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Firm yet fair.
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Poetry and short stories.
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Historical fiction and fantasy. I also love any type of poetry, especially form poetry.
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Sci-fi.
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Short story, poetry, chapter.
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Public Reviews
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76
76
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hi keikei-love critical reviews! !

I found your portfolio on the Account Birthdays page and this prologue looked interesting.

*Woman**Man*Characters:

The narrator and God.

Plot:

There didn't seem to be a really solid plot here; only descriptions of how evil came to the narrator at night.

Setting:

The settings are unclear, but I'm assuming in the narrator's bedroom would be one.

Narration: Voice, Tone, Exposition, Metaphors/Similes, Basic Storytelling and Diction:

The voice is first person, and the tone is somber. The exposition is good, but a little heavy at times. The diction is great.

*Thought*Dialogue:

There was only dialogue when God was talking to the narrator.

Beginning and Ending:

The beginning was interesting with the first sentence, but it became heavy with exposition thereafter. The ending is a good cliffhanger.

Errors:

None found.

Suggestions:

I'd give us a name for your narrator. Work on adding more action to this prologue to break up the exposition and dialogue. There also needs to be some dialogue from the narrator as well. Make the setting more clear throughout the prologue.

Summary:

This is a good start to a promising story. It's definitely interesting, and after some polishing and additions, it can stand alone as a great prologue.

Thanks for sharing your talent, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

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77
77
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hi Zampy !

I found your portfolio on the Account Birthdays page and I thought I'd take a look at this prologue.

*Woman**Man*Characters:

Miki and Analis.

Plot:

A storm is coming, and Analis is warning Miki to leave. Miki doesn't realize that Analis is the storm.

Setting:

The setting is unclear.

Narration: Voice, Tone, Exposition, Metaphors/Similes, Basic Storytelling and Diction:

The voice is a first person narrative with Miki as the narrator. The tone is urgent, and there is almost no exposition save for the description of the lightning. The diction is standard.

*Thought*Dialogue:

The dialogue showed the urgency of the situation, with the storm coming.

Beginning and Ending:

The beginning hooked me in with immediate dialogue and the wind circling. The ending was a good cliffhanger.

Errors:

I could here the urgency --> I could hear the urgency
wind ripping at my cloths --> wind ripping at my clothes

Suggestions:

This prologue seems way too short, even though I'm a fan of concise fiction. I really have no idea what's going on, besides the storm (Analis). Why, or more importantly how, is she the storm? Where is everyone else? Where are they? When in time is this happening? A little foreshadowing to the first chapter would do some good if you don't want to give it all away at once (which you shouldn't) but we still need a little something to understand the situation and to keep reading.

*Heart*Favorite Lines:

"You still don't get it, do you? I am the storm."

Summary:

This is a very promising work with what seems like an interesting story. It does need a little expanding, but it's definitely something I'd read more of. Nice job.

Thanks for sharing your talent, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

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78
78
Review of Witches Wrath  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


Hi the last cicada !

I found your portfolio on the Account Birthdays page and this poem looked interesting.

*Penbl*FIRST REACTION:

This is a wonderful tale of a person who encounters a black cat, then a witch, and bad things happen to him.

*Mic*VOICE, TONE, DICTION:

The voice is first person, and the tone is light. The diction is great.

*Music1*SOUND PATTERNS:

There was a rhyming pattern of ABA CBC DBD, etc. There was alliteration with "foul fate" and "blacks, grays and blues".

*RainbowL**Clouds**Treecypress*IMAGERY:

Black cat, hair, mouse, witch, ditch, dozen sisters, craft, blacks, grays, blues, brooms, soul, long thin tail, shoes, paw, coven, magic, trap and feline. Most impressive!

*Notepad*LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION:

The lines used enjambment to break them up, and the meter was for the most part consistent throughout. There was a little repetition of "black" and "black cat" but it served its purpose to keep the images in my head as I read.

*Right*ERRORS:

None found.

*CheckB*SUGGESTIONS:

I wouldn't change anything, I thought it was great as is.

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

Coven's wrath is far worse than black cat's
Magic turned back time from clues

*ThumbsUp*OVERALL IMPRESSION:

This was a fantastic poem of someone's great misfortune to have happened upon a black cat, then accidentally killed a witch, and when her sisters showed up, they turned the narrator into a black cat. How creative! It was very easy to read and follow, and the meter flowed smoothly. A great write.

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

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79
79
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi Stuart !

I found your poem on the Please Review page and it caught my eye.

*Penbl*FIRST REACTION:

The narrator is disgusted with himself and how he's aged.

*Mic*VOICE, TONE, DICTION:

The voice is first person, and the tone is scathing. The diction is great.

*Music1*SOUND PATTERNS:

There were rhymes, but each stanza followed a different rhyming scheme than the next. There were some instances of alliteration with "face is fat", "now numbering", "lined and looking", "bags beneath", and more.

*RainbowL**Clouds**Treecypress*IMAGERY:

Face, hair, straw, body, chins, eyes, shopping bags, lids, eyeballs, laughter lines, tears, lips, mirror and changing room.

*Notepad*LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION:

The line breaks used enjambment, and there was no end punctuation except for a few question marks. There was no set meter, but the rhythm was disrupted a few times by awkwardly short lines in comparison to the rest.

*Right*ERRORS:

None found.

*CheckB*SUGGESTIONS:

I'd add some punctuation to the ends of lines if they need a comma or a period to help out the reading. Also the rhythm and flow needs to be smoother.

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

Next time I'll do my shop online
No longer have to face
The mirror in the changing room
And try to age with grace

*ThumbsUp*OVERALL IMPRESSION:

The narrator is quite bitter and displeased with what he finds in the mirror, and hurls insult after insult at himself. I didn't know he was talking to himself until the second to last stanza when it mentioned the mirror, and then I had to go back and read it again, and it took on a whole new meaning. Great job at conveying such strong emotion.

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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80
80
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi Spacecat !

I found your poem on the Please Review page and it caught my attention.

*Penbl*FIRST REACTION:

There is much suffering of the narrator in this poem.

*Mic*VOICE, TONE, DICTION:

The voice is first person, and the tone is somber. The diction is good.

*Music1*SOUND PATTERNS:

I found alliteration with "what will", "deed of despair", "matter the means", "couldn't care" and "now you notice".

*RainbowL**Clouds**Treecypress*IMAGERY:

Abyss, world, gun, head, jar, pills, heart and cold.

*Notepad*LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION:

The line breaks used enjambment, and the rhythm flowed smoothly. There was a lot of repetition of words like "when", "will", and "now".

*Right*ERRORS:

it's too late though Im done with you all --> it's too late though; I'm done with you all

*CheckB*SUGGESTIONS:

There seems to be some element lacking here. In the first stanza, it spoke of what would it be like when the narrator was gone, and in the second stanza, the narrator had already carried out with his plan and was reflecting upon everything, but the second stanza was quite long in that it seemed to be repeating a lot of material. I'd like to see a metaphor or simile or two in here to mix it up a bit. Some more imagery would be nice as well.

Also, many lines needed punctuation at the end, and should be capitalized in the beginning.

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

When I look into the abyss
Will anyone care

*ThumbsUp*OVERALL IMPRESSION:

There is a lot of pain conveyed in these lines, and I felt the narrator's sruggle with what he wanted to do and then what he had done in the end. It's rich with emotion, and painted a melancholic picture of what the narrator is going through.

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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81
81
Review of Witches Brew  
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Hi Mistressofthewest !

I found your poem on the Noticing Newbies page and it caught my eye so I had to take a look.

*Penbl*FIRST REACTION:

I love the visual this poem created!

*Mic*VOICE, TONE, DICTION:

The voice is third person, and the tone is somber with a hint of evil. The diction is excellent.

*Music1*SOUND PATTERNS:

There was alliteration with "wicked witches", "secrets slowly", "fiery flame" and "cackling and crowing". There were some internal rhymes, with "brewing, stewing" and a final rhyme couplet of brew/true.

*RainbowL**Clouds**Treecypress*IMAGERY:

Wicked witches, fiery flame, iron base (of the cauldron), women and deadly brew.

*Notepad*LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION:

The lines were cleverly structured to represent the shape of a cauldron, and the line breaks themselves used enjambment to flow from one to the next. The rhythm was great, and the repetition of "wicked witches" kept the image in my head all throughout.

*Right*ERRORS:

None found.

*CheckB*SUGGESTIONS:

I have none; I thought it was amazing as is!

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

creating the wishes of those sinfully
wicked witches.

*ThumbsUp*OVERALL IMPRESSION:

This was most impressive, not only in the visual (and I love the smoke rising from the cauldron too!) but the content delivered as well. I pictured the three witches from MacBeth working their magic while reading the lines of your poem. Very nice work, if this had been an assignment I'd give it an A+ but I'll settle for 5 stars *Laugh*

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

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82
82
Review of Fairytale Meadow  
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Lauryn Rose !

I found your poem on the Noticing Newbies page and it looked interesting.

*Penbl*FIRST REACTION:

The fairytale meadow is a wondrous, magical place.

*Mic*VOICE, TONE, DICTION:

The voice is first person, and the tone is one of admiration. The diction is great.

*Music1*SOUND PATTERNS:

There was alliteration with "golden grass" and "stops to stare". There was consonance with "land completely", "fell lightly while", "Yellow flowers", and more.

*RainbowL**Clouds**Treecypress*IMAGERY:

Land, fairytale meadow, raindrops, yellow flowers, golden grass, sun, dragonfly wings, birds, evening, daylight and fairies. Awesome imagery.

*Notepad*LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION:

The line breaks used enjambment, and the rhythm flowed nicely. There was some repetition of "meadow".

*Right*ERRORS:

Ever creature stops to stare --> Every creature stops to stare

*CheckB*SUGGESTIONS:

Fix the error above.

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

Out the fairies come to play
in fairytale meadow.

*ThumbsUp*OVERALL IMPRESSION:

I love the world of fantasy, and poems about mythical creatures are so awesome. I enjoyed the visuals in this poem, since there was so much rich imagery to paint the picture in my mind'd eye. Sounds like a place I'd like to to, too! *Laugh*

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

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83
83
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Hi Charles Tyler !

I found your poem on the Noticing Newbies page and it caught my eye.

*Penbl*FIRST REACTION:

The narrator is reflecting upon his life.

*Mic*VOICE, TONE, DICTION:

The voice is first person, and the tone is melancholic. The diction is good.

*Music1*SOUND PATTERNS:

There's a rhyming scheme followed of ABABCC through two stanzas with one lone line between the two stanzas. There's consonance in "sit at a train". There's alliteration with "Sun and the Sky", "sit up, and straighten", "pockets for pride" and "silence and slow".

*RainbowL**Clouds**Treecypress*IMAGERY:

Train, window, sun, sky, school, work, home, tie, pockets, silence and station.

*Notepad*LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION:

The line breaks were good. The meter flowed smoothly. There was some repetition of "train" and "wait".

*Right*ERRORS:

I sit at a train --> I sit in a train

I've been to School, to Work, I've been home --> I've been to school, to work, I've been home

It's okay, it's in tact --> It's okay, it's intact

*CheckB*SUGGESTIONS:

Fix the errors above.

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

Back to silence and slow obligation

*ThumbsUp*OVERALL IMPRESSION:

The narrator here has a lot of alone time on the train to reflect upon his life and finds that he's not quite satisfied with it. I felt the emotion conveyed here of sorrow and loneliness. The structure of the poem was good and and it was a good read.

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

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84
84
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Hi Becky !

I found your poem on the Noticing Newbies page and it looked interesting.

*Penbl*FIRST REACTION:

There's nothing more romantic and thrilling than a summer love. *Heart*

*Mic*VOICE, TONE, DICTION:

The voice is first person, and the tone is amorous. The diction is good.

*Music1*SOUND PATTERNS:

There was alliteration with "hot humid" and "love lit". There was consonance with "Summer time" and "humid day".

*RainbowL**Clouds**Treecypress*IMAGERY:

Summertime, hot day, kisses, body, love and 4th of July.

*Notepad*LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION:

The line breaks used punctuation at the ends to make for an easy read. There was no form meter, but it was still smooth. "Kiss" was repeated.

*Right*ERRORS:

Summer time --> Summertime

*CheckB*SUGGESTIONS:

I feel like this poem is too short. There's more of the story to be told, and these six lines leave me wanting more. How did the relationship begin? How will it end? And everything in between. Also, "wet kiss" sounds like a sloppy kiss, leaving much to be desired. Maybe use "supple" or "passionate"?

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

Our love lit up,
Just like the 4th of July!

*ThumbsUp*OVERALL IMPRESSION:

I liked the reference to the 4th as this is indeed a summer love. I think we've all had a summer love at least once in our lives, so many can relate to this. The visuals were great, and I'd just like to know more of this amorous adventure. Nice work.

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

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85
85
Review of I probably will  
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Hi Mackenzie Lee Lirakis !

I saw your poem on the Noticing Newbies page and had to take a look.

*Penbl*FIRST REACTION:

The narrator is battling many demons.

*Mic*VOICE, TONE, DICTION:

The voice is first person, and the tone is tortured. The diction is great.

*Music1*SOUND PATTERNS:

I found alliteration with "that thorny" and "breasts beckoning". There was consonance with "not to", "probably will", "into that", "any naughty", and "staring at".

*RainbowL**Clouds**Treecypress*IMAGERY:

Hand, thorny bush, briar patch, rabbit, Blue Mountain cliff, rocky, jump.

*Notepad*LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION:

The line breaks used enjambment at times, but the words were placed well to make a good read. The rhythm flowed smoothly for the most part, although the long lines seemed a little too long at times and could be separated onto two different lines.

*Right*ERRORS:

None found.

*CheckB*SUGGESTIONS:

Shorten the really long lines to make for an even smoother read.

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

Like any naughty rabbit

*ThumbsUp*OVERALL IMPRESSION:

I felt the internal struggle of the narrator while reading this. She seems to be tempted to inflict harm upon herself when she knows she shouldn't. She's even willing to take it as far as jumping off a cliff, and I'm assuming there won't be any equipment attached to her to keep her from falling all the way. It's so hard to see others struggling like this, but even harder to go through it yourself. The conflict was depicted very well here. A great read.

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

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86
86
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Hi Kawika -- Ready for NANO! !

I saw your poem on the Noticing Newbies page and the description looked great so I decided to take a look. I love poems about writing poetry!

*Penbl*FIRST REACTION:

The narrator is battling the woes of writer's block.

*Mic*VOICE, TONE, DICTION:

The voice is first person, and the tone is conflicted. The diction is good.

*Music1*SOUND PATTERNS:

The rhyming scheme of a Shakespearean sonnet was followed perfectly. Also, there was alliteration with "What I wanted", "tossing and turning", "So I stumble", "pen and pad" and "seems so smooth".

*RainbowL**Clouds**Treecypress*IMAGERY:

Night, words, phrases, pillows, head, feet, covers, eyes, bed, alarm, wife, stairs, pen, pad and coffee cup. Wonderful use of imagery here.

*Notepad*LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION:

The line breaks were clean using punctuation. The meter, however, was definitely off. If you're going for a Shakespearean sonnet, it needs to be written in iambic pentameter, with 5 iambs of two syllables each, the stress being on the second syllable. Some lines had too many iambs.

*Right*ERRORS:

tradgedy --> tragedy
plung --> plunge

*CheckB*SUGGESTIONS:

Fix the errors above and the meter throughout.

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

My pen and pad and favorite coffee cup
Are all I need to write of my affairs.

*ThumbsUp*OVERALL IMPRESSION:

Ah, the ever dreaded writer's block. We've all been through it, so I can totally relate to this. Poems about writing poetry are the best, and you told a great story here. Nice work.

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

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87
87
Review of I Miss  
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Hi lostinoregon !

I found your poem on the Noticing Newbies page and it caught my eye.

*Penbl*FIRST REACTION:

There are strong sentiments of missing someone in this piece.

*Mic*VOICE, TONE, DICTION:

The voice is first person and the tone is sorrowful. The diction is good.

*Music1*SOUND PATTERNS:

There's consonance with "miss kissing", "puts my heart to rest", "words relieves my stress", "miss your warm", and "will till".

*RainbowL**Clouds**Treecypress*IMAGERY:

Kiss, morning, night, heart and touch.

*Notepad*LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION:

The line breaks were clean, using punctuation to complete them. The rhythm flowed nicely, and there was a lot of repetition of "kiss" but it worked well here.

*Right*ERRORS:

words relieves --> words relieve

*CheckB*SUGGESTIONS:

I'd add a "The" before the "kiss" on the second and fourth lines so that it doesn't sound like a fragment. There needs to be a period after the first line. Capitalize the second, fourth, sixth, eighth and tenth lines. Also, fix the error above.

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

I miss your warm embracing touch.
makes me feel alive.

*ThumbsUp*OVERALL IMPRESSION:

I felt the powerful emotion in these lines of the narrator who no longer has his mate. Kisses are what's most missed, but that implies companionship that goes along with that. How we all long for companionship. I can totally relate to this poem. Nice work.

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

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88
88
Review of Late Night  
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi Midnightcatzz !

I found your poem on the Noticing Newbies page and it looked interesting.

*Mic*VOICE, TONE, DICTION:

The voice is first person, and the tone is conflicted. The diction is good.

*Music1*SOUND PATTERNS:

There was alliteration in "heart Hammers". There were some rhymes, although this was a free verse poem, such as "Hammers/Clamors", and "me/see/be/key".

*RainbowL**Clouds**Treecypress*IMAGERY:

Night, bed, knife, head, heart, hammer, pieces, arms, key, fingers, screen, eyelids and writing. Very nice.

*Notepad*LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION:

The line breaks were clean, using enjambment but none of the breaks were off or awkward to read either written or aloud. There was a good rhythm here.

*Right*ERRORS:

I cant stop writing though --> I can't stop writing though

*CheckB*SUGGESTIONS:

Fix the error above.

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

My heart is locked away
Will you be the one with the key?

*ThumbsUp*OVERALL IMPRESSION:

At first while reading this, I didn't know if the narrator was talking about a person or their writing. The narrator seems to have a complicated relationship with their writing, as is evidenced from the line "Love or hate?" I interpreted it as the narrator was talking about their writing, but I may be wrong. Still, I enjoyed this read. Well done.

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

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89
89
Review of Silence  
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Hi Valenchia !

I found your poem on the Noticing Newbies page and it caught my eye.

*Penbl*FIRST REACTION:

This is a lovely but sad poem of a mother for Mother's Day.

*Mic*VOICE, TONE, DICTION:

The voice is first person, and the tone is sorrowful. The diction is good.

*Music1*SOUND PATTERNS:

There was alliteration with "one word". There was no rhyming scheme as this is free verse, but there was one subtle rhyme of flowers/hours.

*RainbowL**Clouds**Treecypress*IMAGERY:

Purple and yellow flowers and a quiet grave.

*Notepad*LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION:

The line breaks were clean, and the rhythm flowed well. There was some repetition of "flowers" and "not one word".

*Right*ERRORS:

None found.

*CheckB*SUGGESTIONS:

I wouldn't use the ellipses as often as you do, maybe just once, in the line "Ang again...silence." I also wouldn't capitalize every line if one line is a continuation of the previous line.

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

The grave is a quiet place.

*ThumbsUp*OVERALL IMPRESSION:

This is a lovely yet heartbreaking tribute to a mother who has passed. The narrator visits her every week, but this time was special because it's Mother's Day, so the pain with her being gone is probably so much stronger. I'm curious to know what the mother would forgive the narrator about, since it doesn't elaborate on that. Did they have a fight right before she passed? The love the narrator has for the mother is evident in these lines, and I feel the pain. A wonderful yet sad read. Nice work.

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

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90
90
Review of The Journey  
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi Billy Kacyem !

I found your poem on the Noticing Newbies page and thought I'd take a look.

*Penbl*FIRST REACTION:

This is an inspirational poem about how to reach your goals.

*Mic*VOICE, TONE, DICTION:

The voice is second person, and the tone is encouraging. The diction is good.

*Music1*SOUND PATTERNS:

There was some rhyming with tarred, marred, jarred and barred, and rough/tough.

*RainbowL**Clouds**Treecypress*IMAGERY:

Journey, step, paths, child and mountains.

*Notepad*LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION:

The lines were all punctuated at the end, making it a smooth read. There was no set meter as this is free verse. There was some repetition of "The journey might get" and "March on!"

*Right*ERRORS:

None found.

*CheckB*SUGGESTIONS:

I'd like to see some more imagery/visuals since this was not too short of a piece. I'm wondering how wise it is to rhyme those four words one after another, the tarred, marred, jarred and barred. It became a little trite when it got to the third rhyme.

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

Knowing your destination is half the journey;
The other half is getting there.

*ThumbsUp*OVERALL IMPRESSION:

I felt very inspired and encouraged after reading this! There is much truth in these words. Great work!

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

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91
91
for entry "Kelsey" 
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi 💙 Carly !

I'm continuing to explore your Poetic Impressions folder.

My first time reading it, I didn't quite know who Kelsey was until her claws came out, and then I assumed she had to be a cat. She sounds very regal and majestic, with her green "watchful eyes" that miss nothing, and "She lays in sleek, restive pose". I loved the description of her and her movements. The diction was excellent, and there seemed to be a metrical rhythm followed until the second to last line, which made it sound interesting. I found no errors, and I wouldn't change anything. This free verse poem was lovely.

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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92
92
for entry "Take Heart" 
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi 💙 Carly !

I'm checking out your entries from your folder Poetic Impressions.

*Penbl*FIRST REACTION:

This is a poem of encouragement and being strong.

*Mic*VOICE, TONE, DICTION:

The voice is first person, and the tone is warm. The diction is good.

*Music1*SOUND PATTERNS:

There was alliteration with "lady lass" and "blessing be". There was consonance with "Take heart", "was to pass" and "must embrace".

*RainbowL**Clouds**Treecypress*IMAGERY:

Lady lass, heart and child.

*Notepad*LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION:

Some line breaks employed enjambment while others didn't, so it was a nice mix. The meter was nearly perfect. There was one repetition of "heart".

*Right*ERRORS:

None found.

*CheckB*SUGGESTIONS:

I would've liked to see one or two more visuals, since it was a shorter piece. The line "And bring it for all to see" sounds one syllable off from the meter of the second line of that first stanza, so it read a little awkward. I'd also put a comma after "Forge ahead" to read "Forge ahead, my lady lass".

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

Forge ahead my lady lass
Be all that you can be

*ThumbsUp*OVERALL IMPRESSION:

I really liked the message in this poem, of trying to be our best, and learning from our mistakes of the past to become a better person. In the second stanza, it says to appreciate life as it is a blessing, and to have strength to endure this life. Such wise words in a short piece! Great job.

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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93
93
Review of Our Love  
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi 💙 Carly !

It's been a while since I've given you a review so here I am *Laugh*

*Penbl*FIRST REACTION:

This is about the union of two people.

*Mic*VOICE, TONE, DICTION:

The voice is first person, and the tone is one of remembrance and love. The diction is great.

*Music1*SOUND PATTERNS:

There was consonance with "Like silken", "beautiful tapestry", and "Strong and true". There was no ending rhyme scheme as this is free verse.

*RainbowL**Clouds**Treecypress*IMAGERY:

Silken threads, tapestry, heart and path. Lovely.

*Notepad*LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION:

The lines were full and complete thoughts, with some punctuation when appropriate. There was no set meter as again, it's free verse. "Harmony" was repeated as well as "one".

*Right*ERRORS:

None found.

*CheckB*SUGGESTIONS:

I wouldn't change a thing. I loved it!

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

Like silken threads in a beautiful tapestry

and

Destiny's path awaits.

*ThumbsUp*OVERALL IMPRESSION:

This is the beautiful portrayal of the union of a couple. I loved the simile of the silken threads. They seem to be very compatible, having similar dreams and hopes. They have the rest of their lives ahead of them and the narrator seems very pleased with that. Wonderful! I appreciate that you shared this personal piece with us.

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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94
94
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi 💙 Carly !

I found this poem in your portfolio and I'm here to give it a review.

*Penbl*FIRST REACTION:

Memories come back of a past love.

*Mic*VOICE, TONE, DICTION:

The voice is first person, and the tone is soft and reflective. The diction is good.

*Music1*SOUND PATTERNS:

There was alliteration with "soft satin".

*RainbowL**Clouds**Treecypress*IMAGERY:

Kisses, rose coloured lips, soft satin, fair skin and hand.

*Notepad*LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION:

The line breaks were a little awkward for the lack of punctuation. There was no set meter, which worked well for this non-rhyming piece.

*Right*ERRORS:

Rose coloured lips --> Rose-coloured lips

*CheckB*SUGGESTIONS:

Just add some punctuation to the line endings to make for a smoother read, and fix the error above.

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

"Time holds the memory
Of stolen kisses"

*ThumbsUp*OVERALL IMPRESSION:

I sensed some unspoken melancholy in this poem. The line "As I remember our love" seems to tell me that this is a love from the past, and the relationship has ended. I felt the longing in the words. Very nice job.

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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95
95
Review of The Breakup  
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi 💙 Carly !

I found your poem in your portfolio and thought I'd take a look. Here are my thoughts.

*Penbl*FIRST REACTION:

Someone inadvertently witnesses a girl's breakup, wishing she could help her.

*Mic*VOICE, TONE, DICTION:

The voice is first person, and the tone is one of sympathy. The diction is good.

*Music1*SOUND PATTERNS:

There is alliteration with "stall I slip", "Moments to myself", "what walks", "words they warble", and more.

*RainbowL**Clouds**Treecypress*IMAGERY:

Bathroom stall, door, walls, girl, phone and floor. All varied images, nice job.

*Notepad*LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION:

Some lines used enjambment to break them, while others were full and complete thoughts, which was a nice and balanced mixture. The meter was inconsistent, as it started off following a certain metrical scheme in the beginning but then strayed from that thereafter, so the reading became a bit rocky. There was no obvious repetition of anything.

*Right*ERRORS:

It blisters, carries, ring 'round --> It blisters, carries, rings 'round

*CheckB*SUGGESTIONS:

I would suggest using punctuation at the end of the lines that need it to ease in the reading of this piece. Each line doesn't need to be capitalized, unless the previous line ended in a period.

I didn't understand a few passages. For instance, "Cling and gash in anger falls" sounded awkward, especially the word "gash". The phrase "I want to say, to help her out" could be changed to "I want to speak, to help her out" to sound better. At the end, the word "demise" sounds a bit out of place and much too harsh. The events that transpired in that bathroom didn't sound like a demise to me, so rather I would call it a "disgrace", but that's just my humble suggestion. *BigSmile*

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

But she shouts a final roar
Then throws her phone
To rattle across the floor

(A sly rhyme slipped in there; well done!)

*ThumbsUp*OVERALL IMPRESSION:

This was a heartfelt poem about a situation that unfortunately everyone has been through (a breakup), so we can all relate to it; good job on that part. The emotion was felt strongly in each line and you conveyed the hidden listener's sympathy for the girl very well, and the girl's distress as well. Overall it was a very strong read. Nicely done!

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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96
96
Review of I Know You  
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi 💙 Carly !

I found this poem in your portfolio and thought I'd take a look. Here are my thoughts.

*Penbl*FIRST REACTION:

This was an interesting piece with a twist at the end.

*Mic*VOICE, TONE, DICTION:

The voice is first person, and the tone is mysterious. The diction is good.

*Music1*SOUND PATTERNS:

The rhyming pattern is AABBCC, etc.

*RainbowL**Clouds**Treecypress*IMAGERY:

Guy, spy and eyes.

*Notepad*LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION:

The lines were structured well with clean breaks, as each line was a complete thought. There was no obvious repetition. The meter was a little inconsistent but that can be detected by reading it aloud. For example, lines 1, 2 and 3 are very uniform, but those that follow break from the pattern a bit.

*Right*ERRORS:

None found.

*CheckB*SUGGESTIONS:

I would've liked to see some more imagery given the length of this poem. I have some grammatical suggestions to make:

No I really --> No, I really
how do you know me --> how do you know me?
He smiled, winked then --> He smiled, winked, then
Give me time --> "Give me time
I am your dreams in you I dwell. --> I am your dreams; in you I dwell."

Also, some lines didn't quite make sense, and I feel like that is because the rhymes sounded a little forced, such as "spy" and "sue". I might suggest finding another way to phrase those lines while getting the point across without making the rhymes sound forced.

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

Give me time and I will tell
I am your dreams in you I dwell.

*ThumbsUp*OVERALL IMPRESSION:

This was a most interesting poem and I didn't know what it meant in the beginning, and I definitely didn't see what was coming at the end. *BigSmile* I loved the air of mystery about it, as that's always a plus. Nice job.

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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97
97
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Hi Mravce !

I found your poem on the Noticing Newbies page and it looked interesting so I thought I'd take a look. Here are my thoughts.

*Penbl*FIRST REACTION:

There is a lot of regret about losing a friend here in this piece.

*Mic*VOICE, TONE, DICTION:

The voice is first person, and the tone is melancholic. The diction is good.

*Music1*SOUND PATTERNS:

There was assonance in "Sometimes I", "with the wind", "isn't it", and more.

*RainbowL**Clouds**Treecypress*IMAGERY:

Head, friend, bed, cheek and knees.

*Notepad*LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION:

The line breaks were good, full thoughts using punctuation. There was no set meter used here. I didn't find any obvious repetition of anything except "Memories, memories," which I liked.

*Right*ERRORS:

None found.

*CheckB*SUGGESTIONS:

I would suggest shortening some lines by splitting them onto separate lines so that they read easier. Also add some more imagery, metaphors/similes to create more visuals. I also wouldn't use the exclamation mark at the end of the last line of the poem, just a period.

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

"And anger arrives, slaps my cheek,
Pride is here down on its knees..."

*ThumbsUp*OVERALL IMPRESSION:

This poem tells about losing a friend and the heartache that goes along with it. I'm sure many of us can relate to it, as I sure did, and your words moved me. I can tell that this was written from the heart, and you did a fine job. Very nice.

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

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98
98
Review of Lonesome Pain  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi GroovyStella !

Thanks for reviewing my short story Winter Witches. I am here to return the favor with a review of my own.

*Penbl*FIRST REACTION:

There is a lot of pain and heartache in these words.

*Mic*VOICE, TONE, DICTION:

The voice is first person, and the tone is one of hurt. The diction is good.

*Music1*SOUND PATTERNS:

There is a rhyming scheme of ABCB. There was assonance with "today is the day".

*RainbowL**Clouds**Treecypress*IMAGERY:

Room, people, home, family, tears and smile. Very nice.

*Notepad*LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION:

The line breaks used enjambment. I didn't find any obvious repetition sticking out. The meter was very good.

*Right*ERRORS:

None found.

*CheckB*SUGGESTIONS:

I'd suggest putting a period at the end of the first stanza, after "home", then capitalize "my family", then do the same for the end of the second stanza and beginning of the third stanza, since there's a period at the end of the third stanza, so it'll all look uniform.

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

"my tears are falling
I can't let them see
they won't understand
the pain in me."

*ThumbsUp*OVERALL IMPRESSION:

This was a heartfelt, bearing-your-soul type of piece that I'm sure many of us can relate to. The narrator is feeling alone, incredibly sad and just simply wants to go home and not be surrounded by family at the holiday celebration where they're all happy and jolly and clueless. The narrator thinks they'll be able to tell that something's amiss with her, and maybe so. My only question is what brought the narrator to this point of such extreme melancholy? What was the life event/events? That has me very curious, but maybe that's the mystery that you as the poet leave us readers to decide for ourselves what really happened. Very well done!

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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99
99
Review of The Mountains  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Dawn Embers !

I found your poem by clicking on Random Review!

*Penbl*FIRST REACTION:

This is a poem about a glorious mountain.

*Mic*VOICE, TONE, DICTION:

The voice is third person, and the tone is one of observation. The diction is great.

*Music1*SOUND PATTERNS:

There was consonance with "filling the soul", "to forget", "Pure energy", and more.

*RainbowL**Clouds**Treecypress*IMAGERY:

Mountain, bird, green, hills, trees and kingdom. Beautiful.

*Notepad*LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION:

The lines were all full and complete thoughts. The meter followed the Haiku's syllabic count requirements, and "mountain" was repeated once for a nice effect.

*Right*ERRORS:

Natures own kingdom --> Nature's own kingdom

*CheckB*SUGGESTIONS:

Just fix the one error above.

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

"Oxygen filling the soul
Finally breathing"

*ThumbsUp*OVERALL IMPRESSION:

This was a lovely Haiku set that describes a magnificent mountain and all of the gorgeous scenery around it. I really appreciated the images you provided me in my mind of this scene, as it was described so vividly. Beautiful!

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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100
100
Review of My Woe  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Elisa the Bunny Stik !

I found your poem by clicking on Random Review!

*Penbl*FIRST REACTION:

This is a poem about writing. How fabulous.

*Mic*VOICE, TONE, DICTION:

The voice is first person, and the tone is one of worry. The diction is excellent.

*Music1*SOUND PATTERNS:

There was alliteration with "has haunted", "head high", "to terms", "makes me" and "Not knowing". Very nice.

*RainbowL**Clouds**Treecypress*IMAGERY:

Head, path, mountains, computer, ground, critics and written word.

*Notepad*LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION:

The lines flowed naturally, with no conventional meter being used. If there was any repetition in there, I didn't really notice it.

*Right*ERRORS:

None found.

*CheckB*SUGGESTIONS:

I might suggest adding just a tad bit more imagery since it was a longer piece.

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

"Eat away at my soul with their every condemnation."

*ThumbsUp*OVERALL IMPRESSION:

This was a fantastic acrostic about the distress one experiences as a writer, always second guessing yourself and criticizing yourself like no one else can! *Laugh* The pure agony expressed in this poem was felt in every line, and it all rang true and sincere. Very well done!

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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