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281 Public Reviews Given
4,815 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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26
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Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I really like the way you put your reader right into the story. Your punctuation needs work, but you have a natural flair for a good yarn and that's what it takes to hook a reader. Might I suggest reading your story aloud and seeing where the natural pauses are, and then insert a comma there or two. Also extend this piece, it's got potential...*Cool*
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Review of The Pact  
Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Jhon,
I will put my thoughts and corrections in brackets [ ]...

The Pact
Wake up! Get up! f***! Work! f***! Sleep! When did my life become a simple monotony? In a simple memory, in a simple attempt of happiness with you? Would it be that in my youth when I made the pact with the devil this was included.[?] No, it all can’t be that, he assured me that my life was going to be fantastic, full of surprises and fun. Oh[,] my life. Why did you betray me, why did you leave me with the first man you encountered.[?] You didn’t?, [But] but I saw you, I saw you with another, and it wasn’t something simple, he was touching you, I saw he was touching you. Don’t lie, don’t lie to me please, if you keep doing it I’m going to put this bullet in your brain. Remember the party, I saw him kissing you, I didn’t see it very well[,] but it should had been on the mouth because afterward you were happy, too happy. And the phone calls, those longs phone calls with your so-called friends... What are you doing? No, how did you do it[?], [G]give that to me,[!] [G]give it to me, I’m telling you to give it to me,[!] [A]ahhhh! You do that again and I’ll shoot you in the head,[.] Nooo.

PUMM

f***ing whore…!

[You kinda lost me at the end. I couldn't quite figure if he was fighting over a gun and then shot, or if he was just fighting with himself. If their was someone else, then the internal dialogue should have changed to external, and then I think that would have cleared it up. Still, a very emotional read. Thanks for entering,
-Bill]
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28
Review of Two Brothers  
Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
The Addick...*Cool*
I really enjoyed this setup. I think your writing is very strong...very close to perfect and publishable. I will feature this piece in the next Action/Adventure Newsletter in the hope that you are able to get some more helpful feedback. Congrats!
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29
Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: E | (5.0)
Pat

I don't know why this has been rated so low. It is truely an emotional piece that deserves more recgonition than it has received. When I read it, being a father myself, it filled with a yearning to reach out and speak to my Dad again. Thank you for sharing this...
-Bill
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Review of Soul Anchor  
Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Very well done! My favorite line was...

What a dream – to use words
to conjure up another plane of existence.[,]
to create music that has no notes
using letters alone.

You nailed it. This is very inspirational. Thanks for sharing...
-Bill
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31
Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey, E-re!
I found this to be a very interesting topic. As I read your intro, I saw some things that I would change. Remember, this intro is the big setup to your article, so you want to 'HOOK' the reader right away, pull them into clicking on the first chpt. like the tug of a fishhook. Here is what you wrote...

I found it quoted somewhere about spirituality that "People at some point in their life whether it be 20 to 70 years of age, find themselves staring right into the face of the one thing I call which begins their search and that is death. Oh, there is that nasty word, death. Isn't it amazing how we seem to go through life without thinking about it, that we all will die one day, including ourselves until something pushes us into the face of death. This can be the death of a loved one, or facing an illness that could lead to death. I firmly believe that everyone before they die do start this journey of finding out who their God or higher source is."

I think you have done it like this...

People at some point in their life, whether it be 20 to 70 years of age, find themselves staring into the face of death. It's no big secret, folks, we're all going to die. Life's many roads eventually lead to an illness that results in death, the death of a loved one, and finally our own death. I believe that everyone, before they meet Death face-to-face, start the miraculous journey of finding out what it is all about. Join me on this trek as we discover the true meaning of death and perhaps the beginning of something much greater.

What duya think?
-Bill
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32
Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: E | (4.5)
“Is this Mr. Alvin Applebee?”

“Who’s this that[Who] wants to know?”

“Mr. Applebee, are you sitting down?”

“Why? Who is this?”

“This is Art Linkletter, Mr. Applebee. Have you ever heard of me? I’m calling for the Publisher’s…”

“Art Linkletter’s dead. I’m hanging up now[, bye.]” Dang telemarketers!{"]

“Did you lose another one, Art?”

“They hang up before they even hear what I have to say! Okay, here goes. ‘Hello, Mr. Applebee? Please don’t hang up. I have some good news ’”

“Oh, no you don’t. And don’t call back[, goodbye].”

“Just [gimme] one more try, Herb.”

“Okay, but then you’ll have to go on to the next one.”

“I’ll make it this time. ‘[Hello?]Listen to me, Alvin. Publishers’ Clearing House has a check for you for one million….”

“Dagblast it! Quit calling my number, you scam artist!”

“Honey, I’m home. Who was that on the telephone? I kept trying to call you but the line was busy.”

“Just some doggone telemarketer.[,calling over] Over and over. I’d like to take this telephone and …”

“Now, Al. Don’t get so mad. They’re just trying to make a living. How would you like people hanging up on you?”

“No, this was some kind of scam. They wanted to give me a million dollars.”

“Who was it?”

“I don’t know! I didn’t wait around to hear.”

“It wasn’t Publishers Clearing House, was it? This is the week they’re supposed to be calling.”

“Yeah, it was something like that.”

“Oh, no, no! Can we call them back? Look at the caller ID! Maybe we can call them back!

“Hello, Art Linkletter]? Finally! Have you been calling Alvin Applebee’s number?”

“Not me, lady. There’s a lot of people here making calls though.”

“Well, could you ask or something? My husband answered, and he didn’t understand. “

“No, ma’m, I’m sorry but we only make three calls to each number.”

“Don’t you ever make exceptions? My husband is hard of hearing, and he just couldn’t hear what you were saying.”

“Okay, I’ll ask around. Hey, any you guys trying to call…who was it lady?”

“Alvin Applebee.[...just] Just a few minutes ago.”

“Anyone trying to reach Alvin Applebee? Oh, Art, you were? His wife’s on the phone. [She says he's]He’s hard of hearing.”

“Okay, I’ll [try to] talk real loud. Put him on the phone.”

“AL, MR. LINKLETTER IS ON THE PHONE, AND HE UNDERSTANDS YOU’RE HARD OF HEARING AND HE’LL TALK REAL LOUD.”

“Mr. Linkletter, is that really you? I thought you were dead.”

“NO. A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK THAT. WHAT I CALLED YOU FOR IS TO TELL YOU, YOU’VE WON…’What was it he won, Herb?…the whole million?…”

“Wow, Art, a million dollars! When do I get the check?”

“Wait a minute, Mr. Applebee, you really aren’t hard of hearing[,] are you? You heard what Herb was saying on the other side of the room! You lied to me. That hard of hearing thing was a scam. I’m sorry. The million goes to the next person on the list.”

This was creative and entertaining, great job, Wren! You're this weeks big WINNER!*Bigsmile*
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Review of A MUTUAL DREAM  
Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: E | (4.5)
Sherri,
I saw this un-rated piece in your port and thought I'd give it a read. My first impression was that it was very song oriented because the meter was perfect and I could hear it sung in my head. It is a very poignant and patriotic verse and I could feel your emotion. Keep up the Good Write!
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Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: E | (4.5)
doremi*Cool*,
I thought this story idea was great. I think you could have done more with it though, you could have SHOWN the grass killing people, or the animals, strangling them, eating through their bodies - something horrific. I think that is what the story lacks; that creepy, scary atmosphere that would take the story over the top and freak everybody out.

I read a Stephen King short story just yesterday about a genious inventing this water that, when drank, turned everybody stupid. The really creepy part was the guy writing in his journal explaining how it all happened, but he started to lose his mind and the words became less and less legible. Finally, at the end, he couldn't even remember his own name, or what the words meant that he just wrote. Your story reminded me of that...and I think injecting it with some more horror would be just what it needs to make it PERFECT.
** Image ID #906791 Unavailable **
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Review of Partner  
Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Kotaro,
I thought your story was fabulous. Very tight writing with a good feel for the strange and weird. I think you could have given a bit more explanation from the Old Man's POV before Kenji enters the story, but other than that, a great read that I will keep and feature in one of my newsletters next month. Excellent job!
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Review of Fiction 1: Bunny  
Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
bob,
This was done very well, your character's accent was great and I want to thank you for entering my little contest. The problem is that you didn't follow the guidelines: your not allowed to use andy tag-ons(he/she said} are anything but dialogue. But it's such a cool story I'm going to award you something just for entering it,
W.D.
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37
Review of Chance Encounters  
Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
E.E.,
This was just hilarious. You wrote to the prompt exactly. I could easily picture the two characters arguing in Time Square, great job.

Now we come to punctuation...and this is something I'm not the best at myself, but I will go through your story and show where I believe the punctuation should be.

Chance Encounters

“Say, watch where you’re going[,] buster!”

“Oh[,] excuse me, I didn’t see you there.”

“You didn’t see me? Good God[,] man, are you blind[,] or what?”

“No, I said I was sorry what more do you want from me?”

“Well for crying out[crying-out] loud[,] man, I AM six feet tall! How could you not see me?”

“Well I didn’t expect to see a rabbit in the first place, this is after all[,] Time Square!”

“What? Rabbits can’t be in Time Square[...] there's some kind of law?”

“No, that’s not what I meant. I meant, I just didn’t expect to see a rabbit is all. Especially not such a large rabbit.”

“You making some kind of comment? AM I FAT? ARE YOU IMPLYING I’M FAT?”

“No, sorry.[,] I wasn’t making any kind of judgement at all. I just didn’t expect a large rabbit to be wandering around Times Square. You caught me by surprise.”

“Why? You got something against rabbits?”

“Noooo, that’s not it at all. Like I said, I just didn’t expect to see one.[, t]That’s all I’m saying. I’m making no judgements and have no prejudices!”

“You don’t know what the date is?”

“Why it’s April fifteenth[,] isn’t it?”

“Yes it is, and....?”[no question mark here because you've already used an elispe]

“And? What do you mean and?”

“That date doesn’t mean anything to you?”

“Why no, should it?”

“What’s your name[,] buster?”

“Abe, Abe Goldstein.[, w]Why do you ask?”

“Ahhhhh, nevermind. Mister Goldstein, don’t you watch television?[, m]Maybe see the sale[s] flyers at the stores?”

“Well[,] yes I do, usually.”

“And yet[,] April fifteen doesn’t mean anything?”

“No, I can’t say as it does.”

“For crying[-]out loud man, I’m the damn Easter Bunny, you never heard of the Easter Bunny?”

“Ohhhh, that’s what you are?”

“Well[,] yeah, duhhh[...]sheesh even most Jewish people at least heard of me!”

“Well, yes[,] I have heard of the Easter Bunny. We don’t celebrate the holiday, but yes[,] I know what Easter is.”

“Good thing you don’t celebrate the day, someone as dumb as you would probably not get anything anyway.”

“I don’t think there is any call to get personal!”

“Oh, don’t get your panties in a knot. You started it when you called me fat!”

“I did not call you fat! I said you were large, not necessarily fat.”

“See[,] you did it again!”

“I did not call you fat! I didn’t call you anything! I just want to go home, please excuse me.”

“Yeah, that’s right[,] you jerk! Run away before I put the hurt on you, I know Karate!”

“Oh[,] nevermind, good day to you[,] sir!”

“Good Easter Day[,] you mean.”

“Yeah[,] yeah, good Easter Day. [A]Scary looking psycho rabbit like you probably has crummy treats anyway!”

“You better watch your mouth[,] Abe, I could seriously put some hurt on you!”

“I said[,] good day, good Easter Day! Now leave me be, I need to go home.”

“Begone then! Silly damn humans, Easter is for kids.[!] Easter Bunnies are anyway!”

*Laugh*This is really great, E.E. Thanks for entering,
-Bill
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Review of Stomach Ache  
Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Frog!
Good horror! It reminded me of when I had my gall bladder attack...lol. I will feature this in the next Horror/Scary Newsletter due out on the 19th. Congrats to you on a job well done...now, CLEAN IT UP! *Laugh*

I found a coupla things...
Dialled[dialed]
recognisable[recognizable]
and with his dying breath[,] he looked

Other then that, it was well put together. Who's Sophia anyway? And why did he kiss her? Perhaps something to think about during your next edit-*Cool*
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39
Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: E | (5.0)
Heya, Bree,
I got your email and bopped on over to take a peek. The contest looks great! I am in the process of moving and getting this house ready to sell so I don't know if I'll be able to enter, but I would love to judge your horror entries and offer this small donation of 10K just to help get things going. Let me know if you need me...*Cool*
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Review of The Vegetarian  
Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
James,
This is an exceptional piece of writing. It seems to me I read it before but I can't think of when or where...oh well, it'll come to me. I am impressed with your work and have added you to my favs with the thought of returning to read more.

I will feature this piece in the next Horror/Scary Newsletter. Writing such as this screams to be read *Cool*...congrats!
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Review of Never Leave Me  
Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey, Viv, this is a real doozy of a western--I really enjoyed it. I found a couple of boo-boos you might want to take a look at...

Marion, I, uh, I wonder if you would mind if I talked to you[your] dad about us?”

Abbie was kidnapped/ and then find Abby.”[two different spellings?]

A really exciting story. Write On!
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Review of Cemetery  
Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: E | (5.0)
Doremi,
This is a very touching poem. I especially loved the ending when you said you would never return to his grave site again--that really got to me. But it was uplifting too--the fact that you knew he would rather not choose a mournful place to meet you, but someplace happy. God Bless you and yours and keep you safe,
W.D.

PS There is a typo in the first line of the second stanza [nver=never].
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Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Laugh* You ARE the funny one...LOL. Thank you so much for entering--that was very kind of you. In the future, please use (" "), because we are practicing to write dialogue as grammatically correct as possible*Wink*. Thanks again, Leger *Heart*

The NEW prompt is up!
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Review of Dog Show  
Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A very amusing dialogue, Hat of Blue. I saw no errors except that I would have made it a bit funnier. Your setup was perfect, but the conversation felt a bit dry. Don't get me wrong, it's a fine piece, but I felt a bit let down waiting for the punch line that never really came.

I want to thank you for entering "The Dialogue 500" , and please come again! *Cool*
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Review of Me and my heart  
Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: E | (4.5)
Raj,
What a great piece of internal dialogue! I really enjoyed it, especially the ending--that was good. You have talent and write well even it does seem english is your second language. Thank you for entering my little contest and please come back again,
W.D.
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46
Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: E | (5.0)
Bry,
This was very heart-felt. I loved the feel of nostalgia and the memories you stirred within me. A very good poem and one worth reading again and again. I guess that in itself denotes perfection. I wouldn't change a thing. A very touching tribute,
W.D.
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Review of The Crimson Blade  
Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Vrael,
What a wonderful start to an absolutely fabulous story. I have the feeling there is a dragon in that cave...lol. Please continue this tale for I am definitely hooked by your idea and writing style *Delight*. I will feature it in the next Fantasy Newsletter. Great job!
W.D.
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48
Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: E | (4.5)
Heya Lily!
Thanks for entering my contest! Your story was really good and I loved the ending...LOL. The rules state that you can only use spoken or internal dialogue.

(Jess is edging her way downstairs, holding her head.)
(Suddenly she sees her mother, arms around a man in a Santa suit. His back is to her.)

This is not internal dialogue. Internal dialogue is just like regular dialogue except it is spoken inside the head of your character. I'm sorry for the confusion, but please come back and try again,
-W.D.
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Review of Lost Forever  
Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: E | (4.5)
Riss,
I really liked this one. May I suggest keeping to your rhyme scheme or trying something like this:

Memories lost and found
Glistening upon thy face
Reflecting in bitter taste,
Words I never voiced. [This is awesome]

Make me mine tonight,[this is an odd line. I don't quite understand it]
That I may leave this place.
Hold me here a while[in haste]
That I may find my peace.

Dry my tears tonight ,[no space before comma]
That dreams may come again.
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Review of Walking By  
Review by W.D.Wilcox
Rated: E | (4.5)
Riss,
This is an excellent little poem--a great idea that needs expounding. Why are people like that? In these times, I believe that people are afraid. Maybe you could write about that...people too afraid to pass someone and look them in the eye and smile. I don't know--it's just a thought.

TYPO: are far to busy (too)
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