|Hi Omni! This review is for the Simply Positive group! Thank you for sharing your poems with everyone. They were a pleasure to read.
-"Artistic, friendly, intelligent, and somewhat organzed" - ...somewhat organized
- "Who fins happiness in swimming" - finds happiness...
- "Resident of the deepest part in the abyss" - Oh! Nice closer. I was not expecting the dark twist at the end. I like it. :)
Where I am From
-"The African-Violets tat bloom all over" - ...Violets that bloom...
- "I'm from NE and mountais" - Is "NE" New England? Nebraska? North East? Add the "n" in mountains.
- "Piis out of the pod" - Peas?
Lincoln High Marching Band
- "BANG BOOM" - I like how the onomatopoeias break up the rhythm of the poem. And excellent touch.
- "...as in a new rhyme, foward..." - ...forward...
- "Hidden iside rocks / Sunken iside a pirate ship / Full of large words that is written in a dictionary" - inside rocks... inside a pirate ship... words that are written...
- "train heading west crashed, / and fell into a river." - Another twist I wasn't expecting from the poem. Very nice!
Since this is a collection of poems, I'm going to give you my thoughts on each one before summing things up.
Clearly a personal piece. I like the repetition of the "who" at the beginning of many of the lines. In my opinion, one of the stronger poems in this collection
Where I am From
This is my favorite poem of the collection and, I feel, the strongest. I don't know if you need the little dividers between the stanzas -- maybe just a line break. The typos in this poem (see the specific lines above) were distracting, but I still felt that I got a strong sense of the speaker in this poem.
Lincoln High Marching Band
This poem didn't seem to flow as well as some of the others, though I'm not sure why. I liked the "BANG BOOM" interjected between lines so I don't think that's what did it. Also, not sure I understood the last stanza when the band "go low into the hole." Also, watch the subject/verb agreement in that last stanza.
I love this poem because every sentence can begin with "Poetry is," EXCEPT the eighth line (Breaks the rules but not caught). I was really into the feel and rhythm of this poem until I hit that line, and then it just threw me off. Consider making this line fit the scheme of the others to avoid jarring the reader. Even though there is something to be said for the poem to break its own rules, my sense is that the poem will be stronger if it follows the form laid out at the beginning.
I have to say that I didn't care for this poem as much as some of the others. Maybe it's the novelist in me, but I felt that you could have turned this into a brilliant piece of flash fiction. As a poem though, I found myself scratching my head throughout.
I like this one. It's straightforward yet entirely true. Honestly written. My only comment here is that I think you could have compared the boiling spinach to grubs earlier in the poem and perhaps added one or two further comparisons.
Another truthful and straightforward little poem. Again, I don't know how I feel about the little divider line. Also, I didn't get much emotion out of this poem. It felt more like an accurate (and beautiful) description, but I didn't get anything about how the speaker feels about the butterflies.
Fiction for You
I like this poem (being more of a fiction writer myself!) and I like how you flow through the different things that are attractive about fiction. I'm not sure I understand why some of the text is in red, but I didn't find it too distracting from the poem itself. Overall, nicely written.
As a collection, I enjoyed reading these and think you have some heartfelt pieces in here. You need to work a bit on spelling and grammar (a quick run through spellcheck will catch most of the issues), but otherwise I thought everything was well written. I'll also admit that poetry is often not my strong suit, especially when it's more free-form, so I tried to do my best here. As with any review, these are solely my opinions and should be taken with a grain of salt or less. Let me know if you polish up the spelling and I'll be happy to come by and take another look. :)