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698 Public Reviews Given
972 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Firm yet fair.
I'm good at...
Poetry and short stories.
Favorite Genres
Historical fiction and fantasy. I also love any type of poetry, especially form poetry.
Least Favorite Genres
Sci-fi.
Favorite Item Types
Short story, poetry, chapter.
Least Favorite Item Types
Interactive.
I will not review...
Interactive.
Public Reviews
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176
176
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi tosca !

I found your poem featured on the Recently Awarded Items category on the main page, and the description of the poem sparked my interest. Here are my thoughts.

VOICE, TONE, DICTION:

The voice is first person, and the tone is angry. The diction is wonderful.

SOUND PATTERNS:

There was some alliteration with "seek a solution". There were some rhymes, although the entire poem didn't rhyme, but I liked it that way.

*RainbowL*IMAGERY:

I found some awesome imagery, vivid, from a mother, a child, a painter, a pregnant woman bleeding, and a paintbrush.

LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION:

The line breaks were unconventional, using fragments for most lines, but it worked. Meter N/A, but the flow was good.

ERRORS:

None found.

SUGGESTIONS:

I have none, sorry! I loved it the way it is *BigSmile*

*Heart*IMPACTFUL LINES:

"I want to dip my brush in
And paint it on the face
Of the hideous disgrace
We call the human race."

OVERALL IMPRESSION:

Wow! This poem's message came across loud and clear through lines that are subtle on the surface yet when the meaning is understood, they somehow slap you in the face. I think the example of the pregnant woman drove the point home. This was a beautifully written piece, however sad the subject matter may be. Bravo!

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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177
177
Review of Is that me?  
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Hi SooNami !

I found your story on the Noticing Newbies page and thought I'd take a look. Here are my thoughts.

Plot:

The narrator is in a boxing class at the gym, then goes home for the evening.

*Woman**Man*Characters:

The narrator and Jeremy, the class instructor. I would've liked to know the narrator's name.

Setting:

In the gym, and then at the narrator's home.

Narration: Voice, Tone, Exposition, Metaphors/Similes, Basic Storytelling and Diction:

The voice was first person, and the tone was comedic, almost sarcastic at times. The exposition was good, and the simile about Janet Jackson's remake of Thriller was hilarious. The diction was great.

*Thought*Dialogue:

There was only one line of dialogue: "Are you sweating?" There could be more in this piece.

Beginning and Ending:

It started off well with good action, but the ending seemed almost too final, as if the story could stop there. Consider creating a nice cliffhanger to pull us into the next chapter.

Errors:

Double space the paragraphs to make it easier on the eyes.

Suggestions:

I would just add some dialogue and include the narrator's name, and the paragraph spacing. Also, the description of the narrator's activities at home when done in detail seemed a bit tiresome. I know you were going for the angle of showing how boring and mundane her life is, but it seemed a bit much, and perhaps could be shortened. When it gets to the dating web sites, the interesting part picks up again.

*Heart*Favorite Lines:

"We looked like a bunch of untrained dancers who had been hired as zombies in Janet Jackson’s remake of Thriller. I chuckled."

Summary:

In response to your question of do I have a desire to read more, yes, I do. Only the ending is hindered by its finality. This was the beginning of a promising story, and with some polishing it can lead into the rest of it with ease and grace.

Thanks for sharing your talent, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

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178
178
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi BriAnnaNicole !

I found your poem on the Noticing Newbies page and it really interested me, so here are my thoughts.

VOICE, TONE, DICTION:

The voice is third person, a wise choice to tell a story, and the tone is somber. The diction is magnificent.

SOUND PATTERNS:

I found some rhyming couplets with "land/hand" and "command/expand" and finally "death/breath." Since I liked those rhymes, I would've liked to see the rest of the couplets rhyme more traditionally and exactly so that the poem has a sense of uniformity.

*RainbowL*IMAGERY:

There was a lot of rich imagery here, such as a hazy mist, a dark night, ghouls, grey tombs, crimson moon, barren land, corpses, the necromancer (great word), tongues, ears, skeletons, magical scythe, hooded cloaks and bones. Awesome!

LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION:

The line breaks were good but I wasn't too fond of using the hyphens so often to break the lines; I would've chosen a period. The meter was irregular as some lines had too many metrical feet compared to the shorter lines.

ERRORS:

When using archaic English, it's important to know the different forms. For example, "thou" means "you," and "thy" and "thine" both mean "your," but the difference in those two is that "thy" is used before a word beginning with a consonant, whereas "thine" is used before a word beginning with a vowel. Therefore, "thine final breath" should read "thy final breath," and "at thou command" should read "at thy command".

SUGGESTIONS:

I would polish up the meter so that it flows more smoothly, and fix the errors above.

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

There were many lines that were my favorite, I loved them all really, but if I had to choose, they would be:

"Whilst the tormented corpses walked the earth once more,
By the necromancer’s murderous, beguiling hand—"

OVERALL IMPRESSION:

This was a fascinating poem that told a great story in poetic fashion. The use of language was really incredible as the vocabulary employed was most impressive. Bravo for a job well done!

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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179
179
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Hi cloud !

I found your poem on the Noticing Newbies page and it caught my eye. Here are my thoughts.

VOICE, TONE, DICTION:

The voice is first person, a wise choice, and the tone is one of pain and desperation. The diction is good.

SOUND PATTERNS:

There was internal assonance with "feel this cold steel," and there was one rhyming couplet with "make me/reality".

*RainbowL*IMAGERY:

Cold steel, wrists.

LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION:

The line breaks were good, seeming to be near complete thoughts. The meter flowed very well. There was one repetition of the line "Either way I must escape," and I liked it.

ERRORS:

Too free --> To free

SUGGESTIONS:

I would've liked to see more imagery since I liked where you were going with the cold steel and the wrists. Also, I'm not quite sure about capitalizing words in the middle of lines, such as Cold, Break, Trying and Make. They seem out of place and awkward when capitalized.

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

"Holding me down against my will"

and

"Trying to Break me, Trying to Make me"

OVERALL IMPRESSION:

This was a deep poem that was riddled with subtle emotion that was hidden beneath the surface. For those who have battled addiction, I'm sure they can relate to the feelings conveyed here. I liked the spirit of the narrator, how he's saying "Either way I must escape," as that doesn't always happen with every person who has an addiction; sometimes they don't know they have an addiction, but this person does, recognizes it, and wants out. Good for him. This was a very well-written piece, and I hope we see more from you. *BigSmile*

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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180
180
Review of passion  
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Hi Sara - HOW?--- !

I found your poem on the Noticing Newbies page and thought I'd take a look. Here are my thoughts.

The tone of this poem was intense. The diction was good, interesting. The emotion was subtle, being conveyed through actions, and when perceived, it was very strong. The meter didn't follow a traditional pattern but it flowed all the same. I think the line "so am unable to move" should say "so I am unable to move". Overall it was a very moving poem, showing one's dedication to the person one loves.

Thanks for sharing your talent, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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181
181
Review of A Unicorn is Born  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Magoo !

Thanks again for reviewing my limerick. I'm here to return the favor.

VOICE, TONE, DICTION:

The voice is third person, and the tone is calm. The diction is excellent.

SOUND PATTERNS:

There was a lot of alliteration, such as "He hid," "bush that bloomed a bright," and many more examples. The ending assonance of the second and fourth lines of each stanza were original.

*RainbowL*IMAGERY:

I found tons of rich imagery here, from a unicorn, lilac bush, purple shrubbery, petals, wheat, a wintry ground, the sun, wings, and much more.

LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION:

The line breaks were neat and the meter was superb! Absolutely wonderful. I found subtle repetition of words like "wings," "pegasus," and "winter" or "wintry".

ERRORS:

None found.

SUGGESTIONS:

None! I love it the way it is, sorry!

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

"he landed on a distant slope,
stood guard all through the night."

OVERALL IMPRESSION:

This was such a stunning, beautiful poem. The meter was flawless, the rhymes were nice on the ears, and the imagery was breathtaking. But the story itself was incredible. It was actually very subtle, and I have to admit that I had to go back and read it a couple more times to fully grasp the story, but I got it in the end *BigSmile* You really nailed it with this one. Excellent work!

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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182
182
Review of Sempre (Always)  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Shaara !

Thanks again for reviewing my limerick. I'm here to return the favor.

Plot:

A young man, Pedro, turns into a creature of the night.

*Woman**Man*Characters:

Pedro, witches, warlocks, and the young woman in her room.

Setting:

The beginning's setting was a little unclear, but after that it was in the young woman's room.

Narration: Voice, Tone, Exposition, Metaphors/Similes, Basic Storytelling and Diction:

The voice was first person, the tone was somber and suspenseful. The diction was excellent and the storytelling was unconventional, using one-word lines and mini paragraphs, which I thought made it outstanding.

*Thought*Dialogue:

N/A.

Beginning and Ending:

The beginning hook was great - "He didn't start that way" - immediately sucked me in, wanting to know what "that way" referred to. The ending was great in that the diction was so simple yet so effective.

Errors:

None found.

Suggestions:

I have none, I liked it the way it is! Sorry.

*Heart*Favorite Lines:

"Sated now, Black Death walks."

Summary:

I'm always envious of those who can write flash fiction. It must be such a challenge, and to come up with such a unique piece is quite impressive. Also, to not repeat a single word is unbelievably good. I greatly enjoyed the story, as I go nuts over vampires and the like. I thoroughly enjoyed this read. Thank you for writing it.

Thanks for sharing your talent, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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183
183
Review of Believe  
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Hi Amanda !

I found your poem on the Noticing Newbies page and the description caught my interest. Here are my thoughts.

VOICE, TONE, DICTION:

The voice is first person, and the tone is hard to place. The diction is good/average.

SOUND PATTERNS:

I found some alliteration with "me wanting more" and "where we'll." There was internal assonance with "Is this" and "sweep me off my feet," and it all sounded very nice. The ending assonance's B rhyming couplets in ABCB were simple and subtle at the same time, sounding natural.

*RainbowL*IMAGERY:

Ears, feet and door.

LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION:

The line breaks were well done and the use of punctuation was a good choice. The meter flowed nicely. There was much repetition of "Can't believe my" but the final word changed every time, so I liked that.

ERRORS:

None found.

SUGGESTIONS:

I'd like to see some more imagery since you introduced the few mentioned above. Perhaps in the form of a metaphor or simile? Also, capitalize "all" since every other word that begins each line is capitalized.

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

"I guess it never was
The end of me and you."

OVERALL IMPRESSION:

I liked what happened in this poem, the ending result. There was a story hidden behind the lines of this piece, and it unraveled well as it went along. I also liked the length of the poem; not too short, not too long. Well done.

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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184
184
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Hi writeaway ,

I found your story on the Noticing Newbies page and thought I'd take a look. Here are my thoughts.

This was a sweet and then come to found out bittersweet tale of a daughter trying to make her father happy as they deal with the death of her mother. The detail of the mother's death at the very end was a nice twist. It seemed a little interesting why the meal was so important, and I kept reading to find out, and when I did, it made sense. I liked the descriptions of the pie, and even though I already ate dinner, I'm hungry again! That thing sounds so yummy. I would like to suggest starting the story with more action, and moving the exposition to a later part, just switch things around so the exposition doesn't slow down the beginning paragraphs. I liked the writing, and I liked the story. Good job.

Thanks for sharing your talent, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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185
185
Review of Don't Try.  
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi xiomara ,

I loved the emotion in this poem, it was so strong. The lines "Your love has murdered me. In more ways than one." were bold and I'm sure that a lot of people can relate to them, and I liked how they were repeated in the poem as well. They rhythm and meter flowed very naturally, and there was no ending rhyming pattern. I would just recommend using the ' in the words "Dont" to make it "Don't" and the same with "Wont", "Won't." Other than that, I thought it was great writing.

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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186
186
Review of Ironclaws  
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Greetings Tia Marie ,

I found this item on the Noticing Newbies page and thought I'd take a look. Here are my thoughts.

Plot:

As it is mentioned that this is a description, there wasn't much plot here.

*Woman**Man*Characters:

Ironclaws.

Setting:

The forest of Feralas.

Narration: Voice, Tone, Exposition, Metaphors/Similes, Basic Storytelling and Diction:

The voice was third person, and the tone was calm. The exposition was good, and the diction was done well.

*Thought*Dialogue:

N/A.

Errors:

None found.

Suggestions:

I would recommend turning this into a longer story with a plotline, because the character definitely sounds interesting. If it is made into a longer piece, I'd ease up a bit on the exposition, and break it up into sections spread out throughout the story so that it doesn't seem like an information dump all at once. I'd definitely like to read a story about Ironclaws.

*Heart*Favorite Lines:

"The druid raised her horned head up to watch as the trees fluttered in the midday breeze. She looked fierce."

Summary:

This was a nice description of Ironclaws, sparking my interest in the character. Good job.

Thanks for sharing your talent, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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187
187
Review of Darkness  
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
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Greetings W.B.Willie ,

I found your poem on the Noticing Newbies page and it caught my eye. Here are my thoughts.

VOICE, TONE, DICTION:

The voice is first person, and the tone is intense. The diction is good.

SOUND PATTERNS:

I found some alliteration with "will win," "knows no," "so it swallows," and "light of love." There was some ending assonance in the first stanza, with a rhyming scheme of ABAB, but it dropped off after that.

*RainbowL*IMAGERY:

Panther, man, beast, woman, boy and girl.

LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION:

The line breaks were good. The meter flowed smoothly in the first stanza, but became short and choppy in the second. There was a lot of repetition of "darkness," almost too much as it was mentioned five times in the short poem.

ERRORS:

persuing --> pursuing

SUGGESTIONS:

Since only the first stanza had a rhyming scheme and the rest didn't, I'd stick to a non-rhyming poem to make it all uniform. Also, try to find another way to phrase "darkness" so that there isn't so much repetition.

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

"The darkness, like a panther
swiftly running, persuing the light"

OVERALL IMPRESSION:

There was an interesting idea in here, that the darkness was hatred and the light was love. I liked how it was fully developed and revealed at the end. Nice work.

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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188
188
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Natechia dos Reis ,

This poem was very interesting. On the technical side, it employed an ending assonance with the first two lines, and then the third to last line coupled with the last line, but nothing else, so I'd either make it all uniform or don't use it at all. There was nice imagery with seasons, footsteps and the ground. As for the content, what I understood from the last line of the seeing "seasons in your eyes" part meant that the person has an old soul. I definitely got that the narrator loves and admires the other person. It was beautifully written, and although cryptic, I like cryptic poems as they leave us to interpret them ourselves. Well done again!

April

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189
189
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Hi JoshJ !

I found your story on the Noticing Newbies page and it sparked my interesting, so I decided to pay it a visit. Here are my thoughts.

Plot:

A woman named Jessica McClaren has shot two police officers during a traffic stop, so the police department is getting ready to take her down, and they know that she's in a house, but whether it's her house or somebody else's house or an abandoned house is unclear.

*Woman**Man*Characters:

The villain, Jessica McClaren, Deputy Jordan, Senior Deputy Rodriguez and Sheriff Brown.

Setting:

In the police station, and then outside of Jessica's house. Nice settings, contrasting environments and the second one had a high intensity of conflict.

Narration: Voice, Tone, Exposition, Metaphors/Similes, Basic Storytelling and Diction:

The voice was third person, an excellent choice for this story for what happens to the main character in the end. The tone is suspenseful. The exposition was very sparse, and I would've liked to know what the house looked like (a shack, a cottage, track home with sprawling manicured lawn...) The storytelling was excellent and the diction was magnificent.

*Thought*Dialogue:

The dialogue was believable and well done.

Beginning and Ending:

The beginning was outstanding, launching right into the action through dialogue which is hard to do but this dialogue was effective, a good hook. The ending was definitely foreshadowed but it still hurt all the same as I wanted a different outcome for Deputy Jordan, but not every ending is a happy ending. I suppose Jessica was that good!

Errors:

in route --> en route
Now it was the deputies turn --> deputy's turn

Suggestions:

Fix the errors above.

*Heart*Favorite Lines:

"Right now, I’ll pull the damn trigger if she breaths the wrong way!” His face was set hard as stone; his eyes had a wild look to them."

Summary:

What a fabulous story with an impactful ending, and also a cliffhanger! It leaves me wondering what will happen to the state troopers when they arrive at the house. I liked the length of the story too; it really shows the skills of a writer when they can write a short story and fit everything into only so many paragraphs, so very well done. You have great talent, and once again, I welcome you to Writing.com!

Thanks for sharing your talent, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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190
190
Review of Drown in tears  
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Hi Natechia dos Reis !

I found your poem on the Noticing Newbies page and thought I'd take a look. Here are my thoughts.

DICTION, TONE, VOICE:

The voice is first person, and the tone is sorrowful. The diction is superb.

SOUND PATTERNS:

I found an echo with "know" and "shadow" in the first line. There was ending assonance with every two lines, but the first two "shadow/battle" didn't rhyme perfectly, but they still worked.

*RainbowL*IMAGERY:

A shadow, a battle, tears, and someone drowning. Wow.

LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION:

The line breaks were solid and neat as each line was a complete thought. Punctuation was used well and it was a wise choice. The meter flowed smoothly except for the fourth line which had too many metrical feet, and the last line which had too few, but I would leave the last line as it is since it had a nice effect. There was repetition of "I cry" and "me".

ERRORS:

After "my tears" it needs a comma.

SUGGESTIONS:

Shorten the meter in the fourth line, and the error above.

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

"I cry when I know that pain has become my shadow,"

OVERALL IMPRESSION:

This was a most profound piece on someone that is battling pain. Whether it's a physical pain or an emotional/mental pain was unclear, but I liked the fact that it was left to the interpretation of the reader. Each line was a deeply formulated thought filled with intense feeling, and I surely felt it jumping off my laptop screen *BigSmile* This was excellent writing. And once again, welcome to Writing.com! Let me know if you need anything around here.

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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191
191
Review of The Path Of Night  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Hi Markus !

I found your portfolio on the Account Birthdays page and decided to read this poem. Here are my thoughts.

DICTION, TONE, VOICE:

The voice is first person, and the tone is sorrowful. The diction is great.

SOUND PATTERNS:

I found some alliteration with "For fear," "we will," "No one knows," and internal alliteration with "sun rises," "the path" and "not meant to." There were some echoes with "why I hide" and "blinds them to my plight."

*RainbowL*IMAGERY:

The path, night, a heart, the sun and a dove. Nice imagery.

LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION:

The line breaks were good as punctuation was used appropriately. "Night" and "heart" were repeated. The meter flowed well in the first stanza, but became choppy in the second as some lines had too few metrical feet compared to the pattern of the first stanza.

ERRORS:

None found.

SUGGESTIONS:

Polish the meter.

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

"No one knows why I hide,
For fear blinds them to my plight."

OVERALL IMPRESSION:

I liked the metaphor of catching the dove, that was a nice image. This was a sad tale of a love lost and never to be had again, for one has lost all hope in love in general. Excellent writing.

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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192
192
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Hi Fen Fen !

I found your port on the Account Birthdays page and was interested in this poem, so here are my thoughts.

DICTION, TONE, VOICE:

The voice is first person, and the tone is serious and gloomy. The diction is out-of-this-world excellent *BigSmile*

SOUND PATTERNS:

I found some alliteration with "hill hiding," "he knows who," "Without the willow," "No one knows," and more. The ending assonance of each two lines sounded very nice to the ears.

*RainbowL*IMAGERY:

A willow, bone, the Keeper, a hill, the sun, the moon and kings.

LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION:

The line breaks were good as the lines were full thoughts. There was some repetition of "willow" and "hill" but it wasn't overdone. The meter flowed smoothly.

ERRORS:

None found.

SUGGESTIONS:

None, sorry! I love it the way it is.

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

"Without the willow he will die

But the willow stands till the end is nigh."

OVERALL IMPRESSION:

I absolutely loved the language in this poem, it was so archaic and befitting to the parable-like feel of it all. The story was interesting, but I must admit that the language was so strongly archaic that I had to read it three times to fully grasp the meaning! But great poems make the readers do that, my friend, so bravo.

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and KEEP WRITING! *Reading**Writing*

April

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193
193
Review of Cobwebs  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Greetings ~LadyBee~ !

I found your portfolio on the Account Birthdays page and this item interested me. The emotion behind every single word had such a strong impact, it was incredible. It definitely sounded like poetry rather than prose, but looked like prose since the lines were longer. The diction was more than impressive. Each idea was shaped in such a precise manner and worded in such a profound and clever way that I am just mesmerized, truly. I found some repetition of "breathe" and "death" to reinforce those ideas. The writing was so somber yet beautiful at the same time. The only correction I found was "fear of loosing" should be "losing". I can't cite a favorite line, for I loved them all. I'm sorry that I don't have any suggestions for improvement, because I think it is amazing just the way it is.

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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194
194
Review of Worthless  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Prosperous Snow Valentine !

I found your poem on the Request Reviews page and thought I'd take a look. Here are my thoughts.

DICTION, TONE, VOICE:

The voice is first person, and the tone is really hard to place, but I found it to be pretty seductive at first glance. The diction is superb.

SOUND PATTERNS:

Alliteration with "blow drives the blade," and an internal alliteration with "Success."

*RainbowL*IMAGERY:

Diamonds, diamond cutter, sharp channel and laser-edged blade.

LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION, AND RHYME:

The line breaks were off at times, but I knew that it was because the next word had to begin the next line as it was an acrostic. The meter flowed beautifully and I only found repetition of the word "diamond." Rhyme N/A. Excellent use of punctuation.

ERRORS:

I think where it says "Each blow drives the blade though" is the "though" supposed to be a "through"?

SUGGESTIONS:

Just the one possible error. Other than that, I enjoyed it just the way it is.

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

"Severing the rough gem in half.
Success is polished beauty."

OVERALL IMPRESSION:

I loved the quote at the top. It was a nice touch, but the poem itself really drove the point home. I embrace the idea that we are all diamonds in the rough, and yet we don't even know it. Nice job.

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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195
195
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Greetings colorfulpoet !

I found your thesis on the Request Reviews page and it looked interesting, so here I am. Here are my thoughts, and since I don't believe I've ever reviewed a thesis before, I tried my best and had to tailor my review to what I think would be a review for a thesis *BigSmile*

Topic:

Birth order determines who we are as adults, our personalities and our success in life.

Topic Development/Argument/Diction:

Each point for each birth group had many good examples supporting the stance of why birth order matters. Some examples, however, were the same thing and became a little redundant. Also, using the term "first-born child" multiple times throughout the paragraph gets a little trite. Maybe find another way to phrase it. The diction was done well.

Errors:

"The first-born child is often the achievers" should say "achiever". "inpatient" should be "impatient". "Eldest child are often" should be "Eldest children", and remove the hyphen from "high-achiever," and add an S. There was some confusion with the then/than, and some nouns needed a 's to indicate possession.

Suggestions:

I would like to see this thesis expanded, since there must be scientific research and analytical data supporting or refuting your stance. This could be a much long piece, with many more citations to academic and professional references.

Summary:

I think this is a very promising work, and with some fine-tuning and expansion it will become even better. I definitely agreed with your argument on the only child, since I am one, and it seemed to describe me well! Bravo.

Thanks for sharing your talent, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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196
196
Review of The Attic  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Greetings spidey !

I found this story when I clicked on "Random Review." Here are my thoughts.

Plot:

A young girl, who we learn is a ghost, is trapped in the attic where she died, and she watches as people come to look at the house (thereby looking at the attic as well) and she gets excited, only to have them leave.

*Woman**Man*Characters:

The girl, and the visitors.

Setting:

The attic.

Narration: Voice, Tone, Exposition, Metaphors/Similes, Basic Storytelling and Diction:

The voice is first person, and the tone is one of remembrance, and it becomes slightly sorrowful over the course of the story. The exposition is done well. The storytelling and diction were appropriate to the age of the young girl.

*Thought*Dialogue:

N/A.

Beginning and Ending:

The beginning caught my attention because I really wanted to know about "this room," then it became kind of creepy when I found out it was an attic, then finally at the end of the first paragraph I found out what had happened in that attic. The ending was sad but wrapped up the story in a finalizing way.

Errors:

None found.

Needs Work:

I would've liked to know the girl's name, but maybe you were going for an anonymity aspect here, which I can appreciate.

*Heart*Favorite Lines:

"My mind plays tricks on me, though, and I usually only see what it looked like when I was alive."

Summary:

I'm intrigued to know how/why this girl died in the attic! But I see that that's not the direction of the story. This was a most interesting tale of a girl trapped in the place where she died, and I'm wondering what's going to happen to her after they condemn the house? (At least that's what I understood from the story.) Great job!

Thanks for sharing your talent, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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197
197
Review of just surving  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Greetings Misha !

I found your portfolio on the Account Birthdays page and I wanted to give you my thoughts on your poem.

DICTION, TONE, VOICE:

The voice is third person, and the tone is painful. The diction is good.

SOUND PATTERNS:

Alliteration with "she knows/Shedding."

*RainbowL*IMAGERY:

Tears, pills, shoulder and cheeks. Good imagery.

LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION, AND RHYME:

One line break was awkward, the one that ended with "misery,hate," but the rest were good. The meter is varied, but consistent when it's following a certain pattern. There was some repetition of "control," but it was subtle and I almost didn't catch it. Rhyme N/A.

ERRORS:

There needs to be a space before "hate" in "misery,hate," and the same in "her tears,the pain."

NEEDS WORK:

The one line break and the error above.

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

"Out of control,

lost time doesn't rewind."

OVERALL IMPRESSION:

This was a melancholic poem about a tortured soul, but I didn't quite seem to find exactly what the reason was that she was in pain all the time. Maybe you could make that a little clearer.

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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198
198
Review of Light  
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Greetings BlackRose ,

I found your story on the Noticing Newbies page. Here are my thoughts.

Plot:

The ghost comes to haunt the narrator of the story every night.

*Woman**Man*Characters:

The narrator of the story, and the female ghost. What are their names?

Setting:

The narrator's bedroom.

Narration: Voice, Tone, Exposition, Metaphors/Similes, Basic Storytelling and Diction:

The voice is first person, the tone is gloomy, there was a good metaphor with the Achilles Heel, and the storytelling was good. The diction was excellent.

*Thought*Dialogue:

N/A.

Beginning and Ending:

It began with action and vivid detail, which was great. The ending was satisfactory for the narrator.

Errors:

"non hearing" should be "non-hearing" and the very last sentence of the story needs a period at the end.

Needs Work:

I would've liked to see some dialogue between these two characters, how they interact with each other, and what their names are. Also, besides the ghost coming to haunt the narrator, it didn't seem like nothing much else happened. Ghosts come to haunt/attack/taunt/harass people, but what could be different about this one?

*Heart*Favorite Lines:

"She has always been with me; from as far back as I can recall; always there, always screaming inaudibly at me with her warped features. But you could always see her mouth moving with an impeccable speed."

Summary:

This is a promising tale with excellent language used.

Thanks for sharing your talent, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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199
199
Review of The Night Song  
In affiliation with Newbie Help And Support Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon! *BalloonR*


Greetings Belinda ,

I found your poem on the Noticing Newbies page and wanted to share my thoughts with you.

DICTION, TONE, VOICE:

The voice is first person, the tone is one of admiration, and the diction is good.

SOUND PATTERNS:

Alliteration with "lonely streets/Listening," "sparkling stars," "night calls my name," "Sweet sounds" and "monotones of music."

*RainbowL*IMAGERY:

Streets, stars, fire and the moon. All having to do with nature, appropriate to the theme.

LINE STRUCTURE: LINE BREAKS, METER, REPETITION, AND RHYME:

Line breaks were clean, meter was good throughout most of the poem but some lines had too many metrical feet, and there was some repetition of "night," but it wasn't overdone. Rhyme N/A.

ERRORS:

None found.

NEEDS WORK:

Meter in just a couple lines.

*Heart*FAVORITE LINES:

"Purple monotones of music play in my head
As the moon peeks through the curtains of heaven"

OVERALL IMPRESSION:

This was a beautiful ode to the night, describing the effect it can have on someone. The descriptions were vivid and I saw them clearly in my mind's eye. Bravo.

Thanks for sharing your talent with us, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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200
200
Review of Trial  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings elizjohn ,

I found your story on the Request Reviews page and thought I'd take a look. Here are my thoughts. (And I must say, I'm always impressed with flash fiction.)

Plot:

Rowan and three other women want to become Handrel's apprentice, but only one will be chosen.

*Woman**Man*Characters:

Rowan, Handrel, and the other two women.

Setting:

It's unclear where exactly they are, but I like it that way. The air of mystery adds to the somber setting.

Narration: Voice, Tone, Exposition, Metaphors/Similes, Basic Storytelling and Diction:

The voice is third person, and the tone is dark and suspenseful. The exposition is minimal, but woven into the action, well done. The diction is excellent, and the storytelling is magnificent.

*Thought*Dialogue:

Very believable.

Beginning and Ending:

The beginning sucked me in. I had no idea what was going on, but it sounded very interesting, and very important. Once the action began, I was already hooked. The ending left me satisfied, as Rowan got what she wanted.

Errors:

None found.

Needs Work:

Nothing, I liked it just the way it is, sorry!

*Heart*Favorite Lines:

“...I...am…worthy…” she breathed.

Summary:

I've always thought that I could never write flash fiction because in my opinion it's so difficult, but you make it seem so easy! The storyline was awesome, the way it was told was expert, and I would just highly recommend it to anyone looking to read a short piece. Thank you for writing it, I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Thanks for sharing your talent, and keep writing! *Reading**Writing*

April

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