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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ayren
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15 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of The Salesman  
Review by Ayren
Rated: E | (5.0)
That was incredibly good it all just seemed to flow together, the organization was great. In most poems that rhyme I really notice and it irritates me sometimes because a lot of the time people are are just throwing words that ryhme together. That wasn't the case for this one however, because it just worked. The only suggestion I had was that you don't need the word sellin in the last line, I think spiel would do fine on its own. I would feel real sorry if this were the case with all salespeople but, my gut feeling just says they're not this nice or humble. Great job you should try to get this published if you haven't already.
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Review by Ayren
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very interesting, at first it was a little confusing and repetitive. I really like how it seemed to be one big extended metaphor though. It was a neat idea and you executed it well. The ending was quite good too. Congratulations on a well done, good job.
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Review of Milk  
Review by Ayren
Rated: E | (3.0)
Although I did think this this was a rather pointless poll I did get a real kick out of the options, kudos, they were hilarious. One thing I think you could do to improve it would be too have an: It okay or something like that option because it skips from "crap" to "good" nothing imbetween. Good Job, made me laugh.
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Review of Water Song  
Review by Ayren
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very good poem IMHO I liked the rhyming in the first verse and what I think what would be cool in your poem would be having the 1st line in your 2nd stanza and the 1st line in your 3rd stanza rhyme and the same with the other 2 lines of your 2nd and 3rd stanzas but that may not work well for the flow of your poem, it's up to you. Good job.
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Review by Ayren
Rated: E | (3.5)
I liked the concept of the piece because you always here the expression swallow your pride but these days with all the dirt and horrible disgusting things people are doing we could do to have a little more pride. Like I said I like the concept but your formatting disoriented me quite a bit. Other than that though, good job.
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Review of Potter Poll  
Review by Ayren
Rated: E | (4.0)
Good questions for getting more answers out of the poll, adding christian, not christian parts in there. IMHO Harry Potter promotes trust, friendship, Love, Kindness, all the same things the Bible teaches and the only witchcraft that is done for harmful purposes is by the bad guys and is clearly shown to be evil.
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Review by Ayren
Rated: E | (4.5)
Good in general, I'd say. At some parts it just seemed the tiniest bit kind of Hallmark Card kind of cheesy and any woman or even some men who read this are going to think, "Why aren't me and my partner this wonderful together?" But it did seem like a good poem for Valentine's Day. Send it into Hallmark next year they might give you something for it.:)
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Review by Ayren
Rated: E | (4.5)
That IMHO was pretty good. It seemed pretty EMO but I liked it because it rhymed, this may sound dumb but not a lot of emo poems rhyme and I like your because it did. Two rhymes that didn't make much sense though: subversily and me and silent and torment. The second one especially because it's the last line. Keep it up.
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