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Review Requests: OFF
698 Public Reviews Given
972 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Firm yet fair.
I'm good at...
Poetry and short stories.
Favorite Genres
Historical fiction and fantasy. I also love any type of poetry, especially form poetry.
Least Favorite Genres
Sci-fi.
Favorite Item Types
Short story, poetry, chapter.
Least Favorite Item Types
Interactive.
I will not review...
Interactive.
Public Reviews
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301
301
Review of Epitaph  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Lonnie,

This is a powerful piece of how one feels when their "life is nearly done." I liked the descriptions of "Long of tooth and thin of skin." Very clever. The poem has a sad feel to it, with the lines "Once a soldier, now a ghost/invisible at best, to most." I'm glad the author still pens his poems, he needs to do it for himself even if few will read them. But then there's always WDC and the Request Reviews page! :) The last stanza is the saddest, knowing that one can only be nothing more than just a fading memory. It's almost tragic. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing! Let me know when you post something new!

April
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Review of A Bard's Lament  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Lonnie,

I love poems about writing poetry, they're classic. I love the language used in this piece. It's very refined. I find it interesting that the muse is "little help" in the beginning of the poem, and the "quill is dry as well." That's got to be a rough start. I liked the line "is open up a vein and let it bleed." The third stanza was beautiful, excellent word choices. The only thing that sounded a bit off was the last line because it sounded too short, "like a poet filled with quiet rage," when compared with the longer lines before it, it seemed too short. In the fourth stanza, it says "and from the depths of private Hell" but I think it should say "depths of a private Hell," but that was a very nice line as well. I sympathize with the poet in the final stanza, the dread he feels after penning his work of art, fearing that no one may read it and come to appreciate it. What a terrible feeling! I thank my lucky stars for WDC! Such an awesome site with great peers and awesome feedback. This was a lovely poem, one I related to 100%. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing!

April
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303
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Christina,

I found your story in the Simply Positive Forum and thought I'd take a look. This is the incredible story of a woman who has seen strange things, but they were only in her head. I'm not too certain if the rapist's attack was only an illusion, but if it was, at least she overcame it and fought that inner demon. If it really happened, good for her for standing up for herself and protecting herself. It doesn't matter that she killed him. He very well deserved it. I like the ambiguity in the end. The story started off with a dark tone and that persisted throughout the piece. Although it started off a bit slow, it set the tone well and kept a steady pace. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing!

April
304
304
Review of Morning Brew  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi WhoMe,

I found this poem in the Simply Positive Forum and thought I'd take a look. This poem brings a rich image to my mind of a piping hot cup of "triple white chocolate" coffee, yum, and I'm not really a coffee drinker! I don't drink it in the mornings but I imagined myself doing so during this poem and it brought a nice feeling to me. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing!

April
305
305
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Ladygrace,

I found this poem in the Simply Positive Forum and thought I'd take a look. This piece truly shows "the beauty a child brings," and those opening lines set the stage well for the rest of the poem. I liked the lines "Bringing spark at dark/and making everything light." One can truly appreciate a child after reading this poem. The rhymes worked well and the meter flowed smoothly. Thanks for sharing and keep writing!

April
306
306
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Ken,

I found this poem in the Simply Positive Forum and thought I'd take a look. You paint the picture well of someone hearing voices of the dead inside his head, and how it's torturing him. The voice started out as a rasping whisper but quickly became a wail. The voice delivers "Messages of pain, of death, and even worse." Yikes! I certainly wouldn't want that voice in my head. I feel for the narrator of the poem, the torment he must be going through with this darn voice. I really liked the lines "I find myself weakening from the assault/Persuaded by the voice from an obscene vault." The rhymes are good and consistent. The meter flows well. I had to read it twice just to make sure I caught it all. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing!

April
307
307
Review of LED BY A STAR  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Sherri,

I found this poem in the Simply Positive Forum. This is a beautiful account of the three Wise Men going to see Christ when he was born. I especially loved the line "The infant's mother looked like a Queen." The rhymes worked quite well; they were creative, not easy word choices, like "complain" and "reign." You helped put the "Christ" back in "Christmas" as they always say with this poem, so thanks for that. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing!

April
308
308
Review of I miss you  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is such a sad piece. I wonder why mother and child have separated? I like the short lines and the rhyming scheme, it works, except for "moment" and "control it." The emotion is felt in every line. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing! And check out my port if you have the time.

April
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309
Review of Pain Again  
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Dogpack,

I found your portfolio in the Showering Acts of Joy Garden. This was an interesting poem about trying to not focus on the physical pain one is feeling in one's body, but instead focus on positive things in life like "Reading, writing and reviewing," among others. I liked the lines "I'll write with might/Day and night." I can certainly relate to turning to the written word to soothe whatever pain I might be feeling, physical or mental.

The rhymes were good. The line breaks were somewhat awkward at times, though, and I didn't quite understand why you chose to start a new line where you did in certain instances. The meter seemed to flow well in the beginning, but then the lines got either really short or really long which seemed to disrupt the flow slightly, so you might want to read it aloud. That's just my two cents, do as you please with it. It was definitely a pleasant read, though. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing!

April

*UmbrellaR*This review is given on behalf of "Showering Acts of Joy Group" *UmbrellaR*
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310
Review of Dead Inside  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Taylor,

I found these lyrics on the Request Reviews page and I thought I'd take a look. This seems to be a piece about intense pain and suffering, internal turmoil that is unresolved and one thinks of turning to suicide to possibly relieve the effects, since one feels that he/she is going to be "crucified." I felt the emotion in every line. I liked the repetition of "I've become a victim of my own violence," it was a good idea to reinforce. I liked the line "These crimson walls are driving me insane." This was a heartfelt piece and the message was loud and clear. I have no suggestions for improvement. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing! And check out my port if you have the time.

April
311
311
Review of Rain Dance  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Lonnie,

This poem portrays beautifully the thoughts that the rain can produce. Visions of star-crossed lovers and the rain falling like tears of pain are interesting concepts. I like how you can repeat the lines throughout the stanzas; I don't know if I could pull that off! The rhymes again come naturally, they don't sound forced, and they're diverse. The meter flowed well. The content was quite sad; rain usually makes me happy, but maybe I'm just a weirdo :) Thanks for sharing, and keep writing!

April
312
312
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Lonnie,

We meet again. I wanted to check out your port again since you've been so kind as to R&R a few of my items. This seems to be a dark celebration of an ancient holiday. I love the image of the "gnarled hands" clutching the ancient book "bound in human skin." Kind of creepy! I love the tone of the piece, how it's so dark and mysterious.

As for the actual writing, the meter flows flawlessly. I didn't find anything awkward about it. The rhymes came naturally. There was lots of rich imagery used, and the proper tone was set from the very beginning and stayed consistent. I have no suggestions for improvement. It was a delightful read, and I look forward to reading more. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing!

April

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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313
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi Piau,

I found this poem in the Simply Positive Forum and thought I'd take a look. I really liked the line "Or it might leave you laughing in madness." I did have a little trouble, however, with the first stanza that became the last stanza. I didn't quite catch the meaning. If you could help me out with that, I'd appreciate it. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing!

April
314
314
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Rich,

I found this item in the Simply Positive Forum and thought I'd take a look. It was apparent to me early on that humanity had died out, or almost died out, by the descriptions of the surroundings. Everything sounded so scary, I felt like I was seeing a movie in my mind! Some new movie by your descriptions because I haven't seen those things yet, like the dried up ocean. I think my favorite image was of the ocean. The sand and bones was just really eerie, although the roaches and mice in the school was pretty bad too. I like how the beginning starts off with some description but also some reference to past actions, how they "used to worship something there." The action got the piece flowing. Normally too much description weighs a piece down, but I think it was essential to this one and I didn't find it having any negative effect on the flow at all. I do have a suggestion. There are some grammar mistakes that need to be corrected. For instance, "dieing" should be "dying." Some words weren't capitalized at the beginning of the sentence, and "lets" should be "let's" where it was used in this piece. But other than that, you did a great job. I had a feeling of gloom the entire time I was reading it. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing!

April
315
315
Review of Trumpets Sound  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Winnie,

I found this poem in the Simply Positive Forum. It seems to start with the beginning of time, "at dawn's creation," and progressively takes us to the end of time. I like the first stanza's tone, how it's sort of neutral and matter-of-fact. The second stanza seems to have some emotion in there with the words "Man in turn doth kill the King," as if to signify that after everything that he did for mankind, they still went out and killed him. The third stanza is sort of scary in its wording, "dawn's cessation." It's eerie. I wasn't too sure what you meant to say by "Faithful gain lasting elation," but the next line was a great one. I like how we go from man's creation to man's fall. It's so full circle. And I liked the repeated image of the trumpets sounding, that was rich. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing!

April
316
316
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Thaddeus,

I found this item in the Simply Positive Forum and I'm a new member. This picture is painted beautifully from the cold gusts of wind to the autumn leaves and the snow, and we can't forget the cocoa. Just reading this made me feel cold and wanting to snuggle up with a warm blanket and turn on the heater :) I like the line "Peace to mankind for all friends and foe." It's such a holiday theme. The rhyming scheme did get to be a bit much only at the end, but it was forgiven with the final stanza with go and snow, since it returned to the central theme. It was a lovely read. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing!

April
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317
Review of WEATHERED STONES  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Old Warrior,

I found this poem in the Simply Positive Forum, and I'm a new member. I love the setting of this poem, being in the graveyard. The picture is painted beautifully with all of the different "weathered stones" and their unique stories, and you can't help but feel so sad for their deaths, especially the ones who went too soon. I like the line "And in her arms a resting child, who never tasted fear." Wow. The never tasted fear part really touched a chord in me. It's interesting that you used the emotion of fear, instead of any other emotion to choose from. I found that the long lines flowed well, and the short stanzas made the poem run smoothly. The rhymes didn't sound forced, as there were enough words in between the rhyming couplet to almost forget the last word of the previous line until you hear the word that rhymed with it, and then you go "Oh, that's right." So they sounded just fine. It was a lovely yet tragically sad read. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing!

April
318
318
Review of REUNION  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Just Loti,

I found this item in the Simply Positive Forum since I have become a new member. This is the sad tale of Ted seeing his name, and those of his firemen friends, etched in stone on a memorial to those who perished in a great fire. He may not know that he is dead, as he wants to hurry to the anniversary of the Great Fire. He knows that the others are gone, but he thinks that he will see them again. Such a heartbreaking piece. The last line says it all: "Ted sighed as he faded away." He probably faded away physically, his spirit crossing over to a better place if that's what he believes in, but he also may fade away in history as well over time, as there are just too many people to remember. So it has a double meaning.

I have no suggestions for improvement. The piece was short enough to follow well and it flowed smoothly. The content was consistent and linear. It was a lovely read. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing!

April
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319
Review of MID LIFE CRISIS  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Meg,

I found this piece in the Simply Positive Forum as I have just become a member. I like the concept of the poem, how people are still being punished after their mid life crisis has supposedly ended. I like the reference to the fact that we live longer than thirty years old nowadays. I wonder what age the mid life crisis was for them if they only lived until thirty?! I liked the line "Thus giving us more of the years that are gold."

I have a suggestion. The line "According to science..." sounds like it needs one more syllable to make it complete. It just sounded shorter than the others. Other than that, I don't know what should be improved upon; I really liked it! Thanks for sharing, and keep writing!

April
320
320
Review of " Anna's Dolls"  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Scarpello,

I found this poem on the Review Request Page. This is a truly disturbing story about Anna and her insane dolls that won't leave her alone. I liked the rhyming scheme; it didn't sound forced. The story flowed well, taking its time to develop. The length was a bit long, but it was of no consequence because I absolutely couldn't stop reading! The story sucked me in and held me captivated, and I couldn't wait to see what happened next. Some lines were a little wordy and needed some trimming, as they disrupted the flow of the meter. Read it aloud and you'll find those parts. All in all it was an enthralling piece. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing!

April
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321
Review of I Shutter  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Randy,

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


I found you poem on the Noticing Newbies column on the lefthand side of the WDC page, sort of featured if you will, so congrats for that. This is the story of someone who is going through a very rough time, feeling alone and like there is no hope. This person feels like life is constantly attacking him/her, and from the words of the poem I would feel the same way. I love the line "Like all that I needed now/Was a little kick in the throat." A very powerful image and statement. The opening lines "I feel mighty awful/And the awful within me is mighty" sets the tone for the rest of the poem accurately. The rest of the poem stays true to those beginning words.

I have one suggestion. The line that begins with "Air" seems rather fragmented. "Air" could be attached to the previous line to complete the thought, and then the next line would feel more complete and less abrupt and awkward. Just my two cents. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing!

April
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Review of A Nice Day  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Ged,

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


I found your poem on the Noticing Newbies page and thought I'd take a look. This poem paints a beautiful picture of a warm, bright day. The narrator is going through some tough times but he stays strong, and can still appreciate the beauty he finds around him in the sky and the earth. I loved the line "But under no circumstances will I bow." That shows a lot about one's character and perseverance.

I have a couple of suggestions. "Go on" and "not alone" don't rhyme, while everything else does. If you've chosen a rhyming scheme, stick to it to be consistent. Find the perfect word - it does exist out there. For instance, after "The day in its wonder gives me strength to go on" could be followed by "I find in it promise like the light of the dawn." I don't mean to write your poem for you, by no means, I just wanted to show you how you can choose a word that rhymes and make it work. Also, verdant and green seem to be redundant. Maybe you could say "The grass all around is a verdant scene." Just my two cents, do as you please with it. It was a lovely poem, though. Very inspiring. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing!

April
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323
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Jessi,

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


I found this poem on the Noticing Newbies page and thought I'd take a look. This seems to be a poem about unconditional love for a person who may not be returning that love, and it hurts the narrator. I found the very short lines sometimes hard to follow as they broke up the ideas almost prematurely, so you might want to think about making them a bit longer to make them flow a little smoother. The one long stanza was appropriate as this was a linear poem. I like the line "Go to space and bring you the moon." That's a nice image. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing!

April
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324
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Morisson,

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


I found your poem on the Noticing Newbies page and thought I'd take a look. It's evident that it's about depression even without reading your description, so that's a good thing. I've read a lot of poems lately that are just too cryptic, but you don't have that problem. I like the line "As if the weather is reacting to how I feel." I also like the idea of smiling to make the sun shine which would then in turn shine light into your own soul. An interesting image.

I have a suggestion. I wouldn't use a comma after the fourth line, or a period after the fifth, because you don't use any punctuation to end any other line, so it's best to stay consistent. Line breaks are like punctuation in poetry anyway so it's my own personal belief that periods or commas at the end of lines are sort of redundant. Other than that, I have no suggestions for improvement; I liked it. Sorry if you were looking for something more helpful! Thanks for sharing, and keep writing!

April
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Review of A New Arrival  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi ChuChuRocker,

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


I found your poem on the Noticing Newbies page and thought I'd take a look. It's a lovely dialogue from a mother to her son who is still in the womb. I like the line "Every time I move, we dance. Our hearts, the only beat." It's such a rich image. I feel the love the narrator has for the son through the words used in this piece. The meter is nearly flawless; there just seems to be one syllable too many in the second to last line, so maybe remove the word "Only"? It will flow better. Read it aloud and you'll hear it. Other than that, I have no suggestions for improvement. It was a lovely read. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing!

April
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