I knew from the title that this would be funny and I was right. I have never laughed so hard as I did after reading this. I wouldn't want a life partner like Alison, thats for sure. I do hope you plan on turning this into a novel. Even if you don't, thanks for uploading this.
First thing to say is congratulations for completing this novel. 160 k words, phew! I hope your fingers didn't fall off after all of that typing! I do have oner thing to mention.
Try spacing apart the paragraphs, this will make it easier on the eyes of the reader. I do have bad eyesight anyway, but that huge block of text made my eyes water slightly!
This is definitely a well thought out message, one that is clearly displayed in both the Psalm and the story of Anna. The comparison between the way a tree and a person can both grow and develop is an excellent way to portray a message.
This works for me. Thanks for imparting the message that anyone can mature from a tiny seed, and grow into something wonderful.
This poem is fantastic and definitely brings to mind the aging process. This kind of reminds me of the song: 'Senior Moments' that you can find on youtube. Does this poem take the mickey out of that process we all must face?
This a good way of putting across the point of aging and a funny way of doing it. You did it rather well. I especially liked the part about updating the memory.
Unfortunately, human brains can't be upgraded like computers!
This has huge potential and I enjoyed reading this. I thought it was fantastic to find a novel from the point of view of the dragon. I was enticed into reading this by the mention of a broken pact, and what the dragons might undertake to find out what occurred to their brethren under the hands of the humans they pledged to guide. If you ever do return to WDC, note that you have a potential reader for your novel.
It is a shame that you haven't been online since 2010. This would be a great continuation for the Labyrinth movie. I believe the voice belonged to Jareth and his urgings to enter her aunt's room was a guise to bring her back to his realm. Using another version of the book Sarah had as a teenager is interesting. I would love to see what is contained in the 13th chapter of that little red book!
From what I was able to read through, this has a lot of potential. But I had to reading part of the way through the chapters as the text appeared to be one long upload.
Perhaps if you go back to edit mode and space out more of the paragraphs, plus make the point size of the font a little bit bigger, it will be easier to read. Apart from that, no complaint from me!
Wow, what a good laugh and a looong limerick! I won't say what I thought was in the stew, incase youngsters read this review! The butler seems to be a right idiot, despite being in charge of the staff.
The cook seems to be a down right shifty character, rather well written. This is a finely crafted item. Thanks for sharing this.
Before I review, I'll just add you and your novel to my favourites tab so I can receive notifications when an update is uploaded as this shows a lot of promise. What really stood out for me is the way you have portrayed the dragons, especially the one called Rohkr.
Plus, more than one race of dragons? I'll carry on reading to find out more!
I too, know what it is like to live in poverty and go through a childhood like yours. My dad was a drunk most of the time and when I started work, I often had to use my wages to purchase food for my younger siblings. I couldn't let them go hungry due to the fact that my dad poured his wages down his throat. I've suffered like you have, but not nearly as severe as you.
I too, had a friend in the form of a four pawed person. My cat Twizzel. She taught me so much and I miss her every day, but still remember the lessons I've learned from her. I'm fully grown now and seem to have acquired another four legged friend, a tortoiseshell cat called Gizmo. She accepts me and all my odd quirks, just like a true friend should!
:D I really enjoyed this! Anything with dragons in it, I am a sucker for. Even poetry. Thanks for writing this, I loved the flow of words and wordplay. I could clearly imagine all that you put down on paper, computer screen, bread and bacon!
Just one question, well two really.
Can you turn this into a story and the other question:
This is a very well written piece and has just proven to be rather inspirational for me. The analogy of using a mountain and a man was a very good touch. Mountains are often seen as untouchable, but with perseverance, anything can be overcome. I hope I feel that way when I complete my first manuscript.
Hands are strange things aren't they? I believe hands were given to us to help us do with our life what we want to do. As I am a writer, I hope one day my fate will ensure I am writing all the time. We can do many things with these hands of ours, but I believe the best THING we can do with them is to help each other. As it was inherent within your poem, old hands can teach new hands through experience!
Thank for sharing this creative piece with us all here on WDC!
This poem is fantastic and reminds me of when I first laid eyes on that small bundle of fur, my now six year old tortoiseshell cat Gizmo. She does and has done, all the things mentioned in the verses of your poem!
To this day, I don't catch her drinking out of the toilet as due to bleach being thrown down it, I keep the lid down, I DO spot her taking a drink out of the dishwater. Some of the things our feline friends get up to are sometimes daft and mystifying, but all part of their charm.
And as for your cat choosing you, I've always believed cats are born knowing the human they belong to. Your lovely tom was lucky enough to find you and be loved for what he is.
Wow this looks rather interesting! I have an urge to research and perhaps write in this genre. Just one question, are dragons allowed in Steampunk? I have an idea for a novel for this genre!
Anyway thanks for putting out knowledge about this new field of fantasy/scifi and the Victorian Era. I'm always looking for new stuff and it found me!
And finally we see the main female MC herself and I must say what a character she is turning out to be! She seems to have just as much nobility, fire and strength of spirit as the bondmate I have read about in your novel thus far.
What drew me to her even more is the fact she had the courage and foresight to look past the old ways and ancient laws/ideals of her people to see what other races could offer her people.
I hope to see more of this amazing female MC as the novel goes on. Thanks for uploading this.
I don't normally go for romance novels as the ones passed to me by my mother and nan were so badly written, even the back of a cereal packet was considered a better read. After perusing the opening paragraphs, this chapter possesses far more substance than the nutritional information on the back of the Weetabix I have for breakfast every morning!
Jamie seems to be a rather stable man, home from the army and out to collect an inheritance. And as for the young lady, I hope she plays hard to get, as any woman should! xD
I nearly put in this review a word I believed was misused, until it sprang on me, this has been written in American English.
I'm placing this on an alert so I can read further.
You know what, I felt the same way when I try to learn German. I have had some rather funny looks from native speakers when I try to chat to them. It is nice to know that I'm not the only one who this has happened to. I didn't see any errors or mistakes so well done! I might, if I manage to learn BSL - British Sign Language, put my trials and tribulations here on WDC!
I must say this item has proved to be rather interesting. Just be reading though this once, I can see there are two different races living on the world you have begun to create for your novel.
The Taween - who seem to be more mystically or spiritually inclined of the two races. Their beliefs stem from nature.
The Aearians - who if I have read this wrong, please excuse me, are more concerned with scientfic matters and their old ways were of assisting people.
I did enjoy read this piece and hope to see more of this book. You've managed to get the spacing right when you have uploaded. I've yet to do this correctly for my own uploads!
I did spot one error. When you typed 'believes' when showing the things the two races consider to be important, you might have meant 'beliefs' instead.
I do have questions about the takana and the effect it had on Yula. Perhaps there is a soul the World of Ligos possesses yet the inhabitants have forgotten or other such deep link. I'll know more as I read further on. Upload when you can and I'll review all your future chapters if you want.
This has already caught my interest and I would definitely like to see more.
When I saw this had a griffin mentioned in this poem, I had to read it. I'm glad I did. The imagery is fantastic and I could glimpse with my mind's eye what you were imparting to the reader with your phrasing.
I can see nothing wrong with any of this, apart from one thing. Maybe spacing the some of the poem into separate paragraphs would be a good idea. If the verses were meant to be set in the format they have been, then I apologize!
Just one question, will you be turning this into a novel? It is rather uncommon for griffins to be in novels and I think the poem and the ideas would make an excellent one.
I like the way this is done, it kind of reminds me of the Read Your Own Adventure books. I really cannot see any obvious errors in this chapter. You've even managed to get the paragraph spacing right. To my shame I haven't managed to do that with my uploads. Are there Chinese/Japanese influences in this. It seems like it. This flows rather well and draws the reader in.
This article has some rather good ideas and excellent points on how to raise awareness of this excellent site for writers. I am a member of a few other sites. But this one is better as right away you can post work for others to review and rate! BUT there is one factor I didn't see. Perhaps WDC could get more members by offering to be a sponsor for NaNoWriMo perhaps?
Thank you for posting this for me to read. I tried to read what I could and came up with a few things that might need some attention.
First of all most of the paragraphs are bunched together in one huge mass. I'm not sure is this is an accident due to the WDC document editor, but all the paragraphs grouped together is making it rather difficult for reading. Spacing out the paragraphs will make the chapters flow more smoothly and will be easier to read, meaning lees strain on the eyes of the reader.
I did spot a few errors:
'on teh next block' - it should be 'the'.
'where ever' should be one complete word.
'grans house' - should be 'gran's house' I saw quite a few of these in the latter paragraphs.
There were a few more I could see. Once the document is spaced out more, I return and have another go at reading this.
Well done on you for typing all this! I have problems getting more than 3800 words on a page sometimes!
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