I saw this as an entree in the contest.
This was easy to read and picture. I’ve read so many of your stories that I knew how the end would be, yet the way it was drawn out kept me reading.
The only thing that puzzled me was the sentence, for him nothing had changed... nothing, yet it seemed a great deal had changed.
What is that called? Is it a kind of literary technique?
Congratulations on first place.
I love your poem. It opened my eyes to the hardships sailors endured and made me wonder what were the circumstances that made them decide to sail the stormy seas.
Hope all is well Jaya,
A long while ago you reviewed my story Clock Tower. I finally found time to visit your port.
I picked this poem for several reasons. It had an award icon, was at the top of your portfolio, and the intro attracted me.
Your poem has three parts. My favorite is the first one, for it conveys your feelings clear and direct.
The other two were more general and how can I say... like time heals all wounds, expressed through the the details of nature and finally of faith. Well done.
This is a fine poem that shows the power of a simple flower or person to make a difference in life.
I don't know if the the seventh and eighth lines were intentionally left to not rhyme. Was it to add emphasis?
Anyway, it made me feel we should look at life more positively. Keep on writing.
Hello Chariot,
This is a return review. Thanks again for yours.
Since this is autumn, I chose this poem.
After the first reading, I thought it had a very good rhythm with simple common words.
Then, my critical mind came into action. I thought the first line sounds more like winter, then if it’s a frozen land why isn’t the water ice.
On third reading, I thought everything is a metaphor. Then, there’s some deep meaning here.
Anyway, I give it 5 stars for making me think about how simple words can change how we think.
Thanks Chris for your review of my poem Drugs.
I loved your ending. So simple yet so real.
I found no errors though I have a suggestion. Reading your story was a little hard on the eyes. If you could break up your paragraphs and insert a space between them, it would help.
The style of writing was simple yet fit the character and everyday feeling of the story. Well done.
One more suggestion if it’s okay. Relate one of the mysterious situations that occurred to Bob to build up sympathy and understanding of is character.
I enjoyed reading your story for the vivid descriptions of the house. The intro kept me going. It went in a direction I didn’t anticipate! A couple if pranksters having some fun.
I found a couple of errors.
Cecelia found the hall at the bottom of the stairs as dark and suffocating as the attic had been before she discovered the light switch.>...before she had discovered...
A typo. She headed down the stairs, bypassed by Felix
I think what holds us back from freely expressing ourselves is the reaction from others. So, it requires courage which many get from talking to trusted friends, or loved pets, or from alcohol.
To put in down for anyone to see, as you've done, requires courage, too. As for your fear that you will explode into a Super Nova, if that happens, it will be something awesome to see and remembered through time.
Hi Zeke,
Thanks again for your review. I like your observations on modern life.
However, I'm not sure what your feelings are about the impossibility of being alone.
I just watched the movie Passenger. It's about a man on a spaceship being woken up 88 years ahead of time by a faulty computer. The only one he can speak to is a robot bartender, though there are 5000 other passengers sleeping. He breaks down after one year and wakes one up.
So, I chose to read this.
The fourth and fifth lines needs careful clarification.
Yet, he played the role of quiet observer.
His life was void of caring or observing.
It seems contradictory that he was an observer, yet his life was void of observing. Another thing I thought was is caring in the line meant to be from him or from others toward him or both.
A thought provoking item. Thanks for sharing.
Kotaro
Thanks for your reviews, sadorose.
I like the first two lines the most. I also like shadow to shadow I roam, for it's good beat.
I wonder what you think of changing the I to you? Do you feel by doing this it involves the reader more. Or, it could mean the poet is looking in the mirror. Or, is it more important to show directly how the poet feels?
This is a return review. Thanks again for yours.
Wow! Very dark and creepy. I liked how you ended it that death is a natural inevitability even if you survive natural catastrophes.
I got your nice review with the helpful suggestion. Thanks. I enjoyed this tale especially the dialogue. It brought out the three characters well and the ending brought a smile.
Hi T.L.,
This is a return review.
The first two lines are very good. You've got the sight of lightening and the sound of thunder. However, the last line, I feel, doesn't match the feeling of the poem. A strong wind flattening the wheat would be more appropriate in my view.
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