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126 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
Review of Stage Fright  
Review by Archie
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
A fine portrait of fear and ambition, seasoned with dream dust. This piece kept me hoping, up[ until the very end, that this teen would succeed. Of course, just getting in front of the judges was a major victory, though he probably did not see it that way.

This is a finely crafted character portrait, which I enjoyed and got to care about. Keep writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Milu  
Review by Archie
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Very good. I enjoyed this poem and it made me think. The poem leads me to wonder to whom the poet is addressing his thoughts, is it a lover? A parent? An employer? The poem allows us to answer that question as it applies to us, perhaps triggering us into a much delayed action.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Archie
Rated: E | (3.0)
This is a good first draft that needs a bit of polishing, particularly in creating more of a flow.

A few suggestions:

"Looking back it, I change in my life," Looking back at it? Missing "at"

"Been a while since I talk to you," talked?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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4
Review of Friends  
Review by Archie
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a well-developed short-short that teaches a lesson in friendship, as well as a lesson in safety. Further, it highlights education through independent reading. This is a perfect story for young readers, or to be read to children. To add value, the story could lead to discussions that might easily enhance a child's chances at survival.

I liked the story for its combination of truth and simplicity.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Archie
Rated: E | (5.0)
Once upon a time, there was a young celestial boy named Joe. Everyday, Joe would gaze into the heavens beyond his celestial mansion, wondering what or who inhabited that place. One day, he decided to find a way to that exalted place and befriend the first being he found there. Because of that, Joe increased his inner musings, meditating, wishing, and imagining himself there, for there were no stairs, no ladders, and certainly no elevators. Until finally, Joe found himself there in that elevated celestial land, and, stepping back to get a full panoramic view, fell into a celestial abyss dropping him to a renewed life back on Earth.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of All Over Again...  
Review by Archie
Rated: E | (3.0)
This poem alludes to lessons learned the best way, through the living of one's life. I liked the ideas and thoughts, and they were easily understood. The strength of this poem is the truth it contains.

If I may make a recommendation, thrash this poem about a bit more, polish it to avoid the "sing-song" rhythm that detracted a bit; perhaps detracted is the wrong word, distracted a bit.

Thank you for sharing this work.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Archie
Rated: E | (4.0)
This poem leads one through several emotions, love being the primary emotion. The night motif is a nice tool as well, covering, but not hiding from each other the professed love.

There is one mechanical error I caught. You wrote, "Your really in love with me too." Your should be You're.

Thanks for sharing this.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Late AGAIN!  
Review by Archie
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Simple story, but funny and direct. I enjoyed this and it could be the start of a series of stories about this couple's afterlife. Stuck together, of course. This would also turn easily into a TV (or Netflix!) sitcom.

At the beginning, the language seemed a bit stilted. No contractions. This eased up, and, whan it did, the dialog flowed much better, in my opinion.

Thanks for sharing your work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by Archie
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I simply liked this poem; it spoke to me, which is what poems are supposed to do. More importantly, your soul spoke to mine through this poem.

I would have changed a couple of small, insignificant things.

1. In the line: "The sweet refrain of lover's call," I would have used "lovers" implying more than one. That, of course, would have needed, "calls" at the end of the line, necessitating "halls" at the end of the stanza. Just a thought.

2. In the line: "Yet as if by spell, blooms burst free." I would have placed a comma after the word "Yet."

Minor things. All in all, I really enjoyed reading "And thus does the wind cry."


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
Review of The Dialogue  
Review by Archie
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Most interesting concept and an even more interesting conversation. It is obvious you put a lot of thought into this piece, and that is the sign of a good writer, and, in your case, possibly a good philosopher.

I enjoyed reading this though I did not agree with either one of the characters, though, that really makes them more human.

My main disappointment in this piece is that it ended. Perhaps you could do more like this with different people and different issues. Perhaps you could have one of your "hell" conversations between a KKK Grand Dragon and Martin Luther King? Another could be FDR and the Emperor of Japan. Henry the VIII and a couple of his wives, perhaps?

Keep writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of When I was lost  
Review by Archie
Rated: E | (3.5)
I like it, but can't help but feel you changed roads in the middle. I really liked the "Call Me Home" theme and wonder if you could have carried it on to the end, with a line, perhaps, "He called her home."

I am not religious, still, religious images are powerful. Being called home would carry through your theme, I think. Still liked what you wrote, and just thought I'd add another idea to it.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
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Review of Blood and Bones  
Review by Archie
Rated: E | (3.0)
Wonderful word images. I like this poem because it expresses the essence of humanity. This poem has a rhythm that gently eases us from word to word, from line to line. It also tunes us in to everyone else, since we are similar, as this poem reminds us.

Just notice a couple things:

1. Line 3- I would replace "and the" with "I am"
2. Line 6- "moons" should be "moon's"
3. Line 8- Consider using a comma after "worth"

All in all, a very good, meaningful poem.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
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Review by Archie
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a wonderful piece. I thoroughly enjoy reading well-written articles that surprise me. What surprised me? I, too, thought that horses were first introduced by the Spaniards. It is a joy of discovery that this article enlightened me,

Also, rare for those articles and stories I review, are ones like this that have no mechanical defects. I'm not perect and could have missed them, but usually they jump out at me. Not in this piece.

Thank you for sharing your knowledge, and thank you for doing it in such a well-written manner.
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Review of Poison  
Review by Archie
Rated: E | (4.0)
This poem is a thought generator.. Short and sweet, the way I imagine death to be.

This poem makes me care about the subject writing/speaking the poem's words.. Why is she going to take the poison berries? Has she already? Why do I feel it is a she and not a he? To whom iss she saying good bye?

I see no mechanical errors.. Thank you for sharing your poem.
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Review by Archie
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Are you a ghost writer? Death is a lonely place, filled with regrets. At least as you portrayed it. your piece brought forth questions about how many dead may be inhabiting my social and professional worlds.

In the beginning, I felt you used a few too many commas, but that, I think, is merely a matter of taste and/or style.

I liked this. Keep writing.
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Review of Last Visit  
Review by Archie
Rated: E | (3.5)
Lonely piece that makes me hope it was only a momentary feeling. You made it real, because it was. The words described both loneliness and despair.

Overall, fairly good piece. I would have added a comma between "you" and "but" in the first line. The ending hinted at finality; a good last paragraph.
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Review by Archie
Rated: E | (4.0)
Good, definitely cheery and upbeat. This is a great poem for this time of year and incorporates your views of nature as well as your optimism. oetry is not my strong suit when it comes to critiquing, but I do know what I like and what I don't like, and this is a poem I definitely liked. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I take it you are blond? Yellow seems to be your color!
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Review of Wanna Kiss You  
Review by Archie
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Feelings are what make poems come to life, and feelings your poem has.

I am wondering about the word "ma" in a few places, do you mean "me"? You seem to use both and I was not sure if this had a meaning or pourpose or was just a typo.

My main complaints concern mechanical and form issues. For instance, a space after a comma makes for easier reading, and is expected by most readers. Also, the line lengths vary and, again, I am not sure if it is intended or just the way things worked out in your word processor. It was not consistent. consistency in style is a great helper to a reader.

Take this review from one who is more traditional and "old fashione" in poetry enjoyment. I did enjoy your poem but would have preferred a more traditional approach with things such as rhyme scheme, meter, etc.

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Review of A long sleep  
Review by Archie
Rated: E | (3.5)
Very descriptive; makes the reader see and feel the words better.

It would help if the paragraphs had lines between them, blank lines to separate them from each other.

A few typos, such as "your" instead of "you're' and a couple others. Try shortiening some of your sentences, although that is a matter of style.

Powerful, sad ending.
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Review by Archie
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Nice personal introduction with a few grammar errors; a good sencond or third look would have found them, I am certain. First, " I just wish it is" shoud read, " I just wish it were."

Also, a fewof your first person pronoun "I" showed up as lower case in a couple places.

The term, "do a blog" would be more poerful if you had written, "write a blog," or "create a blog." do is often overused and expresses little. "Writing" or "creating" tells more than just "doing."

However, not being a Canadian, I am not certain that those errors would be correct in your language and not in American English! If that is the case, please forgive me.

Welcome! May writing become a pleasant viral disease that you cannot cure!
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Review of Intermezzo  
Review by Archie
Rated: E | (4.5)
Interesting -- it seems this poet is talking to either himself or to God, perhaps both; perhaps the two are the same. I'd like to see more exploratory poetry like this to help us see our own behaviors. A personal gripe, not major, is that it is more difficult for me to read anything with each line centered. I'm a bit old school and an engineering type to boot, so more order would make me feel better, even though the words were great.

The first verse seemed to scan the best; could you make the rest match more closely. That first verse just seemed to flow so well.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.


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Review by Archie
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like this poem; it is short and leaves room for reader interpretation. One is not sure if the poet is saying the loved one is heavenly and connected to the clouds, of if the loved one is too distant to know on the earthly plain. That's what, in my opinion, makes it a decent poem, the forcing of the reader to participate and interpret.

I'd add a period to the end, or possibly ellipses . . .

Also, looking "into eyes," not "in eyes."


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.
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Review by Archie
Rated: E | (4.0)
Most interesting article. It left me wanting to read more. Is this piece part of a series or are you really leaving the rest of the research up to us. What a cliff-hanger you wrote!

You left us with tantalizing evidence to follow; thank you.

My only criticism would be that you put a blank line between the paragraphs to make it a bit easier to read.
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Review of I am Light  
Review by Archie
Rated: E | (3.5)
First thing I noticed was the "sun=s" and the same construct in "prism=s" in your most interesting poem. Were those typos, or were they done on purpose for some reason these old eyes of mine have missed?

Your many and varied examples of light, real and imagined, added power to this poem. Your grasp of imagery is very good.
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Review of Memories  
Review by Archie
Rated: E | (5.0)
Lee, this is a wonderful poem honoring Icer. I loved the imagery, and your words and rhythm carried me easily into the world of memories.

This poem is THE best description of memory I have ever read and I thank you for creating this beautiful poem. You have received one of very few ratings of "5" that I have issued. And I would have given it a "10" were that possible!

I recommend this poem to all readers.
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