This is a really powerful piece but it is scattered all over the place. I cannot, in my heart, says it's bad because it is something all of us have felt when someone played with our heart. We know love is the right way but it's just not fair. One thing I have learned when I felt like this is that when you get over the hate, cause you have to remember hate is an emotion, just like love, just as strong and it will tear you down too. When you begin to feel nothing then you will be over this person. No one should be able to play with your heart, listen to me, i think you are young. No one has the permission to abuse you, hurt you, play with your emotions! No one.
diane...work on the grammer, paragraphs, ect. but return about a year from now when this stabbing isn't so fresh.
Really good! I want to write like that as well but my poetry is always about the things that make me sad. If I do write a good one it's usually for someone else.
I'm sorry I wrote something so long for someone to read as a response about their BLOG. This has been such an emotional week with me. Two things I must learn: I can't make people like me, I can't make other people happy. I can only be happy and like myself.
Let me know where I need to go for the workshop.
Be Diane, just trying her hardest to be herself. I feel like I am an actor and the whole world is a stage and I just do the things others want or rebell until they hate me.
Include me because I am a shoe in whatever I mean by that...who could write a short story about sex in the laundermat and even turn herself on. I may already be a member since I am so excited about being named for the editor's pick. What an honor for my first attempt at erotica genre!?
Diane
Great newletter!
Overall impression of the writing: I like writings about past loves. This one was good but it lack just a little more emotion. It leaves me wanting to know more about what happened? How did you fall in love? Was this a first love? Things like that but then again writings should leave you wanting to know more.
Grammar: I think poetry is left opened as far as grammer goes. I do mine that way anyway....I throw grammer out the window on a poem.
What I liked best about the piece: I love to read about love affairs. Why they don't work out? Why if the other person is so love they don't want to induldge in helping to make it work.
Improvements: Just a little more emotion.
You might be interested in reading a Letter to my Ex-husband that I wrote.
Keep writing! Diane
Remember what my English 101 instructor said, "Writing is about rewriting, rewriting, and more rewriting. Also, I know students in medical school who can't spell. You have an editor when you get to be a big time writer!"
I hate to even think of losing one of my dogs. I don't know if I could take the pain. When you read the one called "The Accident" where I nearly lost it all you could see how much my Jewel means to me. The picture you'll see of a person and Jewel will bring you to your knees with tears as this did to me.
Have you ever looked up the poem on the internet called Rainbow Bridge? It is so good. Just put it in the search engine.
Love to you and I know you feel little Kirby in spirit. The children's pet, Beau, the night he died he stood up beside my son, until they took him to the vet in the morning. Oh, what a sad time we've had burying our loved ones. My Mother-in-Law just lost her Nipper, a Jack Rusell Terrier, he was about 17 years old. Pray for her she's in so much pain still.
I found someone on writing.com who needs an upgrade or he will have to go to using as a free member. His children are sick. He wrote a poem about his little man. It is heartbreaking. Here is the link
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I think his ability to let his thoughts out through his writings is helping him. I donated him 10,000 gp's and I am going to donate the same to RAOK BEcause ya'll have helped me soooo many times.
Love,
Diane
You were right. This poem about depression touches me because I go through the same demon. You said your wife is depressed. Did she ever believe in it before she experienced it on her own? I never did and what a surprise when it had it's grip on me. Your poem very vivid and the words you wrote so well paints me a picture of what we face so much.
Thanks for sharing and the great review you gave me!
Diane
That was a wonderful love poem. It is sad that our love fades over time and it is the youth we miss when we write about that which is gone. This one shows how deep a love can be but I get a little confused at the end. Your heart is like steel so it feels like a heartbreak but then at the end it talks like a death. I kind of think of the death figurely because it seems like the distance causes death.
That was such a wonderful love story. Even through the cancer you can see the miracle of the family of man. The young man helping to change the tire, the caring husband, the familiar house, God gives us so much to be thankful for even in the time of trouble. You are a great writer and it shows through your story. I look forward to reading more.
Thanks so much for reading and reviewing the "Letter to my Ex-Husband." It was a special love, a first love. It's different the first time. More powerful sexually, fire bound to burn out with time!
Diane
Overall impression of the writing: Oh, my God what a letter. You have to enter it in the current contest. I have entered an item but it is nothing compared to this true love letter of yours. It is the best thing I have read in a long, long time. You couldnot be did you call it snag because your words tell me otherwise! I'm printing this to show to my daughter and read to my husband. A hard working man, coal miner, we will celebrate 29 years in March.
Grammar: Nothing was ever used to hurt him, she couldn’t comma here, she loved him.
What I liked best about the piece: Everything!
Improvements: None.
Remember what my English 101 instructor said, "Writing is about rewriting, rewriting, and more rewriting. Also, I know students in medical school who can't spell. You have an editor when you get to be a big time writer!"
What a wonderful story! It would be a great addition to one of the Country magazines or Birds and Blooms. They are great magazines with great pictures and stories. I think your story would make an excellent one for one of their publications.
I agree with you so much. Go to my port and read "Lend a Hand." I enjoyed teaching this trait to my children who learned they may be entertaining angels, unaware.
When you have so much stuff in your brain which has to come out or your brain would become clogged up. This is why my hubby says my nickname is Diesel because I have 18 wheels a rolling in my head. It has to go somewhere!
Diane Wearing my heart on my shoulder.
Boy, that poem was everywhere but I can see why--you are displaying to the reader how fast your mind works. It is so hard to mediate when you have a mind like that. I know! My nickname is diesel--18 wheels a rolling in my mind is what my husband says. I do wish it would shut off but maybe this is why we write.
Keep at it,
Diane
I love Langston Hughes so it drew me to your poem and I must say I am glad it did. It was wonderful. Children are so much of what we leave behind in this world so it displayed the love between a parent and a child so well. I saw only one mistake toward the end of the poem. Instead of You're it is Your, I believe.
Keep writing!
Diane
Good story. It held my interest especially in the beginning when I wondered why the card player would not show up this particular night. I found it a little hard to follow on the card game I guess because I don't play cards. All together a good read. Keep writing. I want to see if they follow through with their plan!
Diane
I guess the reason I liked this poem so much is because at times I feel the same way. Revenage is so sweet especially when someone has harmed you to the very core. You did an excellent job in ryhming your words. Keep writing! Good luck in your pay back!
Diane
Very good and such a vivid picture of a lover that is so consumed with a relationship that she doesn't stop at anything to have her way. You have taken this to a next level and leaves the reader wanting more which to me, is what writing is all about. It makes me want to know what happened. Did Rudy show up or did the writer disappear, embrassed at what she did, after he started crying, or did Chris kill the hunter.
Keep writing. I want to know more! Also, do you know who is doing the life changing contest? I wrote an entry and now I can't find the contest.
Thanks,
Diane #2
I have been a member for quite some time and I always find articles, like the one you have written here, to be of such help. Sometimes I think us seasoned members forget how much it helps to be involved. I think that's why I changed my name as to something like this, "I'm back with force," in other words, ready to be involved like I was when I first joined writing.com
Thanks,
Diane
Needless to say writing.com has a lot of people hooked. I have been a member since March of 2005, I believe. It has been one of the best experiences in my life, why, because it makes me want to write. Before when I didn't have someone interested in reading my work it didn't feel like I was accomplishing anything by writing now it does. It makes me part of the family of man!
This is a good read. You could use a little improving on some of your wording but the information in your essay is strong and is wise words to our youth.
First is not to use unnescessary words. For instance,I always wanted to be a social worker when I was younger. You could leave off when I was younger because you get this information on futher in the essay. Or you could say: When I was young I wanted to be a social worker.
Two options you could undertake. Read your essays closely so you can see where you have the words that are of no use in the essay. Other way to write the essays is to do the essay in a word program then copy and paste.
You are never to old! I am 53 and I wish you could see my resume. I am always trying new things. I've been a phone operator, secretary to the Dean of students, college student, writer, photographer, clothing maker, retail sales, water aerobic instructor ( I started this job when I was 48!). You are still not too old to start new dreams. If you keep writing try looking into taking a creative writing class at a community college. You can do anything and now is the time unless you are like me and the hot flashes are getting the best of you. LOL.Diane
I love it! Why because it is so free flowing as I hope my poetry is to others. I just feel the words flowing out and place them on the paper. No Ryhme or reason it's just the way I feel at that moment.
You are the first person I have seen who remembers the Encyclopedia Brown series! I loved them! Having grown up in the sixties in the inner-city of Detroit. I know am in the middle of the woods in Alabama.
Are you a coalminer?
Thanks,
Diane check out my lastest:
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That is wonderful. In some ways it reminds me that death when it comes leaves behind loved ones who once so busy now take the time to feel the five senses we forget. It's kinda like we finally go in slow motion and began to enjoy things we gave up. Your wife is right you need to share this with others.
Diane
I have had a hard last few months. Read my BLOG AND you'll see--life just hasn't been good to me. I always think I'm kind at heart and do the best for everyone and then it blows up in my face. At the current time I am so flat broke. I'm trying to gather up some GP's to keep my membership current. I've been a member since March 8, 2005! I don't want to lose my port and I would like to buy at least a three month membership so I won't loose anything.
I'm glad to be back. We have to stick with this!!
Diane
Very good. You sounded just like my best friend. I would tell her things like this, "Suzanne, once I buy your Nissan Maxium, I will always be happy."
Suzanne is my soulmate. She was born November 21, 1951 and I was born November 21, 1954. Suzanne would reply, "The material things will not make you happy, Diane. I don't even think the permanent things make us happy." Sure enough the car didn't make me happy especially when it had a defect in the fuel ijectors and caught on fire. I had to write the Nissan company and soon they had a recall on the used car. I think that particular year every car had some kind of recall!
I also loved the part about the Cockatoos. My Aunt passed away and left us hers. She let me take care of it before she passed so it lived with my daughter around the college party scene. It's a wonder the bird didn't come back raping! Then it came to my house and we let her stay outside in the summertime. Oh, he liked that. I always call him a her so excuse me if I do.
All together a great writing. You pulled me in with your title and introduction sentence.
That poem brings tears to my eyes. Anyone that is a dog lover would be touched to read this. You know we are better to dogs than humans. We at least put them to sleep when they are older and can no longer do for themselves. Another thing that hurts my soul about a dog is that they will lick the hand that is putting them to sleep. They are so humble and love with such unconditional love. When I feel my dog's heartbeat next to mine in my bed it is then I feel safe. I don't get that love from my children, my husband, or my Mother...I get that from my precious Jewell who is named after a jewel because that is what she is. Please visit my port and read about Jewell in the story "The Accident."
Keep writing. This would be a wonderful poem in every Vet's office and Humane Society office in the US. Thanks for sharing!
Diane
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