*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Creative fun in
the palm of your hand.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/bjwray
Review Requests: ON
23 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Dragonfly
Rated: E | (2.0)
Being honest, I would have to say this is something that those who are very religious would love to read. This is a piece that would be perfect in a religious setting, read by very devout people.

For the rest of us, who are not, it gives a view of how such a religious person perceives the world and how they think it should work.

The writing itself is well done and easy to understand.
2
2
Review by Dragonfly
Rated: E | (3.0)
A tragic story of the loss of a new born child. The pain felt by the mother as she revisits the grave site and all the emotions that are rekindled each time.


3
3
Review by Dragonfly
Rated: E | (5.0)
Love it! I could picture both girls flying down in their sled. Very well written. I liked how you developed a potentially tense moment and turned it around to something of joy. I liked how you left it open to continue the story by suggesting there would be hell to pay from the father.

Really enjoyed this. Can't wait to see what else happens!

Thank you for sharing/posting.
4
4
Review by Dragonfly
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is really sweet and sad. I could picture a closeness with a granny now gone. I could feel feel myself hurting, longing, wishing for that elusive "happiness", everyone had/has always searched for, yet never found.

Very heartfelt, thank you for sharing. Keep writing, you are very good.
5
5
Review by Dragonfly
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This was an interesting description of a bad spell in a person's life. It was a little difficult to read as it had a lot of side describing of things. I was just getting into what had happened, when a long description began of something else It was as though the author suddenly had a side thought. The descriptions are good, I got/get it, it was just a little distracting.

Then the story ends with finally seeing the fox. I had forgotten all about the fox by the time I got to the end. It seems as though the fox was the antagonist and maybe it could have been incorporated some how throughout the story with little inserts of a possible siting or sign.

Again, your descriptions are really good. This has the makings of a really good short story. Thank you for sharing.
6
6
Review by Dragonfly
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is a short story describing the overwhelming love q woman can feel for her man. The story describes how the love she is experiencing for him is all consuming for her. .

There are a few grammar and punctuation errors and sentence structure could be enhanced in a couple of instances. Otherwise, this is a romantic view from someone deeply in love.
7
7
Review of Our Spring Walk  
Review by Dragonfly
Rated: E | (4.0)
A sweet story of a rare moment shared between a mother and her little 6 year old girl.

Their lovely ride through a colorful world and noticing all the beautiful wonders of that world.

Very nice
8
8
Review by Dragonfly
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
A good start to a story.
There is so much to build on here. Lots of potential.

I could see it be written as a child/person with severe psychological problems and then show how that was created. ie, family abuse, neglect or trauma.

It could be a child/person who is truly haunted or visited by demons or monsters, in which case, that could be written to include witchcraft, sorcery, or magic.

Good start, keep writing, would love to see where this goes.
9
9
Review by Dragonfly
Rated: E | (3.0)
This is an interesting take on the thoughts of a young person in search of a life long partner.

When I read the title, I assumed this story to be a somewhat guide of sorts. A guide to finding a life long partner.

As I continued reading, I felt it's more like reading a diary.

So, looking at it as entries in a diary, rather than an article, these are the things I read.

This is written by a young woman who put schooling and education first and foremost while most of her friends married and had kids. There had been good relationships with both men and woman, but only as friends, not as potential life partners. She as well has a very supporting family. There seems to be an inner conflict. She wonders if she did the right thing? Should dating and marriage have been considered? She understands that what she did was important, it got her to stability and self reliance, yet, there were sacrifices to accomplish this. Dating or searching for a life long partner was set aside. There is a sense of whether that should have been done, especially since she is now approaching her thirties and seeing most of her friends married and with children.

The question of "how to find the right person", is now seriously being looked at. When there has been no real experience in the past, it feels as though this is a somewhat daunting task. Yet, she uses her education and makes a list of her requirements for what she thinks her future partner should have, things that she feels would make her future partner the ideal mate.


10
10
Review by Dragonfly
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Huzzah! Excellent story, couldn't stop reading it!

Other than a couple of missed words, it's really good.

Exciting story of a magician in a hostile Kingdom. Does he end up saving the doomed witch or not? Or, what is his true mission there. Leaves me wanting to find out.

11
11
Review of Amazing  
Review by Dragonfly
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Loved this story. This story has a really good lesson in believing in one's self.

I was excited for Kal when she finally understood what was needed to control her powers.

There are a few missing words and punctuation, very minor. Other than that is was very nicely done.

Good job.
12
12
Review of She loves me  
Review by Dragonfly
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is a sweet story of someone who seemingly feels unworthy being told they are really sick and will need care. At the end he/she finds out how much they are really loved.

There are a few words as well as punctuation missing.

-"A person needed to fill up the hospital bond. (the " at the end is missing and it doesn't describe what a bond is.)

- So, I gave her number. (who is the her? Maybe a small sentence describing who this "her" is?)

-She was looking very tensed (would tense have been better?)

Again, very sweet story and I look forward to reading of the loving care the person received and how their love grew.

13
13
Review of Hide and Seek  
Review by Dragonfly
Rated: E | (5.0)
Your story has me in tears, I find myself wanting your brother back also.
You description of the transformation from a fun loving family into a troubled, hurting, wanting one was done really well, you covered all aspects.
Loved your story, thank you
14
14
Review by Dragonfly
Rated: E | (3.0)
I like this lesson.

In reading the first couple of paragraphs, I imagined this story to be about an autistic child and how she was afraid of the police as well as why that was so. With her as the main focus I thought there would be more about her. As I read on I then realize the information of the autistic child is more about a reminder of an event rather than the autistic child herself. I did not see a transition from the autistic child into the main lesson/story line that followed.

I felt as though the author was trying to relate a memory that was triggered by noticing the autistic child's fear of the police. Maybe a better way of incorporating the first introduction would be something like: "Seeing the fear this child held for the police reminded me of the time when".....and then discuss the police incident?

The insight as to how the children could have possibly learned to fear the police is good. I can and have seen that happen many times.

In this story I see a person who made a mistake (speeding, got a ticket, her kids were in the car listening while she bad mouthed the cop who pulled her over) and then realized afterwards that her mistake was not just the speeding but also how she handled the whole situation before, during and after getting the ticket. She realized she had just taught her children a slew of lessons in bad behavior - police are bad, it's not her fault, it's ok to break laws and blame someone else and then not take responsibility one's own actions.

Incorporating a good follow through of that realization at the end of getting the ticket and the officer leaving might have been:

1. explaining to the children how Mommy had made a few mistakes - speeding and bad mouthing/blaming the officer.

2. and then acknowledging that she was taking responsibility for those mistakes by saying - Mommy should not have been speeding or bad mouthing/blaming the police offer for pulling her over and giving her a ticket because he was only doing his job and she had broken the law.

When after explaining all of this, she might began asking if each child had any questions, did they understand what she had explained and writing some sort of response from them. Possibly questions from them like: Mommy, why were you driving so fast or Mommy why were you driving so fast when you knew your weren't supposed to?
This could be followed by truthful responses like: "Mommy's make mistakes sometimes, all people do and you will also. The important thing is to learn from those mistakes and not do them again." You see where I'm going with this.

It's all an excellent example and opportunity on teaching a child a very valuable lesson, thank you for sharing.
15
15
Review of Self Motivation  
Review by Dragonfly
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like the subject matter, definitely. These are great questions and thoughts.

I read this as though it were an inner conversation with the "self". As though a thought is presented and may be challenged by the "self", is that what you were trying to achieve or relay? I see a question is asked and then responded to in the next sentence.

Example: A person having significant wisdom always gets respect from various corners of the world.
Response: You would find so many examples against that.

Example: So, if you don't uphold your appetite to study, how it would be possible for you to become an intellectual personality, and so on.
Response: Don't you want to be?

Maybe if the whole one paragraph were broken up into questions/comments and then replies, like the examples, it might read easier? Then you'd be able to expand on certain replies and probably end up with even more questions or observances thereby helping you answer the main question of: How do I feel motivated to study and to stop procasting when it comes to following study schedule?

15 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/bjwray