Hey Seffi,
I’ve completed a review for your short story Special! Please keep in mind these are just my opinions and thoughts. Take what you think is helpful and disregard the rest :)
Overall Impressions:
Umm your imagery WOW! I was completely immersed in the scene and quickly caught on and visualized the setting and the characters. The moonlight, eerie night, hooded figures moving in synchronous step, her sheer, thin ceremonial gown and the cold air nipping at her skin…you really set the scene excellently!
It gave me a mix of Mamon from Throne of Glass and Divergent and Im HERE for it!! Very interesting threads here that leave me wanting more. Who is this Coven? Are there others? What are they known for…and distinction from coven to coven? Who is Everleigh (beautiful name btw!)? Why is she cursed? Why has Mother Mordon forsaken her?
Loved the hard, “ we don't show sympathy” vibes I got from the coven as a whole. I pictured duty and tradition over relationships, which I find very fitting for a clan of witches.
This is my petition for this to be a book hehe… okay I won’t say another word about it.
Love the dark, mysterious theme here and the religious/ cultural aspects. It makes it very unique and you have a lot of room to play here with traditions,chants, legends, rituals….all very interesting.
Initial thoughts
I know it's a short story but maybe describe her walking to the altar a little longer. What is she thinking/ feeling? What does she hear…maybe an owl hooting, the wind whistling through the trees beckoning her with their native tongue, leaves crunching underfoot in symbolism. Etc. Does she feel the weight of those before her on her shoulders? Does she crave her grandmother’s approval? Maybe some internal monologue would be good for her so we can get to know her a little better…how she thinks and processes things.
Your Text: “With my knife safely tucked into the folds of my dress, I lift the labradorite crystal above my head and offer it to the night sky. The iridescence surface flickers like the aurora borealis it was found under. Other than the kirfane and the necklace, it is the only item I was permitted to bring. An offering to the Goddess herself and the key to unbinding my blood and the magic it holds.”
“ was permitted to bring” sounds like the object was not necessary but she wanted to bring it along. If this is the key to awakening her magic, wouldn’t it be a necessity like the kirafe? Just a thought!
When she speaks to Mother Mordon….she’s been isolated from her friends, family is cold…hints at the coven having wrath at times, this is her ride of passage. Would her voice crack here? Would her voice tremble or are showing feelings considered weak amongst the witches? I want to know more about Everleigh!!!
Not sure about her saying damn it to the goddess…feels very casual speaking to a god who is currently causing a tornado of fire, rain and lightning lol. Also should she address her as Goddess or Mother Mordon? Just a thought.
Obsessed with this whole ride of passage/ magic awakening scene. Your descriptions are again, beautiful. You really put me there. I saw the altar, the pale stone reflecting in the moonlight, the copper bowl full of moonwater, the raging storm of lightning and fire. All of this is incredibly interesting. It makes me want to know more about the history of their coven, the significance of their rituals….etc.
A couple questions I had:
What is a kirafe? I'm assuming it’s some kind of sacred blade. Why is it that when it touches blood it is no longer sacred? This is very interesting considering a knife is made to usually draw blood at some point in defense of your life, fighting etc. Can we know more about this somehow? Maybe the moonlight glinting off of it triggers a memory of one of her friends going through the same experience? Again, I know this is a short story so word count can’t be insane. I JUST WANT TO KNOW MORE! I'm hooked.
Grandmother says at the end “ She might prove useful yet” right after disowning her. Maybe change the line to something less casual like “ If the Gods deem her worthy of their forgiveness.” It felt like she completely dropped her and then was like “ Oh well maybe, actually you might be useful.” I hope this makes sense.
Final Thoughts:
You’re an incredible writer! I loved every bit of this and wished it was longer.
I hope I did your detailed reviews justice! Please let me know if you want to chat through any of this! Im happy to do so.
Best Regards,
Aubrey
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