raid for you on behalf of "The WDC Angel Army. Here are some of my notes.

DICTION, TONE, VOICE:

The voice is third person, and the tone is one of observation and remembrance. The diction is strong.

SOUND PATTERNS:

Some alliteration, with "Wounded warrior," "braced for the battle" and "perseverance prevailed."

*RainbowL*IMAGERY:

A warrior, an angel, man, wife, eye, nurse, doctor, kid and gate are all varied images. Most of them are people.

LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION, AND RHYME:

Line breaks are a little abrupt, as most lines stand as fragments, but they still work as is. The non-rhyming scheme seemed appropriate. The repetition of "Wounded warrior" and "watchful eyes" became trite after a while. The meter was strong.

ERRORS:

None found.

NEEDS WORK:

The repetition.

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

"The life that stands before her
With this broken- partial man"

OVERALL IMPRESSION:

I thoroughly enjoyed this poem about one of our veterans, who could be anyone, really, and the trials and tribulations he's faced in his life, and the struggles he's gone through and will still go through. It was a sad and sobering piece, yet happy in the end as he's accomplished his mission.

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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228
228
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Greetings Nicole Smith ,

I'm reviewing this poem since you told me that you updated your portfolio. Here are some of my notes.

DICTION, TONE, VOICE:

The voice is first person, and tone is extremely angry and spiteful. The diction is excellent.

SOUND PATTERNS:

Some alliteration, with "deep down," "dark drizzly," etc.

*RainbowL*IMAGERY:

Cloud, rain, a priest, a door, a Cheshire cat, and children are all varied images.

LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION, AND RHYME:

Line breaks are pristine. Punctuation is appropriate. Some repetition is employed, but not to the point of overkill. Some rhyme is employed as well, enough to make it sound nice to the ears, but then at times it doesn't rhyme, so it becomes a little confusing. I'd either stick to a rhyming scheme or a non-rhyming scheme. The meter was definitely not uniform. Many lines had way too many metrical feet in them compared to others that were tiny in comparison. I'd cut the long ones in half and read them aloud to see how they sound and how many feet they contain.

ERRORS:

"and other meant to die" should say "and others meant to die" etc. "In fact, it should be shun and minds should be clean." should say "In fact, it should be shunned" etc. The whole line "I feel pity for friend for love has blinded her and break shall sting by just one hard hit" sounds awkward. "There's no such thing as sunshine because all the clouds covers it up" should be "clouds cover it up" etc. "from the rotten sick lovers that hangs over there" should say "rotten sick lovers that hang" etc. "This part of this deary enemy filled world is safer" I think you meant to say "of this dreary enemy-filled world" etc. "You've disgust me to no end" should be "You've disgusted" etc.

NEEDS WORK:

Choose a rhyming scheme, fix the meter, and fix the errors.

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

"None shall escape, that's something to grin at.
I'm nothing more than that sneaky Cheshire cat."

Very clever!

OVERALL IMPRESSION:

This was a raw, emotion-filled poem about love and what it is and isn't, and should and shouldn't be. I felt the emotion in every line, and became angry myself just by reading it! *BigSmile*

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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229
229
Review of New Beginning  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Greetings Amay ,

I'm continuing your port raid. Here are some notes on your story.

Plot:

A young woman is sitting on a precipice, waiting for a new beginning. The rest is rather cryptic.

*Woman**Man*Characters:

The young woman. I would've liked to know her name.

Setting:

The precipice. But where?

Narration:

The pacing was a bit slow, bogged down by the exposition in the first paragraph. There also wasn't much action in the piece, so it didn't move along as smoothly as it could've.

*Thought*Dialogue:

There was a lack of dialogue, which was a little disappointing.

Beginning and Ending:

The intro started with exposition, but needed some sort of action to get the story started. The ending was nice, with the young woman beginning "the walk to face her new beginning," something we all knew was coming the whole time.

Errors:

"The darkness dissipated unfolding the dawn of a new day." should be "The darkness dissipated, unfolding" etc. "early morning ritual bidding the quite night adieu." I think should say "quiet night adieu."

Needs Work:

The pacing, dialogue, beginning, and errors.

*Heart*Favorite Lines:

"She had not come to this place for doubts and self recriminations." And "Now was the time for it to unfold, like the wings of a butterfly fresh from its cocoon."

Summary:

This was a nice story about starting over in life and what it means to us, and the endless possibilities it entails. The sky's the limit!

Thanks for sharing your talent, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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230
230
Review of I want to teach  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings Amay ,

This is a continuation of my port raid for you. Here are my notes on this wonderful poem.

DICTION, TONE, VOICE:

The voice is first person, and the tone is yearning. The diction is above average.

SOUND PATTERNS:

There was one instance of alliteration, with "lifelong learners." Nice on the ears!

*RainbowL*IMAGERY:

A clerk and paperwork. Germane to the topic at hand. There could've been a little bit more imagery, though.

LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION, AND RHYME:

The line breaks are good, no repetition found, rhyming scheme followed, meter N/A.

ERRORS:

None.

NEEDS WORK:

Maybe more imagery, just a tad.

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

"I am not a clerk
Damned paperwork"

OVERALL IMPRESSION:

This was a wonderful ode to teachers everywhere and the inspiration they give to their students. I, too, will soon be a teacher, a high school French teacher, in fact, and I yearn for the day when that will arrive! Teaching is my passion, and I've already interned with teachers so I've tasted what it's like and gotten a feel for it and I know that it's the path for me (that and writing, of course! *BigSmile*) I felt the sincere emotion throughout the short poem, and related to it in every way.

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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231
231
Review of Flash Entries  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
Greetings Amay ,

I'm continuing your port raid for "The WDC Angel Army. Here are some of my notes.

Plot:

A boy named Randy is playing his drum much to the dismay of his mother who begins to freak out and call her mother-in-law.

*Woman**Man*Characters:

Randy, his mother, and his grandmother Carla.

Setting:

Randy's home.

Narration:

The narration was good, and flowed at an even pace.

*Thought*Dialogue:

Dialogue sounded appropriate to each character speaking.

Beginning and Ending:

The beginning jumps right into the action, which is good, getting the ball rolling into the story. The ending ends on a positive note, with the mother getting what she wanted.

Errors:

I noticed that the mother's name was Mary at first, and then it changed to Sandra? How did that happen?

Needs Work:

Just the name change.

Summary:

This was a funny story about a kid annoyingly playing his drum, and it makes me wonder who gave him the drum in the first place, and why don't they just take it away from him.

Thanks for sharing your talent, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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232
232
Review of Moon Over Water  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings Amay ,

This is a continuation of the portfolio raid I'm doing for you. Here are my notes on your poem.

DICTION, TONE, VOICE:

The voice is third person, and the tone is reminiscent, almost one of admiration.

SOUND PATTERNS:

One instance of alliteration with "Mystic Moon." Also, there were some rhymes within the lines themselves, although there were no true rhyming couplets at the ends of the lines. Some examples are "shimmer on the water," "time and space combine, "creating lustful yearnings," "lovers fall under," and "magical spell." Very clever.

*RainbowL*IMAGERY:

Water, lovers, sparks and moon all rich images. All pertaining to nature and love.

LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION, AND RHYME:

Line breaks were good, no repetition found, meter n/a and rhyme n/a.

ERRORS:

No errors found.

NEEDS WORK:

Nothing! I loved it the way it is, sorry!

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

"Images shimmer on the water
Ripples of time and space combine"

OVERALL IMPRESSION:

This was a wonderful ode to lovers and nature and love in general, and what the mystical moon can do to us under the right circumstances. I felt the emotion in the poem.

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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233
233
Review of Flash Entries  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
Greetings Amay ,

I'm continuing to do your port raid, and chose this flash fiction story to review. Here are some of my notes.

Plot:

John comes home to find the kitchen deserted. When he finds his wife, she's furious at their son. He then goes to find out why.

*Woman**Man*Characters:

John, Karen, and Sammy. All very well-developed characters in such a short story.

Setting:

At John and Karen's home. Not too fantastically interesting of a setting, but appropriate to the content of the story.

Narration:

The pacing was good and consistent, and the diction was average.

*Thought*Dialogue:

Dialogue fit the characters well, and led to their character development even more.

Beginning and Ending:

The beginning was a bit confusing with the very first bit, but when it it began with the part about John, it started to make sense. The ending was humorous and ended on a positive note.

*Heart*Favorite Lines:

"He searched through the house, when he found her he could have sworn that he saw steam rising from her ears. Tempting fate, he went and sat down beside Karen."

Summary:

This was a brilliant tale of a boy who has caught a mouse, frightened his mother and made his father proud all at the same time. It was expertly told in such a short piece!

Thanks for sharing your talent, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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234
234
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings Zooly Juice ,

I'm reviewing your item on behalf of "The WDC Angel Army. Here are some of my notes.

You have an interesting introduction. I really liked the line "I often find myself rehashing some of the questions that have plagued my quixotic mind for three of my last seven lifetimes." I was interested when the narrator said that these questions should not be asked in the first place; it piqued my interest, and I was eager to read on.

There were some spelling/grammar issues. "or is it a completely different 'Nesia' all together?" should say "different 'Nesia' altogether?" "it has to at some point right?" should say "it has to at some point, right?" "passion fruit" should be "passionfruit." Also, don't make your plurals by adding an apostraphe, as in plural's; it should simply say plurals.

Overall, I found this to be a hilarous piece. I found myself cracking up at the outlandish questions posed of us, questions to which none of us have the answers, obviously.

Thanks for sharing your talent, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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235
235
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings Joanna Emily ,

I'm reviewing your poem on behalf of "The WDC Angel Army. Here are some of my notes.

DICTION, TONE, VOICE:

The voice is first person, and the tone is loving. The diction is average, as is the vocabulary.

SOUND PATTERNS:

Some alliteration found, with "wonders why" and "pen and the paper." It's nice on the ears.

*RainbowL*IMAGERY:

Pen, paper, heart, and the page are all good images. They all pertain to writing, except for the heart, which is an emotionally-driven image.

LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION, AND RHYME:

Line breaks were clean, and no punctuation was found, though it didn't bother me. It didn't rhyme, but that's okay. The meter was not uniform, as there were too many metrical feet in some instances, and too few in others.

ERRORS:

No spelling/grammar errors found.

NEEDS WORK:

The meter.

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

"The pen and the paper
They act as my safe harbor"

and

"Writing is my passion,
But it might as well be my life"

OVERALL IMPRESSION:

This was a wonderful ode to writing, and the kind of therapeutic effect it can have on our soul. I can totally relate to this. I felt the admiration and love in each line. Bravo.

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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236
236
Review of Ablaze  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings SidheAshe ,

I'm reviewing this poem on behalf of "The WDC Angel Army. Here are some of my notes.

DICTION, TONE, VOICE:

The voice is first person, and the tone is dark and confrontational. The diction is average, although the ordering of the words in the sentences was above average.

SOUND PATTERNS:

There was one instance of alliteration, with "want to watch." There could've been more, because it's nice on the ears.

*RainbowL*IMAGERY:

A fire, house, door and flames are all rich images. Mostly sinister in nature.

LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION, AND RHYME:

Line breaks were not clean; those need to be worked on. Repetition of house was there, but wasn't annoying. The rhymes were solid and original. The meter was not uniform, as there was too many metrical feet in some lines and too few in others. That needs work.

ERRORS:

No spelling/grammar errors found.

NEEDS WORK:

Alliteration, line breaks and meter. I would also change "He just doesn't care." to "They just do not care."

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

"I want to watch this abode burn.
This house has nothing left within."

OVERALL IMPRESSION:

This was an angry poem about a negative house and the negative environment it contained while the narrator lived there. It's a good he/she's out of there! I felt the raw emotion in every line, and became angry myself at the house while reading it *BigSmile*

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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237
237
Review of And what if?  
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings Voodoo Shampoo ,

I'm reviewing this story on behalf of The WDC Angel Army. Here are some of my notes.

Plot:

Two aliens are in a bar, having a merry time getting drunk. When another alien of a different alien species comes into the bar, naked, the first two are disgusted and walk out.

*Woman**Man*Characters:

Kirk, Han Solo, and Bill. I would've liked to see more character development with Bill.

Setting:

In a bar, then outside the bar. Interesting setting, not too boring.

Narration:

There was almost a complete lack of narration, save for the first paragraph. There could've been more to balance out the dialogue.

*Thought*Dialogue:

The dialogue was humorous but there was a little too much of it, since there wasn't enough narration.

Beginning and Ending:

The beginning is confusing, as I have no idea what the first paragraph is talking about. The ending is humorous but sobering.

Errors:

"lay a blue jewel in wait for it’s own inhabitants" should say "in wait for its own" etc. "My name’s Han Solo I run a small business yacht." should say "Han Solo. I run" etc. "cruise ship of my own.” continued Kirk ignoring" should say "cruise ship of my own," continued Kirk, ignoring" etc. "can only afford one hotel.” agreed Han." should say "one hotel," agreed Han." "They could be best friend for life." should say "They could be best friends" etc.

Needs Work:

The lack of narration, and the errors above.

*Heart*Favorite Lines:

“It has to be our destiny! Let’s prove we are not a ‘dumb and dumber’ duo.”

Summary:

Two friends are wondering what it would be like to travel through the stars, and realize that "no dream is too big for those ambitious enough." A wise lesson to be learned, even for us humans.

Thanks for sharing your talent, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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238
238
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings M.Horsten ,

I'm reviewing your poem on behalf of The WDC Angel Army. Here are some of my notes.

DICTION, TONE, VOICE:

The voice is first person, as is evidenced by the "we," and the tone seems to be confrontational in the beginning, and then it's hopeful in the end. The diction was superb! Really fantastic.

SOUND PATTERNS:

There was some alliteration, with "we watch," "sun sets" and "flee in fright." Nice on the ears.

*RainbowL*IMAGERY:

Veils, light, frost, blood, rain, and the sun are all rich images. They all vary in tone, mostly of nature, but then there's the blood, which makes it more sinister.

LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION, AND RHYME:

Line breaks were clean, very little punctuation was used but it didn't seem to bother me. Rhymes were all solid except for the couplets "deceit/see" and "tamed/name." The meter is not uniform, as some lines have too many metrical feet, or maybe just one half of a metrical foot too many, but it can be heard if read aloud.

ERRORS:

No errors found.

NEEDS WORK:

Rhymes and meter.

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

"And as we fill the void with pain
With every drop of blood like rain"

OVERALL IMPRESSION:

This was a wonderful piece about love, and what it really is, and what it does to people. I felt the emotion in every line, and although it was a bit cryptic for me, I appreciated that, because I like cryptic poems; that means I have to come back to them later and try to figure them out again! Well done.

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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239
239
Review of Eternal Slumber  
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Greetings KM Dotson ,

I did a search for the newest accounts created and found your portfolio. Welcome! We're glad to have you. Here are some notes on your poem.

DICTION, TONE, VOICE:

The voice is first person, and the tone is melancholic. The diction is average.

SOUND PATTERNS:

There was only one instance of alliteration, with "helping hand." There could've been a tiny little bit more, as it's nice on the ears.

*RainbowL*IMAGERY:

Tears, earth, smiles, heart, stars, sky, clouds and shadows are all good images. Most of them have to do with nature.

LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION, AND RHYME:

Line breaks were clean, although the poem could use some punctuation, like commas to break up thoughts, or else they all run together like one big thought. The rhymes were average, although I liked the rhyming couplets "number/slumber" and "clouds/shrouds." The meter was not uniform throughout the entire poem, having too many metrical feet at times and too few at other times.

ERRORS:

"Know were never far apart" should be "Know we're never" etc. And "Don't be alarmed it's only me" should be "Don't be alarmed, it's" etc.

NEEDS WORK:

Alliteration, punctuation and meter.

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

"They've finally called my number
It's time for me to go now
To my eternal slumber"

OVERALL IMPRESSION:

This was a sad tale of someone speaking to his/her loved one from beyond the grave, giving them instructions on what to do and what not to do in their absence. At the end of the poem, it's time for the loved one to go on to the other side, to the "eternal slumber." It's very finalizing, as if he's died again.

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing* If you need any help navigating WDC, just let me know. I'm here to help.

April

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240
240
Review of Hero to Zero  
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Greetings shadowwaker ,

I did a search for the newest accounts made and found your portfolio. Welcome! We're glad to have you. Here are some notes on your story.

Plot:

The plot was unclear to me. It seemed more of a memoir of another boy, rather than a story.

*Woman**Man*Characters:

Michael. There was good character development.

Setting:

The setting was unclear as well.

Narration:

The pacing was slow, and at times I didn't know where it was going or what it all meant.

*Thought*Dialogue:

There was a complete lack of dialogue, and I was a bit disappointed. There needed to be some dialogue to even out the pacing and to break up the narration so that it doesn't become too heavy.

Beginning and Ending:

The beginning slow, and the ending doesn't really resolve anything. It simply states what Michael will title his autobiography.

Errors:

"people would stop what their doing and help him," should say "stop what they're doing" etc. And "weak boy who cry's all the time," should be "weak boy who cries" etc.

Needs Work:

The setting, the pacing, lack of dialogue, beginning and ending, and the errors.

*Heart*Favorite Lines:

"Michael is the kind of guy you would want to hang out with when he's not all moody."

Summary:

This was the portrayal of a boy named Michael and what he's like. There wasn't much of a story to go by, just sort of a memoir about Michael.

Thanks for sharing, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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241
241
Review of Rule of Three  
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Greetings S. Saxton ,

I did a search for the newest accounts created and found your portfolio. Welcome! We're glad to have you. Here are some of my notes on your poem.

DICTION, TONE, VOICE:

The voice is third person, and the tone is one of remembrance.

SOUND PATTERNS:

There's one instance of alliteration, with "shadow shall." There could've been more, since it's like music to the ears.

*RainbowL*IMAGERY:

Shadows, older man, corner store, shoulders and head are all images. They're mostly physical images of a man, with one image of shadows, making the tone a bit dark in that instance.

LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION, AND RHYME:

Line breaks were clean, and the punctuation was appropriate. There was some repetition of words, but it didn't become annoying. The poem rhymed loosely at times, but was not consistent throughout. The meter was off at times, with some lines too short and some too long than the average.

ERRORS:

No errors found.

NEEDS WORK:

Alliteration, rhymes, and meter.

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

"All your doings come back, the Rule of Three.
All with hope, this shadow shall leave. "

OVERALL IMPRESSION:

This was a nice moral-giving poem that our actions will come back to us threefold, and therefore we must choose wisely what we do and say. That can apply to all aspects of our lives.

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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242
242
Review of The Locket  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings Joyous ,

I found your story on the Request Reviews page and thought I'd take a look.

Plot:

A young woman goes to visit her dying grandmother, who is dispersing her belongings amongst her relatives.

*Woman**Man*Characters:

The narrator, her grandmother, and the mysterious man that her grandmother speaks to at the end of the story.

Setting:

At the grandmother's bedside.

Narration:

The pacing was a little slow, with a lot of backstory.

*Thought*Dialogue:

There were only a couple of lines of dialogue, and I was a little disappointed. I would've liked there to be more to see more character development.

Beginning and Ending:

The beginning is slow, with the description of the locket. The ending, however, was fantastic, a true twist to the story, one I didn't see coming. Well done.

Errors:

No errors found.

Needs Work:

The beginning, and the dialogue.

*Heart*Favorite Lines:

"Just open it and let your emotions go. It was then that I cried."

Summary:

This was a sad tale of a grandmother's last moments together with her family, and her granddaughter makes a surprising discovery, all because of the locket she gave her. I like how you presented that at the end in such a clever way.

Thanks for sharing your talent, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing* Since you offered, I was wondering if you could review my item "Invalid Item I'd love to get your take on it. Thanks!

April

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Review of Autumn Calm  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Greetings Brother Nature ,

I found your poem on the Request Reviews page and thought I'd take a look.

DICTION, TONE, VOICE:

Voice is third person, and tone is one of admiration. The diction was excellent.

*RainbowL*IMAGERY:

Rain, hearts, maple leaf, and each season are all rich images. They all pertain to nature, and were beautiful where used.

LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION, AND RHYME:

The line breaks were good, didn't find much repetition, and it only rhymed at the very end with the couplet "souls/holds," although it's a loose rhyme. It still worked and sounded lovely.

ERRORS:

No errors.

NEEDS WORK:

Don't have much suggestion; I loved it the way it is. Sorry!

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

"Hearts forever embrace each season,"
and
"Bleeds anticipation
Darkened stillness, the peace winter holds."

OVERALL IMPRESSION:

I love poems about nature and the seasons. There's so much material to work with. You did a lovely job at portraying them, in all their splendor.

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing* And if you're interested, check out my contest "The Perfect Sonnet Contest. It also has a Seasons Autumn theme, but the form is the sonnet. Hope you enter it!

April

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Review of Blood Demon  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Greetings Crazy Writer ,

I found your story on the Request Reviews page and thought I'd take a look.

Plot:

The narrator is engaged in warfare with the Dark Ones, and has his eye set on killing the leader of the Dark Ones.

*Woman**Man*Characters:

The narrator and the Dark Ones. Lots of good character development in such a short piece.

Setting:

On a battlefield. It's a dark setting, dark in tone, befitting of the content.

Narration:

The narration was excellent, with great diction. Your vocabulary was exceedingly good.

*Thought*Dialogue:

There was almost a complete lack of dialogue until the end, but I didn't even notice since I was so wrapped up in the story!

Beginning and Ending:

The beginning launches into the action, a must-have for any work of fiction, so well done. The ending culminates in the narrator accomplishing his mission, and I was left satisfied.

Errors:

No errors.

Needs Work:

I have no suggestions for improvement; I loved it the way it is. Sorry!

*Heart*Favorite Lines:

“All that was written has come to pass,” he gasped. “You, who had sworn to protect the humans, will destroy everything.”

Summary:

This was a gripping tale of an intense battle between Good and Evil, with the narrator triumphant in the end. I was captivated by the story from the very beginning and remained engaged throughout. The pacing was excellent and the flow was smooth. Great job!

Thanks for sharing your talent, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings KerrieAnnS !

CONGRATULATIONS on winning 3rd Place in The Perfect Shakespearean Sonnet Contest!

Your sonnet deserves a review.

The diction was great, and the tone was mocking, appropriate in my opinion *BigSmile*

I found some alliteration, with "Elections expect," "candidates caught" and "lies to you less." Not bad on the ears.

Line breaks were clean, punctuation was good although there could've been a little more used, and meter was good. The rhymes were not perfect, with the couplets "again/begin," "news/ensue," "wrong/dumb," and "time/line." Although they were not uniform, they did sound quite natural.

Errors: None.

Needs work: The rhymes.

Favorite lines: "With lame excuses and passing the buck" and "Just choose which candidate lies to you less?" Awesome lines.

Overall impression: This was a wonderful analysis of the current political situation, and how ridiculous it can become at times. Your observations are spot on.

Thanks for sharing your talent, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing* And thanks again for entering The Perfect Shakespearean Sonnet Contest!

April

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Review of He Gets My Vote!  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings Sum1 !

CONGRATULATIONS on winning 2nd place in The Perfect Shakespearean Sonnet Contest!

Your item deserves a review.

The diction was superb, and the tone was mocking, almost disgusted.

I found some alliteration, with "one can win" and "do we dare." It sounds nice to the ears.

Line breaks were good, punctuation was good, and meter was good. There was only one line that sounded awkward, "Democrats, Republicans, who should lead?" But all the rest were uniform. Rhymes sounded natural.

Errors: None.

Needs work: Just that one small line.

Overall impression: I loved the mocking tone about Romney and Obama, and their agendas. It was wise to right about them, given the current political situation. I especially loved the last line, "My vote’s for Eastwood, he can make my day!" That was the icing on the cake!

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing sonnets! *Reading**Writing* And thanks again for entering The Perfect Shakespearean Sonnet Contest!

April

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Review of Ritual  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings The.Midnight.Metaller ,

I found someone else reviewed this poem on the Public Reviews page and thought I'd take a look.

DICTION, TONE, VOICE:

The voice was first person, and the tone was dark. The diction was good.

SOUND PATTERNS:

I didn't really find anything like alliteration or repetition of vowel sounds.

*RainbowL*IMAGERY:

Sunbeams, the moon, the green fire (interesting!), hands, thunderclouds and lightning bolts were all rich images. Most of them were sinister in nature.

LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION, AND RHYME:

Line breaks were awkward at times. "Dance" and "magic" were repeated, but not to a point where it became annoying. The poem didn't rhyme, but that's okay. The meter was choppy and not uniform.

ERRORS:

No spelling/grammar errors.

NEEDS WORK:

Line breaks and meter. I'd also change "For true power always leaves/You hungry for more" to "leaves me hungry" etc. The entire poem was done in first person, so I'd stick with that form.

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

"Hands linked in
A fence of taboos and fears."

OVERALL IMPRESSION:

This was an interesting poem about the influence magic can have over one's life, and the sheer force it has to draw you into its folds of wonder, worship and the unknown. It was a bit cryptic, but all great poems are, so well done.

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing* And feel free to check out my portfolio.

April

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Review of All Hallow"s Eve  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Greetings ,

I found someone else's review of this story on the Pubic Reviews page and thought I'd take a look.

Plot:

A young girl alone in her house on Halloween, with "intruders" who've entered the house, and she's trying to make them leave, but scared out of her mind at the same time.

*Woman**Man*Characters:

The narrator, and the intruders. I saw some good character development in the narrator, although I would've liked to know what her name was.

Setting:

In the narrator's house.

Narration:

The narration was all right, although too many sentences started with "I" or "I'm." It became trite after a while. Possibly find another way to phrase those sentences so that they flow better, and don't repeat the same "I" or "I'm" over and over. The pacing was well done, however, and the language sounded appropriate for a young character.

*Thought*Dialogue:

There was only a tiny bit of dialogue when the narrator shouted out at the intruders. Since the narrator was alone, I suppose it's appropriate that there wasn't any dialogue.

Beginning and Ending:

The beginning is descriptive, and sets the tone. You might want to begin the story with some action, however, and then weave in the exposition later to set the mood. The ending was a suprising twist, one I didn't see coming. It was artfully done. I then understood the role of the "intruders" and why they actually ran out of the house screaming! *BigSmile*

Errors:

No errors.

Needs Work:

The repetition of "I" or "I'm."

Summary:

This was a dark and sorrowful tale of a girl who's passed on to the other side, but is still tied to this world. I felt sorry for her. While reading, I was hanging onto every word, as the repetition of being cold and the sense of fear left me ever so curious. Well done!

Thanks for sharing your talent, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings Coffeebean ,

I saw that someone else reviewed this item on the Public Reviews page and thought I'd take a look.

Plot:

The plot is intense for such a short piece. The father has murdered the vicar, and sets off on an evil mission.

*Woman**Man*Characters:

Father O'Leary, the vicar, and Satan's minions. Father O'Leary's character development was well done, again, for such a short piece, mainly by his actions displayed in the writing.

Setting:

St. Alban's Cathedral. In this context, it seems creepy. *BigSmile*

Narration:

The diction was superb, and the narration flowed smoothly with even pacing. There was some alliteration, with "Devil's disciple dropped," "victim's vestment," "howling unholy," and "Satan's minions swept." It was almost poetic, lyrical, music to the ears; ear candy.

*Thought*Dialogue:

There was no dialogue, but as Father O'Leary was alone, there couldn't be any. This would normally bother me, but I was so wrapped up in the action of the story that I didn't even notice the lack of dialogue. I had to go back and verify. I think it's fitting to leave the dialogue out of this piece.

Beginning and Ending:

The beginning is fantastic, launching into the action with the father removing the sacred key from his "victim's vestment." So all in one sentence, we know he is stealing from a dead vicar, and that he, the father, killed the vicar. Masterfully told. The ending was artful, a culmination to the suspense I was feeling while reading the story; I knew it was coming, but it still hit me like a ton of bricks when it happened all the same.

Errors:

No errors.

Needs Work:

I honestly don't have any suggestions for improvement; I love it the way it is. Sorry!

*Heart*Favorite Lines:

"Sensing emancipation, the captured minions rose up and began howling unholy obscenities."

Summary:

You've written a stunning story about a sneaky priest who's done away with the vicar to achieve his own evil goals, and the priest's dark character was believable. I felt doom and trepidation while reading the piece.

Thanks for sharing your talent, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing* And feel free to check out my portfolio.

April

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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings Raygunner ,

I found your poem on the Request Reviews page and thought I'd take a look.

DICTION, TONE, VOICE:

The voice is first person, as is evidenced by the "we." The diction is clever, and the tone is sinister and mocking.

SOUND PATTERNS:

There was some alliteration, with "Distinction without difference," "Friend turns on friend" and "spectables staged." Very musical to the ears.

*RainbowL*IMAGERY:

Rich imagery, with princes, kings, moneylenders, silver, gold, the craftsman, the farmer, hands, coins, war, eyes, palms, darkness, blood and steel.

LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION, AND RHYME:

Line breaks were used well, there was some repetition of the words "kings" and "princes," but it wasn't overkill. I almost didn't realize that they were repeated. The poem didn't rhyme. The meter was good in the first part, but was not uniform thereafter, so it needs to be tightened up a bit.

ERRORS:

I think "darkness till rules" should be "darkness still rules." "The choice now is to make a stand stand with words," remove one of the stands.

NEEDS WORK:

The meter.

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

"Greed: the true king."

OVERALL IMPRESSION:

This was a mocking portrayal of what happens when one is consumed with greed. The emotion was felt in every stanza, and the point came across well.

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing* And check out my political poetry contest, "The Perfect Sonnet Contest Hope you submit an entry!

April

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