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345 Public Reviews Given
348 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I enjoy reviewing and try to be as honest as possible. I look for specific things such as technical merit, flow and lyrical quality in poems, creativity, tone, and mood. Though I can be a tough critic, I strive to encourage writers to grow and challenge themselves. I feel that it is through constructive criticism that we grow as writers. I strive to give the writer feedback on the overall impact of the piece. I am the host and judge of the "Shadows and Light Poetry Contest"  and co-host of the "Roots & Wings Contest" 
I'm good at...
I enjoy reviewing poetry, but free form is my favorite. I feel I have a good grasp of the flow and cadence of a piece and can offer helpful suggestions to make a poem flow well.
Favorite Genres
Historical Fiction, Suspense, Fantasy, Sci-fi, Romance
Least Favorite Genres
Erotica
Favorite Item Types
Poetry, Essays, Short Stories
Least Favorite Item Types
Books, Novels
I will not review...
Books, Novels, Chapters
Public Reviews
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51
51
Review of Crystals  
Review by Angels in my Ear
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
My review sig

Hi Luka Vaughn

My name is Angels in my Ear and I'm reviewing for "Invalid Item" . I want to welcome you to WDC and thought I would give you some feedback on your work. I strive to give honest reviews and I hope you find this review helpful

*ButterflyB* Initial Impression: This piece is not only about how the physical beauty of the eye, but how that beauty stirs the emotion within the beholder.

*Idea* Theme and Creativity: I like the idea of an in-depth piece of imagery about the eye. It begins as imagery, but morphs into deeper emotion. I really like the phrase "collecting images from my past long forgotten".

However, your piece is full of clichés such as 'piercing blue, core of my soul, brilliant blue eyes' etc. How can you get these thoughts and images across in a new way?

*Pencil* Technique: This piece has the makings of poetry, but as it is now would not be considered such. It reads more like prose. However, it would work well as a free verse piece. It is only a matter of reformatting it.

In free verse, line breaks and punctuation are critical. They give the reader clues as to where to pause, stop and reflect, or read through. This can determine how the reader will hear and interpret your piece.


*Cut* Suggestions: So, using your words, I will break it up differently to show what I mean. When reading this, read it slowly and aloud, pausing or stopping only when the punctuation dictates.

Her eyes piercing blue
struck me in the core of my soul;
such radiant beauty,
and yet so fierce.

When it is broken up in this way, we hear the words individually rather than part of a whole thought. We focus on the words "blue, soul, beauty, and fierce". They now have a stronger impact on the reader because each phrase can stand on its own. This is not meant as a re-write of your piece and you should try it your own way. Break it in several different places before deciding on how you want it to read.


*FlowerV* Final Comments: It is said that "Reading free verse poetry can be compared to wine and honey. The taste should linger on the lips after the reading a good poem aloud." This is a great start to a good poem. It has a lot of potential. I hope you keep at it to give it the impact it deserves.


I find it is through honest and thorough feedback that we grow as writers and my only goal is to help you do so. I hope that you find a home here at WDC. There are so many things to do that it can be a little overwhelming at first, but keep exploring. If you're interested in finding a friends that can help you find your way around come visit us at "Invalid Item"  We love to help you get motivated, challenge you to new heights, and help you make new friends. I'd love to hear from you

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52
52
Review of A Ship at Sea  
Review by Angels in my Ear
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
My review sig

Hi bobtheburgundy

My name is Angels in my Ear and I'm reviewing for "Invalid Item" . I want to welcome you to WDC and thought I would give you some feedback on your work. I strive to give honest reviews and I hope you find this review helpful

*ButterflyB* Initial Impression: This piece is about the confusion and aimless wandering we can have in life. We let other people lead us rather than finding our own way. It is a search for calm seas and a peaceful shore.

*Idea* Theme and Creativity: This is beautifully written. The metaphor is very creative and apt. Many will not only relate to it, but will be fascinated by the metaphor and how well it fits.

*Pencil* Technique:The imagery here is well done and has all the lyrical language of poetry. As it is, however, it would not be considered poetry, but rather prose. You have the makings of a great free verse piece. Many of these pieces begin just this way. As a descriptive paragraph of prose. I wrote a piece called "The Life of Silver"  in the same prose format, but found it really had no category. So I then reformatted it into a poem "The Life of Silver"  which won several awards and was eventually published. This piece definitely has the potential to accomplish the same thing. The next step lies in creating the right line breaks.

In free verse, line breaks and punctuation are critical. They give the reader clues as to where to pause, stop and reflect, or read through. This can determine how the reader will hear and interpret your piece.

*Cut* Suggestions: So, using your words, I will break it up differently to show what I mean. When reading this, read it slowly and aloud, pausing or stopping only when the punctuation dictates.


My heart was once a ship on an endless sea,
constantly searching for the promised land,
never actually expecting to find it.

I let multitudes of different people
from different walks of life guide my ship,
who promised to show me
the way to shore.

When it is broken up in this way, we hear the words individually rather than part of a whole thought. We focus on the word endless sea, promised land, guide my ship. They now have a stronger impact on the reader because each phrase can stand on its own. Each of your sentences are filled with beautiful imagery and in this format we get a greater appreciation for each beautiful phrase.

This is not meant as a re-write of your piece and you should try it your own way. Break it in several different places before deciding on how you want it to read.


*FlowerV* Final Comments: It is said that "Reading free verse poetry can be compared to wine and honey. The taste should linger on the lips after the reading a good poem aloud." I would love to see it if you decide to rework it. Please contact me if you do. I'd love to see you create more free verse and perhaps even enter my free verse contest "Shadows and Light Poetry Contest" .

This is a great start to a beautiful poem. It has a lot of potential. I hope you keep at it to give it the impact it deserves.


I find it is through honest and thorough feedback that we grow as writers and my only goal is to help you do so. I hope that you find a home here at WDC. There are so many things to do that it can be a little overwhelming at first, but keep exploring. If you're interested in finding a friends that can help you find your way around come visit us at "Invalid Item"  We love to help you get motivated, challenge you to new heights, and help you make new friends. I'd love to hear from you

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53
53
Review of Lost In Paradise  
Review by Angels in my Ear
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This poem is very well crafted. In free verse, line breaks and punctuation are critical. They give the reader clues as to where to pause, stop and reflect, or read through. This can determine how the reader will hear and interpret your piece. Your punctuation is well placed giving this piece and easy flow and helping the reader pace the piece to get the full impact of your words. Your word choices are very lyrical adding to the musical flow of the piece. Free verse is a difficult form, and you have a knack for it.

I'd like to refer you to my free verse contest, "Shadows and Light Poetry Contest" . Perhaps you will consider entering one of your pieces for consideration.
54
54
Review by Angels in my Ear
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
This is a beautifully crafted piece. It has vivid imagery and the message is timeless. Once again, you have created a truly masterful piece.

However, I like to see punctuation in free verse. I find it helps me to pace the piece when I know where the poet wants me to end stop, pause and reflect, or continue through enjambment. Otherwise, it feels like a run-on sentence to me and is harder to grasp the full impact of the piece. It feels as though all the phrases run together when they could stand alone. This is simply my own preference and is not a requirement in free verse. Punctuation is more a matter of creative freedom and should only be used by the poet if they feel it compliments their piece.

Either way, I loved the message her. The word choices are lyrical and add to the music of poetry. Well done.
55
55
Review of What You Are  
Review by Angels in my Ear
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
My review sig

Hi K-Girl

My name is Angels in my Ear and I'm reviewing for "Invalid Item" . I want to welcome you to WDC and thought I would give you some feedback on your work. I strive to give honest reviews and I hope you find this review helpful

*ButterflyB* Initial Impression: This is a poetic expression of love and devotion to a cherished partner.

*Idea* Theme and Creativity: Although love is a common theme in poetry, your lyrical word choices help give this piece a unique flavor. The imagery is well done, and gives us a visual picture of the depth of the poets devotion.

*Pencil* Technique: I did find some flow issues with this piece. The line breaks do not offer clues to the reader as to how to pace your piece. In free verse, line breaks and punctuation are critical. They give the reader clues as to where to pause, stop and reflect, or read through. This can determine how the reader will hear and interpret your piece.


*Cut* Suggestions: So, using your words, I will break it up differently to show what I mean. When reading this, read it slowly and aloud, pausing or stopping only when the punctuation dictates.

Shall I tell you
what you are?
You, my dearest love...
are more wonderful
than the rain in the spring;


By breaking up the lines, we can focus on the individual phrases and words (love, wonderful, spring) rather than seeing them as a part if the whole. We see the images more strongly and it makes a greater impact. This is not meant as a re-write of your piece and you should try it your own way. Break it in several different places before deciding on how you want it to read. I would also change your summary. Use this as a novel would a dust jacket. Rather than telling us why you wrote it, give us an enticement to read it. (I.e. I see my love in the world around me. You are everywhere.)

*FlowerV* Final Comments: It is said that "Reading free verse poetry can be compared to wine and honey. The taste should linger on the lips after the reading a good poem aloud." This is a great start to a beautiful poem. It has a lot of potential. I hope you keep at it to give it the impact it deserves.


I find it is through honest and thorough feedback that we grow as writers and my only goal is to help you do so. I hope that you find a home here at WDC. There are so many things to do that it can be a little overwhelming at first, but keep exploring. If you're interested in finding a friends that can help you find your way around come visit us at "Invalid Item"  We love to help you get motivated, challenge you to new heights, and help you make new friends. I'd love to hear from you

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56
56
Review of Home sweet home  
Review by Angels in my Ear
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I like this. You should enter this in "A Great Value of Expressions" . It's a contest just for newbies asking for words of wisdom. It's right up your alley I think.

Come join us at "Invalid Item" . We can help you find your way around, make new friends, and get your work noticed.
57
57
Review by Angels in my Ear
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
My review sig

Hi Lauryn Rose

My name is Angels in my Ear and I'm reviewing for "Invalid Item" . I want to welcome you to WDC and thought I would give you some feedback on your work. I strive to give honest reviews and I hope you find this review helpful

*ButterflyB* Initial Impression: This a nice piece about the beauty of nature and winter.

*Idea* Theme and Creativity: Many pieces of poetry reflect on nature's beauty, but this piece employs personification, and imagery in a way that will impact the reader. Those poetic devices are done well, and ensure your piece has a lasting impression and paints a picture in your readers mind.

*Pencil* Technique: In free verse, line breaks and punctuation are critical. They give the reader clues as to where to pause, stop and reflect, or read through. This can determine how the reader will hear and interpret your piece. While well written, it currently reads as prose rather than poetry. This piece has much more potential for impact if it is restructured.

*Cut* Suggestions: So, using your words, I will break it up differently to show what I mean. When reading this, read it slowly and aloud, pausing or stopping only when the punctuation dictates.

'A final dance'
Mother Nature whispers,
her breath a cool fall breeze.

Leaves dance a leisurely autumn waltz
down, down, down.


By breaking these lines where they are, you now have emphasis on the words 'dance, whispers, breeze, etc'. They are now seen as individual word rather than part of a whole in a sentence. This gives them more meaning and make a clearer image in the readers mind. This is not meant as a re-write of your piece and you should try it your own way. Break it in several different places before deciding on how you want it to read.

*FlowerV* Final Comments: It is said that "Reading free verse poetry can be compared to wine and honey. The taste should linger on the lips after the reading a good poem aloud." I want to taste this piece. There is more flavor yet to come. This is a great start to a beautiful poem. It has a lot of potential. I hope you keep at it to give it the impact it deserves.


I find it is through honest and thorough feedback that we grow as writers and my only goal is to help you do so. I hope that you find a home here at WDC. There are so many things to do that it can be a little overwhelming at first, but keep exploring. If you're interested in finding a friends that can help you find your way around come visit us at "Invalid Item"  We love to help you get motivated, challenge you to new heights, and help you make new friends. I'd love to hear from you

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58
58
Review of Sleepless  
Review by Angels in my Ear
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
My review sig

Hi The Pauper Prince

My name is Angels in my Ear and I'm reviewing for "Invalid Item" . I want to welcome you to WDC and thought I would give you some feedback on your work. I strive to give honest reviews and I hope you find this review helpful

*ButterflyB* Initial Impression: This piece is about the frustration of insomnia and the way it can affect the mind and quality of life .

*Idea* Theme and Creativity: This is an interesting subject and one I relate to all too well. As someone with bi-polar disorder, I have often suffered this affliction and know the frustration of trying to sleep. The harder you try, the more it eludes you.

*Pencil* Technique: In free verse, line breaks and punctuation are critical. They give the reader clues as to where to pause, stop and reflect, or read through. This can determine how the reader will hear and interpret your piece. I find the blank lines in between each line to be distracting and unnecessary. It gives each line equal weight and takes away from overall impact of the important aspects of your piece. By breaking your line down and highlighting specific words, you can create a greater impression on the reader.

*Cut* Suggestions: So, using your words, I will break it up differently to show what I mean. When reading this, read it slowly and aloud, pausing or stopping only when the punctuation dictates.

Sockets covered in dark
like soot from burning eyes.
The door slams with semblance
of the day's end.


In this version, our attention is drawn to dark, burning eyes, and days end. Those words resonate more and get stronger focus rather than just being part of the whole in a sentence. This is not meant as a re-write of your piece and you should try it your own way. Break it in several different places before deciding on how you want it to read.

*FlowerV* Final Comments: It is said that "Reading free verse poetry can be compared to wine and honey. The taste should linger on the lips after the reading a good poem aloud." This is a great start to a beautiful poem. It has a lot of potential. I hope you keep at it to give it the impact it deserves.


I find it is through honest and thorough feedback that we grow as writers and my only goal is to help you do so. I hope that you find a home here at WDC. There are so many things to do that it can be a little overwhelming at first, but keep exploring. If you're interested in finding a friends that can help you find your way around come visit us at "Invalid Item"  We love to help you get motivated, challenge you to new heights, and help you make new friends. I'd love to hear from you

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59
59
Review of Loneliness  
Review by Angels in my Ear
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
My review sig

Hi Charleen

My name is Angels in my Ear and I'm reviewing for "Invalid Item" . I want to welcome you to WDC and thought I would give you some feedback on your work. I strive to give honest reviews and I hope you find this review helpful.

*ButterflyB* Initial Impression: This is a poignant piece about the void left by the death of a long time companion and the hole left by his death.

*Idea* Theme and Creativity: The poet does a great job of showing the depth of their pain rather than just telling us they are sad and in pain as so many poems about death are wont to do. This sets it apart and makes it memorable.

*Pencil* Technique: I find this piece has the lyrical quality of poetry, and is formatted well. It has the even meter and rhythm of traditional poetry and makes for an easy flow. This gives the reader a better insight into the content of the piece and makes a stronger impact.


*Cut* Suggestions: I may try to change the title and summary of this piece in an effort to pull in more readers. So many pieces have this title. Also, I find that asking a question in your summary intrigues the reader and entices them. I have a piece called "The Life of Silver" . The title is different and the summary asks "how would you describe the color of your life and do you know your lace in the rainbow?" I think I get more readers because it is cryptic and makes them wonder what I am talking about. There is no need to tell us what it is about. Treat it like a dust jacket on a novel. Give us enough to pull us in, and let us figure out what it's about by reading it.


*FlowerV* Final Comments: This is a beautiful poem. It has a sad tone that gives the reader a true insight into how the poet is feeling. It is formatted well and makes a lasting impression.

I find it is through honest and thorough feedback that we grow as writers and my only goal is to help you do so. I hope that you find a home here at WDC. There are so many things to do that it can be a little overwhelming at first, but keep exploring. If you're interested in finding a friends that can help you find your way around come visit us at "Invalid Item"  We love to help you get motivated, challenge you to new heights, and help you make new friends. I'd love to hear from you

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"Shadows and Light Poetry Contest" 

"Roots & Wings Contest" 
60
60
Review of Son  
Review by Angels in my Ear
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
My review sig

Hi Nevis Moore

My name is Angels in my Ear and I'm reviewing for "Invalid Item" . I saw your piece on the plug page and I and thought I would give you some feedback on your work. I strive to give honest reviews and I hope you find this review helpful

*ButterflyB* Initial Impression: This piece is about the love a father has for his son. It shows the unconditional love parents have for their children.

*Idea* Theme and Creativity: I love reading about this subject. As a parent, I can relate to it and find myself feeling as though you took the words right out of my heart.

*Pencil* Technique: In free verse, line breaks and punctuation are critical. They give the reader clues as to where to pause, stop and reflect, or read through. This can determine how the reader will hear and interpret your piece. You have done a beautiful job in this regard and the pacing of this piece is well done.

*Cut* Suggestions: I would change the title of this piece. There are so many choices to read on this site that the title can be what sucks in your reader. It is too generic. Also, the summary can be used for this purpose as well. Rather than telling the reader what your piece is about, try asking them a question.

I have a piece titled "The Life of Silver" . The title is different, and the summary asks "How would you describe the color of your life and do you know your place in the rainbow?" This question is cryptic and makes the reader wonder what I could possibly be talking about. It pulls them in. Treat the summary section as you would a dust jacket on a novel. Give us a hint and make us want to figure it out.

*FlowerV* Final Comments:This piece is very well done. You have a knack for writing free verse. I would love you to consider entering my contest "Shadows and Light Poetry Contest" . Your items would be a great addition to the competition.

I also wanted to make you aware of a new contest "Parenting Short Story Contest ~ CLOSED" . Perhaps you have more parenting insight you'd like to write about. Thank you for sharing this piece. I truly enjoyed it. Well Done.

I find it is through honest and thorough feedback that we grow as writers and my only goal is to help you do so. We'd love to see you in our group "Invalid Item" . We are a group dedicated to helping newbies learn their way around the site and make new friend. Come check us out. We'd love to have you.

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61
61
Review of Confused But OK  
Review by Angels in my Ear
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.0)
My review sig



Hello john

I saw your piece on the plug page and thought I would give you some feedback on your work. I strive to give honest reviews and I hope you find this review helpful


*ButterflyB* Initial Impression: This is a piece about the way we question ourselves and our feelings as we look back on a lost relationship.

*Idea* Theme and Creativity: This piece is common in poetry, but always has a bit of uniqueness from the poet. It does feel as though it was written more for the catharsis of the poet than the enjoyment of the reader.

*Pencil* Technique: This piece seems to be all over the page format wise, and I had a hard time trying to determine if it was free verse or traditional. Based on the rhythm and meter of the first stanza, the reader thinks it is traditional with an a,a b,b, pattern. But we lose the rhythm and rhyming pattern in the second stanza altogether and we have to change up the way we read. Rhyme then reappears in the 3rd stanza, but this time it is an a,a,b,a pattern. It makes for a very choppy read, and confuses the reader. This means we are so focused on how to pace the piece, we lose concentration on the content.

*Cut* Suggestions: You need to decide if this is a traditional or free verse piece. While rhyme can be used in free verse, your transitions are hard to follow. It seems as though this is more of a free write piece and a place to start. You definitely have a lot to work with here.

*FlowerV* Final Comments:This is a great start to a beautiful poem. It has a lot of potential. I hope you keep at it to give it the impact it deserves.

I find it is through honest and thorough feedback that we grow as writers and my only goal is to help you do so. If you do re-work this piece, I'd be happy to look at it again. I hope to hear from you soon.

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62
62
Review of for my baby girl  
Review by Angels in my Ear
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.5)
My review sig



Hello nickkcin I

I found your piece on the plug page and thought I'd review it for you. I want to welcome you to WDC and thought I would give you some feedback on your work. I strive to give honest reviews and I hope you find this review helpful


*ButterflyB* Initial Impression: This piece is a poignant piece about motherhood and the love we feel for our children.

*Idea* Theme and Creativity: I think readers everywhere will relate to this piece.

*Pencil* Technique: This piece could rhyme nicely with one change, and I think the stanza need to change to a 4 line format.

Every time I see your face
I am filled with joy and pain.
Pain for all the things you've lost,
and joy for all I've gained.

It is a minor change, but it does give it a bit more uniformity.

*Cut* Suggestions: I'm not sure what you mean by "all the things you've lost". This is very cryptic. It does leave us thinking there must be more to the story. Maybe you should expand on that and add another verse.

*FlowerV* Final Comments: This is a great start to a beautiful poem. It has a lot of potential. I hope you keep at it to give it the impact it deserves. Even as it is, it has a beautiful tone and great lyrical language. Very nice.


I find it is through honest and thorough feedback that we grow as writers and my only goal is to help you do so. I hope that you find a home here at WDC. There are so many things to do that it can be a little overwhelming at first, but keep exploring. If you're interested in finding a friends that can help you find your way around come visit us at "Invalid Item"  We love to help you get motivated, challenge you to new heights, and help you make new friends. I'd love to hear from you
.

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63
63
Review of Hold me  
Review by Angels in my Ear
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (3.0)
My review sig



Hello Becky

I found your request for a review on the plug page and thought I'd review your piece. I want to welcome you to WDC and thought I would give you some feedback on your work. I strive to give honest reviews and I hope you find this review helpful


*ButterflyB* Initial Impression: This is a piece about the heartache of breakups and the longing for human connection.

*Idea* Theme and Creativity: This piece is universal and will be very relatable for most readers. We have all felt this way at one time or another.

*Pencil* Technique: This piece has a nice tone to it and sounds very lyrical until the end where you start to use more pedestrian and conversational words. The word "crap" brought me out of the poetic haze you had created and broke the tone. Then, after telling him you made him feel belittled and like crap, you use those same words to describe your own feelings. Using similar but different words in reference to your feelings would give a little more diversity to the piece. Please know, however, that my opinion on using "crap" in a piece is strictly a personal one, and that if it has significance to the writer, and was chosen dileberately, it should be respected.



*Cut* Suggestions: In free verse, line breaks and punctuation are critical. They give the reader clues as to where to pause, stop and reflect, or read through. This can determine how the reader will hear and interpret your piece. While I think your breaks are in the right places for the most part, there are spots that can be experimented with. By placing a space after each line, you give every line the same attention by the reader. This makes for a more monotone read rather than a paced read with emphasis on the more important lines or words.


*FlowerV* Final Comments:It is said that "Reading free verse poetry can be compared to wine and honey. The taste should linger on the lips after the reading a good poem aloud." This is a great to start to a beautiful poem. It has a lot of potential. By making some more lyrical word choices you can have a greater impact on the reader.



I find it is through honest and thorough feedback that we grow as writers and my only goal is to help you do so. I hope that you find a home here at WDC. There are so many things to do that it can be a little overwhelming at first, but keep exploring. If you're interested in finding a friends that can help you find your way around come visit us at "Invalid Item"  We love to help you get motivated, challenge you to new heights, and help you make new friends. I'd love to hear from you
.

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64
64
Review of cold nights  
Review by Angels in my Ear
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
My review sig

Hi lostinoregon

My name is Angels in my Ear and I'm reviewing for "Invalid Item" . I want to welcome you to WDC and thought I would give you some feedback on your work. I strive to give honest reviews and I hope you find this review helpful

*ButterflyB* Initial Impression: This piece reflects the torment of lost love and the shows the chill of loneliness.

*Idea* Theme and Creativity: this is not a new subject to poetry, but you do a good job of making it not only cathartic for the poet, but relate able to the reader as well. There is a theme to the piece that is consistent.

*Pencil* Technique: This piece has lyrical word choices and has the tone of beautiful poetry. It uses metaphor and imagery well. However, I feel it would be more effective if it were formatted differently. In free verse, line breaks and punctuation are critical. They give the reader clues as to where to pause, stop and reflect, or read through. This can determine how the reader will hear and interpret your piece. I think if you break your lines down a bit more they will have a greater impact on the reader, as well as manage the pace at which the reader absorbs it.


*Cut* Suggestions: So, using your words, I will break it up differently to show what I mean. When reading this, read it slowly and aloud, pausing or stopping only when the punctuation dictates.

The skin chills
as the heart stills,
Lost in memories
of warmer days.
When you were laying here
beside me.
I'd lay awake,
and listen
to you breathe.

This is not meant as a re-write of your piece and you should try it your own way. Break it in several different places before deciding on how you want it to read.


*FlowerV* Final Comments: It is said that "Reading free verse poetry can be compared to wine and honey. The taste should linger on the lips after the reading a good poem aloud." This is a great to start to a beautiful poem. It has a lot of potential. I hope you keep at it to give it the impact it deserves.

I find it is through honest and thorough feedback that we grow as writers and my only goal is to help you do so. I hope that you find a home here at WDC. There are so many things to do that it can be a little overwhelming at first, but keep exploring. If you're interested in finding a friends that can help you find your way around come visit us at "Invalid Item"  We love to help you get motivated, challenge you to new heights, and help you make new friends. I'd love to hear from you

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65
65
Review by Angels in my Ear
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
My review sig

Hi svufandom

My name is Angels in my Ear and I'm reviewing for "Invalid Item" . I want to welcome you to WDC and thought I would give you some feedback on your work. I strive to give honest reviews and I hope you find this review helpful

*ButterflyB* Initial Impression: This piece shows the long lasting effect a mother can have on her children, and that no matter what happens, there is always a place for her there.

*Idea* Theme and Creativity: Although this piece is about mothers, we only know that because of your summary. It is actually more universal than that.

*Pencil* Technique: In free verse, line breaks and punctuation are critical. They give the reader clues as to where to pause, stop and reflect, or read through. This can determine how the reader will hear and interpret your piece. Although you have done a good job of this, I believe it can be stronger still if you change up your line breaks.

*Cut* Suggestions: So, using your words, I will break it up differently to show what I mean. When reading this, read it slowly and aloud, pausing or stopping only when the punctuation dictates.

This is a one way ticket
to my heart,
You have payed
a noble price,
and now you are mine.

By breaking the lines into smaller pieces, the reader goes at a slower pace and absorbs each word more deeply. This makes your piece leave a stronger impression and a lasting impact. This is not meant as a re-write of your piece and you should try it your own way. Break it in several different places before deciding on how you want it to read.

*FlowerV* Final Comments: It is said that "Reading free verse poetry can be compared to wine and honey. The taste should linger on the lips after the reading a good poem aloud."

This is a great start to a beautiful poem. It has a lot of potential. I hope you keep at it to give it the impact it deserves.


I find it is through honest and thorough feedback that we grow as writers and my only goal is to help you do so. I hope that you find a home here at WDC. There are so many things to do that it can be a little overwhelming at first, but keep exploring. If you're interested in finding a friends that can help you find your way around come visit us at "Invalid Item"  We love to help you get motivated, challenge you to new heights, and help you make new friends. I'd love to hear from you

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66
66
Review of Crashing Waves  
Review by Angels in my Ear
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
My review sig

Hi Joseph

My name is Angels in my Ear and I'm reviewing for "Invalid Item" . I want to welcome you to WDC and thought I would give you some feedback on your work. I strive to give honest reviews and I hope you find this review helpful

*ButterflyB* Initial Impression: This piece is about the way the mind of the poet works.

*Idea* Theme and Creativity: You're comparison to crashing waves is apt and very intriguing. It is one of those times that the reader says 'hey, yeah' and finds you taking the words out of his mouth. It is a unique thought and makes for a beautiful idea.

*Pencil* Technique: The imagery here is fascinating. It has all the lyrical language of poetry. However, as it is, it would be considered prose rather than poetry. It is simply a beautifully written paragraph. But, you have the makings of a great free verse piece. Many of these pieces begin just this way. The next step lies in creating the right line breaks.

*Cut* Suggestions: In free verse, line breaks and punctuation are critical. They give the reader clues as to where to pause, stop and reflect, or read through. This can determine how the reader will hear and interpret your piece. So, using your words, I will break it up differently to show what I mean. When reading this, read it slowly and aloud, pausing or stopping only when the punctuation dictates.

My mind is always moving,
sometimes like the subtle ripples
of a lake,
when there is a slight breeze
sweeping across the water.

It is said that "Reading free verse poetry can be compared to wine and Honey. The taste should linger on the lips after the reading a good poem aloud."
This is not meant as a re-write of your piece and you should try it your own way. Break it in several different places before deciding on how you want it to read.

*FlowerV* Final Comments: This piece has a lot of potential, and is still in the rough draft phase. There are a few rough places where we are brought out of the poetry because it turns more conversational. I hope you take the time to work with it because I see a diamond in the rough here. Please let me know if you would like me to read it again. I'd love to help you polish it.

I find it is through honest and thorough feedback that we grow as writers and my only goal is to help you do so. I hope that you find a home here at WDC. There are so many things to do that it can be a little overwhelming at first, but keep exploring. If you're interested in finding a friends that can help you find your way around come visit us at "Invalid Item"  We love to help you get motivated, challenge you to new heights, and help you make new friends. I'd love to hear from you

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67
67
Review by Angels in my Ear
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
My review sig



Hello LifeLibertyandJusticeforAll

I was looking through your port and thought I'd review your piece. I want to welcome you to WDC again, and thought I would give you some feedback on your work. I strive to give honest reviews and I hope you find this review helpful


*ButterflyB* Initial Impression: This piece gives us a glimpse into the mind of the poet as the stress of the day unwinds at twilight and peace begins to take hold.

*Idea* Theme and Creativity:Although this subject is often written about in poetry, I find this piece to not only be cathartic, (as most often this subject is), but also to be a delight to the reader.

*Pencil* Technique:In free verse, line breaks and punctuation are critical. They give the reader clues as to where to pause, stop and reflect, or read through. This can determine how the reader will hear and interpret your piece. You have done a wonderful job at placing the punctuation in the right places to create a musical flow to this piece. It has a great impact and is a joy to read.

*Cut* Suggestions:I would maybe change the title, but I would definitely change your summary. The way you summarize a piece is the way you pull in readers. So, the title and summary must be pithy, yet intriguing. By saying this is your first ever poem, the reader assumes you are a beginner and may discount it. I like to use questions to pull the reader's attention as I did for "The Life of Silver" . Not only is the name different, but it asks 'How would you describe the color of your life and do you know your place in the rainbow?' You are automatically interested in what I could possibly be talking about and will click on it to figure it out. Because this piece is commonly written about, you want something to make it stand out from other twilight pieces. The mistake many make here is by using the summary to tell us what the piece is about. Use it more like you would the dust jacket of a novel. Give us just enough to gain our interest, but keep us guessing.

*FlowerV* Final Comments:It is said that "Reading free verse poetry can be compared to wine and honey. The taste should linger on the lips after the reading a good poem aloud." You definitely accomplished this with this piece. Well done.

I find it is through honest and thorough feedback that we grow as writers and my only goal is to help you do so. I hope this helped, and it was a pleasure to review you. I hope to read more of your work in the future.

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68
68
Review of Silence  
Review by Angels in my Ear
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
My review sig



Hello Valenchia

Thank you for choosing me to review your piece. I want to welcome you to WDC and thought I would give you some feedback on your work. I strive to give honest reviews and I hope you find this review helpful.

*ButterflyB* Initial Impression: This is a heart-wrenching piece about the relationship between a woman and her dead mother.

*Idea* Theme and Creativity: I found this to be a great twist on all the usual Mother's Day pieces. Even before the ending we feel the void between them, yet the love is still there. It creates a very interesting tone and pulls in the reader.

*Pencil* Technique: In free verse, line breaks and punctuation are critical. They give the reader clues as to where to pause, stop and reflect, or read through. This can determine how the reader will hear and interpret your piece. I find both to be very well done in this piece. It is said that "Reading free verse poetry can be compared to wine and honey. The taste should linger on the lips after the reading a good poem aloud." This piece fits that definition nicely.

*Cut* Suggestions: Perhaps some experimentation with breaks would be fun such as giving the words "not", " one", and "word" each their own line may give them greater accent. I also find ending a line withe word "but",takes away from the impact, but that is more of a preference. I had to really look to find the minor flaws in this piece. Well done.

*FlowerV* Final Comments: I loved the ending line and was absolutely caught off guard by it. It took what was a good poem and made it great. It made a strong impact and will leave a lasting impact on the reader. Even after reading more poetry, your piece will remain with them. Very Nicely Done. *Smile*


I find it is through honest and thorough feedback that we grow as writers and my only goal is to help you do so. I hope that you find a home here at WDC. There are so many things to do that it can be a little overwhelming at first, but keep exploring. If you're interested in finding a friends that can help you find your way around come visit us at "Invalid Item"  We love to help you get motivated, challenge you to new heights, and help you make new friends. I'd love to hear from you

I'd also like to refer you to my contests "Shadows and Light Poetry Contest"  and "Roots & Wings Contest"  in case you aren't already aware of them It seems that based on this piece, they are both right up your alley. Your poetry would be a great addition to either or both of them

Welcome to WDC. I hope to hear from you again.

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69
69
Review of What If?  
Review by Angels in my Ear
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
My review sig


Hi Sammie Rose

My name is Angels in my Ear and I'm reviewing for "Invalid Item" . I want to welcome you to WDC and thought I would give you some feedback on your work. I strive to give honest reviews and I hope you find this review helpful

*ButterflyB* Initial Impression: This piece shows the awe and wonder of the possibility of a new relationship.

*Idea* Theme and Creativity: While the theme of love is certainly not a new one for poetry, it is always interesting to see what poets do with it. This piece gives us a glimpse into how the world is opening up for the poet. It shows everything for the potential and life changing effects they may have if the poet can believe their heart.

*Pencil* Technique: This piece has some flow and structure problems. I couldn't tell if it was meant to be a free verse or rhyming piece. Therefore I had a difficult time finding the correct pacing. Because of all your rhyming lines, I will assume it is a rhyming piece. If this is the case you need to match them together a little more coherently. The 5 line stanza in the beginning is confusing. Each stanza should be consistent in traditional rhyming poetry. While I find this piece has the lyrical quality of poetry,, it does not have an even cadence and rhythm. This makes the read a bit choppy. It means the reader is spending more time trying to get the rhythm than listening to content of the piece. So, although the content does come through, it doesn't have the power it is capable of.

*Cut* Suggestions: To correct this, try to match the rhyming lines by syllable count. (i.e. 123456 go, 123456 show.) So in this case, you have an a,b,a,b rhyme pattern.
To help even out the flow and meter, you could chance it like this:

What if we hit it off? (6 syllables)
What if this is just what we have sought? (8)
What if this is the icing on top? (8)
With love overflowing and it wont' stop (10)


What if we always just hit it off? (9)
What if this is what we have sought? (8)
What if its just the icing on top? (9)
Love overflows and it wont' stop (8)

The syllable count would change to a 9,8,9,8 syllable pattern. This makes a steady beat, and rhythm for the reader to fall into, and they do not have to work as hard to keep pace.
Of course I only use this as an example and would want you to edit it in your own style. I don't intend to rewrite your work for you. *Bigsmile*

*FlowerV* Final Comments: This is a great to start to a beautiful poem. It has a lot of potential. I hope you keep at it to give it the impact it deserves.

I find it is through honest and thorough feedback that we grow as writers and my only goal is to help you do so. I hope that you find a home here at WDC. There are so many things to do that it can be a little overwhelming at first, but keep exploring. I'm glad you found us at "Invalid Item"  We love to help you get motivated, challenge you to new heights, and help you make new friends.

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70
70
Review of Deus Vult  
Review by Angels in my Ear
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
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Hi Corvo Starke

My name is Angels in my Ear and I'm reviewing for "Invalid Item" . I want to welcome you to WDC and thought I would give you some feedback on your work. I strive to give honest reviews and I hope you find this review helpful.

*ButterflyB* Initial Impression: This piece is the reflection of a torn soul at what he has done with his life. He is questioning his motives and trying to determine if they truly were what he has always told himself, or if he was just trying to justify his actions.

*Idea* Theme and Creativity: this piece is interesting in that it is what we hope all criminals ask themselves as they review their lives. It also makes us look into our own psyche. We may not have committed the same levels of atrocities, but do we use the same justifications?

*Pencil* Technique: Having been a poetry editor, and the host of the "Shadows and Light Poetry Contest"  which is a free verse competition. I will review this piece as a free verse poem. To me, calling it prose is too broad, and by making some changes, it would fit into free verse very nicely and make an even stronger impact. Your use of language is nice, so all we need to focus on is structure. In free verse, line breaks and punctuation are critical. They give the reader clues as to where to pause, stop and reflect, or read through. This can determine how the reader will hear and interpret your piece.

*Cut* Suggestions: So, using your words, I will break it up differently to show what I mean. When reading this, read it slowly and aloud, pausing or stopping only when the punctuation dictates.

How many?

How many have I killed
in the name of god?

Am I, myself,
still alive?

What semblance of a soul
do I still have
after the atrocities I have wrought
on my fellow man?



It is said that "Reading free verse poetry can be compared to wine and honey. The taste should linger on the lips after the reading a good poem aloud."
This is not meant as a re-write of your piece and you should try it your own way. By breaking your lines into smaller pieces, the reader reads them more slowly making them sink more deeply into their memory. Break it in several different places before deciding on how you want it to read.

*FlowerV* Final Comments: This is a great to start to a free verse poem. It has potential. I hope you keep at it to give it the impact it deserves.

I find it is through honest and thorough feedback that we grow as writers and my only goal is to help you do so. I hope that you find a home here at WDC. There are so many things to do that it can be a little overwhelming at first, but keep exploring. If you're interested in finding a mentor that can work with you one on one, fill out this survey for the "Invalid Item"  Mentoring Program. We'd love to get you motivated, challenge you to new heights, and help you make new friends. I'd love to hear from you !


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71
71
Review of Jealous thumb  
Review by Angels in my Ear
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
My review sig


Hi writewing

My name is Angels in my Ear and I'm reviewing for "Invalid Item" . I want to welcome you to WDC and thought I would give you some feedback on your work. I strive to give honest reviews and I hope you find this review helpful

*ButterflyB* Initial Impression: This piece is about the jealousy of the thumb at the way the other fingers are treated and used. He is part of them yet alone.

*Idea* Theme and Creativity: this is a very interesting concept that I have honestly never seen before. Very creative and fun, yet poignant somehow. There is a layer of depth as well. Sometimes we are the thumb.

*Pencil* Technique: there are the makings of a good free verse piece here, yet it's not there yet. The language has a lyrical quality, but right now it feels more like a paragraph with a lot of run-on sentences. This means the depth of meaning gets lost in the readers effort to grasp everything your throwing at them. However, many great free verse pieces begin just this way.

*Cut* Suggestions: In free verse, line breaks and punctuation are critical. They give the reader clues as to where to pause, stop and reflect, or read through. This can determine how the reader will hear and interpret your piece. So, using your words, I will break it up differently to show what I mean. When reading this, read it slowly and aloud, pausing or stopping only when the punctuation dictates.

A blatant thumb
trips my ring finger,
in anticipation of perceived
mutiny.


You need to break up your sentences a bit. They are much too long. It is said that "Reading free verse poetry can be compared to wine and Honey. The taste should linger on the lips after the reading a good poem aloud." This is not meant as a re-write of your piece and you should try it your own way. Break it in several different places before deciding on how you want it to read.


*FlowerV* Final Comments: This is a great to start to a beautiful poem. It has a lot of potential. I hope you keep at it to give it the impact it deserves.


I find it is through honest and thorough feedback that we grow as writers and my only goal is to help you do so. I hope that you find a home here at WDC. There are so many things to do that it can be a little overwhelming at first, but keep exploring. If you're interested in finding a mentor that can work with you one on one, fill out this survey for the "Invalid Item"  Mentoring Program. We'd love to get you motivated, challenge you to new heights, and help you make new friends. I'd love to hear from you !


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72
72
Review of I probably will  
Review by Angels in my Ear
Rated: E | (3.0)
My review sig


Hi Mackenzie Lee Lirakis

My name is Angels in my Ear and I'm reviewing for "Invalid Item" . I want to welcome you to WDC and thought I would give you some feedback on your work. I strive to give honest reviews and I hope you find this review helpful

*ButterflyB* Initial Impression: This piece is about the temptation of rebellion even with the threat of certain pain and sorrow.

*Idea* Theme and Creativity: I think this piece is something we can all relate to, and reminds me of the turmoil of teen-age angst. The anger and temptation of doing something you know is wrong to prove a point. And the sorrow of feeling you will ultimately fail despite your strong intentions.

*Pencil* Technique: the lyrical quality of this piece is good but I found the flow to be choppy. In free verse, line breaks and punctuation are critical. They give the reader clues as to where to pause, stop and reflect, or read through. This can determine how the reader will hear and interpret your piece. So, using your words, I will break it up differently to show what I mean.

*Cut* Suggestions: when reading this, read it slowly and aloud, pausing or stopping only when the punctuation dictates.

If you tell me
not to reach my hand,
into that thorny bush,

I probably will.


It is said that "Reading free verse poetry can be compared to wine and Honey. The taste should linger on the lips after the reading a good poem aloud."
This is not meant as a re-write of your piece and you should try it your own way. Break it in several different places before deciding on how you want it to read.

*FlowerV* Final Comments: This is a great to start to a beautiful poem. It has a lot of potential. I hope you keep at it to give it the impact it deserves.


I find it is through honest and thorough feedback that we grow as writers and my only goal is to help you do so. I hope that you find a home here at WDC. There are so many things to do that it can be a little overwhelming at first, but keep exploring. If you're interested in finding a mentor that can work with you one on one, fill out this survey for the "Invalid Item"  Mentoring Program. We'd love to get you motivated, challenge you to new heights, and help you make new friends. I'd love to hear from you !


 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1965207 by Not Available.


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73
73
Review of How Now Sister?  
Review by Angels in my Ear
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
My review sig


Hi LifeLibertyandJusticeforAll

My name is Angels in my Ear and I'm reviewing for "Invalid Item" . I want to welcome you to WDC and thought I would give you some feedback on your work. I strive to give honest reviews and I hope you find this review helpful

*ButterflyB* Initial Impression: This piece is about a relationship that is suffering from miscommunication and a ghost of what has come between them.

*Pencil* Technique: This piece does have the lyrical feel of poetry, yet I found it difficult to follow.. Although I found your line breaks well done, the lack of punctuation made your piece feel like a run-on sentence and made it difficult to focus on the content of your piece,

*Cut* Suggestions: In free verse, punctuation is critical. It gives the reader clues as to where to pause, stop and reflect, or read through. This can determine how the reader will hear and interpret your piece. So, using your words, I will punctuate it to show what I mean. When reading this, read it slowly and aloud, pausing or stopping only when the punctuation dictates.


I never noticed her
laying here
between us.
I only began
to feel
her presence,
that night you
forgot to say,
"sleep well" and
turned your back
to me.


It is said that "Reading free verse poetry can be compared to wine and Honey. The taste should linger on the lips after the reading a good poem aloud."
This is not meant as a re-write of your piece and you should try it your own way. Break it in several different places before deciding on how you want it to read.


*Flower4*Final Comments: This a great to start to a beautiful poem. It has a lot of potential. I hope you keep at it to give it the impact it deserves.

Poetry is very personal and subjective and as the poet, your vision and intent is most important. These are just observations and suggestions. I would encourage you to keep working this piece instead of moving on to the next. Great poems require time and A LOT of editing and many people are not willing to do it. I hope you will and that you will please contact me if you need some feedback.


I find it is through honest and thorough feedback that we grow as writers and my only goal is to help you do so. I hope that you find a home here at WDC. There are so many things to do that it can be a little overwhelming at first, but keep exploring. If you're interested in finding a mentor that can work with you one on one, fill out this survey for the "Invalid Item"  Mentoring Program. We'd love to get you motivated, challenge you to new heights, and help you make new friends. I'd love to hear from you !


 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1965207 by Not Available.


"Invalid Item" 

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74
74
Review of The Human Nature.  
Review by Angels in my Ear
In affiliation with Sisco's Good Deed Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)


Hello Christelle Azar

I am reviewing your piece for "Invalid Item" . I'm sorry it took me so long to get back to you. *Blush*. I strive to give honest reviews and I hope you find this review helpful.

*ButterflyB* Initial Impression: This is very thought provoking piece that draws a comparison between the rose and the human psyche.

*Idea* Theme and Creativity: I chose to read your piece because you and I write in a similar fashion. This piece has a lot of potential in that it is not a trite comparison. There are those that are (such as a beautiful rose being painful), but you take it beyond that making the cliché less obvious.

*Pencil* Technique:The imagery here is fascinating. It has all the lyrical language of poetry. I love the duality of your human nature comparison. You have the makings of a great free verse piece. Many of these pieces begin just this way. The next step lies in creating the right line breaks.


*Cut* Suggestions:In free verse, line breaks and punctuation are critical. They give the reader clues as to where to pause, stop and reflect, or read through. This can determine how the reader will hear and interpret your piece. So, using your words, I will break it up differently to show what I mean. When reading this, read it slowly and aloud, pausing or stopping only when the punctuation dictates.

The redness of the flower
turned into darkness.
Her beauty
is in her color.


It is said that "Reading free verse poetry can be compared to wine and honey. The taste should linger on the lips after the reading a good poem aloud."
This is not meant as a re-write of your piece and you should try it your own way. Break it in several different places before deciding on how you want it to read.


*FlowerV* Final Comments: I do feel like this is a great beginning, but needs a bit of work. I have written several pieces in just this way. As a descriptive imagery paragraph "The Life of Silver" , which I then reformatted into a poem "The Life of Silver" . This is a great method of creating free verse.

This piece is very original and poignant. It has something to tell us and although the message comes through well, it can be even stronger if you keep at it.

Poetry is very personal and subjective and as the poet, your vision and intent is most important. Please feel free to contact me if you make any changes. I'd be happy to read it again.


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75
75
Review of Night Time post  
Review by Angels in my Ear
In affiliation with Shadows and Light Free Verse G...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
My review sig



Hey thatonenerd

My name is Angels in my Ear for the "Shadows and Light Free Verse Group"  . I strive to give honest reviews and I hope you find this review helpful. The following is merely my impressions of your writing. Please make use only of what you feel is relevant to your vision and ignore the rest.

*ButterflyB* Initial Impression: This piece is about the silent stillness of a night sentry and the observations he makes during his time.

*Idea* Theme and Creativity: This piece is very interesting in that it puts us in the head of the soldier and shows his diversity of thoughts.

*Pencil* Technique: The imagery here is fascinating. It has all the lyrical language of poetry. I love the duality of natures beauty compared with the harsh reality of a soldiers duty. You have the makings of a great free verse piece. Many of these pieces begin just this way. The next step lies in creating the right line breaks.

*Cut* Suggestions: In free verse, line breaks and punctuation are critical. They give the reader clues as to where to pause, stop and reflect, or read through. This can determine how the reader will hear and interpret your piece. So, using your words, I will break it up differently to show what I mean. When reading this, read it slowly and aloud, pausing or stopping only when the punctuation dictates.

Falling stars streak
like arrows
through the archer's sky.
A sentry stands,
cradling cold, black steel
infant, observing
the celestial fray.

It is said that "Reading free verse poetry can be compared to wine and Honey. The taste should linger on the lips after the reading a good poem aloud."
This is not meant as a re-write of your piece and you should try it your own way. Break it in several different places before deciding on how you want it to read.


*Flowerv* Final Comments: This is a great to start to a beautiful poem. It has a lot of potential. I hope you keep at it to give it the impact it deserves.

Poetry is very personal and subjective and as the poet, your vision and intent is most important. These are just observations and suggestions. I would encourage you to keep working this piece instead of moving on to the next. Great poems require time and A LOT of editing and many people are not willing to do it. I hope you will and that you will please contact me if you need some feedback.



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