|Beautiful work and so far good start of a dark story. You describe the scene very well, and the view off the cliff must be a sight.
1) paragraghs 1 & 2,
You have no spelling errers here and I would say you need to describe the city a little more. Like any bridges, guards on payroll, and what does the streets look like?.
2) paragraghs 3 & 4, no spelling mistakes and I got a few questions. What does the palace look like?, are there any guards with the queen?, and how tall is the wall?
3) paragraghs 5 & 6, no spelling mistakes, does he have anything on him and what was taken?, what was the first thing he saw going into the city as the gates closed?
Please do continue, hope these suggestions and questions help.