I love Fun Houses. When I was young it took an awful lot to scare me. My girlfriend would scream at the top of her lungs the whole time in there. I usually laughed my way through. You did a fantastic job keeping me entertained and the story moved along nicely. Thanks for such a great read. Ginger
Hi Lesley. I absolutely loved this story even though it was sad. Your style of writing has changed since I first started reading your work. You write different when you are emotionally involved, it's like you care so much more about your subjects, and it shows. There are also a lot less mistakes. There are several throughout this piece but nothing that hinders the story line. A extra space between two words, a forgotten comma. Simple stuff you can easily fix. This piece is way to long for me to try and find any mistakes. You will have to read it again out loud to find them. Good writing is all about the fine tuning. Eliminating unnecessary words, changing some wording.
In your last paragraph, I almost cried but I kept it in. I could feel your loss. However I think it would sound and flow better if you tweak it a little. I have made a suggestion below. Remember it is just a suggestion.
I stood up and played fetch with my foxes until I stopped shedding useless (tears. It) took a long (time. I fact) I still cry when I think of Billy.
These could be one sentence each:
I stood up and played fetch with my foxes, until I stopped shedding useless tears.
It took a long time, yet I still cry whenever I think of Billy.
I am so glad you asked me to read this, and look for mistakes. I really enjoyed this. I think it is my favorite so far.
Hi Lesley, I can tell that you put a lot of effort and emotion into this story, maybe even more than the others that I read. My heart goes out to you. I also had to put one of my many beloved pets down. I was very surprised to read that your dog suffered from Cushing's Disease. Although it is a common disease it isn't one of the better known diseases. I ought too know.
When I was 19 years old I suffered from Cushing's Disease. It is a rare hormonal disorder that occurs when a benign tumor on the Pituitary gland, just below the brain, produces excessive amounts of a hormone called (adrenocorticotropic hormone)or better known as ACTH. The ACTH travels through the blood to the Adrenal Glands and signals them to produce an excessive amount of an important steroid called cortisol. When the level of cortisol is too high (hypercortisolism) for too long, it can lead to many different symptoms.
Normal levels of cortisol supports the body's ability to fight infection and aides in metabolism.
Cushings can cause:
Neurological disorders- psychiatric, cognitive and sleep disturbances.
Metabolic complications-Such as obesity, buffalo hump, moon face, and impaired glucose intolerance/diabetes.
Musculoskeletal complications-Proximal myopathy, fatigue and osteoporosis.
Sexual of reproductive complications- Decreased libido,
amenorrhea, of erectile dysfunction.
I did not know all this when I was sick, but I researched it not too long ago. Your dog was very sick, I know all too well. I had to have my right adrenal gland removed and the lower portion of my right lung. Many people with Cushings need special treatment their whole life. Thankfully my doctors were spot on with my treatment. I was Cushings free immediately after the surgery. It did take many months for my body and hormones to to battle their way back to normalcy. I can empathize with You and Buster. Ginger
Hi Lesley, Just finished reading your incredible adventure with the snake. It was quite gripping once I got past the first two paragraphs. They both need work. I made a few suggestions. I hope you don't mind. The rest of the story though, not flawless, was well done. Give it another read and you will see what I mean. I always enjoy your stories and wish my life was more interesting. I love animals. When I was a kid I had a rooster that used to ride on the handlebars of my bicycle. Below are a few suggestions I made for your first two paragraphs, I hope you can understand wrote I wrote. Ginger
First line first paragraph (road in1971 and in)Needs a space after the n and a comma after the 1.
First line second paragraph(The setters encountered)Typo- settlers
(landed in (the) wooden ship,) Use their instead of the."The (Adventurerer.) one too many (er's)
(Today(,)Needs a comma after today.over three hundred years later, the native animals insert of or in front of South South Carolina live in large fenced areas of an acre or habitats.) eliminate the word habitats or rewrite the sentence. habitat. Ex: live in a large fenced in habitat of one acre or more.
(The tourists were told about what the settlers found in the dense (forest.The)needs a space animals were what a settler saw as he hunted for his dinner.) Combine these two sentences.
The tourists were informed about the type of animals the settlers saw while hunting in the dense forest.
This is very, very cute. I like poetry that rhymes and I like writing Children's poetry too. This poem flowed smoothly, rhymed perfectly and was enjoyable to read. Ginger
My daughter loved snakes ever since she caught a garden snake on her paper route. When she grew up she had 3. A Bald Python, A Reticulating Python and a Burmese Python. One of them was 15 feet long. I don't know which one it was. I know nothing about snakes. She kept it in a large glass tank in her living room. They fed it once a month. They cleaned the tank by placing a divider down the middle of the tank. They cleaned half the tank at a time, when they cleaned depended upon which side of the tank the snake was on. I watched it eat a fully grown, huge rabbit once. It struck lightning quick and immediately coiled around it. I watched in utter fascination but I would rather have kept the bunny. I could cuddle with the bunny but not the snake. Your story brought back these memories, thank you for that. My daughter eventually gave the snakes back to where she bought them. Her mother-in-law refused to visit. It's amazing how terrified some people are around snakes. Great story. Ginger
I have discovered that I am not very good at reviewing, especially poetry. Let's give this a try. The content of your poem makes a very valid point. Helping out the less fortunate is a very rewarding experience. Too bad it was realized it too late to help the old man. I adore rhyming poetry and yours passed with flying colors. The words flowed smoothly, not a hitch in sight. Great job. Ginger
Hi Hunter, Just finished reading Grandma's Pantry. The story line was enchanting. I do enjoy short stories in Dialog. I wish I knew how to can. I was a city girl growing up. No one to teach me. A pity, I missed so much. The ending was perfect. Ginger
Hi Leslie, It's me again. Took your advice and read Gator In The Road. Some really exciting stuff I would probably have been Junior's take-out meal for the remainder of his journey. The content was great. Just a few mistakes that I noticed. You wrote:Buster my Boykin was snored. Easy fix. Also spell check would have caught this you spelled the word: (equipted) it is equipped. I didn't notice anything else wrong but I wanted to finish reading. If you really like to read about animals read
Simon and Jake (E) Katrina found people unprepared, the 4 legged animals also suffered. This is their story. #1110345 by super sleuth
It about two animals struggling to survive Katrina. Keep a box of tissues nearby. Ginger
This leaves me speechless. My daughter's mother-in-law had Alzheimer's and has now passed away. I can tell through your writing of this poem that you are a very loving and caring person. your mother was lucky to have you for a daughter. It is very well written, flows smoothly, and although it is sad, there is still that glimmer of light that keeps it enjoyable to read. Ginger
Hi Leslie, Just returning the favor. You reviewed one of my creations so I decided to return the review. I was glad I did. I live in an RV Park in Florida called Blueberry Hill. It is surrounded by a retention pond which is home to many aquatic animals, including alligators, and turtles. The back of my RV is less than ten feet from the water. There is no fence separating me from the wildlife. My grandson once hooked an alligator while fishing behind my RV. Although I have great respect for these creatures and am not as brave as you, I still enjoy watching them. I have a small Chihuahua named Allie-Gator. Once I saw the content of your portfolio I definitely had to read something. For someone as tiny as you you sure are brave. I wouldn't have the guts to do what you do. I would probably tire long before the alligator. I found your writings informative and entertaining. Glad I stopped by. Ginger
Hi John, Just a few lines about your story. I almost didn't finish reading it. The beginning made me fell like it was going no where. I understand you were trying to give the reader an insight into Dennis's emotional turmoil, but it seemed excessive. On the other hand I loved the plot. There were times chapter's 2 & 3 seemed to lag, but it wasn't until Dennis finally made his decision, that it really got interesting. I was glad I read it all the way. The next time you edit this piece, read it out loud slowly. There are several miss use of words. In the end Dennis got what he wanted, death. But his death was a Hero's death and not a whimpering, Woah is me death. Thanks for sharing. Ginger
This was really cute. You have a warped sense of humor. When I write, there is a dictionary right next to me too. For some reason spell check will red line a word and I don't know why so I look it up and there it is in bold print. Example: hearted, now what is wrong with this spelling? It is in the dictionary as a form of the word heart. Does it need the prefixes of kind, broken etc? Oh well. I like Clive Cussler's, his Dirk Pitt novels are my favorite. I too read a big assortment of books. So glad your works are being published. Write on. Ginger
I know how you feel I lost three dogs and after the last I said no more. It was two years before I finally gave in and went and got a Chihuahua from the shelter. A few years later my husband passed away. I don't know how I would have survived without my Allie-Gator. I live in Florida, hence the name. Very well written and funny. Ginger
Cats sure are crafty. My daughter has two cats. Kiki acts like a princess, very graceful, delicate, demanding when hungry. Poe Edgar Allen is totally opposite. He is big, brawny, knows how to beg, and is so nosy he is always in your face. When company comes Kiki hides, while Poe ambushes. He also is a mitten paw and has five toes plus an extra large thumb on his two front paws. Sorry for your loss. Our pets are dear to us, and give unconditional love. I can tell your poem is heart felt, and it is well written. Ginger.
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