The plot moves along well. Consider developing the story a little more. Remember the old but very worthwhile phrase...show, don't tell. It is a phrase I am working towards as well.
Hi HuntersMoon,
I really like your story idea. It could easily be developed into a novel. (I'm guessing you have already thought of that.)
Sarah is a good strong character. I liked her initial reluctance to accept her gift.
I noticed you haven't reached the word limit for the contest. Consider developing clearer scene changes. On first read, I found the movement from one scene to the next a little jarring.
Hi Challenged Cadie.
There is a lot of emotion in your story. Clearly you put a lot of yourself into your writing.
Catherine seemed so vulnerable at the beginning, I felt sorry for her; maybe could relate a little to her. The end of the story (I prefer the first ending), was positive and warm.
Hi ShastaPrincess.
A very fun story idea that created clear pictures in my mind.
I read the story aloud and for the most part it was smooth and lyrical. The lines flowed nicely. However, there were a couple of sections, where the rhyming stopped abruptly and the flow felt jagged; specifically the last few lines.
I don't know much about writing for children, but I liked it.
Hi there BBWIH.
I am a little afraid to review your essay on reviewing. Whatever I write...will it be enough? Should I delve into the mechanics (excellent, by the way); or, should I discuss how the piece makes me feel?
Hmmm.
Here goes. You made me smile. Your essay is so true. Reviewing the work of other writers is a tough job. But, one thing I am learning...it makes me a better writer.
I found a sense of peace in your story and liked how you wrote the death of the old woman as a natural occurrence. She wasn't afraid or angry and therefore, as the reader, neither was I.
I was interested in the fact the old woman was unable to see. Her view of her last night on earth was not a visual one.
I love it. Your story is playful and incorporates use of the senses extremely well. I can almost taste and smell the soda bread. Yum.
I appreciate how you combine the simple everyday task of making soda bread with the fantasy world of the little people.
Without even realizing it, I caught myself smiling while reading the last sentence.
Your story is so wonderfully descriptive. It brings back memories of my childhood, not a pool but a lake. The summer heat, riding my bike to the lake, the "five more minutes" are all parts of your story to which I can certainly relate.
The story reveals some clear emotions: happiness, joy, fun. All good.
The narrative is clear and moves the story along well.
I like your story. It is light and playful. I think the story's strength is the connection between the two characters through the dialogue.
One suggestion: I don't know the word limit for the contest as I am quite new to these things but consider incorporating some non-dialogued action to add another dimension to your story.
Keep writing.
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